# Muppetry



## NeilR

I am having a stressful day and just made myself an espresso forgetting to tamp the coffee. Tasted all right actually.

What muppet behaviour have you exhibited when making coffee?


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## aaronb

On the L1 you pull the cup when blonding occurs and let the rest run into the drip tray, as you cant stop the flow like on a pump.

So for me pulling the cup but leaving the scales under the flow to get a nice coating of coffee. they still work!


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## Mrboots2u

Got some beans weighed out a 20g dose . took the container of the rest of the beans left over. Threw it into the grinder and ground them. Left me with 20g only. This was on Patrick's ek43,so it ripped through 200g in about 2 seconds. I just stood there looking confused at what I'd done..


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## garydyke1

Mrboots2u said:


> Got some beans weighed out a 20g dose . took the container of the rest of the beans left over. Threw it into the grinder and ground them. Left me with 20g only. This was on Patrick's ek43,so it ripped through 200g in about 2 seconds. I just stood there looking confused at what I'd done..


An impromtu coffee shot


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## MWJB

Made a Clever brew the other day, carelessly putting the brewer down on a "not quite flat surface"...big brown puddle!

I have long list of emabarrassing antics that essentially end up with the same old scenario - coffee & grinds all over me/the floor/the walls...luckily they're my little secret & no one else will ever know...m'wah ha ha ha...erm, oops!


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## Jon V

Too many to mention. Recently:

Pocket scales were dirty. Rinsed underneath the tap for a few seconds before I realised what I was doing. Pulled the batteries and dried it out with a hairdryer - seems to have survived.

Drop the hopper of my Vario onto a tile floor straight after unpacking it. That one didn't survive.

Did exactly the same thing with the plastic bottom of a Hario mill.


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## kikapu

Jon V said:


> Too many to mention. Recently:
> 
> Pocket scales were dirty. Rinsed underneath the tap for a few seconds before I realised what I was doing. Pulled the batteries and dried it out with a hairdryer - seems to have survived.


I got a set of my scales totally soaked in coffee rinsed under tap like an idiot then put them infront of elec heater to dry out and try and save them!!! Left it there for 5 mins or so came back and it had melted into a banana shape!! But they were dry


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## c_squared

Before I got my new tamper which fits a vst I was using a 58mm tamp. This used to leave a bit of coffee that remained as 'dust' on top of the puck. I used to blow this dust away before locking the pf and pulling the shot. This was my routine until I blew coffee directly into my eyes and stumbled around the kitchen blinking like and idiot for 5 minutes!


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## Dylan

Taking the hopper off my Mignon without pushing the 'stopper' in resulting in a whole load of beans all over the floor. Has happened more than once.


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## Thecatlinux

Because I had not worked out how to fit the scales under the cup on the classic, I would tare the cup , pull the shot and then weigh it on the sideboard, however for three times in a row the temptation for trying the shot before I weighed it was too much and it I couldn't work out why my output weight was all over the place. DOH!


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## Jon V

c_squared said:


> Before I got my new tamper which fits a vst I was using a 58mm tamp. This used to leave a bit of coffee that remained as 'dust' on top of the puck. I used to blow this dust away before locking the pf and pulling the shot. This was my routine until I blew coffee directly into my eyes and stumbled around the kitchen blinking like and idiot for 5 minutes!


Yes, I've blown into the top of a grinder with similar results.


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## froggystyle

Thecatlinux said:


> Because I had not worked out how to fit the scales under the cup on the classic, I would tare the cup , pull the shot and then weigh it on the sideboard, however for three times in a row the temptation for trying the shot before I weighed it was too much and it I couldn't work out why my output weight was all over the place. DOH!


Do you take the tray out?


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## ajh101

D_Evans said:


> Taking the hopper off my Mignon without pushing the 'stopper' in resulting in a whole load of beans all over the floor. Has happened more than once.


Only once so far...


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## CoffeeJohnny

I flushed the group to warm a cup, I put the cup to one side as I prepared the coffee. Weighed the dose, tared off the newly warmed cup locked in the portafilter and set it away, as normal I then poured milk into the milk jug and started to steam. Then freaked out as there was a ropey as hell looking espresso in the cup yet the pour seemed ok. Idiot here hadn't poured the water out of the cup after warming it.


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## garydyke1

The classic is grinding , prepping a shot , tare the scales.....ah the machine isnt on..... (this is less of an issue on the Sage but a killer on the Expo)


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## MWJB

Demonstrating the quick & easy clean up of an Aeropress at my mum's (loves coffee, hates coffee grounds/mess) house..."You just hold the press over the bin and the puck just drops out in one piece, just like this..." - POP!...and my coffee bazooka fires wet, black soot clean over the kitchen bin & into an open kitchen cupboard, liberally coating everything inside....

She was relatively calm, just rolled her eyes & grabbed the dustpan...I was a little irked at her lack of surprise that my cunning plan hadn't quite worked out, it was almost as if she had an instinct that I was going to screw up...can't imagine why...


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## Dylan

MWJB said:


> Demonstrating the quick & easy clean up of an Aeropress at my mum's (loves coffee, hates coffee grounds/mess) house..."You just hold the press over the bin and the puck just drops out in one piece, just like this..." - POP!...and my coffee bazooka fires wet, black soot clean over the kitchen bin & into an open kitchen cupboard, liberally coating everything inside....
> 
> She was relatively calm, just rolled her eyes & grabbed the dustpan...I was a little irked at her lack of surprise that my cunning plan hadn't quite worked out, it was almost as if she had an instinct that I was going to screw up...can't imagine why...


I dont think mothers ever trust their sons to do any kind of cleaning up properly...


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## 4085

NeilR said:


> I am having a stressful day and just made myself an espresso forgetting to tamp the coffee. Tasted all right actually.
> 
> What muppet behaviour have you exhibited when making coffee?


A lot of Spanish baristas (so I am told) grind straight into the pf and do not tamp. My favourite trick is to purge the K10 by pressing a button which dispenses coffee for 1/10th of a second, and of course not pressing the button but triggering the double grind by touching the pf against the trip switch.


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## gman147

garydyke1 said:


> The classic is grinding , prepping a shot , tare the scales.....ah the machine isnt on..... (this is less of an issue on the Sage but a killer on the Expo)


Happened to me last week when the clocks went forward.. Was gutted.


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## gman147

My own personal one is when I was wiping clean the top of the basket before inserting portafilter and caught the fresh puck I'd beautifully tamped with my finger and put a large crater in it. Had to empty back into doser and re-dose into basket.


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## NeilR

dfk41 said:


> A lot of Spanish baristas (so I am told) grind straight into the pf and do not tamp. My favourite trick is to purge the K10 by pressing a button which dispenses coffee for 1/10th of a second, and of course not pressing the button but triggering the double grind by touching the pf against the trip switch.


Yes, of course I was following the Spanish technique


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## Neill

Was making a flat white on my classic. Shot pulled, milk steamed then hit the brew switch until the boiler refill and water comes from the group. Wait a minute, costa coloured coffee from the portafilter! Balls, I forgot to knock the puck out whilst the boiler was coming up to steam temp. It gets worse, I then knocked the brew switch off and pulled the portafilter out. Unfortunately I either did this with too much haste for the solenoid to dump or the higher pressure from the steam exploded coffee grounds out of the basket pebble dashing my machine and wall next too it! Oops.


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## Flibster

Using some compressed air from a can to help clean out a grinder. Beans back in, lid on and grind.

*BANG!*

Lid goes bouncing off the ceiling, beans scattered around the kitchen. Very rapidly *even before the beans have stopped rattling off the kitchen walls* the power is off and the plug is out of the wall.

Never noticed that the propellant for the compressed air in a can was flammable before. Some spark from the motor ignited it and ka-blooey! Did clean the chute of the grinder remarkably well. Grinder still works fine and now lives with my parents.


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## Neill

Flibster said:


> Using some compressed air from a can to help clean out a grinder. Beans back in, lid on and grind.
> 
> *BANG!*
> 
> Lid goes bouncing off the ceiling, beans scattered around the kitchen. Very rapidly *even before the beans have stopped rattling off the kitchen walls* the power is off and the plug is out of the wall.
> 
> Never noticed that the propellant for the compressed air in a can was flammable before. Some spark from the motor ignited it and ka-blooey! Did clean the chute of the grinder remarkably well. Grinder still works fine and now lives with my parents.


Now that is impressive. Exploding grinders.


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## Thecatlinux

Weighing my shot this morning.

Worked how how to balance two shot glasses on the scales using the lid with one glass on one side and one on the other .

tarred pulled the shot . Weighed the results ....hmmm I'm happy with that , looks good .... Now for a taste ...... Picked up one of the shot glasses to admire my handy work .....causing the remaining shot glass to apply the rightful laws of gravity and a predictable see saw effect resulting in coffee everywhere. DOH!


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## aaronb

Just remembered this one form years ago:

Was with a friend, we were both intoxicated. Weighed out the beans, chucked them into the hopper but I hadn't taken the lid off first. Beans everywhere, was finding them for months!


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## coffeechops

Aeropress, whilst camping. Halfway through the push, the filter decided it wasn't tight enough and shot off into the cup. Cue high-pressure hot water and grounds being forced upwards out of cup into arms, face and bystanders. Not a good one that, it hurt.

At least I didn't have to clean the kitchen.

Haven't done it twice.

C


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## Charliej

I managed a superb act of muppetry this evening, a couple of friends of mine dropped in and of course I made them a coffee, one of them, my friends other half no matter how hard I try will not go without 1 sugar in her coffee even though he now will. So I pulled 3 shots, steamed the milk and poured it into the cups. I then went to get the sugar jar off the shelf, but for some reason picked up my Coffee Compass vacuum storage canister instead and put a teaspoon full of Smokey Barn Yirgacheffe beans into her cup of coffee. I have absolutely no idea why I did it , the sugar jar is blue and much larger than the coffee container.


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## kikapu

She won't be asking for sugar again!!


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## spune

Oh dear..! Quite the bean to be adding to what I reckon was a pretty awesome coffee.


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## frasermade

I weighed out 20g of my rave sig and plonked it into the mini, placing a wee tub on top (as I don't have a tamper yet.)

Then looked in the Doser and thought actually I'll give that a wee hoover out.

Got the hoover, cleaned all the stale grounds out of the vanes and chute, and before thinking lifted up the wee tub and stuck the nozzle in.

20g of bean thrashed up the hose in milliseconds leaving me with a clean hopper mount but without any beans in the grinder.

I then had to weigh out more beans again, put them in my now clean grinder, turned it on without putting my tub under the Doser exit so the grounds fell on the tray, and I then, without thinking again, tried to clean the chute as the burrs stopped spinning with a paint brush. I then pulsed the power switch to remove final traces of grounds from the burrs but didn't remove the paint brush tip enough and my paintbrush lost a few bristles which fell into the Doser....

Still, it tasted good in the end.


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## martyistheman

I regularly tare my cup before putting it under the PF, then, while the pour is in progress, turn my scales off and put them away. Once my pour is finished, I then realise I have been a fud and cannot measure how much espresso I have made.

Happens a lot.


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## jeebsy

martyistheman said:


> fud


Are you Scottish?


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## martyistheman

Am ur that. Yersel?


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## jeebsy

Aye. Never heard a non-Scot use that term!


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## oracleoftruth

That was my favourite scottish word. Lived there for 7 years.


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## Joe the fish

This morning while trying to demonstrate the mignon to my other half (and prepare her for the fact I have bought it not 'borrowed' it!) I had ground a load of beans and was doing a bit of a clean down. As she commented it seemed easier and less messy than my various hand grinders I remembered the comments on here about grind retention and blowing them clear... Yup cue me blowing into the burrs/grind hole and liberally spreading a few gram of very finely ground coffee over the hot hob and the fruit bowl. Dammit.


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## michaelg

jeebsy said:


> Aye. Never heard a non-Scot use that term!


It's one way we Scots have a little laugh on the motorway, spotting a motorist with that as part of their registration number. Often it proves an accurate description of the driver!


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## jeebsy

Shoved my finger in the grinds chamber when the motor was powering down after one of the post lunch drinks. Dodged a bullet again


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## michaelg

Nothing too exciting - sometimes I engage the pump to clear loose grinds from the shower screen before I've removed the portafilter and wonder why the water coming out is so brown-tinted 'til I work out why.

Also did the forgetting to tamp thing once and wondered why my carefully dialled in grind had pished out in around 3 seconds.

Usually these things occur when I'm in a hurry or have guests - most of whom even view a cafetiere as a bit of a faff...


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## Sharkie

Attended the forum day at Bella barista last year meeting for the first time forum members who have infinitely more experience than myself.

The first drink I make I grind and then tamp, thinking this tamper is a loose fit.

Forgot to put a basket into the portafilter. Doh!

I must have looked a right plonker.


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## martyistheman

michaelg said:


> It's one way we Scots have a little laugh on the motorway, spotting a motorist with that as part of their registration number. Often it proves an accurate description of the driver!


We do that too! There's not too many of them but its hilarious when we see one.


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## Daren

martyistheman said:


> We do that too! There's not too many of them but its hilarious when we see one.


We do 'NED' spotting on the motorway - extra points when the cars being driven by a fud


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## Iaiain

Inserted the plunger part of the Aeropress into the other part the wrong way round. Did not realise until the coffee and water were in and there was nowhere for the filter and holder.

Tried holding them in place when I turned it over, using the inverted method. It did not work, coffee grounds everywhere including the mug.


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## Jon V

Have we had this one yet?

Making a pourover straight into a mug.. Preheat both with hot water and then forget to empty the water from the mug.

Cue overflowing mug, soaked kitchen counter and scales and diluted coffee.


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## Obnic

My favourite, starting the shot just as the scales auto-off. Argggg!


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## davetucker

Jon V said:


> Have we had this one yet?
> 
> Making a pourover straight into a mug.. Preheat both with hot water and then forget to empty the water from the mug.
> 
> Cue overflowing mug, soaked kitchen counter and scales and diluted coffee.


I'm so glad that others have done this.

My next favourite - Pulling an awesome shot then removing the portafilter from the La Pavoni when it's still under pressure. The dreaded portafilter sneeze.

That or the moment you smash your PF on the knock box like a pro and realise you are using a ridgeless basket which you then need to fish out from the depths of the box.


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## RagingMammoth

Not a messy mistake, but a REALLY annoying one. Forgetting too refill my Duetto, and having the machine die mid shot.


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## Daren

RagingMammoth said:


> Not a messy mistake, but a REALLY annoying one. Forgetting too refill my Duetto, and having the machine die mid shot.


That was one of the main reasons I plumbed my machine in. I was regularly running out of water mid shot - normally when I was trying to show off to my mates pretending to be a world class barista. Running out of water was just one of the many ways they can tell I'm just clearly a buffoon.


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## froggystyle

2 from me in the same day!

Grinding coffee for a shot and forgetting you have it on pour over setting, also its your last 15g of fudge blend!

Drinking a shot, going shopping and not realising you have coffee on your nose!


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## NeilR

froggystyle said:


> Drinking a shot, going shopping and not realising you have coffee on your nose!


Haha, can't say I've done that one, or maybe I have and didn't realise....


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## NeilR

Filled the Gaggia with water then upstairs to do some more work.

Just returned 30 minutes later, ground some beans and preheated the cup from some water from the kettle. Went to insert the portafilter and .............. realised I've haven't switched the machine on. Waiting .......


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## Dave.wilton

Didn't engage the portafilter correctly... Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done it the day before too. New gasket


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## Mrboots2u

In the middle of dialling in new grinder I pulled a shot at 9.35 pm when the wemo switches the machine off at 9.30.......

I was confused why the shot was so quick ,,,,derppppppppp


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## Big O

I forgot we had this thread! Ok so this was yesterday, running late for work, still trying to wake up, prep everything pull a nice double shot, kids come down, hugs n goodbyes, grab backpack and dash out... Later wife texts to say "you forgot to drink your coffee? "


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## Big O

Dave.wilton said:


> Didn't engage the portafilter correctly... Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done it the day before too. New gasket


Classic pic!

Looks like the expobar just beat the hell out of the pf and whilst lying in its own pool of coffee pointing with his steam arm saying "I suggest you stay down be-ach!"


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## Dave.wilton

Big O said:


> Classic pic!
> 
> Looks like the expobar just beat the hell out of the pf and whilst lying in its own pool of coffee pointing with his steam arm saying "I suggest you stay down be-ach!"


Where is the like button?! I think it's quite artistic the way the coffee has spread like fingers of blood


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## Obnic

Dave.wilton said:


> Didn't engage the portafilter correctly... Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done it the day before too. New gasket


Classic









This happens more than I'd like to admit in our household. Invariably it is the result of a poorly cleaned / greasy gasket following the preceding shot. There's a special heart-stopping melody as the portafilter hits the cup, then the drip tray, then both cup and portafilter hit the edge of the counter and then the floor - which is tiled.... ~( 8^( |) DOH!


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## marcuswar

Dave.wilton said:


> Where is the like button?! I think it's quite artistic the way the coffee has spread like fingers of blood


The "like this post" button is just underneath the post in the 2nd green bar that is underneath the other green (reply) bar and brown bar. Or to put it another way in the green bar directly above the next post.


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## Hazza

I had an entertaining time with my Aeropress this morning, which I appear to have forgotten how to use since the last time (a couple of months ago). Misreading the hasbean flowchart, I wet the filter paper, screw in the filter cap, then sit the wrong bit of the Aeropress on its end (filter cap resting on the worktop). Load it up with coffee, pour in the hot water. Bit of a dribble onto the worktop. Realising the error of my ways I decide to insert the plunger a little and do a flip. Coffee dribble becomes a mini flood. Execute flip and the entire contents of the Aeropress empties out onto my worktop and me. Doh!


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## glevum

Gutted. My little moleskin notebook which i left in my jeans pocket went in the washing machine. Had dozens of grind settings for beans from alot of roasters.


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## garydyke1

Yesterday the espresso from the EK43 tasted odd, lacking sweetness . flow didnt look as it should, and coffee felt high in the basket when tamping, amended the grind several times and even faffed about with preinfusion.

Then I noticed the 18g VST in the portafilter. Id been dosing 20g assuming it was the 20g'er !

Clown


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## Charliej

I'm not sure if this one counts as muppetry, but earlier on I was over at a friends, and he asked me to make a brew while he cleaned up the dog eggs from his yard, as he is a heathen he still drinks instant, so I boil the kettle to make a cup of tea for myself and mug of whole bean wholly crap instant for him, I poured the hot water into my cup and onto the teabag and then for some unknown reason proceeded to pour the contents of the kettle into his freshly opened can of Milicano lol.


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## froggystyle

Best thing for it, bet it still tasted bland and lifeless


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## hotmetal

Flibster said:


> Using some compressed air from a can to help clean out a grinder. Beans back in, lid on and grind.
> 
> *BANG!*
> 
> Lid goes bouncing off the ceiling, beans scattered around the kitchen. Very rapidly *even before the beans have stopped rattling off the kitchen walls* the power is off and the plug is out of the wall.
> 
> Never noticed that the propellant for the compressed air in a can was flammable before. Some spark from the motor ignited it and ka-blooey! Did clean the chute of the grinder remarkably well. Grinder still works fine and now lives with my parents.


Wow! Loved the description.

"compressed air" as sold by Maplins et al for cleaning computer keyboards etc is actually an amazing piece of Trades Descriptions Act dodging. The contents are not compressed air at all. In common with most aerosols, it is in fact Butane. No wonder you blew your grinder up. Lucky that was all!

My own piece of espresso-related muppetry (apart from still-n00b general lack of consistency on a daily basis) was when I made my latte this morning. Was eyeing up the extraction from my naked PF, and having tried nutating and a light tamp for the first time, got a channel in my puck that squirted me right in the eye! Then the PID cut my shot and the Classic did its usual end-of-shot pressure dump down the silver pipe, which then got me in the other eye! Cue blind groping for the kitchen roll with coffee tears. Luckily I don't wear a white shirt for work, but my Godfather tee-shirt got a bit of extra Italian seasoning today.


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## Scotford

Not me, but one of the guys I'm away with came back from the shop with a jar of decaf instant. He obviously thought he was joining the brew snobs.


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## hotmetal

Decaf instant. :-| Well, that doesn't even have the benefit of waking you up! If I was on a caffeine avoidance mission and was away from my coffee gear I would be buying instant hot chocolate rather than that. And if I needed waking up; a tin of Coke (inferior colas are available, kids).


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## Scotford

After about an hour of chuckles we finally stopped the ribbing.


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## froggystyle

So i roast a batch of Indian Robusta to use in some of my blends over the coming weeks, use an old rave fudge blend bag, but also put a new label on it stating what it is.

Wife phones me yesterday and says the coffee she made today was rank, very bitter and strong.

Turns out she ignored the bags i had left out for her to use and gone in my cupboard and picked out the bag of 'rave fudge' as she likes that one!

Teach her to not read labels!!


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## Mrboots2u




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## welshrarebit

Grinder have food poisoning?


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## Mrboots2u

Nothing to catch coffee as it grinds ....


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## froggystyle

Rookie....


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## Milanski

Charliej said:


> I'm not sure if this one counts as muppetry, but earlier on I was over at a friends, and he asked me to make a brew while he cleaned up the dog eggs from his yard, as he is a heathen he still drinks instant, so I boil the kettle to make a cup of tea for myself and mug of whole bean wholly crap instant for him, I poured the hot water into my cup and onto the teabag and then for some unknown reason proceeded to pour the contents of the kettle into his freshly opened can of Milicano lol.


Reckon the scientific community might be interested in your mate's dogs...


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## Mrboots2u

froggystyle said:


> Rookie....


More like idiot ( me i mean ) ....was bound to happen at some time though...........


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## froggystyle

Nearly turned the pump on the other day whilst cup was nowhere near the place it should be...


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## hotmetal

Having drunk too much coffee recently I am now completely sleep=deprived.

And that, your honour, is the case for the defence for this heinous act of muppetry:

This morning I made myself the customary cappuccino. Spent ages prepping the basket, exactly 18g etc etc.

Heated the boiler to steam the milk. Then decided to flush a bit through to clean the group so I switched the control to 'brew' so that I could get some water through. Then started steaming the milk. Hmm. Not stretching very well. Temp stuck at about 100°F on my milk thermometer. A quick glance at the PID: I've forgotten to switch back to steam and I'm steaming at brewing temperature. MUPPET!


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## marcuswar

Made my coffee this morning, removed the portafilter and replaced with blanking disk. Gave the machine a couple of flushes then went to the fridge to get jug and milk to steam. Came back with jug of milk and noticed water all over the worktop... arrgh my machine has a leak.... err no, I just haven't emptied the drip tray for a few days its absolutely overflowing with water !

MUPPET !


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## 4515

On holiday I guesstimate the weight of beans to use in the aeropress by filling the bottom of my hausgrind with beans. Can't remember how many times I put it back together and ground with no resistance. TThat's right - the beans were still in the collection cup of the grinder.


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## RagingMammoth

Spent ages fiddling with the grind, could just not the shot right. I think the beans are a bit dodgy, but whatever.

Finally, after about 5 attempts it finally goes right. I reach the 10 second mark and have about 8 grams of espresso out. I am ridiculously relieved.

Until I hear "URGHHHH, URGHHHH, URGHHHHH". My Duetto run out of water.


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## Obnic

In Cornwall. Unpacked coffee paraphernalia this morning. Remembered everything but the basket for my Aeropress! Muppet! French press it is then.


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## Flibster

Jon V said:


> Have we had this one yet?
> 
> Making a pourover straight into a mug.. Preheat both with hot water and then forget to empty the water from the mug.
> 
> Cue overflowing mug, soaked kitchen counter and scales and diluted coffee.


Just done this about 5 minutes ago.

Other half kept asking me things and I completely forgot that one step in my routine. Was the last of my Finca La Fany too.


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## Jon V

One from this morning..

Weighed out beans into a glass for single dosing into the Super Jolly and tipped them in. Started the grinder and nothing comes out of the doser. Took the lid off to find sticky brown mulch blocking the chute.

Turns out there was water in the glass from last night. It gave me a good reason to clean everything out at least.


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## Charliej

I've got a great one from this morning, woke up far too early when the phone rang, a friend who'd got his time zones mixed up, so put the phone headset in and decided to make a coffee seeing as I was sort of awake anyway, and in a feat of supreme idiocy having made the espresso and steamed the milk, and poured it all, for some stupid reason, whilst supposedly cleaning the machine I put the entire drink in the cup under the steam wand, dropped it in and switched it one, and f*** me what a mess that makes, just don't try this one at home, it did wake me up though being sprayed with a hot flat white.


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## 4515

Charliej said:


> I've got a great one from this morning, woke up far too early when the phone rang, a friend who'd got his time zones mixed up, so put the phone headset in and decided to make a coffee seeing as I was sort of awake anyway, and in a feat of supreme idiocy having made the espresso and steamed the milk, and poured it all, for some stupid reason, whilst supposedly cleaning the machine I put the entire drink in the cup under the steam wand, dropped it in and switched it one, and f*** me what a mess that makes, just don't try this one at home, it did wake me up though being sprayed with a hot flat white.


Another top tip is dont try and make fizzy milk in a sodastream machine - that does make a mess !

This mornings attempt from me was I opened a new bag of beans, took off the lid and was about to pour in the beans when I relaised that I was about to pour beans into the water reservoir rather than the bean hopper. Woke up just in time !


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## Charliej

working dog said:


> Another top tip is dont try and make fizzy milk in a sodastream machine - that does make a mess !
> 
> This mornings attempt from me was I opened a new bag of beans, took off the lid and was about to pour in the beans when I relaised that I was about to pour beans into the water reservoir rather than the bean hopper. Woke up just in time !


Looks like it was a good morning for muppetry then


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## froggystyle

working dog said:


> Another top tip is dont try and make fizzy milk in a sodastream machine - that does make a mess !


Funny you should say that, we tried it once many moons ago after smoking something we shouldn't have been smoking, thinking it was hilarious as milk sprayed everywhere when you release the bottle!


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## hotmetal

But why (apart from being stoned) would anyone want fizzy milk? That sounds so horrible, and I like milk. And fizzy stuff. But fizzy milk?!


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## froggystyle

I have no idea why we tried it, boredom, being young, Stoned... Who knows!

Dont do drugs, just say no!


----------



## Obnic

Awww dangit! Opened all the Velux windows this morning (looked like a scorcher) and went out with the kids. Who knew Hampton had a monsoon season, or that the contents of a swimming pool would fit inside my house?


----------



## NeilR

School boy error - I forgot to take a bag of beans out of the freezer (I'll leave the freezer debate for another thread).

The choice was no coffee or grinding frozen beans. Of course, I couldn't do without a coffee .....


----------



## jeebsy

Beans defrost pretty quick, especially if you weigh out a single dose


----------



## gman147

This morning, stuck my brush head in the grinds chute of the Royal as burrs hadn't stopped spinning. It doesn't take any prisoners either.


----------



## jeebsy

I've done that with my finger before. Twice. Got away with it both times too.


----------



## NeilR

I was single dosing, but the beans did go straight from the freezer into the grinder. I trusted the Super Jolly to sort the grind out and it did.


----------



## Scotford

The other day. Brand new bag of beans. Open bag to have a look. Stub toe. Beans all out the back door right after the garden had been thoroughly watered.


----------



## Flibster

I am the biggest muppet of all!

Today, I forgot to boil the kettle.









Yup. I am the supreme numpty! The moron or morons. The CaterhamF1 of coffee...


----------



## 4515

hotmetal said:


> But why (apart from being stoned) would anyone want fizzy milk? That sounds so horrible, and I like milk. And fizzy stuff. But fizzy milk?!


I was about 15 at the time so was in a sober state - no herbal cigarettes to blame for my trial. It was more case of sodastream... milk ..... hmmmm I wonder

Some years later a drinks machine on site had a very basic code to the drinks. Digit 1 was hot / cold, digit 2 was flat / fizzy, digit 3 was the drink type.

Although not advertised you could request hot, fizzy coke, cold fizzy coffee - the permeations were endless (and horrible !)


----------



## hotmetal

Ha! Someone actually designed a machine that would let you do that? Lol!

I think when I was a teenager I may have tried putting milk in the Sodastream just out of curiosity now I think about it.


----------



## seeq

Half asleep this morning I turned the steam button on the classic off instead of turning the steam knob off, not thinking I then lowered the jug and sprayed milk everywhere.


----------



## froggystyle

Made the wife a pour over in the hotel room Sunday morning, she then continued to open a little pot of UHT milk and pour it in her coffee...

She didn't drink it, and i didn't make her another.


----------



## Mrboots2u

froggystyle said:


> Made the wife a pour over in the hotel room Sunday morning, she then continued to open a little pot of UHT milk and pour it in her coffee...
> 
> She didn't drink it, and i didn't make her another.


Was Noah there too


----------



## froggystyle

I refused the offer of a BBQ and keys in the bowl!


----------



## Mrboots2u

froggystyle said:


> I refused the offer of a BBQ and keys in the bowl!


Not what he says........


----------



## froggystyle

Coz you can believe everything that fella says ..


----------



## 4515

Not coffee related but Mrs WD wanted some photos printing off a couple of weeks ago. I printed them and got what I can only describe as abstract versions of the originals. There were blobs of ink all over the paper and the image wasnt that strong.

She was then looking at alternative printers - I'd had enough of this printer and really didnt want to clean the head / fault find the problem.

Today I picked up the abstract prints and felt the paper. Yep - thats right. Id inserted the photo paper upside down so it was printing on the back of the paper.

Re-installed the paper and its printing like a good 'un

Most embarrassingly, I spent three years as a printer engineer back in the day


----------



## Dylan

Just headbutted my grouphead turning off the socket and now I have a burn on my forehead.

yea.


----------



## flibble

Ah ... you need a coffeeforums.co.uk protective helmet! I'll get on photoshop just now, I'm sure there is a market!


----------



## dsc

Dumped 18g in the Guatemala and decided to run the grinder 'dry' to purge any leftovers. Had no container on the exit chute.


----------



## Skorpa

Not too long ago I forgot to put a filter in my Aeropress - using the upside-down and flip method of brewing. Went everywhere.


----------



## Beanben

Yer maybe...


----------



## 4085

Yesterday i forgot to put the pf in place and ground the beans. I ended up with a perfect donut in the baseplate!


----------



## Scotford

Today I made the stupid mistake of trying to put a pf on an already running group. I was not in a good state.


----------



## froggystyle

I keep doing the same thing every few days...

Steaming milk, take wand out before turning off steam, bubbles go nuts, panic and dip wand back in and create more big bubbles!


----------



## Mrboots2u

froggystyle said:


> I keep doing the same thing every few days...
> 
> Steaming milk, take wand out before turning off steam, bubbles go nuts, panic and dip wand back in and create more big bubbles!


Yep chatting away tonight on fourth flat white ina row for people

And milk all over

The art I poured with it was a great shape , just bubbles in the milk like an aero


----------



## Daren

Mrboots2u said:


> The art I poured with it was a great shape , just bubbles in the milk like an aero


 Sounds like my usual form at the moment


----------



## urbanbumpkin

Tried new scales without taking the second clear plastic cover off. I was convinced they were knackered and unresponsive before realising my error.


----------



## froggystyle

When i purchase the MC2 i was about to mail the seller and tell him it didnt work, after ten minutes and part stripping i realised you had to push the little button on the PF holder....


----------



## Scotford

Today. Blinded myself with near boiling milk (old bint wanting a 'superhot" latte) when giving it a tap causing me to try to catch a falling milk jug and catching my finger on a corner of a cupboard. Cue blood dripping from a gash (chortle) all over my nice brand new white laces. -_-


----------



## Wobin19

Some years ago I made a mocha pot but failed to insert the filter disc. The result was an explosion of coffee grinds all over the kitchen. Very luck no one was close by!


----------



## hotmetal

urbanbumpkin said:


> Tried new scales without taking the second clear plastic cover off. I was convinced they were knackered and unresponsive before realising my error.


Et tu Brewtus? I did exactly the same when my scales first arrived - I didn't even notice the 2nd little tray!


----------



## DavidBondy

Popping the rubber bung back into the base of the Pharos this morning, I pushed a bit too hard and it shot right inside! Doh!

I suppose the good thing is that the Pharos is a doddle to take to bits and it did give me the chance to give the insides a good brush out. I was actually surprised at how much coffee was inside!

Still, I won't do that again .. I think a larger disc glued onto the rubber bung might be a worthwhile modification!

DB


----------



## hotmetal

Not really coffee related (except for the fact that I only had one this morning instead of 2, which could explain the following)

Managed to burn my ear on one of my Street Triple's exhaust pipes this morning whilst bending down to chain it to an anchor. I'm sure if I'd have had that second espresso this morning I'd have been alert enough to avoid that.


----------



## El carajillo

hotmetal said:


> Not really coffee related (except for the fact that I only had one this morning instead of 2, which could explain the following)
> 
> Managed to burn my ear on one of my Street Triple's exhaust pipes this morning whilst bending down to chain it to an anchor. I'm sure if I'd have had that second espresso this morning I'd have been alert enough to avoid that.


Quite apt forum name


----------



## hotmetal

El carajillo said:


> Quite apt forum name


Ha ha, yeah, though it would have been more so if it had happened to Burnzy!


----------



## NeilR

As I started this thread, I feel honour bound to contribute on a regular basis.

Note to self, don't use the pastry brush to clean the chute of the Super Jolly when the motor is running:


----------



## Obnic

Argh! No properly rested coffee. Head in palm!


----------



## hotmetal

Done that twice now. Was rescued by Dave C the first time, who sorted me out with a nice SO bean he had roasted a few days earlier. Last time I bought an emergency bag of The Earl's Mistress from Dept of Coffee, which is lighter than I'd like but this does hit the tasting notes - heavy on the bergamot!


----------



## Mrboots2u

Obnic said:


> Argh! No properly rested coffee. Head in palm!


Got any aeropress filters ....


----------



## hotmetal

Eww! Is that a mouldy puck?


----------



## Drewster

hotmetal said:
 

> Eww! Is that a mouldy puck?


That is Boot's attempt at terraforming!! (Quite successful apparently)


----------



## Mrboots2u

Its an aeropress filter


----------



## Scotford

Not me but my trainee was holding a takeaway with a double shot in and ran his hand through the hot water stream flowing into a teapot today. Cue espresso all over him, the walls, ceiling, benches, BEANS I WAS WEIGHING, floor and most irritatingly, ME!


----------



## Scotford

He went right to A&E as he lost a strip of skin on his hand though.

Do. Not. Advise.


----------



## Charliej

Scotford said:


> He went right to A&E as he lost a strip of skin on his hand though.
> 
> Do. Not. Advise.


The worst piece of Muppetry I ever heard about and heard the resulting scream it produced involving hot things and hands was when a metalwork teacher at school was distracted by a student bumping into him whilst he was demonstrating an oxy acetylene welding kit and ran the torch across his little finger- he lost the finger as a result but it did cauterise the wound so no infection or blood. Health and safety was completely different back then he wasn't even wearing gloves.


----------



## Milanski

Scotford said:


> He went right to A&E as he lost a strip of skin on his hand though.


Pics??

13 chars/scolds


----------



## hotmetal

Cripes! Flame-cutting your finger off is pretty bad!

Hope Scotford's scalded colleague doesn't suffer too much, that sounds bad enough even if no digits were removed!

I know someone who put depilatory wax in the microwave for longer than the instructions said. (Bad idea #1). Microwave was on top of fridge-freezer. (Bad idea #2). Stood on chair to get wax out of microwave. (Bad idea #3). 2nd/3rd degree burns to chest, thankfully face was OK. Nurses at burns unit didn't know how to handle this type of sticky hot wax, closest equivalent is napalm, designed to stick to skin and burn. Not being facetious. Be careful out there folks.


----------



## hotmetal

Not my muppetry but that of a cafe called 'Mas Q Menos'. I rest my case.


----------



## jeebsy

Needed some ground star anise earlier. Like a chump thought I might be able to run it through the EK and get away with it, but my last five shots have tasted like sambuca. Might be a deep clean on the cards tonight.


----------



## Charliej

jeebsy said:


> Needed some ground star anise earlier. Like a chump thought I might be able to run it through the EK and get away with it, but my last five shots have tasted like sambuca. Might be a deep clean on the cards tonight.


Interesting take on flavoured coffee there, I guess it's easy to get confused when you have a spice grinder in your kitchen


----------



## jeebsy

It's not entirely unpleasant but would rather be tasting the coffee itself


----------



## Drewster

jeebsy said:


> Needed some ground star anise earlier. Like a chump thought I might be able to run it through the EK and get away with it, but my last five shots have tasted like sambuca. Might be a deep clean on the cards tonight.


Sorry.... Can I just get this clear in my head!

a) Jeebsy shells out circa £2k on the "perfect" Coffee Grinder...

b) Jeebsy spends weeks nay Months running it in and tweaking, and it *IS* the perfect Coffee Grinder.... bringing out the utmost in coffee flavours and subtle nuances of each roast....

c) Jeebsy searches the world for a flavour that will contaminate anything, absolutely *anything...*

...a flavour that can be detected by just about anyone at about 1 part per billion.....

...a flavour that a dead man can taste....

d) Jeebsy cranks this through his £2k grinder.....

Is that about right??

We need another thread.... and we need another word... Muppet really doesn't cut it.....


----------



## jeebsy

Making another galette tomorrow so going to grind some more then give it a deep clean. The pudding was do good it was probably worth it.


----------



## Mrboots2u

jeebsy said:


> Making another galette tomorrow so going to grind some more then give it a deep clean. The pudding was do good it was probably worth it.


Hausgrind?


----------



## Neill

Mrboots2u said:


> Hausgrind?


Ah but it was never designed as a spice grinder was it!


----------



## Drewster

jeebsy said:


> Making another *galette* tomorrow so going to grind some more then give it a deep clean. The pudding was do good it was probably worth it.


Oooooooooooo get you! Is that a cake?


----------



## The Systemic Kid

Don't think even an EK could chew through a Hausgrind but it would be an interesting experiment


----------



## jeebsy

Mrboots2u said:


> Hausgrind?


Calum has that now

Drewster - aye, it's a dessert. Got someone coming round I want to impress....


----------



## Neill

That's what I use my blade grinder for. That was until I ground star anise with it and I could not get the taste off it no matter what I did. So I binned it.


----------



## jeebsy

Oh dear...........


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> Oh dear...........


I'm just messin. I can't remember now what spice it was. It wore itself in to the plastic. I don't think you've anything to worry about with those massive metal burrs.


----------



## Drewster

jeebsy said:


> Drewster - aye, it's a dessert. Got someone coming round I want to impress....


Just make sure it is double-chocolate with chocolate sauce, chocolate bits and a dusting of chocolate and she'll be impressed ;-)


----------



## hotmetal

jeebsy said:


> Needed some ground star anise earlier. Like a chump thought I might be able to run it through the EK and get away with it, but my last five shots have tasted like sambuca. Might be a deep clean on the cards tonight.


Hahaha! I did exactly the same thing when I was a kid still at home. I had the idea that I was gonna make "Pernod" with some star anise and my dad's home-brewing kit! LOL. My mum still reminds me of this fact 30 years later! Apparently the shoddy old Moulinex blade grinder had been a wedding present, but had to be thrown away after the star anise incident - the flavour never ever came out! Hope your EK isn't bu88ered.


----------



## jeebsy

Sowden time in work so went to get the tub of coffee I grind in the morning...










...except I missed a fairly crucial stage of the process


----------



## jeebsy

View attachment 10263


Don't pour beans into a running EK without a receptacle underneath


----------



## urbanbumpkin

I tipped coffee in the wrong end of an inverted Aeropress (inverted the wrong way up). I was in a rush at work!...bell end!


----------



## hotmetal

I love this thread! Makes a change from all the serious stuff. First coffee or the morning is always prime for Muppetry as I'm still half asleep. I drowned my scales by putting them too close to the bottom of the group. Not a good idea with an E61 with the vent at the bottom when you drop the lever. And yesterday I gave away my spare set. D'oh!


----------



## Beanosaurus

urbanbumpkin said:


> I tipped coffee in the wrong end of an inverted Aeropress (inverted the wrong way up). I was in a rush at work!...bell end!


The Aeropress has claimed many!

A few weeks ago I decided to make one in the traditional method, however being used to primarily opting for an inverted method I forgot to place a paper filter in...

Mid conversation in the kitchen at work saw my mug overflow and spill all over place, under the kettle, the teabag box, and my plate of dinner. 

The same thing has happened to me before using that method with a metal filter!!!


----------



## Vieux Clou

jeebsy said:


> Sowden time in work so went to get the tub of coffee I grind in the morning...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...except I missed a fairly crucial stage of the process


Good reason to keep a Porlex in the desk drawer.


----------



## tea-addict

sounds like a soda stream. are you doing it right?


----------



## Vieux Clou

Yesterday: open eye-level cupboard, take out jug. Pour milk into jug. Bottle still has a glug or two in, so raise to mouth & take slurp #1. Close cupboard door while bottle still at mouth, door knocks butt of bottle sideways, slurp #2 exits all over face and thence to clothing & kitchenscape in general. Great entertainment for missus, dogs & parrot.


----------



## Daren

Vieux Clou said:


> & parrot.


I would have loved to of seen that.

Are you a pirate?


----------



## Scotford

Monday morning. New porlex arrived. Open package .Throw porlex in bin. Place beans in package.

Ugh.


----------



## Vieux Clou

Scotford said:


> Monday morning. New porlex arrived. Open package .Throw porlex in bin. Place beans in package.
> 
> Ugh.


Back in the early days of the 20th century my granny went up to bed with a lit candle in one hand and a chamber-pot on the other. She put the pot on the bedside table and the candle under the bed.


----------



## big dan

2 pieces of muppetry from me this month.

1.) Sat down to enjoy my morning espresso and a cigarette (i know i should quit) and i flicked my ash in my espresso instead of the ashtray! Doh!

2.) ooh look at my pretty naked extaction! So busy on me knees looking at the extraction i ran it for about 45 seconds! Doh! Still tasted alright though!


----------



## hotmetal

Number one is pretty bad! That would ruin my morning (expecially as I gave up smoking already! )

Number 2 is fair enough - nowt wrong with the occasional accidental lungo! Worse is when you get down and peer at the extraction, only to have your bad distribution/tamp punished by a shot in the eye from Kaldi's Arrow (my new phrase for a spritz. Might trademark that! )


----------



## Scotford

big dan said:


> 2 pieces of muppetry from me this month.
> 
> 1.) Sat down to enjoy my morning espresso and a cigarette (i know i should quit) and i flicked my ash in my espresso instead of the ashtray! Doh!
> 
> 2.) ooh look at my pretty naked extaction! So busy on me knees looking at the extraction i ran it for about 45 seconds! Doh! Still tasted alright though!


Don't quit!!! I still really enjoy my one cig a day as I'm glugging something filtered. I'm not saying that it's good, but it sure is my very last vice.

I am in no way condoning smoking but I LOVE my one a day with a brew as the sun comes up.


----------



## hotmetal

I know what you mean. I gave up at least 25 years ago but if I was in the pub and someone put a baccy tin and papers in front of me... It's scary how even if your body gives up there is a small part of your brain that's always up for it. Thank the Lord I never did proper drugs!


----------



## urbanbumpkin

I take my hat off to anyone who manages just 1 cig a day.

I was either full on or nothing. Next month will be my 11th year of nothing, for me it's one of the best thing I did giving up tobacco.

I used to do 3 before arriving at work. Gave up completely unplanned on whim.


----------



## glevum

Gave up smoking quite easy, cant say the same for alcohol!


----------



## hotmetal

I tried for ages to give up 'because I ought to' and failed. Then one day I decided I'd really had enough, smoked myself silly for one day and then threw myself into cycling, karate, fell walking, swimming, anything that gave a fitness 'rush' to replace the tabs. Worked a treat. Also my enjoyment of food and drink improved and not buying tobacco meant I could afford more meals out and beers. Or single malt...

I'm currently fighting an irrational urge to get a pipe. Must be an age thing!


----------



## Obnic

Pipes are next year's beards.

Those clay ones that gradually turn to a see through amber? Ooooch! Suit you Sir.


----------



## johnealey

12 years 6 months and was all or nothing for me. Took the impending birth of my daughter Sammy to finally make me want to quit. I do still, after all this time, have an addiction to chewing gum, to the point of getting agitated if leave the house without some ! Don't always chew it, just have to have it with me, go figure.

John


----------



## Yes Row

Gave up smoking done years ago, however I still get the "urge" at times. I have told my daughters that when I retire I am going to smoke a pipe and will mainly point at the grandkids with it!


----------



## Vieux Clou

Used to smoke a pipe - Walnut Sliced for those as know - but gave it up when someone gave us a pricey bottle of plonk and I could hardly taste the bugger.

Anyway, we coffee-snob types (sorry, "gourmets") didn't ought to be killing our olfactory tissues to enrich tobacco pushers. The wretched coffee habit is dear enough.


----------



## big dan

I had quit but got made redundant and single in the same month back in July, so kind of fell off the wagon! Will definitely get there though as i had been cigarette free for 2 years prior.

On a more positive note i have given up shaving! lol. Want a beard to go with my pipe!

Kaldi's arrow? Love the name, where does it come from?


----------



## Flibster

glevum said:


> Gave up smoking quite easy, cant say the same for alcohol!


I found both extremely easy to give up.

Smoking once I discovered how much I was spending...

Drinking when I was driving everyday and on some fairly hefty pain meds.

19 years cigarette free and 16 years alcohol free.









And about 35 minutes caffeine free, but I feel a relapse coming on.


----------



## hotmetal

big dan said:


> Kaldi's arrow? Love the name, where does it come from?


Ha! I made it up, as a development on the theme of Cupid's arrow and King Harold - getting shot in the eye with a spritzer while viewing the extraction. Kaldi is the goatherd who discovered coffee according to legend. He noticed his goats acting up as if they'd been chewing on crystal meth, and then found the plant they'd been munching on. Took some back to the village, and somehow realised that if you cooked it, ground it and put water on it you had a jolly stimulating beverage. Some say he had an Ibrik, but I suspect it was a modded Classic and a Mignon. According to legend&#8230;


----------



## hotmetal

Obnic said:


> Those clay ones that gradually turn to a see through amber? Ooooch! Suit you Sir.


Ah, the meerschaum! Yes, good ones made from genuine meerschaum are slightly porous and gradually take on the colour of the tobacco exudate as they are used. Highly sought after amongst pipe afficionadi are the vintage ones that have been smoked for a couple of hundred years. Apparently. Me, I'd probably go for something a little less ostentatious, such as a small briar, but at the moment common sense is prevailing. I really don't want to start smoking again after all these years.


----------



## jeebsy

Bit gorey....i'll take them down


----------



## big dan

Ouch! Hope ur ok bud!


----------



## big dan

Looks like your night was way worse than mine!


----------



## jeebsy

Thought the booze was helping but its getting fing sore now....hopefully the big martini will help


----------



## big dan

Keep drinking! Will help numb the pain! Or if you have any codeine that always does the trick! Hope that isn't your tamping hand! -


----------



## jeebsy

They gave me novocane but it must be wearing off now, so sore. Should have asked them for a takeaway

Soundtracking ith this


__
https://soundcloud.com/jackmaster%2Fjackmaster-mastermix-2014

`got a big family lunch tomorrow and i need to have a bordelaise on the table at 2pm....bone marrow chilling in the fridge


----------



## jeebsy

Whiskey and tonic....eerrurgh


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> 2014-11-29 00.19.55 by [email protected], on Flickr
> 
> 2014-11-29 02.43.28 by [email protected], on Flickr
> 
> You try and do something nice like buy a girl a drink and end up falling over with the glass severing an artery in your hand....had to give me adrenaline to stop the bleeding. Now wired at 4am drinking calvados hoping it'll send me to bed.


Bet she was impressed. That looks pretty bad. Hope it's feeling better now.


----------



## coffeechap

Proper war wound, ouch


----------



## urbanbumpkin

Shite!!!! That looks nasty. Hope she buys you one back next week. All girls love a bleeder!?!!


----------



## The Systemic Kid

That looks nasty, Jeebsy. hope it heals fast.


----------



## Yes Row

Was she worth it?


----------



## Thecatlinux

Ouch !


----------



## Daren

You'll need to make up a better story than that - something heroic about rescuing school children falling over a mountain or stopping a tiger mauling a pensioner or similar....

Falling over with a beer in your hand doesn't sound so good when you are trying to explain the scar to a person you're chatting up.

Hope the pains wearing off buddy


----------



## big dan

Yes jibs, tell people you were rescuing children on a mountain top when a tiger chased a pensioner into a pub and you had to dive to save the pensioner and landed on a glass.

Much better story!!


----------



## Scotford

Well, looks like I'm going to be cautious this evening when I'm out and on the prowl...

Hope its not giving you too much jip Jeebs


----------



## urbanbumpkin

Easily done, I some how managed to knock over a Peronni glass, smash it and cutting my hand a couple of months ago. Obviously p*ssed and trying to save precious beer.

Hope you're on the mend Jeebsy.


----------



## Beanosaurus

When milk strikes, cover the ears of the innocent!


----------



## 7877

I literally only 2 minutes ago realised what DSOL stood for ......<grabs coat quickly></grabs>


----------



## Steve7

Dsol?

just seen this on another thread and wondered... Google time?


----------



## Scotford

(Darker Side Of Life)

This weeks muppetry.

1. Getting wasted midweek.

2. Pouring milk straight in a cup and pulling a shot into a jug. (See point 1)

3. Drinking a second night to rid point 1s hangover.

4. See point 1.


----------



## froggystyle

Should drink more often mate, trying to decipher your tweets was amusing.


----------



## Scotford

I should?

OKAY THEN!


----------



## Beanosaurus

Started steaming, pulled the shot, realise PF is not even in the ****ing group.

The consequence of a relative's incessant non-stop wittering...


----------



## hotmetal

Beano is that a white (imperial) 65E? I have Darth Grinder. You don't know the power of the Dark Side!

I usually cock up my coffee if trying to have a conversation at the same time.

Pedant point: incessant non-stop is tautological.


----------



## Beanosaurus

hotmetal said:


> Beano is that a white (imperial) 65E? I have Darth Grinder. You don't know the power of the Dark Side!


You can just about see my sTorrmtrooper in shot too... Soz. :|

Yep, my batty old Auntie drove me and Mrs Beano to borderline anxiety, even the usually noisy Mini Beano was completely drowned out and resorted to putting his hand up for attention.

I think that the two coffees I made her exacerbated the situation.


----------



## hotmetal

sTORRmtrooper LOL! Very good! Blimey an aunt has to be fairly hardcore to outdo an ankle biter! Yeah maybe caffeine was the wrong choice, like petrol on a fire. I was just about to suggest gin but thought better of it!


----------



## Beanosaurus

hotmetal said:


> ...I was just about to suggest gin but thought better of it!


There is no doubt gin is involved in the equation, at a least on my part anyway.

Bring on the muppetry!


----------



## El Cabron

I guess you did as well as i did with that multi tasking survey then? Hahaha











hotmetal said:


> I usually cock up my coffee if trying to have a conversation at the same time.


----------



## Madtwinhead

Well.... I use a pastry bush to brush the remains after a grind so there's no waste.. Found out its a good idea to switch the burrs off before doing because it eats it!! Dooohhhh


----------



## majnu

Beanosaurus said:


> snip


love the star trooper grinder and matching tamper too









p.s what's that thing in the portafilter. I'd love to buy one to contain some of the stray coffee from the K30.


----------



## hotmetal

It's a Coffee Catcha by the looks of it. I've got the cheaper DIY version: yogurt pot with the bottom cut off. Sets off the R58 a treat LOL!


----------



## Beanosaurus

majnu said:


> love the star trooper grinder and matching tamper too
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> p.s what's that thing in the portafilter. I'd love to buy one to contain some of the stray coffee from the K30.


Its an Orphan Espresso Dosing Funnel, unfortunately they're only available in the US and to note -

made from aluminium. Being a soft metal mine has inevitably ended up with a dent in the rim!

I can't for the life of me understand with someone can't fashion one of these things in stainless steel for a reasonable price (

make it difficult to manufacture...

As for a Coffee Catcha I find the handle a massive hindrance.


----------



## Madtwinhead

Well.... I use a pastry bush to brush the remains after a grind so there's no waste.. Found out its a good idea to switch the burrs off before because it eats it!! Dooohhhh


----------



## Bigpikle

had my moment this morning while rushing to get out the door....

put my Aeropress together the wrong way around and filled it to brew, only to discover the main body where the filer holder screws on was in fact empty and I'd filled inside the plunger body. Big mess ensured. Doh.....


----------



## Vieux Clou

Opened a jar of Yrga this morning and just stopped myself before pouring it into the knock box instead of the grinder. I suppose it ends up there anyway...


----------



## lukej

Mine was on Saturday night, dosed the portafilter and put it in the machine, walked away to answer the door, came back and knocked it out into the knock box only then to realise I'd never brewed the coffee!

Luke


----------



## 7493

Making a couple of cappos and became distracted by family chatter. Completely forgot to put the catch pot back under the Pharos for the second one. Coffee grounds all over the worktop before I realised. Doh!


----------



## Scotford

Not coffee related but I just took a screenshot of my phone to send to my mum showing her how badly cracked the screen is.

Knob. I. Am.


----------



## Beanosaurus

First attempt with my new Syphon,

completely forgot about leaving the coffee to immerse for a minute and went straight for the draw-down.

Tasted bloody AWFUL.


----------



## Drewster

I thought you put the coffee in first... did the bubbling bit (so the coffee slowly gets more and more water)... and then let it drain back out...

I hasten to add I have never tried it - I have a couple of syphons and keep meaning to have a go.

I'll obviously have to research a bit more before I poison my self!


----------



## Neill

Drewster said:


> I thought you put the coffee in first... did the bubbling bit (so the coffee slowly gets more and more water)... and then let it drain back out...
> 
> I hasten to add I have never tried it - I have a couple of syphons and keep meaning to have a go.
> 
> I'll obviously have to research a bit more before I poison my self!


I've only ever done it the other way. Get the water up in to the top chamber, adjust the heat and make sure it's not bubbling too vigorously then add the coffee, stir and allow to sit then when it's time to draw down break the crust and give a gentle circular stir.


----------



## michaelg

I had one the other day - was wetting the filter for my Clever dripper and thought "hmm this is taking a lot more water than usual" then realised I had it on top of a cup so the valve was open and now the water was all over the worktop.


----------



## knightsfield

I once had a bit of rice caught in the valve, again wetting the filter water all over the place.


----------



## qpop

The worst I've managed is not paying attention when transferring (throwing) the grinds from my Hario Mini Mill to the Aeropress. It doesn't sound like much but when you knock the thing over and the grinds end up all over the floor, the thought of another three minutes of hand-grinding for that cup of coffee is horrendous!


----------



## Scotford

Cafetiere grind in my v60 this morning. What a waste of coffee.


----------



## Rhys

A mate did the classic thing of taking the pf off his machine before the pressure was vented (was years ago on a pressurised pf Kenwood type machine iirc). A bang later and he, as well as his kitchen, was covered in wet coffee grounds.. He reminded me of this the other night when I was making coffee for us all. I remember it well as I got out of the way just in time.


----------



## jeebsy

View attachment 11267


Tried the 'is your tamp firm enough that you turn the pf upside down without the grinds falling out' test.

Answer was no. In retrospect i'm not even sure that's a real thing


----------



## Daren

Whilst showing off today at work trying to impress with an Aeropress I discovered they make a big mess if you don't put the filter paper in.


----------



## CallumT

There was no impress from the aeropress in my office. Then the sowden came along


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> View attachment 11267
> 
> 
> Tried the 'is your tamp firm enough that you turn the pf upside down without the grinds falling out' test.
> 
> Answer was no. In retrospect i'm not even sure that's a real thing


Yeah, you're thinking of meringue aren't you?


----------



## urbanbumpkin

Daren said:


> Whilst showing off today at work trying to impress with an Aeropress I discovered they make a big mess if you don't put the filter paper in.


Weirdly enough I did exactly the same thing today too. Never done it before.


----------



## hotmetal

Monday morning fail. Why is it that I never get spritzers except when I'm late for work? It seems that the probability of it is directly proportional to the distance your face is from the naked portafilter. Just took Kaldi's arrow right in the eye.


----------



## Scotford

Rush job with my rhino/v60 this morning. Forgot to even boil the kettle.


----------



## jeebsy

Just putting this up so next week I can tell myself I told me so:

View attachment 11347


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> Just putting this up so next week I can tell myself I told me so:
> 
> View attachment 11347


This is definitely not a bad idea.


----------



## Big_Fat_Dan

I made a Aeropress, took one sip and was stone cold, forgot to boil the kettle...............muppet


----------



## NeilR

I ground some Rave Signature coffee ready for use with my Swissgold filter, to take away with me for a few days. I put the coffee into a Rave vacuum bag and took a last sniff of the freshly ground beans. Unfortunately, my face was still too close to the bag as I squeezed the air out. Result - a puff of ground coffee in the eye!


----------



## Vieux Clou

Poured an espresso twice yesterday, once into the cup and once into the knock box. Well, half of it: the rest was excellent. Duh of the day.


----------



## Scotford

Waking up today has been the biggest muppet move for me.

So far I have (in no particular order): Broken two of my toes on the corner of a table, throwing freshly brewed coffee all up a newly painted wall.

Dropped YET ANOTHER phone and cracked the screen.

Closed without saving an Ableton Live set I'd spent 5 hours putting together yesterday.

Accidentally deleted the email which had my new contract attached (yes, I emptied my trash too /moron).

I've yet to risk going for a run, too!


----------



## jeebsy

Live or dj set?


----------



## Scotford

A bit of both. Mostly DJ set, but I like to throw in a whole heap of broken down tunes and loops/samples.


----------



## grumpydaddy

I seem to have introduced the muppet to my routine.

3 times recently I have weighed, ground, weighed, adjusted, pulled and watched .....and added expletives!!

I think maybe there should have been a tamp in there somewhere too


----------



## Scotford

Yet another moronmoment for me this morning.

Aeropress. Time to flip it over with the aid of a mug. Mug still full of boiling water. Boiling water all over frozen legs (from being out on a rain run).

-_-


----------



## Milanski

Scotford said:


> A bit of both. Mostly DJ set, but I like to throw in a whole heap of broken down tunes and loops/samples.


Not enough people choppin' it up like this. You got a soundcloud where I can listen?


----------



## jeebsy

Ground some beans for espresso on the EK and thought they looked a bit chaffy...four secs of preinfusion i've got a stream coming out. Left the grinder on V60 setting. Did a 2 bar coffee shot type thing, 100g out, tastes OK actually.


----------



## Step21

Inverted aeropress brew. Somehow or other in my AP assembly i put the end to which you attach the filter on top of the plunger. Didn't realise until i was trying to put the filter on before flipping over... Threw the brew into a jug, assembled AP in correct order and plunged. Tasted ok but a little cool.


----------



## Scotford

Step21 said:


> Inverted aeropress brew. Somehow or other in my AP assembly i put the end to which you attach the filter on top of the plunger. Didn't realise until i was trying to put the filter on before flipping over... Threw the brew into a jug, assembled AP in correct order and plunged. Tasted ok but a little cool.


This is one of the many reasons I have two APs.


----------



## Mrboots2u

Hand grinder woes

Making a chemex ..30 g in the Haus , christ this is hard to grind , check setting yeah its at one and half turns .....

check again nope , its set to half a turn ( espresso last night )

Ok weigh more beans , alter the dial ,

Grind away .......

Take of the catch , christ thats full...

Yep didn't empty out the 30g of the epsresso grind first ...that 60gs in the bin......

View attachment 11909


----------



## Mr O

Milanski said:


> Not enough people choppin' it up like this. You got a soundcloud where I can listen?


I like Goa / Psy-trance , is that something you're into?

I'm listening to Astral Projection as i type....

I have also been known to frequent the odd all nighter


----------



## Mr O

I just made an Aeropress, inverted method. On turning Aeropress / cup over it became quite clear the filter was still on the worktop, instead of being screwed to the Aeropress :-/


----------



## urbanbumpkin

Done it


----------



## El carajillo

I have just joined this illustrious club, made a delicious/luscious OBJ flat white and enjoyed it, think I will have another, grind ,brew steam milk!!! My steaming is suddenly absolutely "crap"

Large bubbles, no swirl, no micro foam. Glanced down DOH steam boiler switched off after previous coffee, just running on boiler pressure residue:rolleyes:


----------



## Flibster

Nearly had a massive numpty moment this morning.

Really wasn't awake and needed to fill the tank before making a coffee. Lid off, fridge open, jug out and then... got within about half an inch of pouring milk into the water tank before my brain screaming "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" finally reached my nervous system and stopped my arm.

Really wouldn't have been a good idea.


----------



## Vieux Clou

Gahhhh! Spent weekend away, then ground, pulled & dumped 3 shots this morning before remembering that the grinder was dialled in for chum's moka pot.

TBH, I forgot to tamp the first one. Hey, my mind's still on the road.


----------



## jeebsy

Got a bit of water on my laptop trackpad before holiday last week - only a couple of drops. Used a hairdryer to dry it out and it worked again but it was playing up yesterday so gave it the hairdryer treatment again. Looks like it's properly broken, although evidently went OTT with the heat yesterday as my space bar has melted....


----------



## froggystyle

Todays mupperty was letting wife make a flat white this morning.

Weak tamp and pour distribution, under extracted, spritzzzzers!

Thin milk, no micro foam...

How does it taste she asked, lovely i replied!

Always play it safe.


----------



## garydyke1

Blame yourself, train her better


----------



## Rhys

jeebsy said:


> Got a bit of water on my laptop trackpad before holiday last week - only a couple of drops. Used a hairdryer to dry it out and it worked again but it was playing up yesterday so gave it the hairdryer treatment again. Looks like it's properly broken, although evidently went OTT with the heat yesterday as my space bar has melted....


Never heard of a 'Hot Key'?


----------



## Rhys

My usual muppetry moment on a morning is when I'm about to put my porridge in the fridge instead of the microwave, or putting a teabag in my porridge bowl. That said, sometimes I think my biggest mistake is getting up altogether.. I'm not very good on a morning..


----------



## jlarkin

jeebsy said:


> Got a bit of water on my laptop trackpad before holiday last week - only a couple of drops. Used a hairdryer to dry it out and it worked again but it was playing up yesterday so gave it the hairdryer treatment again. Looks like it's properly broken, although evidently went OTT with the heat yesterday as my space bar has melted....


Too late now but the hairdryer was likely driving the water into the machine. I think laptop is same advice as a mobile, try to turn it off straight away and dry naturally without being too hot.


----------



## jeebsy

Turn off my laptop? No way...had to use a tablet for a night until i got a USB mouse and it was excrutiating


----------



## Thecatlinux

Whilst cleaning the rocket this I had a sharp lesson in not to lift the lever whilst the shower screen and dispersion screw are removed. This resulted in a perfect stream of hot water heading directly into my groin .

As this was first thing in the morning I was still in my boxers, this resulted in a large steaming damp patch and me hoping around trying to cool my nether regions shouting like victor meldrew 'I don't believe it ' ,

the other half took some convincing that I hadn't pee'd myself .


----------



## Drewster

Thecatlinux said:


> Whilst cleaning the rocket this I had a sharp lesson in not to lift the lever whilst the shower screen and dispersion screw are removed. This resulted in a perfect stream of hot water heading directly into my groin .
> 
> As this was first thing in the morning I was still in my boxers, this resulted in a large steaming damp patch and me hoping around trying to cool my nether regions shouting like victor meldrew 'I don't believe it ' ,
> 
> the other half took some convincing that I hadn't pee'd myself .


Mmmmmmmmmmmm I am not sure we are 100% sure either!


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> although evidently went OTT with the heat yesterday as my space bar has melted....


Beentheredonethat


----------



## jeebsy

Neill said:


> Beentheredonethat


I can get about five presses of it then it jams in and needs wedged out with a credit card. Not the most user friendly experience now


----------



## Neill

jeebsy said:


> I can get about five presses of it then it jams in and needs wedged out with a credit card. Not the most user friendly experience now


I was only messing, couldn't resist. I have done plenty of similar things though. I had to replace the screen twice on my last laptop. The second time I forgot to remove the battery first and blew a small fuse on the motherboard so the screen stopped working. A drop of solder soon fixed that. I also dropped it on its corner and broke the charging port. It was missing about 3 keys off the keyboard too. Come to think of it I think the space bar was a bit temperamental too.


----------



## El carajillo

Does anyone know WHY the pulycaf and water drain out of a"single" basket when back flushing ??????


----------



## froggystyle

El carajillo said:


> Does anyone know WHY the pulycaf and water drain out of a"single" basket when back flushing ??????


Output weight, time and how did it taste please?


----------



## El carajillo

Output = input ,very watery, lacked mouthfeel caustic to acidic but otherwise fine. I will not be using this "roaster" again NIL POINTS.


----------



## froggystyle

Sounds like one of my latest roasts!


----------



## Jumbo Ratty

over filled the water tank,,, flippin water everywhere,, damn my eyes and getting old


----------



## 4515

Got up this morning with the words ringing in my head about pre-infusion and how I shouldnt see any drops in the cup during pre infusion. 3 seconds in and a few drops form so I start the timer.

50 seconds in and I've seen virtually no coffee in the cup so I'm thinking I must've choked the L1 (why the drops appeared initially didnt enter my head at the time)

I'm getting bored at 1 min 10 in so gingerly open the PF a bit and release the remaining water. A while later and the water is burning my hand so I open the PF fully to get a torrent of water / coffee everywhere - the notneutral cup is the perfeect shape to slosh the coffee, grinds and water eveywhere

Yes - with my focus on no drops during pre infusion I had forgotten to lift the lever up

Kitchen covered in coffee, Harios soaked - they really dont like coffee !

Quickly released lever and cleaned up the mess


----------



## froggystyle

Messing with the settings on the E10, pause timer set to a few seconds, wondering what this is, so lower it to 0, push PF in to activate grind, 19g in basket, lovely, leave PF in, which of course has no pause now so activates switch again, result = 38g in basket, and over the side...

Must change back to a few seconds!


----------



## Beanosaurus

froggystyle said:


> Messing with the settings on the E10, pause timer set to a few seconds, wondering what this is, so lower it to 0, push PF in to activate grind, 19g in basket, lovely, leave PF in, which of course has no pause now so activates switch again, result = 38g in basket, and over the side...
> 
> Must change back to a few seconds!


Same thing happened to me today, thought I set my grinder to pulse mode then my face dropped. Out came the teaspoon... :/

I managed to knock over a 600g V60 on Sunday afternoon at my mate's as well!

Too much boozing and no sleeping such are the perils of being a best man at a wedding...


----------



## 4515

Got home tonight to find that the harios were not as upset as I initially thought.

They wouldnt power up after the drenching but tonight they powered up and seem to be weighing correctly again

Further muppetry has ensued though as I have a replacement set on the way to me which I dont really need


----------



## Dallah

Was giving the SDB its normal evening wipe down and water only backflush and decided that I would give the steam tip a thorough clean. Couldn't loosen it by hand so tried with provided plastic tool, still no go. Got out appropriate sized adjustable spanner and tried to loosen with no success. Tightened the spanner further and gave it a good wrench, spanner slipped and then jammed. Steam tip now has nicks but is still firmly attached to steam wand. Sh!te.

Revisit: as all of you have already guessed I was turning it the wrong way, completely over looking the fact that the tip screwed up and into the wand. Wonder how much Sage will soak me for a replacement.


----------



## jlarkin

I let go of the Strega handle without the basket being in the PF. Good way to purge the grinder that's next to it (and nearly me as well tbh) as the rattle cleared it nicely. That handle shot up and made a heck of a noise!


----------



## oursus

Pita breads in toaster, ticking away, making feta salad, grab pita"hmmm, could have sworn I put those on" pull doppio of finca el bosque, grab Pita "I have to be losing my mind" on again.... Ticking away for 20s before realised not plugged in! Fozzy xx


----------



## Obnic

Was scrubbing my PF baskets and shower screen with cafiza yesterday and my eldest said: 'for Gods sake Daddy why don't you just put them in the dishwasher?'

Fair point. Works very well actually. Can't believe I didn't think of that before.


----------



## 7493

I've tried this but found it didn't work as well as Cafiza. Useful for interim cleans though! (Or maybe it's just our dishwasher?)


----------



## Brewster

.


----------



## Drewster

Brewster said:


> .


I see your . and raise you @


----------



## robashton

View attachment 15586


I can't even


----------



## jeebsy

Black Acaias!


----------



## Brewster

Drewster said:


> I see your . and raise you @


I feel that my accidental post has found its way to the right place on the forum.


----------



## Jon

Where to start? I knocked the dispense button when trying to remove an already full portafilter yesterday. But some error is a daily occurrence.


----------



## robashton

jeebsy said:


> Black Acaias!


Yes! And very sexy they are too! (Although I keep spilling coffee on mine, as above)


----------



## jeebsy

I was going to get a set of blacks given the display issues with the white but going to get brewista instead.


----------



## robashton

I'm going to get brewista for the pour itself - they're not as sexy as the luna but they're cheap.


----------



## jeebsy

Why do you need other scales for the pour?


----------



## Beanosaurus

#transportfail


----------



## spune

Whilst pulling apart the kitchen looking for my blind filter basket, I managed to set my hoody alight leaning over and pulling back the oven









I then found it hiding underneath the French press base


----------



## djedga

Not coffee related but I was washing the car this afternoon and sprayed alloy cleaner all over one door panel instead of a gentle cleaner for claying... Luckily I realised straight away and hosed / washed it off quick smart. Still thinking I may find the paint is all gone tomorrow!


----------



## 7493

If it's a good one e.g. Bilt Hamber the paint should be fine. However, whatever top coat, wax or whatever, you're using will need replacing.


----------



## djedga

Rob666 said:


> If it's a good one e.g. Bilt Hamber the paint should be fine. However, whatever top coat, wax or whatever, you're using will need replacing.


it was 'wonder wheels' hopefully it will be fine ... Car is only a few months old (to me) too


----------



## Drewster

I decided that I really ought to replace the burrs in my SJ...

They were delivered mid-week so I decided to do it this morning.

I decided to be careful and methodical so.......

1) Switch off and unplug

(I don't fancy mincing my hands by doing something stupid...)

2) Unscrew and remove the collar.....

3) Take off throaty bit....

4) Lift out top burr....

5) Remove springs...

6) Carefully unscrew screws for top burr and remove....

7) Carefully unscrew lower burr and remove (I was expecting this to be a little tricky but piece of pish...)

8) Clean up all the crud and compressed coffee from everything....

9) Reverse everything carefully.. step by step...

10) Burrs well apart.... Plug in and now to switch on and "zero".......

11) Turn on switch........ Nothing.....

WTF!!!

Turn off.... turn on... nothing.... Not a peep... Dead as the proverbial....

Oh B0ll0cks.. how the hell have I broken it!?!?

Could it have blown a fuse?

Take fuse out of plug and pop into another plug (after finding screwdriver and a lamp with plug)....

Works straight away... So not the fuse then.....

Replace fuse in grinder and scratch head..... WTF could it be....

Dismantle grinder again (Not actually removing the burrs but removing collar etc).... have a shufti..... No nothing remotely electrical that I could have broken...

Oh Gawd this is a mare..... Oh! Hang on it is a two step switch isn't it.....

Put it all back together again...

Switch to point 1..... Switch to point 2 yep spins like goodun!!!

Basically I just leave the grinder in the No 1 position.... flick once to turn it on.... then flick the little flappy thing in the doser to switch the burrs off...

So I NEVER turn the switch 2 stops.. just a single flick..... WHAT A F..... errrr FLIPPING MUPPET!!!!


----------



## Scotford

Just made a lovely aeropress for the lady friend I'm staying with, and before even tasting it she dumps a load of milk in.

She even lives round the corner from 3FE and goes for filters there from time to time too!


----------



## Drewster

Scotford said:


> Just made a lovely aeropress for the lady friend I'm staying with, and before even tasting it she dumps a load of milk in.
> 
> She even lives round the corner from 3FE and goes for filters there from time to time too!


Errr which bit is the muppetry........ Your taste in women?


----------



## Scotford

Drewster said:


> Errr which bit is the muppetry........ Your taste in women?


Possibly. She IS Irish though and we are already on our second bottle of Veuve today...


----------



## Scotford

BUT she did just make up for it by giving me this:










As part of my presents. Kind of a win tbh!


----------



## Drewster

Things are looking up then.......... Unless she wants milk and a spoonful of sugar in that Yirg!


----------



## Thecatlinux

Hmm I think I will try a slightly finer grind , bigger not heated the basket, never mind , grind away via my super duper 3D printed funnel , quick brush of the exit chute ,tamp and away we go.

Find a cup ,Tare the scales and pull down the lever . Start the timer for a seven second pre infusion .

Now let the lever up to release point , whoa whoa WHOA where's the lever going whoa , WHOA !!!!!! Hang on where s the coffee.?????? Lever is fully upright . Removed the handle gingerly to see where the coffee is ??? Still there ???

Hang on a minute where's the pressure ??? No heat??? What is going on???

Oh yeah it's a weekday WEMO has turned the machine off.


----------



## Mrboots2u

Ha well done cat .

Inverted Aeropress - inverted wrong way . Went to put cap on and realised ...derp


----------



## Drewster

It all started so well....... but went to make myself a 2nd cup this morning....

Tip approx 18g into little weighing cup.

Not quite right so pick a couple of beans to add on top.

Knock little weighing cup off of scales - Now a dose of coffee beans spread all over the kitchen floor......

Try again....

18g into little pot... +0.07g - That'll do nicely.

*** into SJ pop on old tamper and hit the switch.

Mmmmm a nice looking pile of fluffy grinds.

Now to load PF...

Err hang on little dish in one hand... spoon in other...

PF still tightly locked into machine...

Place down dish... grab PF Oh sh**** *bother!* PF still got old grinds in!!!!

Put down spoon of grinds in dosing dish (to sort out PF)..... flip spoon and spoonful of finely ground coffee all over kitchen!!!!

*
FFS!!!!*

Bin remnant of dose...

Sort out mess....

Clean out PF...

Sort out weighing another 18g dose....

Load PF.... finally here we go.....

Tamp does into PF...

"Lock" in PF....

Pop cup under and flick switch.....

*PFFFFFFFTTTT!!!!* PF not locked and undoing itself and squirting slightly brown liquid all over the place....

Clean up AGAIN....

Start again....

A nice smooth dark flow, decent crema....

Start steaming mik....

Shot completes... looks good.

Flick off shot switch...

Instead of moving shot out of the way I somehow manage to pull milk jug away from steam wand and spray boiling milk foam all over the

F&*&%^ing kitchen, burning hand in the process and knocking over the much awaited coffee shot....

Oh well - I think I'll try again later.... possibly much later!!! :-(


----------



## insatiableOne

Time to go back to bed Drewster_

Wake up tomorrow to try again, instead of no shot & burnt hand!


----------



## hotmetal

Crikey Drewster sounds like a coffee nightmare, or someone was trying to tell you something. For days like that there's always Nespresso! Although even those can go wrong, like the time I tried one of those Aeroccino milk frothing machines and put too much milk in. Dairy product disaster!


----------



## spune

Eww... The milk's off. That's disappointing...


----------



## Vieux Clou

@Drewster that's how I feel this morning. Got the bottle of milk out of the fridge & put it on the counter, got out the butter & ham & bread, looked in fridge for milk, none there so got a new bottle out of the cupboard, turned back to counter... duh.

I typed "butter & butter & ham..." just now.

I had been intending to work on some route-planning software... uh-uh.

BTW spilt the beans? Pick 'em up, blow off any crud. They're going to be sterilized anyway.


----------



## Vieux Clou

Vieux Clou said:


> I had been intending to work on some route-planning software... uh-uh.


But I did. Oh mother...


----------



## Scotford

Tragedy!!!


----------



## The Systemic Kid

Ouch.


----------



## hotmetal

Bumsies! Is the dishwasher breaking bad?


----------



## Scotford

Wasn't actually me. Only £45 worth of Acme crockery got broken. Only.


----------



## DoubleShot

Good God, thought those cups bounced off floors and were practically unbreakable?!


----------



## The Systemic Kid

Scotford said:


> Wasn't actually me. Only £45 worth of Acme crockery got broken. Only.


'Actually'??


----------



## Scotford

Trade price too...


----------



## hotmetal

That's still only 4 cups/saucers - could've been worse! I was paranoid carrying 6 sets all the way home from Caravan. In a stupid paper bag lol!


----------



## Scotford

4 cups, 7 saucers. My one and only demitasse too. Murder was on the cards


----------



## MarkT

I have managed to get the espresso stage right however instead of pouring the coffee into the travel mug I keep pouring it into my milk jug which is full of cold milk. Lol. That's why i need coffee in the morning.


----------



## h1udd

Ah just Bung some ice cubes in and call it an iced coffee


----------



## MarkT

Well yes I made anothe double shot and took it cold to work. Lol. I have done it a couple of tunes now. Although it's not very good at 6 am having a cold coffee. Lol


----------



## PPapa

Received an iPhone battery today as the old one needs to be charged twice a day and still dies before I come back home. I knew I am bad at working with small parts, but decided to try do it myself anyway. Everything worked out quite smoothly apart from bending the old battery so it wouldn't fit anymore in case the new battery does not work. However, I dropped a screw meanwhile! I couldn't find it on the floor anymore, so I thought that 3 out of 4 will keep the alu plate anyway. Put everything together, everything works! Before screwing the case back to the place, I notice a screw on the table! I am surprised the phone still works...

Next time I will take the phone to the shop!


----------



## Drewster

Was just going to knock out a quick V60 to "test" my new pouring kettle 

Set the kettle to 94 and flicked on...

Ground out some of the Foundry LSOL....

Popped a filter in the V60 on top of a nice mug

Kettle beeped...

Poured 1/2 a cup through the filter to damp cone and warm cup etc.

Popped kettle back on and put on hold (clever elec-trickery)...

Took off V60 and chucked warming water away from mug.

Picked up ground coffee dose and poured it in..........................

.....to the nicely warmed (and moist) coffee mug!!!!!

B*gg*r....... I'll try that again later!!!


----------



## JollyBeanRoastery

It was a few years ago, but I was in work in a little shared kitchen. I'd just carefully ground some fresh beans with my Hario hand grinder and was preparing to brew an inverted Aeropress when a colleague walked in. They were quite interested and somewhere between their questions and small talk I forgot to place the filter/cap back on before inverting it back onto my mug, I looked like a total plonker.


----------



## Stanic

my second take on flat white


----------



## Rhys

Stanic said:


> my second take on flat white
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18905


I remember my son's nappy looking like that once..


----------



## grumpydaddy

Get up late, turn machine on but might be pushed for time so make tea first. S, S, S and shampoo, drink tea, get dressed, just got time enough.

Throw beans in grinder...... crap wrong Mogiana beans, hastily adjust, grind.... twice.. it is so far off that 10 seconds grind gave 23g, ...no time so made it anyway 20 in probably around 40 out in 1m plus ??

Add milk and...... gorgeous ....huh?? Tastes never found before.... huh??

3 goes at replicating that this evening all to no avail









Now I'm thinking it could have been mixed beans ...... Noooooo


----------



## Drewster

Rhys said:


> I remember my son's nappy looking like that once..


I hope you took him to a doctor!

Plus I hope Stanic didn't drink his... errrrrr his ummmmmmm sample?


----------



## Stanic

actually it was not that terrible









the colours in that pic are all over the place due to light sources with various white balance

another take on muppetry: uneven extraction


----------



## PPapa

Well... Managed to make 3 fire trucks come to my work this morning. I guess it's not a bad way to start the day!

All is good though .


----------



## AMCD300

My wife and I had friends over for dinner some years ago and made a drip coffee pot at the end of the evening. I poured two nice hot cup full for our guests and tucked into a glass of port.

We were very pleased when our male guest praised the coffee by saying that it was the best cup he had tasted in a long time. Job done.

Clearing the dishes away after they had left I went to empty the filter basket to find - with absolute horror - that the coffee grinds were not only old but green with mould. We had apparently not cleaned it out since the last dinner party some months before. The best cup of Joe in ages he said!!!!! O.O

Safe to say we check and double check now...


----------



## hotmetal

Oh my goodness! Mould?! That doesn't say much for the coffee he must have been used to drinking before then! I've heard of green beans but that's normally before roasting - not in the portafilter! Ewww! ?


----------



## AMCD300

hotmetal said:


> Oh my goodness! Mould?! That doesn't say much for the coffee he must have been used to drinking before then! I've heard of green beans but that's normally before roasting - not in the portafilter! Ewww! 


Indeed - that was the irony. However it was drip coffee so not so bad as adding mouldy grinds to a basket. That would be 'really' unforgivable!


----------



## PPapa

Computing science specific, but very strange thing have happened.









I was writing an extension to a D3 library so I can reuse it, but failed to implement one function. For some reason, I scrolled around and found... that I have already written it. It also worked. Decided to take a break and got some tea. Still no clue when did I write it and how did I write it perfectly from the first time but couldn't write the same method later on.


----------



## grumpydaddy

Beans live in the cupboard here so what did I find in the bottom kitchen drawer?

Unopened Guatemalan beans roasted 15/Oct/15

Aaah, they will be fine...... very fine


----------



## PPapa

grumpydaddy said:


> Beans live in the cupboard here so what did I find in the bottom kitchen drawer?
> 
> Unopened Guatemalan beans roasted 15/Oct/15
> 
> Aaah, they will be fine...... very fine


Staleness test!


----------



## hotmetal

Grumpydaddy that is the perfect excuse to buy a new grinder! Shame for those stales to go to waste when they could be seasoning burrs!


----------



## froggystyle

Pop PF into E10, dose, weigh, adjust, tamp, polish, put back in E10 instead of Rocket = Lots of grinds everywhere.

Fail.


----------



## Thecatlinux

Unlock portafiter , knock out disused puck. Hang on what the hell is that ?all laminated falling apart to dust .

Poke around its dry as a bone , never mind where are the beans I weighed out ?

oh yeah to busy talking forgot I hadn't pulled the shot and just tipped the coffee away .

must be getting old


----------



## mmmatron

I forgot to put the dispersion block and shower screens back after a clean...oh my...the mess. Had to do some serious backflushing


----------



## ItalianBrew

An err' with a Mokapot, filled up he reservoir, now I know I've put the grounds in, right, screw on the top put pot on stove leave kitchen, come back into kitchen to investigate 'weird sound' emanating from kitchen, bloody hell it's foggy in here, rescue pot from stove, hmmm, upon investigation, no grounds, definitely not my best pot of coffee, made good fog though.


----------



## Brewer in training

ItalianBrew said:


> An err' with a Mokapot, filled up he reservoir, now I know I've put the grounds in, right, screw on the top put pot on stove leave kitchen, come back into kitchen to investigate 'weird sound' emanating from kitchen, bloody hell it's foggy in here, rescue pot from stove, hmmm, upon investigation, no grounds, definitely not my best pot of coffee, made good fog though.


I'll say......... Didn't clear here till 10.30!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Stanic

attempt with handheld milk frother, full city roast costa rica, 20 g in 30 g out


----------



## PPapa

Just confronted a guy who I believed was stealing the lights from a locked up bike. Lol it was his bike and he was putting them on.

Not feeling too bad though as I have lost a number of lights over last few years.


----------



## jlarkin

I did my best flash chuck of coffee beans ~30g into the EK hopper for my Behmohr brew today (with EK running already if course). I only missed the detail of putting anything to catch the grinds in. Not actually as messy as I would have expected but not my finest moment


----------



## Flibster

Yeah....

Couple of moments of ****witery by me recently.

We've moved into the house and the Andreja espresso machine I bought is within 1mm of being the same height as the gap between the worktop and the cupboards above. Really should have checked that before we filled the cupboards up. So, next kitchen job is to move the cupboards up a few inches. Bugger.

Worse was this morning. Only had about 2 hours sleep last night, so went to make myself a coffee. Everything was going so well, but...

Always remember to put the coffee filter in the Kalita Wave before dumping the coffee in...

Arse....


----------



## PPapa

That moment when you realise you got:

1. Too small mug for the brew.

2. Wrong dose to start with.

It was meant to be 21:350, but somehow I did 15:350. Still deciding whether to sink it or drink it.

Edit: drunk that nastiness and re-brew a better cup this time. So much better now.


----------



## Missy

I've been cleaning my machine religiously. The rest of my house is a hell hole of dog hair and toddler toys... But not my coffee stuff. So imagine my horror when today my coffee got that "furry" aftertaste that you know means something isn't clean.

Checked the grinder, it's ***** and span, had its twice weekly quick Hoover and I'm only 300g into a kilo of beans so not long been fully done.

Machine back flushed on Sunday, shower screen taken off portafilter and basket soaked in cafiza. Everything all scrubbed.

No idea what the problem is. So take everything out to soak and back flush again.

It's only as I'm pouring more water in the tank that I realise...

When did I last get the water reservoir out and properly clean it?!

Ummm....

Ick.


----------



## AMCD300




----------



## oursus

Missy said:


> So imagine my horror when today my coffee got that "furry" aftertaste












The horror....


----------



## Missy

oursus said:


>


That dog looks like it's in utter nirvana.


----------



## oursus

Missy said:


> That dog looks like it's in utter nirvana.


Was supposed to be a furry aftertaste - looks more like a furry happy ending tho


----------



## Missy

oursus said:


> Was supposed to be a furry aftertaste - looks more like a furry happy ending tho


Wasn't a furry happy ending for the aftertaste in my coffee. Pleased to report it's gone. Hurrah!


----------



## jlarkin

That pic makes me feel happy!

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## Snakehips

Missy said:


> Wasn't a furry happy ending for the aftertaste in my coffee. Pleased to report it's gone. Hurrah!





jlarkin said:


> That pic makes me feel happy!


I'm so pleased for you both !

No hard feelings.

Rejected of Coventry


----------



## GCGlasgow

Packaged up the grinder to send to russe11 last night, double boxed grinder and hopper separately, filled with packaging, sealed it up and left till this morning to put address on....oops forgot to put tray in


----------



## dsc

That moment when you rinse a V60 with a paper filter in place, then dump coffee and fill with brewing water...on top of the water already in the carafe from the rinsing process. "Why the hell is the brew so transparent"?







or if you are using a small 300ml Hario jug to brew into: " Why the hell is the whole counter in diluted coffee?"

Done it many times...

T.


----------



## Vieux Clou

Failed to notice that there was more water in the Aeropress than there was space in the cup.


----------



## Missy

Well what a fun day. First up managed to pull a 93g shot by getting utterly distracted. Followed that up by starting a fresh shot and getting totally frustrated that I couldn't get my cup under the doser to put my coffee in...


----------



## AMCD300

Was that 93 g in 30 seconds though.. :-D


----------



## Missy

AMCD300 said:


> Was that 93 g in 30 seconds though.. :-D


Can you imagine? That sounds like enough to flood the kitchen!!


----------



## PPapa

I thought I'll update the Feldgrind manual page with another thingie... Nope


----------



## Wobin19

A picture paints a thousand words!


----------



## Vieux Clou

Yeah...









I thought first crack was lasting a bit long...


----------



## Obnic

Vieux Clou said:


> Failed to notice that there was more water in the Aeropress than there was space in the cup.


Ha! Yup done that.

Another one for me recently was to fill the aeropress using the inverted method (see pic below) only to notice that I'd put the plunger in the wrong end of the barrel (i.e. the end you connect the filter plate to was down not up).

DOH! ~( 8^(|)


----------



## Scotford

Ended up wearing half a litre of cold brew yesterday after dropping and trying to catch a milk bottle full.


----------



## h1udd

Burnt my lips on the e61 group head .... That will teach me to clean the machine when it's hot (and no I wasnt using my lips to clean it with)


----------



## Vieux Clou

Nah but aren't they so lovely that sometimes you want to kiss them?


----------



## h1udd

It's why I like the la pav ... Normally you poke yourself in the eye way before you get the chance to burn your lips


----------



## hotmetal

Ha ha I can't see La Pavoni marketing dept adding that to the list of features and benefits!


----------



## dsc

Wobin19 said:


> A picture paints a thousand words!


Did a similar thing with a Mahl Guatemala, 24g ground out onto the table as the jug I normally grind to was next to the grinder rather than clamped around the exit chute









T.


----------



## Obnic

h1udd said:


> Burnt my lips on the e61 group head .... That will teach me to clean the machine when it's hot (and no I wasnt using my lips to clean it with)


I'm sorry, we can't just glide by this can we? I think you're going to have to elaborate.


----------



## jlarkin

Obnic said:


> I'm sorry, we can't just glide by this can we? I think you're going to have to elaborate.


This reminds me of when somebody said in a meeting they'd once accidentally melted their work laptop in the oven and somebody else just started saying something completely different. I was there *whoa, whoa* we need more details before we can carry on with anything else!


----------



## Scotford

I don't know why I bother sometimes


----------



## hotmetal

This morning's fail was just failing to notice I was on "double" rather than half second purge, and wasted a whole shot's worth of perfectly serviceable El Desvelado. Admittedly not as amusing as putting your laptop in the oven.


----------



## 9719

Cleaned mignon, put back into position, weighed beans, 20gms into hopper, pressed lever to dose into container and took 30 sec's to work out why grinds were not coming out ..... yer you got it ..... pull the shoot stopper plate out first, oh well


----------



## UncleJake

Made a perfect coffee. All the stars aligned. Grind right, milk spot on. Figured this may be one of the best coffees I'll ever make... It deserves a biscuit. Open the biscuits, pour them into the bin and put the wrapper into the biscuit barrel.


----------



## Robbo

This reminds me of a few weeks back when our 1 year old woke in the night, the mrs asked me to warm the bottle in the microwave and put the calpol back in the medicine cupboard....you can imagine the look on her face when i came back upstairs and handed her a warm bottle of calpol!

And yes...the milk was in the medicine cupboard.


----------



## Missy

Robbo said:


> This reminds me of a few weeks back when our 1 year old woke in the night, the mrs asked me to warm the bottle in the microwave and put the calpol back in the medicine cupboard....you can imagine the look on her face when i came back upstairs and handed her a warm bottle of calpol!
> 
> And yes...the milk was in the medicine cupboard.


mmmm warm calpol. Highlight of my life is licking the end of the syringe when I've been giving it to the kids!


----------



## Obnic

Missy said:


> mmmm warm calpol. Highlight of my life is licking the end of the syringe when I've been giving it to the kids!


That's so wrong it's actually right.


----------



## Drewster

Just got back from a Car Boot and went to make a warming Flat-White....

Normal routine....

Weigh beans - Check

Grind beans - Check

Pour some water to warm cup - Check

Fill porta-filter - Check

Tamp - Check

Lock and Load - Check

Cold milk into jug - Check

Purge steam wand - Check

Switch on for shot - Check

Plunge steam wand and crank up steam - Check

Aaaaaaargh..... Switch of shots cos I am pouring it into the 1/2 full cup of "warm the cup" water....

Quickly chuck slops into sink

Replace cup and switch on to re-start shot.... but I think this might be taking pre-infusion a little too far?


----------



## PPapa

This is insane. I smashed my both favourite mugs in last few days.

Will need to do some shopping now!


----------



## hotmetal

Oh what a pain! Great excuse to get some nice Acme cups. If you break one of those, next stop is an enamel camping mug!


----------



## Missy

hotmetal said:


> Oh what a pain! Great excuse to get some nice Acme cups. If you break one of those, next stop is an enamel camping mug!


The caravan shop near us has some "very tasteful" melamine espresso cups.


----------



## hotmetal

Hahaha for Acme cups you have to go to the "Caravan shop" with a capital C. In the capital.


----------



## PPapa

hotmetal said:


> Oh what a pain! Great excuse to get some nice Acme cups. If you break one of those, next stop is an enamel camping mug!


Yeah, the only other disaster is that I got 17.7g of coffee left and forgot that Monday was a public holiday, so the order from the Union might not show up tomorrow. I really hope it does or otherwise more things will break!


----------



## hotmetal

Yeah I had to go cold turkey for 3 days due to failing to reorder in time as well this month. Now I've got a huge pile of beans due to over compensating!


----------



## PPapa

hotmetal said:


> Yeah I had to go cold turkey for 3 days due to failing to reorder in time as well this month. Now I've got a huge pile of beans due to over compensating!


I am not brave enough for that.


----------



## andrewbuch

Mine was a while ago on my cheapie "espresso" maker, removed Porta filter too soon


----------



## hotmetal

Ah yes, 'the sneeze' due to not having a 3 way solenoid or e61 type pressure release. Catches me out every time I get put in charge of the coffee making at my mate's house!


----------



## Missy

Weighed the coffee. Ground the coffee. Dosed the coffee into the portafilter. Tipped the portafilter upside down over my hand.

Result? Coffee all over my hand, worktop and floor.

Why? No idea.


----------



## oursus

Missy said:


> Weighed the coffee. Ground the coffee. Dosed the coffee into the portafilter. Tipped the portafilter upside down over my hand.
> 
> Result? Coffee all over my hand, worktop and floor.
> 
> Why? No idea.


It's known as Alien hand syndrome round here...


----------



## grumpydaddy

Repaired a guy's Dualit conveyor toaster. On the side where I was working was a large "tupperware" box of coffee beans.

"Where did you get those" I asked

"Costa" ....do you want them?" he replied

This proper muppet said yes









Gotta seal them up again....they stink but ......

Should I see what happens if they used with care instead of in a BTC or at Costa?

I have to say I am not holding my breath







....now the box is sealed


----------



## PPapa

grumpydaddy said:


> Repaired a guy's Dualit conveyor toaster. On the side where I was working was a large "tupperware" box of coffee beans.
> 
> "Where did you get those" I asked
> 
> "Costa" ....do you want them?" he replied
> 
> This proper muppet said yes
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Gotta seal them up again....they stink but ......
> 
> Should I see what happens if they used with care instead of in a BTC or at Costa?
> 
> I have to say I am not holding my breath
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ....now the box is sealed


Probably safer way to respond than I once did.

I was invited to go to Starbucks in Hillhead in Glasgow (West End has an indie coffee shop nearly at every corner and some of them are decent). Pretentious me started to laugh.

My mates got taken to the Avenue. They liked it, but I'm still ashamed of my reaction







. They knew I'm into coffee, but didn't know what's good.


----------



## Jacko112

When changing from one bean to another always remember to have the slider covering the bottom of the hopper or kitchen becomes covered in beans. Doesn't help when the dogs think they're dry food & eat them. Now have 2 rather hyper shih Tzu's!!


----------



## Missy

Jacko112 said:


> When changing from one bean to another always remember to have the slider covering the bottom of the hopper or kitchen becomes covered in beans. Doesn't help when the dogs think they're dry food & eat them. Now have 2 rather hyper shih Tzu's!!


You could always rescue the... ummm... end product... give it a clean and sell it at a farmers market for an inflated price...


----------



## Jacko112

Civet dog maybe?


----------



## Billy Gunn

Ground beans directly into aeropress, then proceeded to pull the bottom half of the aeropress away from the top half.

Result - cat now smells of coffee.


----------



## Scotford

Must be tired today.

'Can you grind this bag of beans for an Aeropress please?'

'Sure'

Take bag

EK running

Remove hopper stopper

Chuck beans in

Slaps self


----------



## GrahamS

I had a proper coffee session with a mate the other evening, new bags from Rave were decanted into kilner jars, and we played with the recipes until all were tasting rather good - I'd written weights and grind settings on each bag, which sat on each jar. Then SHMBO commented it was a mess and every time she reached over the coffee to get kitchen roll she knocked one off.

So I prepared a spreadsheet on my phone, took the three packets, and entered all the details, and threw the packets away, as I knew this would score me brownie points **

Then I decided to make a coffee, took my phone out and opened the spreadsheet, and looked at the three now unlabelled kilner jars.......umm..errr.... bugger

**brownie points are not transferable and expire long before you get a chance to redeem them


----------



## Missy

Why did you not cut the panel off the bags and slot them in the front of the jar?


----------



## GrahamS

Missy said:


> Why did you not cut the panel off the bags and slot them in the front of the jar?


hence why this thread is called muppetry!


----------



## Missy

GrahamS said:


> hence why this thread is called muppetry!


Yeah fair point. Ive got my share of entries in here!! Bet MrsGrahamS was thinking the same thing though.....


----------



## risky

Why did you even put them in Kilner jars in the first place? Are the rave bags not re sealable?


----------



## hotmetal

Not coffee related this time but after spending the last 2 nights working, I came scarily close this morning to rubbing toothpaste into my back and brushing my teeth with Voltarol.


----------



## El carajillo

hotmetal said:


> Not coffee related this time but after spending the last 2 nights working, I came scarily close this morning to rubbing toothpaste into my back and brushing my teeth with Voltarol.


Now that would be an enlivening experience:yuk:


----------



## GrahamS

risky said:


> Why did you even put them in Kilner jars in the first place? Are the rave bags not re sealable?


yes, but not cosmetically acceptable, to aforementioned shmbo


----------



## risky

GrahamS said:


> yes, but not cosmetically acceptable, to aforementioned shmbo


And you can't keep them in a cupboard?


----------



## hotmetal

Also why are you spelling "who" as (presumably) "hoo" in SWMBO?


----------



## Missy

Well it's been a day for it. First I dosed into my cup not the portafilter. Then i went to the freezer to get the last bag of beans, only to discover it's not there. I was sure it was. But now it isn't.

Even worse I specifically asked Casa Espresso to wait until this week to roast my beans so I could keep myself from having too much!


----------



## skippy

my usually one is forgetting to turn the scales on before I start pouring water into the the filter.

I did once start grinding coffee without the collection bin under it too


----------



## 4515

Todays muppetry from me.

Opened a bag of beans that I wasn't looking forward to and pulled a shot.

Tasted it and wow ! Real pronounced orange flavours coming through. Not just a hint..... citrus by the bucket full.

I'm thinking this is something I've not had before in any coffee. Will it drive me mad after a few cups of the stuff ??

Then I realise what Ive done. Earlier in the morning Id peeled an orange and put the peel in my cup. Ive then chucked the peel in the bin, got a fresh cup out and then filled the orange peel tainted cup with my next coffee.

Thinking that I may start a new trend in coffee - especially when made with carnation


----------



## PPapa

working dog said:


> Todays muppetry from me.
> 
> Opened a bag of beans that I wasn't looking forward to and pulled a shot.
> 
> Tasted it and wow ! Real pronounced orange flavours coming through. Not just a hint..... citrus by the bucket full.
> 
> I'm thinking this is something I've not had before in any coffee. Will it drive me mad after a few cups of the stuff ??
> 
> Then I realise what Ive done. Earlier in the morning Id peeled an orange and put the peel in my cup. Ive then chucked the peel in the bin, got a fresh cup out and then filled the orange peel tainted cup with my next coffee.
> 
> Thinking that I may start a new trend in coffee - especially when made with carnation


The jolly lady from YouTube (Seattle coffee or whatever, can't remember the exact name) have tried to use a slice of orange as an Aeropress filter. A great muppetry video as it proved to be not so easy.


----------



## mmmatron

PPapa said:


> The jolly lady from YouTube (Seattle coffee or whatever, can't remember the exact name) have tried to use a slice of orange as an Aeropress filter. A great muppetry video as it proved to be not so easy.


Aww I love Gail


----------



## Obnic

This is a bad one....

Was busy back-flushing my machine with Cafiza. Everything was coming through nice and clean but the lever was predictably a bit stiff. My three year old started shouting about something so I went to referee.... Came back several minutes later and took out the lever cam to apply some Molycote. Reassembled everything. All working smoothly. Set up for a shot.

Bleughhhh!

Ye gads I've never tasted anything like it. Acrid, mouth swinging horror.

Forgot to complete the rinsing cycle didn't I.

Muppet!


----------



## Jacko112

Obnic said:


> This is a bad one....
> 
> Was busy back-flushing my machine with Cafiza. Everything was coming through nice and clean but the lever was predictably a bit stiff. My three year old started shouting about something so I went to referee.... Came back several minutes later and took out the lever cam to apply some Molycote. Reassembled everything. All working smoothly. Set up for a shot.
> 
> Bleughhhh!
> 
> Ye gads I've never tasted anything like it. Acrid, mouth swinging horror.
> 
> Forgot to complete the rinsing cycle didn't I.
> 
> Muppet!


Kids - ya just gotta love 'em!


----------



## PPapa

From this forum I learned that the biggest evils are SOs and kids.


----------



## caramel

Happened a few days go, timed dose on the e8, naked portafilter, decided to grind straight in to the basket but forgot to put the basket in the portafilter. Coffee grinds everywhere.

doh.jpeg


----------



## Vieux Clou

Memo to self: when you get towards the end of a cup done in the moka pot, try not to toss back the dregs.


----------



## gman147

I've just done another...

Woke up after a very deep sleep (haven't slept like this in a long time) Started usual prep. Knew something wasn't quite right put couldn't put finger on it.

Lifted cup, didn't feel quite as warm as it normally does. Tapped the group head, yep that's gonna burn me.

Pulled shot with new bag of Ethiopian. Got lucky with grind setting and first pour bang on point (love when that happens)

Just as I was about to drink shot, I realised machine had only been on 17 minutes. Timer set at 7am startup at weekends as opposed to my usual 6am start on weekdays on the G-Homa timer. Normally by this time the machine has pre heated for over an hour.

Shot tasted surprisingly good!!


----------



## MWJB

Forgot the golden rule of 'pinky around the catch cup' whilst grinding with my Zass Panama & surfing the net at the same time...plop...doesn't a couple of grams of grounds make a disproportionate mess! Still haven't quite got it all out of my shoe, scrunching around the place feeling like I've had a day at the beach...

Thankfully, the brew (last week's IMM) was delicious when eventually made.


----------



## PPapa

MWJB said:


> Forgot the golden rule of 'pinky around the catch cup' whilst grinding with my Zass Panama & surfing the net at the same time...plop...doesn't a couple of grams of grounds make a disproportionate mess! Still haven't quite got it all out of my shoe, scrunching around the place feeling like I've had a day at the beach...
> 
> Thankfully, the brew (last week's IMM) was delicious when eventually made.


My golden rule is "close your eyes before blowing into the catch cup". I had coffee in my eyes far too many times.


----------



## MWJB

PPapa said:


> My golden rule is "close your eyes before blowing into the catch cup". I had coffee in my eyes far too many times.


Ouch. Tap the catch cup on something...I learned the hard way with iron filings once, took my goggles off & gave them a blow to see what I had done & got an iron splinter in the eye. They took it out at A&E but it had been there so long I had to go back the next day to get the rust removed. I don't blow on stuff any more.


----------



## PPapa

MWJB said:


> Ouch. Tap the catch cup on something...I learned the hard way with iron filings once, took my goggles off & gave them a blow to see what I had done & got an iron splinter in the eye. They took it out at A&E but it had been there so long I had to go back the next day to get the rust removed. I don't blow on stuff any more.


I've got brushes nearby, but if I change between beans and/or grind settings, I try to clean my Feldgrind as much as I can. Brush, tap, brush, blow.

On the other hand, blowing into the catch cup with eyes open happens when I'm tired or sleepy. Direct coffee intake in your eyes seems to wake me up instantly! /s


----------



## Missy

Just went to make a batch of cold brew. Couldn't find the jug. Looked everywhere, eventually found it in the fridge door (full and with filter&grounds in place)

Ick. It must have been there a fortnight.

For now I've just closed the door and walked away.

Any bright ideas on cleaning it? Is it likely to be "off"? (Should I be giving it a cheeky swig or is that likely to kill me?!? ??)


----------



## hotmetal

It'll definitely wake you up!


----------



## jimbojohn55

Death will be almost instantaneous or a bit like drinking mellow birds....death of the cerebral cortex at least


----------



## hotmetal

You'll get tremors and cramps; this will result in your arms rising to the level of your ears as the biceps contract, and then your wrists will shake. You will basically end up doing an involuntary Gareth Hunt "3 bean salute" from the old Nescafe ads.


----------



## jimbojohn55

hotmetal said:


> You'll get tremors and cramps; this will result in your arms rising to the level of your ears as the biceps contract, and then your wrists will shake. You will basically end up doing an involuntary Gareth Hunt "3 bean salute" from the old Nescafe ads.


Its a terrible way to go - there is rare video of Gareth working up to the salute just moments before he passed RIP - you can see the effects of the coffee on his brain already


----------



## christos_geo

Tent pitched (well at 3am), ready to attack Crib Goch up Snowdon and all you need is that morning coffee.. Well, just when you think you've got it nailed with your pre-aliquoted 24g bags of freshly roasted beans, wrist action to the ready for some hand grinding and your butane burner full, when you suddenly realised you have totally forgotten the spring loaded filter for your syphon rendering it, well, useless







(( found a supermarket and bought drip coffee paper filters and sort of converted it into a V60esque system. Day saved, muppetry awarded.


----------



## Milanski

Don't think I've ever done this before but today I did it TWICE!!

Pulled a shot with no cup underneath...

Lucky my Brewistas are muppet-friendly.


----------



## Scotford

I started aligning our EK... One hour and thirteen minutes ago. I'm now chasing that screechy white whale

please excuse any brevity, I'm a moron with a mobile


----------



## Missy

Pulled a delicious LSOL espresso. Added a touch of water from the freshly boiled kettle.

What -wait!! I could have sworn I boiled the kettle.

Oh well. It's been microwaved.

But it was such a yummy shot.


----------



## fluffles

Bought a new IMS 35 shower screen from Foundry about three weeks ago. Just levered it off to find I've somehow managed to damage the mesh in the process


----------



## Macca

Had a Gaggia PID kit from @MrShades delivered. Spent the afternoon stripping down the machine, descaling the boiler and rebuilding it with the PID installed.

Finished install, all bar trimming 1 cable tie before putting the lid on and booting her up. Trim the last cable tie... and cut through 2 cables for good measure...

Moron.


----------



## El carajillo

Macca said:


> Had a Gaggia PID kit from @MrShades delivered. Spent the afternoon stripping down the machine, descaling the boiler and rebuilding it with the PID installed.
> 
> Finished install, all bar trimming 1 cable tie before putting the lid on and booting her up. Trim the last cable tie... and cut through 2 cables for good measure...
> 
> Moron.


OOH BUGGER:eek:


----------



## grumpydaddy

Did you fit all those crimps? Got a couple left to fix this?

Aaaargh pointy cable ties.... double Muppet..... You know they seek out the gap just under your finger nails next time you are working on the machine don't you ?


----------



## Macca

grumpydaddy said:


> Did you fit all those crimps? Got a couple left to fix this?


No crimps for me, but @MrShades is sending me the replacement wires I need, so I should be OK come Wednesday night.

After the first round of muppetry, everything went out of the window. Except for me, I went out to the pub.


----------



## Snakehips

I honestly didn't think I would ever be posting on this thread.

After all, it is the exclusive domain of incompetent nincompoops!!

I was happily browsing a well known Excel forum, yep I do I know how sad that is, and had just spotted an unanswered post that would not normally attract much in the way of helpful response. Just then and not for the first time, Mrs S came in demanding that I get off my @ss and do something useful like make her a coffee.

Now coffee making is easy, isn't it?

Of course it is&#8230;..

Target :- 2 flat whites

Flush really hot group water into cups for warming. Weigh grinds. Load PF. Transfer scales to drip tray, and position under group. Forget to position cups on scales because you are away with the fairies, thinking about an Excel solution for someone living in the USA whom you don't even know!

Pull lever down to pre-infuse. Release lever after 8 sec in order to start extraction (no stoping it on an L1 !). Realise there are no cups!! Panic! Grab cups off top of machine and empty the scalding water from left cup over your left hand and the kitchen floor. Place righthand cup, complete with warming water, under the portafilter.

Result :- 1 sore hand, 1 empty cup, 1 wet floor & 1 full strength Americano !!

Nincompoop, moi ??


----------



## El carajillo

Snakehips said:


> I honestly didn't think I would ever be posting on this thread.
> 
> After all, it is the exclusive domain of incompetent nincompoops!!
> 
> I was happily browsing a well known Excel forum, yep I do I know how sad that is, and had just spotted an unanswered post that would not normally attract much in the way of helpful response. Just then and not for the first time, Mrs S came in demanding that I get off my @ss and do something useful like make her a coffee.
> 
> Now coffee making is easy, isn't it?
> 
> Of course it is&#8230;..
> 
> Target :- 2 flat whites
> 
> Flush really hot group water into cups for warming. Weigh beans. Weigh grinds. Load PF. Transfer scales to drip tray, and position under group. Forget to position cups on scales because you are away with the fairies, thinking about an Excel solution for someone living in the USA whom you don't even know!
> 
> Pull lever down to pre-infuse. Release lever after 8 sec in order to start extraction (no stoping it on an L1 !). Realise there are no cups!! Panic! Grab cups off top of machine and empty the scalding water from left cup over your left hand and the kitchen floor. Place righthand cup, complete with warming water, under the portafilter.
> 
> Result :- 1 sore hand, 1 empty cup, 1 wet floor & 1 full strength Americano !!
> 
> Nincompoop, moi ??


Multi tasking


----------



## Macca

> I was happily browsing a well known Excel forum, yep I do I know how sad that is, and had just spotted an unanswered post that would not normally attract much in the way of helpful response.


I feel your pain.

From experience, I think it is impossible to multitask whilst attempting to solve MS Excel problems. It's like the Twilight Zone, where no other task exists except for the Excel problem at hand.

I'm pretty sure that had all popular geniuses/theorists - Einstein, Plato et al.- still been around that they too would have been of this consensus. Defo would have been "Newton's 6th"


----------



## Snakehips

El carajillo said:


> Multi tasking


It's a Martian thing !


----------



## Missy

I'm so pleased I drink soya milk. Hobbled over to answer the phone, with my coffee safely out of reach.

Unfortunately it seems the She-Child has gained an uncanny ability to reach and clamber, and managed to upend my cappuccino all over her head and the sofa. And the cheeky monkey sat giggling into the cup.


----------



## grumpydaddy

Aaaaargh Just used the last of the beans and the new order only got sent out yesterday.

You'd think after this amount of time I should be able to judge this better


----------



## Jumbo Ratty

Just stopped myself from pouring beans into the water reservoir of my gaggia classic.

I thought id taken the lid off my mignon but had taken the lid off my classic and had the beans poised above the water reservoir.

Dunno what i was thinking


----------



## PPapa

This is NOT how you brew with the Kalita Wave.


----------



## Missy

PPapa said:


> This is NOT how you brew with the Kalita Wave.


I suppose better than missing the jug out and pouring hot water into the scales!


----------



## hotmetal

PPapa said:


> This is NOT how you brew with the Kalita Wave.


That would be a "not-very-Clever Dripper" then?


----------



## Obnic

Argggg! Just made a sensational shot using coffee compass rancheros but forgot to tarr the scale. Nuggghhhh bah!


----------



## Missy

Do you have another cup the same?!? If not can you weigh it, wash and dry, and weigh again?


----------



## Obnic

Double 'Doh!'. Nothing so smart from me I'm afraid. All drunk and washed up before I posted.


----------



## Dayks

Did the OPV mod on my Classic on Thursday, kept wondering why the pressure was not going down until I realised I had misread the guide and was turning it the wrong way.


----------



## Drewster

Weigh....

Grind...

Tamp....

Lock n load... Right hand

Purge... Left hand

Start shot... Right hand

Steam... Left hand

Stop shot... RH

Mmmmmm looking good....

Unlock pf... RH

Check swirl.... LH

Knock out pf... RH

Hang on!! No puck!!!!!

The instant I realise the puck is stuck to the shower screen.....

PLOP!!!! The puck is no longer stick to the screen - it is IN MY SHOT!!!!

Quickly off steam, purge and wipe....

Throw shot & milk down sink and start again... GRRRRRRRRRRR!!


----------



## Obnic

^Bugger!


----------



## Drewster

Obnic said:


> ^Bugger!


That is not entirely dissimilar to what went through my mind.........


----------



## PPapa

That's the last inverted Aeropress brew I have ever made.


----------



## Obnic

PPapa said:


> That's the last inverted Aeropress brew I have ever made.


Ahhhh! Happy memories


----------



## PPapa

Obnic said:


> Ahhhh! Happy memories


My hand got burnt as I messed up straight after pouring the water in. Thee amount of water I was aiming didn't fit, so I just pulled the two tubes apart a bit more...

I nearly missed a train because of that as I was meant to go mountain biking today. Made it to the train station just before the sunset, so all worked out ok in the end. Apart from that moment when I went knee-deep in the mud. Not the most pleasant thing in the winter with hours of riding ahead, really.


----------



## MWJB

PPapa said:


> That's the last inverted Aeropress brew I have ever made.


I guess you're not in the market for these methods then...






I'm sure the coffee tastes great, but really, who looked at the Aeropress & thought, "Nah, not complicated enough & not enough likelyhood of spraying scalding grounds everywhere!" 

Particularly liked the comment, "make sure you do this over something you don't mind getting coffee all over...", as if it's an everyday part of making a cup?


----------



## MWJB

This actually makes a good bit of sense for those who want to stick with inverted, but don't want to buy brown flecked wallpaper, worktops & flooring  ...


----------



## PPapa

MWJB said:


> I guess you're not in the market for these methods then...


That's when /r/coffee subreddit leaks outside of Reddit. I've been there, always love the absurdity of some comments/threads. Especially the Skerton drill mod!

Dunno, I always thought that messing up Aeropress brewing is just so unlikely to happen. Well...


----------



## shaunclarke

Very early one morning i topped up my Gaggia MDF grinder with cold water meant for the Classic!


----------



## Obnic

PPapa said:


> My hand got burnt as I messed up straight after pouring the water in. Thee amount of water I was aiming didn't fit, so I just pulled the two tubes apart a bit more...
> 
> I nearly missed a train because of that as I was meant to go mountain biking today. Made it to the train station just before the sunset, so all worked out ok in the end. Apart from that moment when I went knee-deep in the mud. Not the most pleasant thing in the winter with hours of riding ahead, really.


That's a new variation.

I have used too much coffee / too fine a grind and leant just a bit too hard on the plunger, convinced the coffee would start to flow, then.... bugger! A fountain of magma shoots everywhere.

I had the same worktop, scales, and scissors - whole picture was like a PTSD flashback!


----------



## PPapa

Haven't used the AeroPress since I came back from holiday, so just washed it and left it to dry.

I was running late this morning and ground some beans for the AeroPress so I could brew a cup for work (standard procedure, a brew for the breakfast and then one at work just before I leave). Damn, I can't find the cap.

Decided to go for the brew in the Wave as I couldn't afford binning the grounds. They were a bit too fine for my usual AeroPress recipe.

While I was juggling the stuff around, I knocked the cocktail shaker with the grounds in it. I'm low on beans as well due to being away, so got frustrated.

It ended up being the nicest cup I ever had from those beans and the Wave since getting a new grinder. Quite some bold yet clean enough. Blew my mind...


----------



## MildredM

Dylan said:


> Taking the hopper off my Mignon without pushing the 'stopper' in resulting in a whole load of beans all over the floor. Has happened more than once.


Done this . . . More than once too!!!!!

As long as my hubby doesn't read this I will confess to tipping the beans into the water tank, not the grinder hopper! My mind was busy with other things!

Love this thread


----------



## Obnic

MildredM said:


> ... I will confess to tipping the beans into the water tank... Love this thread


Well since we're getting catholic. I was about to pour foamed milk into my bean jar this morning when my daughter stopped me. Note to self: no grappa on school nights!


----------



## hotmetal

Mmm grappa. .. but not on a Monday ideally


----------



## Scotford

Absolutely on a Monday. It's the start of the weekend!!!


----------



## lake_m

The first time I tried steaming milk on the S1 I didn't put enough milk in the jug and I proceeded to blow most of it out onto the surrounding wall, equipment, and myself. I was on 'jankers' for a week for that.


----------



## Scotford

lake_m said:


> The first time I tried steaming milk on the S1 I didn't put enough milk in the jug and I proceeded to blow most of it out onto the surrounding wall, equipment, and myself. I was on 'jankers' for a week for that.


I did something similar during winter in the search for efficiency. So basically I'd come up with the idea that the higher the steam pressure on my PB, the faster I could steam a bigger jug and therefore reduce wait times for drinks. Improving efficiency. #RubsHandsTogether

So, on a Linea PB, you have to calculate a temperature for the steam boiler and that roughly translates into pressure of it. I'd worked out that we were already running at 1.25(ish) bar steam pressure and that was 123°c.

Off I went to find the rate of rise so upped it by 2°c. No change in pressure. #ScratchesHead.

Again, I raised the temp by 2°c, engage steam. No change. #WTF???

Back into settings. Ah balls to it, kick it up by another 4°c and see if that has any effect.

#PhoneRings. 'Hi mum'. Cue a 15 minute conversation 'blah blah taxes blah why are you still making coffee blah when will you get a real job blah blah your nan says hi blah' etc etc.

#WhatWasIDoing? 'oh yeah, #efficiency'.

Right. So in my haste I hadn't thought of the fact that every time I raised the temperature, the boiler would need to actually heat the steam in there... the temperature was now around 131°c which afterwards, I figured out translated to about 1.9bar. of steam pressure. Twice as powerful as the average steam boiler is set to. #MistakeNumberOne.

So, in my blind numbness and search of shaving seconds off of wait times, I decided to have a go at a flat white. #MistakeNumberTwo.

Load up a shot, pull it, dose the appropriate amount of milk and get ready to #EmbraceEfficiency. I did not check the steam pressure indicator. #MistakeNumberThree.

Quick purge of the steam wand and WOOSH!!! #YesIAmGoingToBeSuperBarista!!!

Milk under wand.

...

And

...

GO!

...

#EngageSteam and I kid you not, the instant I twisted the steam knob, the milk jug blew out of my head with such force that it hit the ground (I swear i saw a shockwave) and every drop of milk had coated a blast radius of about 3m from detonation zone. As I stood there, shellshocked, I zoned back in noticing that the steam wand was still on and sounded like an entire fleet of hell's angels were rolling into town on Harleys at full revs only to be shocked that i could barely see. The shop was cold that morning.

Bonus, #NowIHaveASauna.

Took all morning to clear up. I stay at 1.5bar max now on steam pressure.


----------



## MildredM

You know when your drip tray is full . . . and you are carefully carrying it in a horizontal manner across to the sink . . . and you are so pleased you are almost there . . . and you rush the last few inches, and you slightly start to tilt, but it's too soon, so you over compensate the other way, tip the whole lot across the worktop, turn round quick to check your other half didn't see you (because how many times have you grumped at their minor drips and splashes), grab the dishcloth and only then realise how water can suddenly vastly increase in volume the moment it hits a flat surface. By then you are laughing so much you can't do anything but leave the room and blame the dog!!!


----------



## hotmetal

MildredM said:


> You know when your drip tray is full . . . (because how many times have you grumped at their minor drips and splashes), ... blame the dog!!!


Everything you just said, except it's her that moans at me for the merest drip, and we don't have any pets. She's Spanish, so they would probably end up served with rice if we did.


----------



## MildredM

I've got another really funny one, it happened today. But I'm not sure I have the guts to post it . . .


----------



## PPapa

MildredM said:


> I've got another really funny one, it happened today. But I'm not sure I have the guts to post it . . .


Gooooo!


----------



## MildredM

I'm going to need coffee for this!

I will get it off my chest tomorrow


----------



## NeilR

I had a worrying moment when I thought my Giotto Evo wasn't producing much in the way of steam. I then realised I had switched the machine off after making my coffee.

It's been a long week!


----------



## MildredM

This is a salutary lesson to all lady baristas.

Yesterday started quite normally, up at the crack of dawn, long dog walk, home made croissants and mint tea for breakfast . . . The morning progressed to 9.30am - coffee time! Now the day really starts!

The first cup was ok but a second was needed, particularly as it was a horse riding day and we wouldn't see the Rocket again for at least 3 hours! A quick check in the hopper, just enough beans for two more cups.

Coffee drunk, and off we went. And that's when the problem started . . . .

I am not not sure if you've had shingles but I can attest to how absolutely awful it can be. It is painful, it itches, it burns, it can look awful . . . Blisters, soreness . . . It really is horrid.

So, I am just getting on my horse and I can feel the tell-tale slightly prickling feeling around my chest. I ignored it, carried on and enjoyed my ride. This is maybe not the point to mention Ian's elegant flying dismount when his horse bucked, and he didn't, so I won't.

Back at the yard, dismounting and I felt that same prickly, sharp tingle again. I couldn't believe it. I've HAD shingles, I don't want it again. When I arrived home I googled the early symptoms, the sting-y prickle I'd experienced during the day . . . oh yes, this was indeed what I was getting. What a worry. I didn't tell Ian though, he was too busy rubbing his own two sore spots.

A quiet afternoon and evening in our household last night . . . Both of us wrapped up in our own ailments . . .

Then it was time for my bath. I got undressed . . . Dreading what I would see . . . And there, in my left bra cup . . . . What's that? Ohmygod, my nipple is bleeding . . . . Ohno . . . But hang on, it isn't blood, it's hard . . . Very hard, as hard as a coffee bean, maybe.

There, stuck to my . . . Ahem . . . Boob (not sure I'm allowed to say nipple) . . . Was a shard of coffee bean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A very sharp shard of the outer layer of a coffee bean!!!!!!!

Note to self: always keep the lid ON the hopper when grinding because no matter how unbelieveable it may be, a bit of coffee bean WILL jump out and WILL find its way into your clothing and WILL convince you that you have some incurable illness . . . Who knew coffee beans could be SO irritating!!!


----------



## Missy

MildredM said:


> This is a salutary lesson to all lady baristas.
> 
> Yesterday started quite normally, up at the crack of dawn, long dog walk, home made croissants and mint tea for breakfast . . . The morning progressed to 9.30am - coffee time! Now the day really starts!
> 
> The first cup was ok but a second was needed, particularly as it was a horse riding day and we wouldn't see the Rocket again for at least 3 hours! A quick check in the hopper, just enough beans for two more cups.
> 
> Coffee drunk, and off we went. And that's when the problem started . . . .
> 
> I am not not sure if you've had shingles but I can attest to how absolutely awful it can be. It is painful, it itches, it burns, it can look awful . . . Blisters, soreness . . . It really is horrid.
> 
> So, I am just getting on my horse and I can feel the tell-tale slightly prickling feeling around my chest. I ignored it, carried on and enjoyed my ride. This is maybe not the point to mention Ian's elegant flying dismount when his horse bucked, and he didn't, so I won't.
> 
> Back at the yard, dismounting and I felt that same prickly, sharp tingle again. I couldn't believe it. I've HAD shingles, I don't want it again. When I arrived home I googled the early symptoms, the sting-y prickle I'd experienced during the day . . . oh yes, this was indeed what I was getting. What a worry. I didn't tell Ian though, he was too busy rubbing his own two sore spots.
> 
> A quiet afternoon and evening in our household last night . . . Both of us wrapped up in our own ailments . . .
> 
> Then it was time for my bath. I got undressed . . . Dreading what I would see . . . And there, in my left bra cup . . . . What's that? Ohmygod, my nipple is bleeding . . . . Ohno . . . But hang on, it isn't blood, it's hard . . . Very hard, as hard as a coffee bean, maybe.
> 
> There, stuck to my . . . Ahem . . . Boob (not sure I'm allowed to say nipple) . . . Was a shard of coffee bean!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A very sharp shard of the outer layer of a coffee bean!!!!!!!
> 
> Note to self: always keep the lid ON the hopper when grinding because no matter how unbelieveable it may be, a bit of coffee bean WILL jump out and WILL find its way into your clothing and WILL convince you that you have some incurable illness . . . Who knew coffee beans could be SO irritating!!!


Noted. Though with two small children they seem to think my bra is a storage container for anything they aren't currently using, toys, food, snot.....


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> This is a salutary lesson to all lady baristas.
> 
> Note to self: always keep the lid ON the hopper when grinding because no matter how unbelieveable it may be, a bit of coffee bean WILL jump out and WILL find its way into your clothing and WILL convince you that you have some incurable illness . . . Who knew coffee beans could be SO irritating!!!


Mildred, I'm going to refrain from commenting on the above as I would imagine it's a bit of a sore point.


----------



## Snakehips

Not a fan of bean to cup them M?


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> Not a fan of bean to cup them M?


Ohhh excellent!


----------



## 7493

Snakehips said:


> Not a fan of bean to cup them M?


Ha,ha excellent! Wish I'd thought of it!


----------



## hotmetal

^ too funny!


----------



## hotmetal

You need a 'brarista apron' to guard against such 'wild bean café' occurrences. Just like all those 1950s American guys in the vintage ads. At first I thought it odd that they all donned an apron to make coffee, but now it's clear it's 'PPE' and highly recommended.


----------



## MildredM

hotmetal said:


> You need a 'brarista apron' to guard against such 'wild bean café' occurrences. Just like all those 1950s American guys in the vintage ads. At first I thought it odd that they all donned an apron to make coffee, but now it's clear it's 'PPE' and highly recommended.


Hoho!! I love to see a chap in an apron - a Barista one, not a frilly one







Health &a Safety must have been keen in the 'old days'!

I am currently browsing suits of armour


----------



## filthynines

So, that decaf wasn't a decaf at all, and it's 9pm...


----------



## PPapa

Have you ever...

1. Put the oven on to pre-heat.

2. Go to local Tesco to get some stuff.

3. Scan your groceries and realise midway that you didn't bring wallet and didn't bother setting up Apple Pay after the iPhone replacement.

4. Run back home to get the wallet (2 min walk) just so two passing police offers give funny looks.

5. Come back home to find that I only turned the light/fan on in the oven, but not heating?

Hungry and embarrassed!

Edit: just set up Apple Pay. Apparently, all I forgot to do last time was enter activation code sent via SMS. So I could have done that at the till!


----------



## hotmetal

Lol at least your house didn't burn down! I'm paranoid about warming the oven up and leaving the house in case something happens to delay my return.


----------



## MildredM

hotmetal said:


> Lol at least your house didn't burn down! I'm paranoid about warming the oven up and leaving the house in case something happens to delay my return.


I'm paranoid about leaving the washer on when I'm out. I am convinced it will flood! And the roaster, I have to stand in the utility and not move an inch while it is running!!


----------



## Scotford

Massive muppetry this week from me. Lent a mate my new set of Robur burrs (because, y'know, Mythos) that I had kicking about.

The Mythos decided to pack up Saturday evening. Zero response. All the usual troubleshooting . No heartbeat. Pronounced dead at 19:54pm.

Oh ffs I'll have to pick up the robur I have spare. Okay cool. Lug that back to the shop. Try a few shots. Old burrs. Ten year old burrs.

Crap.


----------



## Scotford

Thankfully I've got the Mythos on a bench as I type having open heart surgery so with any luck it'll come back to life and that robur can go back to being a super expensive door stop. Like it should be.


----------



## lake_m

I'm the only one who grinds beans at work for the (well hammered) Gaggia Classic. Everyone else brings out pre-ground Supermarket stuff. Consequently I have to change portafilter baskets from the pressurized to my own personal non-pressurized basket when I make my coffee in the morning. And I normally remember to put back the pressurized basket when I'm done. Walked past the coffee point yesterday and saw a gaggle of folk around the Gaggia. They were all scratching theirs heads wondering why their espresso's were gushing through in 5 seconds with zero crema. Oops! Of course, I denied all knowledge and blamed it on their crap coffee.


----------



## MildredM

"Well that's a bit gushing, isn't it," commented Ian on our return from a hellish Tesco trip this morning.

"Oh bugger, I forgot to tamper,"! I'd used the OCD and gone straight into making the shot!

Let's try again . . .

"Whaaaaaaaa!"

"What's up now, my dear wife? Why is your hand and half the worktop covered in coffee?"

"Because the bally grinder has decided to up its static levels to stratospheric, my sweet!"

So . . . All hoovered up, let's try this again . . .

I was so busy watching the shot, the timer and the weight I forgot I was also steaming my milk . . .

"Oh f#$& my HAND!"

"Why are you wearing the milk, darling?"

I'm going back to bed . . . for the next 3 days!


----------



## lake_m

MildredM said:


> "Well that's a bit gushing, isn't it," commented Ian on our return from a hellish Tesco trip this morning.
> 
> "Oh bugger, I forgot to tamper,"! I'd used the OCD and gone straight into making the shot!
> 
> Let's try again . . .
> 
> "Whaaaaaaaa!"
> 
> "What's up now, my dear wife? Why is your hand and half the worktop covered in coffee?"
> 
> "Because the bally grinder has decided to up its static levels to stratospheric, my sweet!"
> 
> So . . . All hoovered up, let's try this again . . .
> 
> I was so busy watching the shot, the timer and the weight I forgot I was also steaming my milk . . .
> 
> "Oh f#$& my HAND!"
> 
> "Why are you wearing the milk, darling?"
> 
> I'm going back to bed . . . for the next 3 days!


Glad it's not just me then....I once did the 'forgot to tamp' thing and it tasted great...eh?


----------



## MildredM

lake_m said:


> Glad it's not just me then....I once did the 'forgot to tamp' thing and it tasted great...eh?


Those La Spaziales, so forgiving!!


----------



## Scotford

MildredM said:


> Those La Spaziales, so forgiving!!


Grind finer and jog the tamp on altogether


----------



## johnealey

Last night whilst batch roasting (kilo at a time ) one after another, having just dropped a batch into the cooling tray with the next green batch in the hopper above, notice the drum temperature creeping up a bit so keep the door to the drum open to bring it back down 3 to 4 degrees. Having just set up the next Artisan profile and whilst waiting for the drum temp to drop thought would take a cheeky peek on the forum for a couple of minutes.

Eek, where's it gone, Fatal this and that, what the hell am I going to read when the roaster on its cooling down cycle.

Now distraught, forgot the door to the drum open, spot the temp at target, roasted beans in cooling tray "must take those out in the first minute of roasting and before I load the hopper with green beans again so as to avoid any chance of any dropping into the roasted....." Start the software, hit the charge button with right hand and with left pull stopper from the greens hopper, hear an odd noise of something flowing, step left to see all the greens coming straight out the drum into the cooling tray, frantically try to shut the drum door (! pointless as cannot have been 20g left in there).

Spend the next hour and a half separating the roasted beans into the bin and the greens back into a bag to be roasted once clearly have recovered from shock. Ordinarily this would be a "chuck it all in the bin" moment but these were the last two kilos of an Indonesian Java Bayudikul that light to medium roasted was very nice, not at all stereotypical, so felt the need to rescue the greens to try again today.

Moral: keep your doors shut during forum interruptions









John


----------



## hotmetal

Haha nightmare! So you had to manually sort 1kg of green from 1kg of roasted? I admire your dedication. Glenn probably fixed the forum in the time that took. Enjoy the coffee - you've earned it!


----------



## MildredM

johnealey said:


> Last night whilst batch roasting (kilo at a time ) one after another, having just dropped a batch into the cooling tray with the next green batch in the hopper above, notice the drum temperature creeping up a bit so keep the door to the drum open to bring it back down 3 to 4 degrees. Having just set up the next Artisan profile and whilst waiting for the drum temp to drop thought would take a cheeky peek on the forum for a couple of minutes.
> 
> Eek, where's it gone, Fatal this and that, what the hell am I going to read when the roaster on its cooling down cycle.
> 
> Now distraught, forgot the door to the drum open, spot the temp at target, roasted beans in cooling tray "must take those out in the first minute of roasting and before I load the hopper with green beans again so as to avoid any chance of any dropping into the roasted....." Start the software, hit the charge button with right hand and with left pull stopper from the greens hopper, hear an odd noise of something flowing, step left to see all the greens coming straight out the drum into the cooling tray, frantically try to shut the drum door (! pointless as cannot have been 20g left in there).
> 
> Spend the next hour and a half separating the roasted beans into the bin and the greens back into a bag to be roasted once clearly have recovered from shock. Ordinarily this would be a "chuck it all in the bin" moment but these were the last two kilos of an Indonesian Java Bayudikul that light to medium roasted was very nice, not at all stereotypical, so felt the need to rescue the greens to try again today.
> 
> Moral: keep your doors shut during forum interruptions
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> John


Hoho!! Grounds to sue the forum?!!!!


----------



## MildredM

I sent a text to a friend just round the corner this morning inviting him over for coffee today. Here's his reply:

With reference to your kind offer of ☕... thanks but no thanks today (I'm still getting over the last vacuum up the spout and grains and boulders everywhere performance)!









Suffice to say on Saturday he witnessed a demonstration of high quality 'let's see how far I can get this fresh ground coffee from my chute while I've got an audience' syndrome. It's a well known grinder malady also known as 'oops, the anti static flap must have got stuck in the wrong place when I cleaned it our earlier scenario'!


----------



## lake_m

MildredM said:


> I sent a text to a friend just round the corner this morning inviting him over for coffee today. Here's his reply:
> 
> With reference to your kind offer of ☕... thanks but no thanks today (I'm still getting over the last vacuum up the spout and grains and boulders everywhere performance)!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Suffice to say on Saturday he witnessed a demonstration of high quality 'let's see how far I can get this fresh ground coffee from my chute while I've got an audience' syndrome. It's a well known grinder syndrome also known as 'oops, the anti static flap must have got stuck in the wrong place when I cleaned it our earlier scenario'!


Nothing worse than ground coffee up your chute!....


----------



## MildredM

I found myself doing this the other day, and this afternoon I was don't it again. Ian asked me what on earth I was doing . . . Pouring my mug of tea as though I'm down no my latte art! Start high, down the pot goes, a little shimmy . . . It's TEA for goodness sake - I had no idea I was doing it


----------



## lake_m

Tip. Don't use a portafilter pressure gauge with a regular filter basket fitted. It will leak like Billy-O as the pressurised water comes back up the underside of the basket and out underneath the lip. It may take you a while to figure it out. In fact you may even consider changing the group head gasket - don't. Because it will still leak. 24 carat plonker.


----------



## Stanic

lake_m said:


> Tip. Don't use a portafilter pressure gauge with a regular filter basket fitted. It will leak like Billy-O as the pressurised water comes back up the underside of the basket and out underneath the lip. It may take you a while to figure it out. In fact you may even consider changing the group head gasket - don't. Because it will still leak. 24 carat plonker.


quilty as well


----------



## Missy

Bought these cups (set of 4) believing them to be teacups... Sadly not. (Sadly for hubby anyway!) They're cute little espresso cups. Still had labels on @ £5 each from House of Fraser. £3 for all 4


----------



## Missy

Bought these cups (set of 4) believing them to be teacups... Sadly not. (Sadly for hubby anyway!) They're cute little espresso cups. Still had labels on @ £5 each from House of Fraser. £3 for all 4


----------



## MildredM

Hoho! The cups look like some from one of those little dolly tea sets!


----------



## Drewster

Just knocking up a cheeky flat white.....

All going well...

Milk in jug ready to steam....

Nice looking shot...

Purge wand...

Oh B0ll0cks!! What sort of muppet tries to steam a shot of espresso!?!?


----------



## Missy

Drewster said:


> Just knocking up a cheeky flat white.....
> 
> All going well...
> 
> Milk in jug ready to steam....
> 
> Nice looking shot...
> 
> Purge wand...
> 
> Oh B0ll0cks!! What sort of muppet tries to steam a shot of espresso!?!?


Funny you should say that...there's obviously something in the air.


----------



## MildredM

Drewster said:


> Just knocking up a cheeky flat white.....
> 
> All going well...
> 
> Milk in jug ready to steam....
> 
> Nice looking shot...
> 
> Purge wand...
> 
> Oh B0ll0cks!! What sort of muppet tries to steam a shot of espresso!?!?


Gives a whole new meaning to a 'spro', or should it now be called a 'spray'


----------



## Obnic

Drewster said:


> Just knocking up a cheeky flat white.....
> 
> All going well...
> 
> Milk in jug ready to steam....
> 
> Nice looking shot...
> 
> Purge wand...
> 
> Oh B0ll0cks!! What sort of muppet tries to steam a shot of espresso!?!?


This may possible have happened in our house... apparently... so I've heard... :face in palm:


----------



## hotmetal

That's the trouble with coffee. You're most likely to be making one when you're most in need of one in order to successfully make the coffee in the first place. I have been known to make tea while I wait for the Rocket to warm up.


----------



## Missy

To set the scene. Once a day or so the tiny humans and I enjoy a shared sit down with a cup of "coffee" very cute and enjoyable. I have mine with actual coffee and they have theirs with coloured sugar sprinkles.

Today Aldi had strawberry milkshake powder. I bought some as a treat for the tiny humans.

Unfortunately instead of putting it in their cups I was so distracted I dumped it in the jug, steamed the milk and was pouring it before I twigged.

Mmmmmmmm......


----------



## lake_m

Missy said:


> To set the scene. Once a day or so the tiny humans and I enjoy a shared sit down with a cup of "coffee" very cute and enjoyable. I have mine with actual coffee and they have theirs with coloured sugar sprinkles.
> 
> Today Aldi had strawberry milkshake powder. I bought some as a treat for the tiny humans.
> 
> Unfortunately instead of putting it in their cups I was so distracted I dumped it in the jug, steamed the milk and was pouring it before I twigged.
> 
> Mmmmmmmm......


Strawberry flavoured flat white? Nice!


----------



## Obnic

Missy said:


> To set the scene. Once a day or so the tiny humans and I enjoy a shared sit down with a cup of "coffee" very cute and enjoyable. I have mine with actual coffee and they have theirs with coloured sugar sprinkles.
> 
> Today Aldi had strawberry milkshake powder. I bought some as a treat for the tiny humans.
> 
> Unfortunately instead of putting it in their cups I was so distracted I dumped it in the jug, steamed the milk and was pouring it before I twigged.
> 
> Mmmmmmmm......


You can pay good money for an Ethiopian yirgacheffe that tastes like that.


----------



## Missy

Obnic said:


> You can pay good money for an Ethiopian yirgacheffe that tastes like that.


Yes it did make me think of the Colombian San Pascual Rave had last year... But not in a good way...


----------



## hotmetal

Ha! Yeah Rave's San Pascual was great. Flat white with own-brand Crusha not so much!


----------



## MildredM

Half asleep, taking the knock box through to tip the pucks out and give it a quick wash. Skip step 1, why I do not know. So, straight under a full-blast tap she goes. Picture a high-force fountain of thick coffee-grounds laden water that has the smell of vile, stale coffee, all across the tiled splashback (adequately named), the draining board and my sleeves. Did I swear? No (well, maybe slightly)!


----------



## Stanic

MildredM said:


> Half asleep, taking the knock box through to tip the pucks out and give it a quick wash. Skip step 1, why I do not know. So, straight under a full-blast tap she goes. Picture a high-force fountain of thick coffee-grounds laden water that has the smell of vile, stale coffee, all across the tiled splashback (adequately named), the draining board and my sleeves. Did I swear? No (well, maybe slightly)!


you wanted to give that board and tiles a good, detailed wash anyway, didn't you


----------



## MSM

Stanic said:


> you wanted to give that board and tiles a good, detailed wash anyway, didn't you


----------



## Stanic

MSM said:


> View attachment 27077


----------



## matt_adams

I put coffee straight into my Aeropress without adding the filter. Needless to say the coffee went straight into my cup and I had to start all over again.


----------



## Stanic

matt_adams said:


> I put coffee straight into my Aeropress without adding the filter. Needless to say the coffee went straight into my cup and I had to start all over again.


shoud have made a "turkish"


----------



## igm45

My routine is to empty my doser into a plastic pot which is weighed before I put coffee into the pf.

Chatting to the wife earlier, making myself a coffee, thwacking away. Turn to grab plastic pot and:


----------



## MildredM

Oops!! Such messy things, Grinders. Best kept out of the way in their own little shed


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Oops!! Such messy things, Grinders. Best kept out of the way in their own little shed


I've maintained that all along.

Away from spurtling steam wands so no damp chute.

Operator cannot be distracted so no wholesale dumping on counter.

Operator cannot mess with your Pullman.

'Nuff said.


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> I've maintained that all along.
> 
> Away from spurtling steam wands so no damp chute.
> 
> Operator cannot be distracted so no wholesale dumping on counter.
> 
> Operator cannot mess with your Pullman.
> 
> 'Nuff said.


Sounds like you are talking from experience, Snakehips


----------



## hotmetal

How should one 'spurtle'? I like the sound of that. Along with hurtle. Although I am not sure about furtle. That just sounds seedy (and probably is for all I know).


----------



## MildredM

hotmetal said:


> How should one 'spurtle'? I like the sound of that. Along with hurtle. Although I am not sure about furtle. That just sounds seedy (and probably is for all I know).


I just spurtled my mouthful of custard reading that


----------



## hotmetal

Ah! I've just looked up spurtle. To sputter or spatter - perfect for steam wands!

It's also one of those sticks for stirring porridge, in fact my mum had one when we were wee'uns in Scotland. Sure she told me it was a 'stirtle' - for stirring - (made sense to me aged 5). Another mystery solved!


----------



## MildredM

hotmetal said:


> Ah! I've just looked up spurtle. To sputter or spatter - perfect for steam wands!
> 
> It's also one of those sticks for stirring porridge, in fact my mum had one when we were wee'uns in Scotland. Sure she told me it was a 'stirtle' - for stirring - (made sense to me aged 5). Another mystery solved!


I'd forgotten it was also a porridge stirring spoon! Are you sure you heard right, a stirtle?, maybe you didn't hear your mum suggest your ears needed washing out (and behind them) too!


----------



## Snakehips

Not coffee muppetry...... but Mrs Snakehips' kitchen experience earlier today....

New book release:

The tragic story of a harassed, suburban housewife and her efforts to make broccoli soup for Sunday lunch.....

All appeared to have gone well that sun kissed July morning. Having slept like a baby, with her thumb in her mouth, the normally tetchy Mrs S awoke refreshed and enjoyed an hour in the kitchen, preparing food for the day. In what seemed like no time at all, the fennel and nectarine salad was popped in the fridge and the broccoli, onions and garlic which had been simmering in stock, were left in the pan to cool.

Two enjoyable coffees (lovingly prepared by her long suffering husband) and an hour or so Googling god knows what on her iPad later........ it was time to go liquidise the soup.

We may never really know what was to blame for what happened next.

Was it yet another blinkin' phone call from her PITA daughter?

Was it the fact that her PITA son had not responded to her text?

As I say, we may never really know why she didn't screw the bottom of the liquidiser jug on properly !!!!!!

Warning: This book contains strong and abusive language.


----------



## El carajillo

I can sympathise, Mrs El c had a similar experience (2 to be exact) One with pea soup in a pressure cooker, ooozed out all over the cooker because it had frothed up inside. I now know where they get ideas for horrible slime for horror movies.

The second one was again with the pressure cooker but this time with rice pudding but worse, the vent valve could not cope so the safety valve came to its rescue and blew out followed by Vesuvius all over the ceiling. Rice pudding stalactites.


----------



## MildredM

So, so funny @Snakehips















It's made my rib crack (again) laughing at the picture you painted!!

I have this mental image of you both eating your tea from the walls, mopping copious quantities of bread into whatever puddle you could find. It's so funny . . . but I know, it probably wasn't funny at the time!!!


----------



## MildredM

El carajillo said:


> I can sympathise, Mrs El c had a similar experience (2 to be exact) One with pea soup in a pressure cooker, ooozed out all over the cooker because it had frothed up inside. I now know where they get ideas for horrible slime for horror movies.
> 
> The second one was again with the pressure cooker but this time with rice pudding but worse, the vent valve could not cope so the safety valve came to its rescue and blew out followed by Vesuvius all over the ceiling. Rice pudding stalactites.


LOLOLOL some more! Pressure cookers are THE scariest things. Even as a child I cowered in a corner whan the [email protected] thing came out the cupboard to boil yet another jam roly-poly to death!!


----------



## MildredM

It makes my spot of muppetry pale into insignificance reading the last two posts (I don't think I will ever better my 'Bean to B'Cup' incident anyway)!

A good clean round the kitchen this morning, and all was ***** and span. We set to, making our morning coffee, Ian-my-assistant ably attending to grinding matters, me operating the lever, the scale, the steam wand, the cups and everything.

First shot pulled, Ian setting up the basket for the next shot while I steamed the milk; our system runs like clockwork. Neither of us puts a foot wrong.

Second shot in the cup, milk steamed and poured, a perfect something-or-other-heart-shaped . . . back to check I'd wiped the steam wand - as I gave it a second quick rub I noticed I'd grabbed the wrong sponge, threw it across the front of Ian towards the kitchen sink in disgust . . . I'd grabbed the sponge I'd used earlier to spread the descaler round the sink to eradicate some hard water marks. Yuck.

Of course, it wouldn't have really mattered . . . much . . . had it not been for the fact as it whizzed through the air, like some kind of sponge-frisbee, it landed, like a perfectly fitting lid, on to the top of Ian's coffee . . .

I snatched it off, lifting half his latte art, saying oops, sorry, silly me . . . and did I let on what this revolting sponge had been used for? No! And has he lived to survive the reliving of this tale? Yes! And most importantly, did he enjoy his coffee? Yes! 'It's very floral, isn't it,' being his only comment . . .


----------



## El carajillo

Another Muppet type occasion some yeas ago before I was married, routine arrive home on with kettle for tea and begin cooking, on this occasion chicken curry & rice, all prepped and underway. Off for a shower, return to kitchen in just jeans, drain rice, will put in previously warmed up oven !!!!!

Opened oven door to a huge bang and flash, the oven had not warmed up or even ignited UNTIL I OPENED IT there was a strong smell of singed pig (HAIR)= chest hair and eyebrows plus I was pebble dashed with the rice off the plate I was holding. No serious injury but vary wary off cooker after that.

PS It was less painful than the full waxing my wife has threatened:eek:


----------



## Stanic

MildredM said:


> It makes my spot of muppetry pale into insignificance reading the last two posts (I don't think I will ever better my 'Bean to B'Cup' incident anyway)!
> 
> A good clean round the kitchen this morning, and all was ***** and span. We set to, making our morning coffee, Ian-my-assistant ably attending to grinding matters, me operating the lever, the scale, the steam wand, the cups and everything.
> 
> First shot pulled, Ian setting up the basket for the next shot while I steamed the milk; our system runs like clockwork. Neither of us puts a foot wrong.
> 
> Second shot in the cup, milk steamed and poured, a perfect something-or-other-heart-shaped . . . back to check I'd wiped the steam wand - as I gave it a second quick rub I noticed I'd grabbed the wrong sponge, threw it across the front of Ian towards the kitchen sink in disgust . . . I'd grabbed the sponge I'd used earlier to spread the descaler round the sink to eradicate some hard water marks. Yuck.
> 
> Of course, it wouldn't have really mattered . . . much . . . had it not been for the fact as it whizzed through the air, like some kind of sponge-frisbee, it landed, like a perfectly fitting lid, on to the top of Ian's coffee . . .
> 
> I snatched it off, lifting half his latte art, saying oops, sorry, silly me . . . and did I let on what this revolting sponge had been used for? No! And has he lived to survive the reliving of this tale? Yes! And most importantly, did he enjoy his coffee? Yes! 'It's very floral, isn't it,' being his only comment . . .


ah, that lingering acidity


----------



## kennyboy993

El carajillo said:


> Another Muppet type occasion some yeas ago before I was married, routine arrive home on with kettle for tea and begin cooking, on this occasion chicken curry & rice, all prepped and underway. Off for a shower, return to kitchen in just jeans, drain rice, will put in previously warmed up oven !!!!!
> 
> Opened oven door to a huge bang and flash, the oven had not warmed up or even ignited UNTIL I OPENED IT there was a strong smell of singed pig (HAIR)= chest hair and eyebrows plus I was pebble dashed with the rice off the plate I was holding. No serious injury but vary wary off cooker after that.


My sister did exactly the same as kid, oh man it's a Big Bang isn't it - scared the life out of her and me.


----------



## MildredM

It's not me being a muppet for a change.

Nice sunny morning, let's sit in the garden with our coffee. Ian's coffee is to the right of mine, just out of shot. Minty's rubber Kong toy is just behind his cup.










Wouldn't it be funny if she . . . Oh! She did!










It's surprising how much mess you make when you drop your toy in a cup of coffee!!


----------



## Obnic

Is it just me or does Minty look like a Fraggle rather than a muppet. :fast exit:


----------



## Tiny tamper

Maybe closer to another cast member!!


----------



## MildredM

They copied Minty :0


----------



## Snakehips

Grind, weigh, stir ........ level, tamp, load pf.

Scales on drip tray....... cups on scales....... *pull that lever**!*

All good .... so far.

Take milk and jug from fridge........ pour milk into jug........ return milk bottle to fridge.

It's about this time that the first drops appear, shortly after which the scales beep and the timer starts, iindicating that the shot is flowing........

.............*oh no theyt didn't !!!*

*
*

I must of had a good 15 to 20 seconds of confusion, staring at the cups and wondering why on earth there was such a pathetic flow?

Then I spotted that I had forgotten to release the lever!

It was by far, the longest pre-infusion I have ever tried ............and the coffee actually wasn't all that bad !


----------



## MildredM

Mind on other things? Like latte art refresher course I expect


----------



## grumpydaddy

Forgot to take butter out of fridge yesterday

No problem I thought get a side plate put still wrapped butter on it and place on top of coffee machine

Doing other stuff in mean time and suddenly click 8 hours later that is still there......

Well most of it...... I guess I am stripping the coffee machine tomorrow and putting panels through dish washer while I investigate where else it got to









If it had not been already on I would have put butter in microwave for a few short bursts... I'm sure I used to have more and better connected brain cells than this


----------



## MildredM

grumpydaddy said:


> Forgot to take butter out of fridge yesterday
> 
> No problem I thought get a side plate put still wrapped butter on it and place on top of coffee machine
> 
> Doing other stuff in mean time and suddenly click 8 hours later that is still there......
> 
> Well most of it...... I guess I am stripping the coffee machine tomorrow and putting panels through dish washer while I investigate where else it got to
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If it had not been already on I would have put butter in microwave for a few short bursts... I'm sure I used to have more and better connected brain cells than this


Oh NO!!!

I would like to say something about well oiled machinery . . . I'm not sure I dare


----------



## grumpydaddy

No Mildred really....... I'm not expecting a pat on the back for this one either


----------



## Obnic

grumpydaddy said:


> forgot to take butter out of fridge yesterday
> 
> no problem i thought get a side plate put still wrapped butter on it and place on top of coffee machine
> 
> doing other stuff in mean time and suddenly click 8 hours later that is still there......
> 
> Well most of it...... I guess i am stripping the coffee machine tomorrow and putting panels through dish washer while i investigate where else it got to
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> if it had not been already on i would have put butter in microwave for a few short bursts... I'm sure i used to have more and better connected brain cells than this


~( 8^( |) doh!


----------



## Flibster

Not my muppetry today, but the other half having a clumsy day a couple of days ago.

She's emptying the dishwasher and somehow knocks over my lovely glass Kalita Wave. So yeah, there's now fragments of Kalita Wave all over one half of the kitchen.

About an hour later, we're emptying the bins, which included the little red glossy plastic bin that I use for used coffee filters. I'm in the lounge emptying that one and theres a loud bang and a shouted word that I can't really say in polite company.







I don't think I should say it here either.







Yup, she's managed to smash an impact resistant plastic tub....

She then claims she's having a bad day. Strange, as it's my stuff she's smashing I'd say I'm the one having a bad day.

Oh.. and all this was BEFORE I'd had any coffee. I was not a happy person. Ended up using a 6 cup Chemex to make a single mug *albeit one that holds 400g*


----------



## igm45

Flibster said:


> I'd say I'm the one having a bad day.


I bet you didn't (say it)


----------



## Flibster

igm45 said:


> I bet you didn't (say it)


I very much did.


----------



## MildredM

Flibster said:


> Not my muppetry today, but the other half having a clumsy day a couple of days ago.
> 
> She's emptying the dishwasher and somehow knocks over my lovely glass Kalita Wave. So yeah, there's now fragments of Kalita Wave all over one half of the kitchen.
> 
> About an hour later, we're emptying the bins, which included the little red glossy plastic bin that I use for used coffee filters. I'm in the lounge emptying that one and theres a loud bang and a shouted word that I can't really say in polite company.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think I should say it here either.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yup, she's managed to smash an impact resistant plastic tub....
> 
> She then claims she's having a bad day. Strange, as it's my stuff she's smashing I'd say I'm the one having a bad day.
> 
> Oh.. and all this was BEFORE I'd had any coffee. I was not a happy person. Ended up using a 6 cup Chemex to make a single mug *albeit one that holds 400g*


Two accidents. Bonus! Spare cupboard space to fill up again with lovely new things


----------



## MildredM

My act of muppetry wasn't me actually! Having lined everything up for our coffee, milk in a large Rhinowares jug, smart little pouring jug half full of boiling hot water, warming up ready for splitting the milk.

Of course, a certain someone just had to come along, grab the little jug and say how lovely it was just as they turned it upside down to examine its base!

I would say the worktop needed a good wash . . . I didn't say that at all though! I was very good and didn't say a word, not one word!!


----------



## El carajillo

MildredM said:


> My act of muppetry wasn't me actually! Having lined everything up for our coffee, milk in a large Rhinowares jug, smart little pouring jug half full of boiling hot water, warming up ready for splitting the milk.
> 
> Of course, a certain someone just had to come along, grab the little jug and say how lovely it was just as they turned it upside down to examine its base!
> 
> I would say the worktop needed a good wash . . . I didn't say that at all though! I was very good and didn't say a word, not one word!!


And you expect us to believe that:rolleyes:


----------



## grumpydaddy

The Frank Muir in me is happy with this story .....all the way to the last line, then......


----------



## MildredM

El carajillo said:


> And you expect us to believe that:rolleyes:


Having consulted with Ian I can confirm my 'look' said it all


----------



## Beanedict

My most regular one is - I put the grounds in cafetiere then my brain resets and I pour some warm tap water to clean the cafetiere ready for new grounds. Then I realise that those were fresh grounds and not used ones at which point I am paralysed - do I top it up with boiling water and drink or give it a rinse. Wasting coffee is painful. This usually reminds me the case of alcoholic who dropps the bottle on the street and starts to lick the pavement, coz you know - precious it is.


----------



## PPapa

Grind, distribute, tamp, lock the portafilter in, start the timer, start the pour. Preinfusion seems to be fine, few grams in after 10s, the machine is roaring. Did I choke the machine? No chance, the grind setting is right. Hmm... Oh... there's no water in the tank! I forgot that I cleaned the machine last night.

Luckily I realised that relatively quickly and the machine (Sage DTP) survived.


----------



## igm45

PPapa said:


> Grind, distribute, tamp, lock the portafilter in, start the timer, start the pour. Preinfusion seems to be fine, few grams in after 10s, the machine is roaring. Did I choke the machine? No chance, the grind setting is right. Hmm... Oh... there's no water in the tank! I forgot that I cleaned the machine last night.
> 
> Luckily I realised that relatively quickly and the machine (Sage DTP) survived.


Being fearful of this I unplug the machine before a deep clean.

That way when I go to turn it on the next day I wonder why it's unplugged before remembering and refilling the tank.


----------



## MildredM

Don't you just hate it when you run the tap, the water hits the bottom of a coffee cup, sprays straight up and out and all over you, the floor and the dog, and in your haste to turn the tap off you turn it the wrong way and actually increase the water flow . . . Managed to wash the ceiling this time too!!


----------



## grumpydaddy

Righty tighty?


----------



## DaveP

grumpydaddy said:


> Righty tighty?


One of mines ...Uppy offie, but another one is uppy onie

So many different taps.. plenty of towels


----------



## mmmatron

MildredM said:


> Don't you just hate it when you run the tap, the water hits the bottom of a coffee cup, sprays straight up and out and all over you, the floor and the dog, and in your haste to turn the tap off you turn it the wrong way and actually increase the water flow . . . Managed to wash the ceiling this time too!!


I once flooded the kitchen after attempting to remove an old washing machine. Thought I'd turned the stopcock off...turns out I'd turned it on full. Went into full panic mode and lost all sense of how to turn it off!


----------



## MildredM

mmmatron said:


> I once flooded the kitchen after attempting to remove an old washing machine. Thought I'd turned the stopcock off...turns out I'd turned it on full. Went into full panic mode and lost all sense of how to turn it off!


Oh LOLOLOLOL I've done it with the outside tap too, turned fully the wrong way. It's like your brain goes all wrong!!!!!


----------



## PPapa

grumpydaddy said:


> Righty tighty?


When I was a student, I lived in a flat where the shower faucet was set up "push to use" (rather than lift to turn on). That was a fun one to use.

Whoever designed such thing was a madman.


----------



## PPapa

grumpydaddy said:


> Righty tighty?


When I was a student, I lived in a flat where the shower faucet was set up "push to use" (rather than lift to turn on). That was a fun one to use.

Whoever designed such thing was a madman.


----------



## hotmetal

grumpydaddy said:


> Righty tighty?


Careful, you'll end up with Leftie Lucy and her sister Millie Tante coming after you!


----------



## MildredM

"Ow! It's a spurtler!" Exclaimed moi this evening.

I expect it is when YOU FORGET TO TAMP


----------



## basejiarrowkim

My husband once forgot to put the filter basket in the porta filter. Cue pressurised coffee grounds fifteen foot across the kitchen when pressure built up. Very nice silhouette on wall of daughter!


----------



## PPapa

Got a naked portafilter yesterday, so I thought I'll upload a video as the pours didn't look too bad for me.

Well... It's a muppetry-worth material!






Controversially to this thread, the espresso ain't bad.


----------



## Snakehips

PPapa said:


> Got a naked portafilter yesterday, so I thought I'll upload a video as the pours didn't look too bad for me.
> 
> Well... It's a muppetry-worth material!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Controversially to this thread, the espresso ain't bad.


It quite obvious that you were nervous........ who wouldn't be ?


----------



## PPapa

Snakehips said:


> It quite obvious that you were nervous........ who wouldn't be ?


Well, filming naked shots... surely!


----------



## Scotford

MildredM said:


> "Ow! It's a spurtler!" Exclaimed moi this evening.
> 
> I expect it is when YOU FORGET TO TAMP


That'll learn you


----------



## MildredM

Scotford said:


> That'll learn you


LOL!

Good one!!


----------



## MildredM

"I just fancy a cup of coffee".

So far, so good.

"Let's make some then".

oh! You want me to put a cup under the shot as it pours? I can't think of everything, it has been one of those days


----------



## Flying_Vee

When you grab a spoon from the draw without looking and notice how gross it is after. Vom.


----------



## Scotford

How about today when I fired up ye olde trusty Bunn.

Ran a batch before open and 'WTF, why's it run through in 3:30?!?!'

Try again. Must have distributed those delicious Rwandan grounds terribly.

Take 2. 3:30 brew time again! "W.T.F?"

TAKE 3! As I'm carefully eyeing the brew absolutely GUSH out the basket spout I spot the spray head sitting on the counter out the corner of my eye.

FFS!!!


----------



## MSM

I put beans (18g) into the water tank rather then the grinder...


----------



## MildredM

MSM said:


> I put beans (18g) into the water tank rather then the grinder...


Brings a whole new meaning to the washed process . . .


----------



## GingerBen

Had a few nice aeropress brews today but thought after my break through with my gaggia yesterday I'll treat myself to a flat white after lunch. got it all warmed up for about an hour while I had lunch. Set all my stuff up, scales, shot glasses, cloth, cup pre warming etc etc

Grind beans in to the portafilter and tamp away. Lock it in and flick the pump on whilst starting my timer. Wait patiently....wait a bit longer...still waiting. Getting angry at 40 seconds in with no sign of coffee. "these are the same bl**dy settings I used yesterday and it worked so what's going on!?" I shout to myself. Shut pump off in anger and then flicked the steam switch off too.....oops

But it gets worse, I decide I can save it by just letting a bit of pressure out of the steam arm and then brewing as normal...water and steam everywhere, all over the counter, my grinder, me...

Brew the shot - clearly the water is far too hot at this point as it's been heating for steam - coffee comes flying out of the portafilter and tastes burnt to a crisp - in the sink, aeropress it is...


----------



## AndyDClements

I have to 'fess up.

I needed to make a batch of decaf coldbrew, so time to grind 1/4kg of beans for it. As I tend to grind 2-3 times a week in that grinder, I normally let the burs whir for a second or so before grinding, so that any retained grinds are expelled (even though I've blown through with air when stopping grinding).

Normal process,

1 Remove top of hopper, check for stray beans.

2 Remove top of funnel that is the chute.

3 Switch on, monitor output to check that the minute amount of retained grind has stopped.

4 Switch off,

5 Add beans,

6 Add container to catch grinds.

7 Grind away.

This works fine, except.

Muppet did step 5 before step 2

The flow of "retained" didn't stop, and it took me a few seconds (perhaps 70g) before I realised.

And, NO, the grinds were not going somewhere from where I could salvage them.

Needless to say, I uttered the words "Oh deary me, that was a very silly thing to do", or perhaps the odd word varied slightly.


----------



## MildredM

Just done my muppetty bit for the week . . .

What the heck, where on earth has all this confounded coffee come from . . . Monty MUST have been retaining all this time . . . the basket is almost overflowing . . . it's a veritable ground coffee volcano - surely it can't all have been hiding inside.

No. It jolly well hadn't. I inadvertently tipped both 15g doses in then pressed the button!!!!

We've all been there . . . . WE HAVE


----------



## Obnic

MildredM said:


> We've all been there . . . . WE HAVE


Nope. It's just you.

We mortals can't afford such exotic kit.


----------



## joey24dirt

MildredM said:


> Just done my muppetty bit for the week . . .
> 
> What the heck, where on earth has all this confounded coffee come from . . . Monty MUST have been retaining all this time . . . the basket is almost overflowing . . . it's a veritable ground coffee volcano - surely it can't all have been hiding inside.
> 
> No. It jolly well hadn't. I inadvertently tipped both 15g doses in then pressed the button!!!!
> 
> We've all been there . . . . WE HAVE


The other night I tipped the beans straight into the doser when meaning to top up the hood. Proceeded to grind and dose, then had a wave of confusion/panic as to why I had whole beans in my pf!


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Nope. It's just you.


Oh yes, I see. It's just ME that is honest and happy to share my daftness with all and sundry!!!!!!!


----------



## PPapa

Open a new bag of beans. Grind on a ballpark setting, hoping to get something decent. No, too fine - about 50s shot. Tightened the grind. Hmm, why is the machine choking? Oh, yes...

Seems like we are having a great Monday!


----------



## AndyDClements

I suspect several of us are suffering low caffeine levels, causing us to not be alert in what we're doing, perhaps we need to ensure the blood caffeine level is not allowed to drop.


----------



## Stanic

Morning, cloudy brain, right to left sits the Portaspresso, cup and the Kinu M68 loaded with beans ready to grind, the kettle switches off, pouring hot water into the Portaspresso, then cup, then...uups, almost sanitised the beans and burrs in the Kinu with boiling water lol


----------



## lee1980

I keep touching the the grind push button on zenith 65e at the wrong times lol. Must have fired at least 3/4 double shots on the floor now. When cleaning to do not do it as it spits old grinds everywhere to with the top off lol!


----------



## hotmetal

lee1980 said:


> I keep touching the the grind push button on zenith 65e at the wrong times lol!


Hahaha! Maybe get into the habit of setting it back to single shot after each grind, and set the single button to a 1 second purge. That way, the first shot will always be 1.8g of stale grinds, and an accidental activation could be minimised or even useful.


----------



## Silky729

Went to make an Aeropress in my usual way. Started pouring the water and totally forgot to start a timer. Then the postman knocked on the door, so I lost all track of time. Plus, in my frustration, I accidentally used two paper filters.

The result was the sweetest tasting Aeropress I've had. It's a eureka moment that has had me experimenting with longer brew times all day.


----------



## MildredM

No words required . . . you try getting a level tamp without grinding first, I ask you!!


----------



## PPapa

MildredM said:


> No words required . . . you try getting a level tamp without grinding first, I ask you!!


Good one! Haven't done that yet...


----------



## IggyK

Forgetting to throw away the water used to rinse the V60 paper, thus coffee overflowing all over and ruining my scales. D'oh!!!


----------



## hotmetal

Take the batteries out and stick the scales in the airing cupboard or with some dessicant (even dry rice at a pinch). They'll probably be ok after a couple of days if you're lucky.


----------



## u2jewel

It's 10:30pm where I am now.. Just got home, going to bed soon. Want some coffee, and for timings like this I had bought myself half kilo of decaf a few days ago.

Pulled a double shot. Yummy.. Maybe it has aged well, because it was not so good a few days ago.

Well, going to have another. Down my throat it goes.

Feeling good. Thinking who needs caffeine? It is tasty without it too!

That's when I realize that I just had 2 doubles of non-decaf coffee...

Shiiii....ttt!!!

Won't sleep until 4am...


----------



## Obnic

u2jewel said:


> ...I just had 2 doubles of non-decaf coffee...Won't sleep until 4am...


Sweet... Time to go clubbing. Wednesday is the new Thursday.


----------



## hotmetal

Ah now that is bad u2jewel! I deliberately didn't '@' you in case you're just drifting off and your phone goes ping! You certainly picked the right emoji...


----------



## PPapa

PPapa said:


> Open a new bag of beans. Grind on a ballpark setting, hoping to get something decent. No, too fine - about 50s shot. Tightened the grind. Hmm, why is the machine choking? Oh, yes...
> 
> Seems like we are having a great Monday!


Surely, only an idiot would do the same mistake twice... right?!


----------



## Stanic

MildredM said:


> No words required . . . you try getting a level tamp without grinding first, I ask you!!


lol wonder about the tamp pressure force required to powder those











u2jewel said:


> It's 10:30pm where I am now.. Just got home, going to bed soon. Want some coffee, and for timings like this I had bought myself half kilo of decaf a few days ago.
> 
> Pulled a double shot. Yummy.. Maybe it has aged well, because it was not so good a few days ago.
> 
> Well, going to have another. Down my throat it goes.
> 
> Feeling good. Thinking who needs caffeine? It is tasty without it too!
> 
> That's when I realize that I just had 2 doubles of non-decaf coffee...
> 
> Shiiii....ttt!!!
> 
> Won't sleep until 4am...


priceless..would be funny if you didn't notice it wasn't decaf and went to sleep without issues











PPapa said:


> Surely, only an idiot would do the same mistake twice... right?!


I think I made that one couple of times too, with the Mignon


----------



## Stanic

Guess this one was waiting for me..I tried to make an espresso without checking and re-pressurising the air cylinder of the Portaspresso, the pre-infusion at 1 bar looked good, then I tried to ramp-up the pressure but I only hit 2,5 bar max. I continued as there was quite some thick oily stuff pouring out nicely and stopped at 25g (starting from 18g). There was even some crema and mottling, guess the temperature of 94 °C helped too. The shot was definitely not the best out there, you could tell it was off but not that much, little bit of astringency but mostly nutty and I could finish it without issues


----------



## Snakehips

One of this morning's little jobs.....

A good wipe down of all worktop surfaces and tickle the stainless of the L-R with a micro cloth. So far so good.

Time for lunch...... nothing fancy.... baked beans and a poached egg on toast...... but it filled a gap. Time for coffee......

Weigh out some beans...... drop into grinder...... switch on..... time to get milk from fridge.........

Pour milk into jug...... but hang on 'that's the tail end of that carton and only half of what I need'! .........

Grinder has done so need to prep the basket etc..... '*will open a new carton and top up the milk whilst the shot pulls*.' ....... Oh no he won't !!!

Pull shot........ purge steam wand........ immerse tip in milk...... open steam valve...... realise not enough milk !!!!

PANIC !......... lower jug without turning off steam valve........ within milliseconds MILK IS SPLATTERED ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE !!!!!

......... A good wipe down of worktop surfaces....... tickle the stainless of the L-R with............


----------



## MildredM

I love it when I see an update to this thread . . . and it's a Snakehips update

















I bet you had a little laugh at yourself!


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> I love it when I see an update to this thread . . . and it's a Snakehips update
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I bet you had a little laugh at yourself!


OK..... which of you b*ggers has stolen my identity, posted a pack of lies and tried to make me look like a complete incompetent nincompoop?


----------



## hotmetal

Yeah yeah yeah "my account was hacked". Save it for the judge!

(This post will almost certainly create bad karma for me and soon enough I'll have my own muppetry story to admit to. I'll be back when it happens). I do like this thread.


----------



## 9719

Anyone using the word 'nincompoop' in this day and age deserves to be hacked, come on you complete numpty get with it


----------



## u2jewel

Just did a weird one. Felt like a dork though...

Just woke up, and saw one of Kennyboy's posts, to which I wanted to reply by taking a photo of my grouphead gasket (before my first morning shot, clean and all good for photo shoot)

I turn my phone upside down, shoot at the Grouphead, retrieve to preview the pic. Out of focus.. Delete, try again.

Flip the phone over, shoot again. Preview doesn't show my red silicon gasket. So delete, let's try again.

Too dark. Flash on. Try again...

(fast forward 10 attempts, all I'm seeing is a blackish ring) why can't I take a decent photo of something so brightly coloured? In frustration, I put my face under the grouphead only to realise my naked portafilter was locked in...

At least my latest episode was harmless.. No wasted beans or mess to clean up


----------



## Obnic

Sick children up all night so very tired, need coffee:

Portafilter on scale, tare.

Beans in portafilter, correct dose

Portafilter in grouphead, lock.

Scales under group.

Cup on scales, tare.

About to raise lever... DOH!

A narrow miss.


----------



## Snakehips

Obnic said:


> Sick children up all night so very tired, need coffee:
> 
> Portafilter on scale, tare.
> 
> Beans in portafilter, correct dose
> 
> Portafilter in grouphead, lock.
> 
> Scales under group.
> 
> Cup on scales, tare.
> 
> About to raise lever... DOH!
> 
> A narrow miss.


Nincompoop!


----------



## joey24dirt

Obnic said:


> Sick children up all night so very tired, need coffee:
> 
> Portafilter on scale, tare.
> 
> Beans in portafilter, correct dose
> 
> Portafilter in grouphead, lock.
> 
> Scales under group.
> 
> Cup on scales, tare.
> 
> About to raise lever... DOH!
> 
> A narrow miss.


Same boat other than I don't have lever to lift. Sick kids are no fun


----------



## Obnic

Snakehips said:


> Nincompoop!


I say, who are you calling a Nincompoop you, you, you..... Fopdoodle!


----------



## Obnic

Obnic said:


> Sick children up all night so very tired, need coffee:
> 
> Portafilter on scale, tare.
> 
> Beans in portafilter, correct dose
> 
> Portafilter in grouphead, lock.
> 
> Scales under group.
> 
> Cup on scales, tare.
> 
> About to raise lever... DOH!
> 
> A narrow miss.


Just seen that this is not an original stunt (although I did get as far as engaging my unground beans in the grouphead which I feel is an advance on the much revered original). Is this now called doing a @Mildred?


----------



## hotmetal

How's yer embroidery skills Obnic?


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Just seen that this is not an original stunt (although I did get as far as engaging my unground beans in the grouphead which I feel is an advance on the much revered original). Is this now called doing a @Mildred?


LOLOL I had to read your post 3 times to see what you'd missed!!!!!


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Is this now called doing a @Mildred?


Sorry, that is reserved for bean-to-a-B-cup


----------



## Obnic

MildredM said:


> LOLOL I had to read your post 3 times to see what you'd missed!!!!!


This one [below]. I did exactly the same but didn't realize it until I had one hand on the lever and was looking at the grinder thinking 'why isn't the grinder on?' Muppet!



MildredM said:


> No words required . . . you try getting a level tamp without grinding first, I ask you!!


----------



## Obnic

hotmetal said:


> How's yer embroidery skills Obnic?


Just stuck a needle in my eye. Does that answer your question?


----------



## hotmetal

Well at least you're not fishing beans out of ladies lingerie!


----------



## Drewster

hotmetal said:


> Well at least you're not fishing beans out of ladies lingerie!


Or flicking beans in ladies lingerie.............. IGMC


----------



## MildredM

Drewster said:


> Or flicking beans in ladies lingerie.............. IGMC


IGMC too


----------



## Obnic

Drewster said:


> ....... IGMC


That would be a grubby Mac then.


----------



## GingerBen

Not sure how how we didn't hear it


----------



## MildredM

I didn't laugh . . . Too much


----------



## hotmetal

I thought for a minute that was a black Hausgrind in the wash - I think you'd have heard that though - as it smashed through the door! I dare say a hand grinder would probably be ok afterwards, unlike electronic devices.


----------



## GingerBen

I can confirm that the remote control no longer controls anything


----------



## ashcroc

GingerBen said:


> I can confirm that the remote control no longer controls anything


If you're very lucky it might start working again once it's fully dried out. Probably a good idea to assume it won't & get a replacement though.


----------



## hotmetal

Batteries out, back off, airing cupboard and cross your fingers for a couple of days. It's worked for me with coffee scales a few times. Then again my R58 doesn't have a spin cycle!


----------



## u2jewel

GingerBen said:


> I can confirm that the remote control no longer controls anything


If this happened to me..

Battery out, lid off, leave it on the cup tray of your machine.. Nice and warm! If you can bury the remote in some dry (uncooked) rice inside a ziploc bag (leave the bag open), and let it draw the moisture out, it should resurrect! It does for mobile phones most of the time ☺


----------



## GingerBen

Thanks for the tips. I will give it a go and see what happens


----------



## Missy

Didnt spot this before making my coffee. Drank from it anyway. Managed to slice my finger. Ouchie.


----------



## igm45

Ouch indeed!

My wife bless her, would feel dizzy just reading that.

She would faint if she were with you (she is OK with all injuries except fingers and toes)


----------



## MildredM

You know I don't really 'Like', Missy! Ouch!!


----------



## Missy

MildredM said:


> You know I don't really 'Like', Missy! Ouch!!


I did think when the notification came through. Not as bad as the time I put a sock knitting needle straight through my hand... Now that smarted.


----------



## PPapa

Missy said:


> Didnt spot this before making my coffee. Drank from it anyway. Managed to slice my finger. Ouchie.


HasBean cupping bowls are quite solid and don't have a handle! They're around 190ml, if filled to the top. My go to option for brewed coffee.

Similar shape to the Not Neutral FW cups (which are 150ml), just a bit wider.


----------



## hotmetal

Ouch! Seeing your broken cup reminded me of when we were little kids in our old Victorian house. The door knobs were ancient glazed ceramic things. My poor little sis was only about 6... I'll leave it there, it's making me feel odd already.


----------



## Missy

PPapa said:


> HasBean cupping bowls are quite solid and don't have a handle! They're around 190ml, if filled to the top. My go to option for brewed coffee.
> 
> Similar shape to the Not Neutral FW cups (which are 150ml), just a bit wider.


This is an espresso cup. It's lovely. (Well it's not anymore, but I have another three!) I bought online thinking they were teacups... But no, tiny but gorgeous. I'm not actually sure what's happened to it, there's a chunk out of it.


----------



## AndyDClements

She definitely wouldn't have enjoyed being around when my best friend put the tip of his finger into his car's engine area (engine running, and he was where the belts are). His son & stepson were watching it (the episode of Bizarre ER) on youtube the other evening.


----------



## Jval

I've just managed to make a moka brew without actually filling the basket with coffee...

Filled the bottom with water, popped the basket on, screwed the top on, and waited. Was very surprised when I saw plain water coming out. Took me an unacceptably long time to realise I'd forgotten to add the coffee...!


----------



## salty

Jval said:


> I've just managed to make a moka brew without actually filling the basket with coffee...
> 
> Filled the bottom with water, popped the basket on, screwed the top on, and waited. Was very surprised when I saw plain water coming out. Took me an unacceptably long time to realise I'd forgotten to add the coffee...!


Classic muppetry right there - but much better outcome than the one I've been guilty of where I've failed to add water. You can imagine the resulting carnage I was faced with by the time I realised...


----------



## AndyDClements

You're not as bad as my Mother, who many years ago ruined several pressure cookers (remember when they were the rage, before microwaves became popular), and that was done by failure to put water in. One was an aluminium one, which nearly melted, the base warped so much that it had high spots and rocked when placed on a flat surface. So, I purchased a stainless steel one for her. It suffered the same problem (user error) and we found out the hard way that the base is brazed (think soldering but higher temperature) on, it ended up in two parts , base and main body. Prestige repaired/ replaced it, but that replacement suffered the same fate. Thus ends the pressure cooker usage. During the period of use, before being destroyed there was the episode where (ali one had weights, stainless had a different system) the pressure control weights got stuck and it over-pressured, which was then released abruptly resulting in the contents of the thing being sprayed out of a hole right onto the ceiling.

So, one molten Moka pot, it's fine, it's a nice self-contained problem.


----------



## MildredM

^^^^^ so, so funny

















What was it with pressure cookers, I remember our household used to get through quite a few when I was little. I was petrified of them!


----------



## DaveP

In hindsight..... I'm a total f****** idiot.

What sort of muppet would try and vacuum seal a bag full of gravy / meat jucies ?

This one.

Needless to say the pump did a vey good job of sucking the gravy into the machine, where it drowned the circuit board and caused the magic pixies to release lots of smoke.

I was a tad cross... so as well as a new vacuum machine, I got another sous vide just to make me happy again, lol


----------



## Scotford

Batch brew dialling in today. Grind. Into the basket. Into the brewer. Forgot to turn it on. 200g coffee sat waiting for 30 mins to brew. Welp.


----------



## Stanic

Scotford said:


> Batch brew dialling in today. Grind. Into the basket. Into the brewer. Forgot to turn it on. 200g coffee sat waiting for 30 mins to brew. Welp.


A luke warm brew!


----------



## Scotford

Stanic said:


> A luke warm brew!


Stale ground coffee just waiting for a water


----------



## MildredM

This isn't in any way coffee related (well, it is a bit, I am now gasping for my coffee after this happened)!

10 minutes ago and Santa is coming down the lane, grab phone, video him, upload to village Residents Page on FB.

10 minutes later . . . Ian, 'Did you mean to upload THIS video, darling wifie?'

Yes, for goodness sakes, yes! Now, let me get on with all the other 1001 jobs that need doing . . . oh go on then, let me watch the video . . .

Oh NO . . . NOOOO not THAT bit. I'd left the video running while I closed the door on Santa, and then started a diatribe about him singing American carols, and why was he doing that . . . and grump grup grump!! And it was for all to see and hear!!!!

I will let it be known now. I do not like Christmas much. It makes me so I don't know what I am doing!!!!!


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> This isn't in any way coffee related (well, it is a bit, I am now gasping for my coffee after this happened)!
> 
> 10 minutes ago and Santa is coming down the lane, grab phone, video him, upload to village Residents Page on FB.
> 
> 10 minutes later . . . Ian, 'Did you mean to upload THIS video, darling wifie?'
> 
> Yes, for goodness sakes, yes! Now, let me get on with all the other 1001 jobs that need doing . . . oh go on then, let me watch the video . . .
> 
> Oh NO . . . NOOOO not THAT bit. I'd left the video running while I closed the door on Santa, and then started a diatribe about him singing American carols, and why was he doing that . . . and grump grup grump!! And it was for all to see and hear!!!!
> 
> I will let it be known now. I do not like Christmas much. It makes me so I don't know what I am doing!!!!!


Ho ho ho !!!!


----------



## Obnic

mildredm said:


> i will let it be known now. I do not like christmas much.


humbug!


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> humbug!


Yes!


----------



## joey24dirt

Late to bed last night (1am) after messing about with my machine. Made the morning drinks as normal, no problem.

Get to 10am at work, time for a brew. Crack out the AP. Pre heat everything first. Pour hot water through the paper and screen into my cup so I'm not wasting water. Pour through the AP into my cup to keep the pre heat going and not wasting water. Grind coffee. Assemble AP with coffee and start to make it. Leave to sit for ten mins then plunge.

Going well and as I'm new to this I'm watching the level drop and waiting for the 'hiss'

Oh but wait what's this!?? Major overflow situation. Coffee everywhere... what the [email protected]! Is going on??

Forgot to expel my preheat water from my cup..... idiot!


----------



## El carajillo

joey24dirt said:


> Late to bed last night (1am) after messing about with my machine. Made the morning drinks as normal, no problem.
> 
> Get to 10am at work, time for a brew. Crack out the AP. Pre heat everything first. Pour hot water through the paper and screen into my cup so I'm not wasting water. Pour through the AP into my cup to keep the pre heat going and not wasting water. Grind coffee. Assemble AP with coffee and start to make it. Leave to sit for ten mins then plunge.
> 
> Going well and as I'm new to this I'm watching the level drop and waiting for the 'hiss'
> 
> Oh but wait what's this!?? Major overflow situation. Coffee everywhere... what the [email protected]! Is going on??
> 
> Forgot to expel my preheat water from my cup..... idiot!


I told you not to try multi-tasking


----------



## Obnic

^^ definitely done that too.


----------



## IggyK

Pesky preheated water!!! Yup done similar but with V60 all over scales. On the plus point was cheap Salter scales from Sainsbury's so far broke two, dropped one and flooded the other.


----------



## lee1980

Doofus here, put newly delivered, beans from Rave in grinder, instead of the 7-10 day old ones. Cue removal of hopper and clean out beans etc and old grinds whilst at it doh.


----------



## Norvin

Here's one from the past - and it wasn't me!

I had bought a Fracino Piccino (not a light machine) from eBay. The arrangement was that the seller would deliver it to my son in Sheffield, and he in turn would bring it to Birmingham where we had arranged to meet him for the day. We traveled by train and met him on the platform. We saw him waving on the platform. Hold on, what's this? The machine was loosely packed in a cardboard box, no tape, no packing, and he had plonked it in a puddle while waiting for us. I picked the box up and the machine nearly fell through the soggy bottom. So there I was, standing on a railway platform holding a heavy machine a long way from home with a long day ahead of us&#8230;


----------



## PPapa

The wine in picture is that broke it, but I promise wasn't the reason Chemex broke - the bottle is still unopened.


----------



## ashcroc

PPapa said:


> The wine in picture is that broke it, but I promise wasn't the reason Chemex broke - the bottle is still unopened.


Well done finding a bottle without a screwcap.

It's a mighty shame about the chemex but at least you still have the espresso machine to give you your fix.


----------



## MildredM

You just can't get the staff . . .


----------



## AndyDClements

Whether it's muppetry or not rather depends what art you were aiming for. I'm refusing to guess as to what it could have been if you almost achieved it.


----------



## u2jewel

PPapa said:


> The wine in picture is that broke it, but I promise wasn't the reason Chemex broke - the bottle is still unopened.


Somehow, it feels wrong to hit the "like" button...

So I hit the "thanks" instead.

If only there's a "sorry" button...


----------



## PPapa

u2jewel said:


> Somehow, it feels wrong to hit the "like" button...
> 
> So I hit the "thanks" instead.
> 
> If only there's a "sorry" button...


Haha, I'm just surprised it survived for around 4 years as I used to share a flat when I still was a student.

It broke when I had plenty of time to move Chemex around, but went with "nah, it will fit".


----------



## 9719

Double muppet by yours truly this a.m. possibly alcohol-related at least that's my story,

1st: weigh 15g beans, I use a 15g vst, throw into the grinder, grind into ss container, check weight and adjust so far pretty standard stuff, then for some unknown reason preceded to put the already ground beans back into the grinder, doh 

2nd: went back for my second of the day only to find the portafilter sitting on top of the machine, not in the group, starting to think maybe I should leave it for today and start afresh another time.

G & T anybody, surely I cant screw that up as well?


----------



## Hasi

My latest:

Put a latte macchiato glass on top of the espresso cups that pre-heat on my office-based Quick Mill. So it can pre-heat as well. I'm flushing and next thing I see is the glass moving backwards, tilting and somehow taking down one of the espresso cups in the rear. That cup, in return, drops onto a stack of matching saucers placed nearby, taking down the topmost. Everything goes down and shatters between the back of my desk and the window front facing a courtyard.

I'm pretty sure at least a dozen people saw me crawling around underneath the desk to clean up the mess.

Oh, and did I already mention my boss standing next to me?


----------



## joey24dirt

Quick one for tonight. Mazzer super jolly with lens hood mod.

Grind then remove lid to check my new funnel hasn't clogged up, all ok so now to "puff" out the grinds stuck in the chute.

My once blue shirt is now speckled brown.

Always refit the lid when performing such tasks


----------



## Snakehips

After enjoying a cup of the Dog & Hat Island Roasted. Honduras, Mrs S informs me that we are going out.

We get get ready to go then she decides it would be nice to have another coffee before we go.

Good idea ! Just got one more dose of those nice beans left.

Weigh beans.... grind......fill pitcher with milk....... distribute.... tamp... load pf.....pull lever.......

WTF ! That's wierd!

Machine not on / up to pressure !!!

Had switched it off 10 minutes prior !

Last of the Honduras....... down the sink!!!

No sniggering please.


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> After enjoying a cup of the Dog & Hat Island Roasted. Honduras, Mrs S informs me that we are going out.
> 
> We get get ready to go then she decides it would be nice to have another coffee before we go.
> 
> Good idea ! Just got one more dose of those nice beans left.
> 
> Weigh beans.... grind......fill pitcher with milk....... distribute.... tamp... load pf.....pull lever.......
> 
> WTF ! That's wierd!
> 
> Machine not on / up to pressure !!!
> 
> Had switched it off 10 minutes prior !
> 
> Last of the Honduras....... down the sink!!!
> 
> No sniggering please.


I am not sniggering, I'm NOT









Am I doing it all wrong, leaving my machine on all day?


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> I am not sniggering, I'm NOT
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Am I doing it all wrong, leaving my machine on all day?


Obviously not... on both counts.

My machine is more often than not left on all day but on occasion I turn it off if I know we will be out for hours.

Have Wemo and second warm up of the day is always that bit quicker.


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> Obviously not... on both counts.
> 
> My machine is more often than not left on all day but on occasion I turn it off if I know we will be out for hours.
> 
> Have Wemo and second warm up of the day is always that bit quicker.


Sorry, I am too busy to reply. You were correct. I'm just wiping all the tea-spurtle off my keyboard . . .


----------



## MildredM

Oh! That'll be 2 doses through the grinder at once then!


----------



## mmmatron

Well that didn't go to plan.


----------



## MildredM

Is that a Vesuvius moment


----------



## Scotford

mmmatron said:


> Well that didn't go to plan.


Ahhhhh I did that a bunch of times when I first had mine!!


----------



## igm45

@mmmatron and @Scotford how do you get on with the blind shaker?

A friend of mine is headed stateside next month and has agreed to bring one back, worth it?


----------



## mmmatron

Don't shake it with your thumb in the middle of the base is my lesson for today. @igm45 - only picked it up this afternoon, made one drink, will report back!


----------



## Scotford

I don't even know where the lid for mine is. Used it about 3 times maybe...


----------



## igm45

Scotford said:


> I don't even know where the lid for mine is. Used it about 3 times maybe...


Well if you decide to sell it on I am massively interested.

I bought my hg1 second hand, without one and would love to pair them together. Missed out on a recently sold one by 3 minutes....


----------



## Scotford

igm45 said:


> Well if you decide to sell it on I am massively interested.
> 
> I bought my hg1 second hand, without one and would love to pair them together. Missed out on a recently sold one by 3 minutes....


Ah no, I meant the lid. I use the tumbler part at work about 30/40 times a day for decaf... Soz.

The lid just got in the way and was massively unnecessary for us


----------



## Scotford

Ah wait... You MEANT the lid...

If I find it, you can have it for the price of postage.


----------



## mmmatron

igm45 said:


> @mmmatron and @Scotford how do you get on with the blind shaker?
> 
> A friend of mine is headed stateside next month and has agreed to bring one back, worth it?


After a few days, and a few more accidents, I can say that it's worth it. Maybe just the tumbler though as @Scotford advised as the import and bit seems to be the stir. It's taking a bit of getting used to but has made a huge difference.


----------



## hotmetal

No entertaining pics unfortunately, but I was round at a friends who has a La Pavoni Europiccola and was trying to learn how to use it at the same time as demonstrate the importance of fresh beans and a proper grinder. Talking and learning and making coffee on an unfamiliar machine was obviously more than my sleep-deprived brain could cope with on 1st January morning, I somehow ground 14g in the Aergrind, promptly forgot whilst waffling , put another 14g in, then before grinding it the La Pav started blowing off steam. Sorted that out and added another 14g beans in. Failed to notice, and was wondering why it took so long to grind! Only when I upended the catch cup into the basket did I realise I'd ground about 3 baskets worth!


----------



## igm45

mmmatron said:


> After a few days, and a few more accidents, I can say that it's worth it. Maybe just the tumbler though as @Scotford advised as the import and bit seems to be the stir. It's taking a bit of getting used to but has made a huge difference.


Thank you for getting back to me, I will definitely be ordering one. My friend goes away next month but not back until April.

Patience is a virtue.

A virtue I do not have.


----------



## mmmatron

igm45 said:


> Thank you for getting back to me, I will definitely be ordering one. My friend goes away next month but not back until April.
> 
> Patience is a virtue.
> 
> A virtue I do not have.


Tell me about it, I've ordered a monolith. Pure torture!


----------



## MildredM

Me, this morning: "Aggggh, the chute won't stay put - have I hoovered up the magnets, oohhhhh noooo, what have I done? I've broken my Monolith."

Ian: "Let me see, ohhhhh noooo, it won't stay put. But . . . it should be fine, the magnets are there, look."

Me, snatching the chute out his hand . . . "Ohh bother! Look, maybe it helps putting it in the right way up!!!!!!!!:


----------



## GingerBen

No caption required


----------



## El carajillo

GingerBen said:


> No caption required
> 
> View attachment 31431


You threw dolly out of pram ??


----------



## Missy

Just scalded a jug of milk as I flapped around unable to find the off button for the steam... (It's a big dial not a switch... Which was why I couldn't find the switch!)

In my defence I'm very tired, and have only owned the machine a year


----------



## MildredM

GingerBen said:


> No caption required
> 
> View attachment 31431


oh HECk! Knockbox knocked!!


----------



## GingerBen

El carajillo said:


> You threw dolly out of pram ??


No, just knocked it off the counter top with my elbow then went to catch it and ended up just making it worse


----------



## jj-x-ray

GingerBen said:


> No, just knocked it off the counter top with my elbow then went to catch it and ended up just making it worse


I love it when a move to save makes the situation worse....

Best for me was a few years back, accidentally tipping my full glass of wine over on the dining room table, my cat like reflexes kicked in to grab it before it spilled.....resulting in splasing no less than 3 white walls with a torrential amount of cab sauv......

I was in a stupor for about 5 mins while I took in what had just happened....

Rented accommodation too


----------



## MildredM

jj-x-ray said:


> I love it when a move to save makes the situation worse....
> 
> Best for me was a few years back, accidentally tipping my full glass of wine over on the dining room table, my cat like reflexes kicked in to grab it before it spilled.....resulting in splasing no less than 3 white walls with a torrential amount of cab sauv......
> 
> I was in a stupor for about 5 mins while I took in what had just happened....
> 
> Rented accommodation too


Don't you just wish you could click 'undo'


----------



## igm45

jj-x-ray said:


> I love it when a move to save makes the situation worse....
> 
> Best for me was a few years back, accidentally tipping my full glass of wine over on the dining room table, my cat like reflexes kicked in to grab it before it spilled.....resulting in splasing no less than 3 white walls with a torrential amount of cab sauv......
> 
> I was in a stupor for about 5 mins while I took in what had just happened....
> 
> Rented accommodation too


Reading that stort I thought a hand injury was about to be described in detail...


----------



## jj-x-ray

MildredM said:


> Don't you just wish you could click 'undo'


Alas I am not neo from the matrix.......or maybe I am and haven't realised it yet


----------



## ashcroc

GingerBen said:


> No caption required
> 
> View attachment 31431


Look on the bright side. At least it were spent grounds you spilt.


----------



## GingerBen

ashcroc said:


> Look on the bright side. At least it were spent grounds you spilt.


thays True. I was also surprised how dry they were and easy to clean up given I'd only in the last 5-10 mins made the drinks


----------



## MildredM

I can't for the life of me recall who related this minor muppetry incident to me recently.

Discussing the possibilities of using the Monolith for espresso AND filter coffee, and me mentioning it would be a faff, I received the following response.

Not at all.

You just forget to nip the locking screw up after tweaking the grind&#8230;.. and hey presto&#8230; before you know it&#8230;. the adjustment colar has spun round to V60 coarseness.

Did exactly that the other day&#8230;.

Pulled a shot and thought&#8230;. ****** that was quick&#8230;&#8230;.. did I not prep that puck properly or what.

Didn't notice that the pointer was somewhere off the scale.

Ground again&#8230;.. even worse!!!

Scratched head wondering what the devil had happened to the beans overnight to cause this?!!!!

Then noticed that the pointer was nowhere to be seen&#8230;.. right round the back!

Please don't tell anybody else about this !


----------



## MildredM

Oh.

I have just seen the last line . . . . Oops!


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Oh.
> 
> I have just seen the last line . . . . Oops!


Never........ never.... have I ever felt so betrayed !!!!


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> Never........ never.... have I ever felt so betrayed !!!!


Oh. Now I remember . . . .


----------



## Dayks

Just had a moment of muppetry at work.

Opened up a bag of the Notes LSOL, weighed out 15g into my Aergrind and started grinding away to make a cup in a minute.

Realised half-way through the grind that the filters on my desk were CCD ones rather than v60.

Spent a couple minutes looking for the v60 filters before remembering I needed to bring more into my office, now have 15g of the LSOL in the bin.


----------



## ashcroc

Dayks said:


> Just had a moment of muppetry at work.
> 
> Opened up a bag of the Notes LSOL, weighed out 15g into my Aergrind and started grinding away to make a cup in a minute.
> 
> Realised half-way through the grind that the filters on my desk were CCD ones rather than v60.
> 
> Spent a couple minutes looking for the v60 filters before remembering I needed to bring more into my office, now have 15g of the LSOL in the bin.


I'm assuming you've tried a ccd filter in a v60 before & found it didn't work?


----------



## Dayks

ashcroc said:


> I'm assuming you've tried a ccd filter in a v60 before & found it didn't work?


No, but it is much larger and flat bottomed so can't see it working.


----------



## Missy

Dayks said:


> No, but it is much larger and flat bottomed so can't see it working.


Any port in a storm... I'm sure a bit of creative folding would have produced something vaguely drinkable... And better than the bin!!


----------



## Dayks

Missy said:


> Any port in a storm... I'm sure a bit of creative folding would have produced something vaguely drinkable... And better than the bin!!


Possibly but don't have the time to experiment when making coffee at work.


----------



## Sparkyx

Mother came round earlier to pay me a visit. I kindly asked if she would like a coffee to which she replied "I'll have an americano please". Due to selling all my grinders I spent what felt like an eternity grinding 17g in a porlex. Pulled my shot, which came in at 26 seconds with a 7 second PI (33 seconds total)

After removing the cup to add hot water I took the cup to right and pulled the knob down to top up with water... Coffee sprayed everywhere, floor, ceiling, walls and myself included. It took me a while to realise I'd opened the steam wand instead of the hot water tap. Needless to say, I wasn't impressed with myself. Mainly because I had to grind another 17g dose with an already aching arm.


----------



## u2jewel

(pretext : wife's birthday today, I promised her to proper lunch, that we can enjoy while the kids are at school)

Wife : "come on. Hurry.. We're running late"

Me : "just one minute.."

Getting cocky with my uber barista skills, I decided that I wanted a shot of espresso just before leaving. I dose the grinder, grind and then groan when I see that I had forgotten to shift the dial back from V60 setting. Sadly, perfectly good coffee dumped into the knock drawer, I readjust the setting, dose and then grind.

"faaaak..." I mutter. Either the pressure of my wife waiting for me by the front door, ready to go, or the lack of caffeine made me adjust the opposite way, giving me what resembled French press. Into the knock drawer..

"must you, really?..." she says, to which I reply confidently that espresso means quick in Italian 

Fully focused now, in double-speed I check the grind setting, dose, grind, wdt, tamp and lock in pf, then...

Success!

One of those beautiful shots you wish you were filming! While basking in the glory, as I was admiring and swirling the crema, wife yells "espresso!!" so in an instant I swig it like a vodka shot. Burnt my mouth. And throat. "Faaaak..."

Fast forward 20 minutes, uber driver was helpful when I told him we're running late. Espresso Zigzag through the town.. Nice guy, but his car stank like a big fart. Anyway, unappetised, We get there...

... Just to miss the last order of the restaurant we wanted to go to. "I hope you enjoyed that un-espresso" she says, to which I could not retaliate. Telling her I burnt myself because of that would only serve to make her happier...

The part of town we were in, and with the time constraint to pick up the kids... really, the only option left for us was the newly opened McDonald's nearby (opened in Hanoi couple of months ago).

Kinda uneasy silence during the gourmet lunch; with every swallow of the Big Mac painfully reminding me of the earlier Muppetry, I mutter "yay, McDonald's birthday party ". No response.. then she ate the last nugget without asking. I'm sure it was mine. Communal 6 pack. 3 me, 3 you... No?


----------



## MildredM

^^ Happy Birthday to your wife









A birthday neither of you is likely to forget!!!


----------



## xpresso

To be perfectly honest it's a well known fact that if you feel the need and want clean toilets, always look for a McDonalds, subject to vandalism by the previous occupant







.

Jon.


----------



## ashcroc

Woke up to my first alarm this morning so decided to have a coffee to celebrate (usually have tea as it's quicker). Had a nice even extraction at 18/37.2/32s, switched the steam circuit on & proceeded to pour the shot straight into the pre-heat water in my mug.

No worries thinks I, a bit of a waste but at least I noticed before the milk went in. Proceed to grind for another shot only I've run out of coffee so have to go to a different bean hoping the grind will need to be similar. Fit portafilter in machine & just about to hit brew switch notice steam switch is still on. 

After flushing out machine to cool it I finally get an extraction of 18/36.3/41s into an empty mug only to try & steam milk without flipping the steam on again!

The coffee was nice in the end but can't help thinking hitting snooze a few times would've been a better waste of my time.


----------



## Drewster

I'd like to say this wasn't actually muppetry.........

Came down this morning and was knocking up breakfast...

A mug of "filter" (melita cone) and a bowl of Alpen.... plus a cuppa char for MrsD....

All going smoothly....

Teabag in mug, Ground coffee into cone.... Water in Tea mug, Splosh in cone to "bloom"....

Alpen in bowl.... Fill up cone with water.... Milk into Alpen....

Go to drawer for spoon.... turn back towards Tea, Coffee and Alpen and from the other side of the kitchen....

Watch in Slo-Mo as a 2nd large bag of Alpen falls from very top of storage cupboard down towards T,C&A.....

Continue horrified as large bag of Alpen scores a bullseye on Coffee cone....

Mug and Cone full of coarse grinds and water/coffee skid out off of front of worktop....

Bag of Alpen deflects onto bowl of Alpen flipping it in a somersault...

Bowl of Milk & Alpen smashes on kitchen floor sending an explosion of lumpy milk in one direction while simultaneously...

Mug, Coffee grinds, mug of coffee and plastic coffee cone explode on kitchen floor in the other direction....

a) Massive milky cleanup in 1/2 kitchen - and broken bowl

b) More massive coffee cleanup in other 1/2 of kitchen - broken mug & Coffee cone.....

Oh yeah and Mrs D's mug of tea - UNTOUCHED!!

Sh!t happens sometimes!


----------



## MildredM

Oh I so needed a good laugh! Thank you


----------



## xpresso

Drewster said:


> I'd like to say this wasn't actually muppetry.........
> 
> Came down this morning and was knocking up breakfast...
> 
> A mug of "filter" (melita cone) and a bowl of Alpen.... plus a cuppa char for MrsD....
> 
> All going smoothly....
> 
> Teabag in mug, Ground coffee into cone.... Water in Tea mug, Splosh in cone to "bloom"....
> 
> Alpen in bowl.... Fill up cone with water.... Milk into Alpen....
> 
> Go to drawer for spoon.... turn back towards Tea, Coffee and Alpen and from the other side of the kitchen....
> 
> Watch in Slo-Mo as a 2nd large bag of Alpen falls from very top of storage cupboard down towards T,C&A.....
> 
> Continue horrified as large bag of Alpen scores a bullseye on Coffee cone....
> 
> Mug and Cone full of coarse grinds and water/coffee skid out off of front of worktop....
> 
> Bag of Alpen deflects onto bowl of Alpen flipping it in a somersault...
> 
> Bowl of Milk & Alpen smashes on kitchen floor sending an explosion of lumpy milk in one direction while simultaneously...
> 
> Mug, Coffee grinds, mug of coffee and plastic coffee cone explode on kitchen floor in the other direction....
> 
> a) Massive milky cleanup in 1/2 kitchen - and broken bowl
> 
> b) More massive coffee cleanup in other 1/2 of kitchen - broken mug & Coffee cone.....
> 
> Oh yeah and Mrs D's mug of tea - UNTOUCHED!!
> 
> Sh!t happens sometimes!


And even that need's cleaning up, just one day after Valentines day ......... as if that matters.......

Jon.


----------



## DogandHat

I have been told this is the place... to tell people TODAY for the the first time ever I direct filled a Portafiler from the grinder without the basket...TAMPED it and then stared at it for a good minute...before realising. I was concentrating on the 15g quantity....as I usually do 18g. DOH!!!

Oh the upside i was not attacked by a bag of Alpen!!!


----------



## MildredM

DogandHat said:


> I have been told this is the place... to tell people TODAY for the the first time ever I direct filled a Portafiler from the grinder without the basket...TAMPED it and then stared at it for a good minute...before realising. I was concentrating on the 15g quantity....as I usually do 18g. DOH!!!
> 
> Oh the upside i was not attacked by a bag of Alpen!!!


LOLOL and LOL some more


----------



## grumpydaddy

After the movers did all of the white goods and such like I was left with doing the hobby room myself

Lots of moderately sized (think washing basket) plastic boxes and trays and of course the coffee machine

1. Movers took the box for coffee machine









2. Took panels off to prevent damage

3. removed lever for ease of carrying and put in box

4. all moved and everything has been at new place since last weekend

5. 4 days of not remembering which box the lever was in

6. Found it tonight Yay!! but too late for coffee now.

I missed the LSOL delivery but I have other.....Soooo Looking forward to the morning


----------



## Stanic

doing a 25g in shot with the portaspresso, pre-infusion looking good so up to 9 bar and close, went to quickly check something on the pc and pat the doggie, after a while a d'oh moment, I've got it all in the cup, 93 grams of a loong lungo shot









so poured it in a mug, diluted with some hot water and it ain't that bad at all with a bit of sugar


----------



## MSM

Grinder and machine are next to each other.

Found myself looking at the Royal with an open bottle of Volvic in my hands... done this twice now.

Really need to pay attention first thing in the morning.


----------



## MildredM

MSM said:


> Grinder and machine are next to each other.
> 
> Found myself looking at the Royal with an open bottle of Volvic in my hands... done this twice now.
> 
> Really need to pay attention first thing in the morning.


Yikes!


----------



## Missy

Im not the tidiest, and having taken my coffee machine to bits on the kitchen counter there was stuff absolutely everywhere.

As I broke through the "scale skin" in the boiler water started pouring everywhere. Foolishly I tried to move the machine back (as if there wasn't going to be water everywhere anyway!) Knocked the tamper which rolled off the counter and into my toe. Ouch. Soggy floor, toe in agony. At least I didn't slip! Feet up now!


----------



## MildredM

Missy said:


> Im not the tidiest, and having taken my coffee machine to bits on the kitchen counter there was stuff absolutely everywhere.
> 
> As I broke through the "scale skin" in the boiler water started pouring everywhere. Foolishly I tried to move the machine back (as if there wasn't going to be water everywhere anyway!) Knocked the tamper which rolled off the counter and into my toe. Ouch. Soggy floor, toe in agony. At least I didn't slip! Feet up now!


OUCH! I don't 'like' that - tamper landing on toe, ouch, ouch, ouch!


----------



## joey24dirt

I really don't think there's any explanation required here....


----------



## MildredM

joey24dirt said:


> I really don't think there's any explanation required here....


You used too much force, Luke


----------



## joey24dirt

MildredM said:


> You used too much force, Luke


She shoots, she scores! Actually tried to invert but forgot to hold the bottom end also haha


----------



## Luke.

And this is why I've avoided the invert method!


----------



## Stanic

ah, the good old splash coffee


----------



## PPapa

joey24dirt said:


> I really don't think there's any explanation required here....


I am pretty sure I told you not to try inverted method!

Done the same... not fun


----------



## joey24dirt

@PPapa


----------



## Obnic

Missy said:


> Knocked the tamper which rolled off the counter and into my toe!


Ooooh, sacrificial toe! In my experience this is still better than the tamper landing on the floor and collecting a big dent.


----------



## Kitkat

I managed to drench my scales last night due to a portafilter mishap, I took the batteries out and checked that water had not got into the battery compartment, dried the whole lot off and left them on the counter overnight. This morning I picked up the batteries to replace them and crossed everything that they would still work..... And promptly dropped a battery into the cats' water bowl.


----------



## MildredM

Perfecting the distribution of grinds . . .


----------



## johnealey

^^ I think your distribution is a bit off to the left with some channelling in the middle:exit:

John


----------



## MildredM

johnealey said:


> ^^ I think your distribution is a bit off to the left with some channelling in the middle:exit:
> 
> John


Oh come on, it's a pretty level tamp. Give me some credit


----------



## AndyDClements

And I can't see any nasty clumps.

Mine today.

Mate arrived ,we had coffee as he looked at the Europiccola.

I decided I'd make one shot for him. It wasn't a single act of muppetry, it was like watching a 2 year old try and walk on ice.

First, I ground 9g instead of 7g (but didn't realise the error), then found I'd not checked the cleanliness of the shower screen. Wondered why the portafilter wouldn't fit (simple, too much coffee in the basket? Yes and No- see later). Thought it was the piston pushing the screen (How could it, as I'd set the nuts to limit and prevent that.... Oh no I hadn't... I'd set it so that the seal was just visible but hadn't checked that it doesn't touch/move the screen). Lifted the arm to fit the portafilter. Lifted too far and so allowed water to the grounds before I had a cup in place. Then wondered why I had the coffee starting to drip, and it took a few seconds to realise that I needed to put the cup in place.

I could say, I hadn't had a coffee and so wasn't awake properly, but I had and I was (I'd been shopping earlier). I just wasn't paying attention to what I was trying to do.


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Perfecting the distribution of grinds . . .


I think this begs the question.......

Did it it rattle it's way out of the PF forks, all on it's own or was the operator just a little the worse for wear following Saturday night's revels ?


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> I think this begs the question.......


I thought it might . . .



> Did it it rattle it's way out of the PF forks, all on it's own


No. As you know, the flat doesn't vibrate whatsoever. Oh, of course, you don't know what with only having the conical.



> or was the operator just a little the worse for wear following Saturday night's revels ?


I don't know. You'd have to ask Ian


----------



## Drewster

MildredM said:


> I thought it might . . .
> 
> No. As you know, the flat doesn't vibrate whatsoever. Oh, of course, you don't know what with only having the conical.
> 
> I don't know. *You'd have to ask Ian*


 @Ian-AKA-MrMildred

Ian - Was Mildred still pished this morning?


----------



## MildredM

Drewster said:


> @Ian-AKA-MrMildred
> 
> Ian - Was Mildred still pished this morning?


As a phart


----------



## Greydad

Did a beautiful grind into the portafilter flicking and nudging to even the coffee out like a pro smelt great then onto the mat for a slick tamp only to realise I hadn't put the filter in...

Forgot to take a photo but as I'm only just beginning my coffee journey I see a wide open future full of glorious muppet possibilities


----------



## xpresso

Greydad said:


> Did a beautiful grind into the portafilter flicking and nudging to even the coffee out like a pro smelt great then onto the mat for a slick tamp only to realise I hadn't put the filter in...
> 
> Forgot to take a photo but as I'm only just beginning my coffee journey I see a wide open future full of glorious muppet possibilities


Just remember 'YOU ARE NOT ALONE' and I don't mean in a mystical sense, I'm on the same journey, just had a short break while I got my/our coffee station in place.... BUT .... I got my scales out ground a double into the portafilter and kin forgot to tare off prior, so an initial cock up, if we didn't make mistakes we're not learning ........ so if on your journey you see someone in a lay-by kicking tyres ..... it's only me.

Jon.


----------



## Kitkat

I decided to clean the Mignon. I pushed the metal gate in to stop beans falling out the bottom when I removed it, or at least I thought I had. But clearly I hadn't pushed it in far enough and a lot of beans fell out. Everywhere. But that wasn't a total disaster. What was disastrous was the knee jerk reaction of tipping the hopper upside down. Those who are familiar with the Mignon will know that the lid just sits lightly on top. So tip it upside down and everything falls out







. I think I'll be finding coffee beans in every nook and cranny for a very long time.


----------



## xpresso

Kitkat said:


> I decided to clean the Mignon. I pushed the metal gate in to stop beans falling out the bottom when I removed it, or at least I thought I had. But clearly I hadn't pushed it in far enough and a lot of beans fell out. Everywhere. But that wasn't a total disaster. What was disastrous was the knee jerk reaction of tipping the hopper upside down. Those who are familiar with the Mignon will know that the lid just sits lightly on top. So tip it upside down and everything falls out
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> . I think I'll be finding coffee beans in every nook and cranny for a very long time.


It's 'Bean' done many times before, you'll not be the first, nor the last .

Jon.


----------



## Rakesh

MildredM said:


> OUCH! I don't 'like' that - tamper landing on toe, ouch, ouch, ouch!


Me neither, I doubt the nail bed even reached maximum density...


----------



## rob177palmer

So today I have learned not to rack up so many espresso cups near to the hatch for my water reservoir....as they tend to fall in!!

D'oh!


----------



## BaggaZee

So this morning I was in a rush knocked the portafilter off the grinder, dropping grounds all over the counter. I was already late so just scooped them up, dumped them back in the portafilter and carried on. Mistake.

The 20g VST doesn't have much clearance in the Vesuvius bottomless filter. My horribly distributed grounds forced the flow out by the handle, bridged that gap, flowed along the handle and poured all over the machine, scales, worktop, cupboards and floor.



















I doubt the display on the scales will last long after that, fingers crossed for a Voom delivery soon!


----------



## xpresso

BaggaZee said:


> So this morning I was in a rush knocked the portafilter off the grinder, dropping grounds all over the counter. I was already late so just scooped them up, dumped them back in the portafilter and carried on. Mistake.
> 
> The 20g VST doesn't have much clearance in the Vesuvius bottomless filter. My horribly distributed grounds forced the flow out by the handle, bridged that gap, flowed along the handle and poured all over the machine, scales, worktop, cupboards and floor.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I doubt the display on the scales will last long after that, fingers crossed for a Voom delivery soon!


Ah well gives it that lived in, distressed look despite probably feeling a Di&k







looks to be an Aribica judging by the coverage







.. sorry.

Jon.


----------



## BaggaZee

Indian Monsoon Malibar, it is indeed!


----------



## xpresso

BaggaZee said:


> Indian Monsoon Malibar, it is indeed!


And it may well have been :yuk:wind again !!.

Jon.


----------



## BaggaZee

I know. I really was late in the end.


----------



## MildredM

BaggaZee said:


> So this morning I was in a rush knocked the portafilter off the grinder, dropping grounds all over the counter. I was already late so just scooped them up, dumped them back in the portafilter and carried on.


I honestly thought I was reading about a new distribution technique











> Mistake.


I was a little surprised at the likelehood of achieving a satisfactory result if I'm honest.



> The 20g VST doesn't have much clearance in the Vesuvius bottomless filter. My horribly distributed grounds forced the flow out by the handle, bridged that gap, flowed along the handle and poured all over the machine, scales, worktop, cupboards and floor.
> 
> I doubt the display on the scales will last long after that, fingers crossed for a Voom delivery soon!


The best excuse for new stuff I've ever come across!!


----------



## Snakehips

Minor Monolith Muppetry here......

Place beaker on scale and tare - Check

Open bag of beans and pour a decent handful into left hand - Check

Scan beans for foreign objects whilst tipping from left hand - Check

Into the beaker, until required dose weight is achieved - *into what* *!!?*

Into the beaker... on the scales.....

Oh! Not the whole handful straight into the throat of the grinder then, without weighing it?

NO !!!


----------



## BaggaZee

Take #2

The scales are fubar (after taring they count up like a stopwatch) so I tried to judge 18.0g by hand. I got it wrong, queue repeat of yesterday's mess.










Going to look for my camping scales, they'll have to do until Voom time.


----------



## MildredM

Which part of 'don't remove the portafilter quite yet, my sweet!' didn't penetrate . . . .


----------



## Greydad

Spectacular!


----------



## MildredM

Greydad said:


> Spectacular!


Poor Ian! He thought he'd been shot


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Which part of 'don't remove the portafilter quite yet, my sweet!' didn't penetrate . . . .


You just can't get the staff these days M !


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> You just can't get the staff these days M !


He is pretty good at decorating









Here's a quote from Ian:

"It just turned on me! It was like being bitten by your favourite puppy. You trust your appliances and without warning they just turn round and bite you!"


----------



## Greydad

I thought at first he'd been murdered, then realised he was just hiding - a perfectly understandable reaction in the circumstances


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> Which part of 'don't remove the portafilter quite yet, my sweet!' didn't penetrate . . . .


Hilarious, for a minute I thought he was after the last few dregs out of the machine but the table got in the way.

Jon.


----------



## MildredM

So flipping busy identifying machines and posting on the forum this morning I forgot to switch the L-R on grrrrrrr!!!!!


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> So flipping busy identifying machines and posting on the forum this morning I forgot to switch the L-R on grrrrrrr!!!!!


Ho ho ho !!!!!


----------



## BaggaZee

I can't believe that you of all people don't have a whole range of smartplugs controlling the machine shop. I really like the Samsung smartplug, you can set up timers for on & off (as many as you like) and you can control it from your phone.


----------



## MildredM

BaggaZee said:


> I can't believe that you of all people don't have a whole range of smartplugs controlling the machine shop. I really like the Samsung smartplug, you can set up timers for on & off (as many as you like) and you can control it from your phone.


I'm not sure either, now I come to think about it. I have 2 reminders set on my iPad but I was far too busy trying to spell ceado to even notice THAT









Anyway, 20 minutes, a few flushes through and we are suitably caffeinated!


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> So flipping busy identifying machines and posting on the forum this morning I forgot to switch the L-R on grrrrrrr!!!!!


Serves yourself right for trying peoples patience bordering frustration







.

Jon.


----------



## Missy

That moment when you realise you forgot to order coffee last night, and you've missed today's roasting deadline. And you've got NO coffee left (except half a bag and a sample bag that needs the espresso machine to use!!!)

Hoping either foundry are generous with their roasting deadlines (can't imagine the have the ability to be otherwise not much point in having a deadline!)

Or that my spanners arrive and solve my problems!


----------



## jj-x-ray

Went to make an americano, forgot I had left the steam switched on on my classic.........powerful jet of steam dispersed my coffee liberally......idiot


----------



## MildredM

"Look, Ian, look!" I pointed excitedly out the window this morning at a hawk in the garden - with my hand holding a pitcher of foamed milk!!


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> "Look, Ian, look!" I pointed excitedly out the window this morning at a hawk in the garden - with my hand holding a pitcher of foamed milk!!


Well you had at least foamed it !!! almost blindfold that sez something.

Jon.


----------



## the_partisan

I was testing what setting to use on the EK43 S for Turkish coffee, and was using some very stale beans I bought on my last visit to Istanbul 6 months ago that by now smelled quite bad. They seem ok when freshly roasted and taste acceptable but as they get stale you can see they use pretty poor quality and cheap beans that smell like a natural processed coffee gone bad.

Anyway, after grinding a batch of those and being satisfied with the setting (just two notches above 0), I changed the setting and made a Kalita brew using some high quality Kenyan beans. I didn't weigh the output and realised only after that a part of the Turkish coffee beans were mixed in to the brew, and the coffee had the off flavour of those beans mixed with the Kenyans, which almost ruined the whole brew!


----------



## CitizenScientist

Pull a shot, get distracted with something else, and forget to knock the puck out of the portafilter. Find it hours later, baked into a rock. DOH!


----------



## ashcroc

CitizenScientist said:


> Pull a shot, get distracted with something else, and forget to knock the puck out of the portafilter. Find it hours later, baked into a rock. DOH!


Had that perplexed look of 'why is the preheat flush water brown?' look a few times hehe.


----------



## joey24dirt

CitizenScientist said:


> Pull a shot, get distracted with something else, and forget to knock the puck out of the portafilter. Find it hours later, baked into a rock. DOH!


Literally about to post this very thing. 8 hour baked pucks are a pain to get out.


----------



## Missy

joey24dirt said:


> Literally about to post this very thing. 8 hour baked pucks are a pain to get out.


I've seen several new posters recently advocating reusing a puck 1,2 even 3 times... It would definitely save you the hassle of removing it.


----------



## joey24dirt

Missy said:


> I've seen several new posters recently advocating reusing a puck 1,2 even 3 times... It would definitely save you the hassle of removing it.


 can you imagine how that would taste


----------



## Missy

joey24dirt said:


> can you imagine how that would tatse


Thankfully no I can't!


----------



## MildredM

joey24dirt said:


> Literally about to post this very thing. 8 hour baked pucks are a pain to get out.


The mind boggles


----------



## mmmatron

Missy said:


> I've seen several new posters recently advocating reusing a puck 1,2 even 3 times... It would definitely save you the hassle of removing it.


----------



## hotmetal

Joey8dirt?


----------



## 4515

A bit of narrowly avoided muppetry today.

I was chatting on the phone and touched the mythos, just above the grind adjust and the lights below the hopper dimmed. Hmmmmmm - strange.

Pressed the plate a bit harder and the grinder reset itself. Not good

I then put a bit of lateral pressure on the grind adjuster and the machine reset again.

I'm now thinking loose connection, live wire earthing or something else along those lines.

Out to the garage, arm myself with an assortment of screwdrivers and back into the house.

I'm about to take the machine apart when I decide to check the mains. Yes ... the plug was slightly out of the wall socket and the pressure on the grinder was moving the mains cable and causing a temporary loss of power.

So glad that my fault finding logic hasn't totally deserted me and that I checked the obvious before having a kitchen full of mythos spares


----------



## MildredM

working dog said:


> A bit of narrowly avoided muppetry today.
> 
> I was chatting on the phone and touched the mythos, just above the grind adjust and the lights below the hopper dimmed. Hmmmmmm - strange.
> 
> Pressed the plate a bit harder and the grinder reset itself. Not good
> 
> I then put a bit of lateral pressure on the grind adjuster and the machine reset again.
> 
> I'm now thinking loose connection, live wire earthing or something else along those lines.
> 
> Out to the garage, arm myself with an assortment of screwdrivers and back into the house.
> 
> I'm about to take the machine apart when I decide to check the mains. Yes ... the plug was slightly out of the wall socket and the pressure on the grinder was moving the mains cable and causing a temporary loss of power.
> 
> So glad that my fault finding logic hasn't totally deserted me and that I checked the obvious before having a kitchen full of mythos spares


LOLOLOLOL

Hehe! I once sent a GHD hair straightener back for exchange complaining it kept going on and off while in use


----------



## 4515

MildredM said:


> LOLOLOLOL
> 
> Hehe! I once sent a GHD hair straightener back for exchange complaining it kept going on and off while in use


Easily done. We exchanged a Philips toothbrush as the intensity of the vibration had reduced. Later discovered that this was due to us inadvertently reducing the power setting by pressing the button quickly


----------



## the_partisan

I'm away for travelling and the wife is trying grind coffee the first time on the new grinder.. the result:










And I still have no idea how she managed to get a whole bean through? Likely jumped..


----------



## 9719

Todays effort, or rather last nights, steam wand been squeaking for awhile when swivelling it, so thought I'd fix that as it's a 5 min job to whip it of add a touch of grease and replace and so it proved so all good there. This morn came down turned on machine and took dogs for walk as per norm only to return to find water all over coffee corner and steam pouring out of wand, perhaps I should have checked that I had turned the steam tap of good and proper or was it that resident mouse having its morning shower?


----------



## 9719

At least THE Chocolate Muffin turned out ok


----------



## GingerBen

Nothing a cocktail stick cant fix


----------



## Obnic

Moka pot through the dishwasher. There's a muppet in my house somewhere with a short life expectancy!


----------



## xpresso

Obnic said:


> Moka pot through the dishwasher. There's a muppet in my house somewhere with a short life expectancy!


Doubt this error is unique and it does make it 'Different'







........ Jon.


----------



## Obnic

xpresso said:


> Doubt this error is unique and it does make it 'Different'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ........ Jon.


I'm sure you are right. The damage is fatal though because the top layer of the aluminium is now a powder that rubs off.


----------



## xpresso

Obnic said:


> I'm sure you are right. The damage is fatal though because the top layer of the aluminium is now a powder that rubs off.


The dishwasher treatment has opened it up to oxidisation, it could be buffed but long term ??????????.

Jon.


----------



## jj-x-ray

Obnic said:


> I'm sure you are right. The damage is fatal though because the top layer of the aluminium is now a powder that rubs off.


Alu forms its own very tough oxide layer when exposed......so I'd be interested to know what's powdery and rubbing off. Not dishwasher residue?


----------



## iulianato

Nearly dropped my pf and saved about 12g of 18

(see the floor? )


----------



## ashcroc

jj-x-ray said:


> Alu forms its own very tough oxide layer when exposed......so I'd be interested to know what's powdery and rubbing off. Not dishwasher residue?


The white powdery stuff is just sodium aluminum phosphate from the chemical reation with the dishwasher deturgent. It's used sometimes as a levening agent in baking so is food safe (just unsightly). Polishing it off with cream of tartar madw into a paste should work but you'll want to look into reanodising if you don't want to keep having to do it.


----------



## Obnic

^^ exactly that.


----------



## Obnic

Do muppets have any natural predators?

Just asking. I was thinking about how Henry Ford used to walk live tigers up and down the assembly line to increase productivity. Was wondering if a muppet predator in the house might prevent my children trashing stuff.


----------



## ajohn

Ordered my beans. 500g of dark monsooned malabar and 250g of medium dark sumatra mandheling, Beans arrived this morning. Opened the MM and tipped them into the can. Oh no they have sent me medium dark as there was no signs of oil. Phoned them up and they asked me to send a photo and asked about labelling, yes I said MM is shown as dark and the SM as medium dark, So took photo and then noticed that I had 500g of dark SM and 250g of medium dark SM. Both correctly labelled.







Checked the order and that is what I some how managed to order.








I'm still wondering if it was the web or me.

Worse still new machine and I don't think I will ever get what I want from dark SM with it - that's why I ordered the medium dark.

John

-


----------



## richwade80

I'm nursing the mother of all hangovers today. This really didn't help.

Damn single spouted portafilter.


----------



## xpresso

richwade80 said:


> I'm nursing the mother of all hangovers today. This really didn't help.
> 
> Damn single spouted portafilter.


Jeez, really who am I to comment on this level, but it does look very coarse.

Jon.


----------



## richwade80

xpresso said:


> Jeez, really who am I to comment on this level, but it does look very coarse.
> 
> Jon.


You may well be right, although it is a bit deceptive...

I dismantled and cleaned my grinder (an mc2 which I'm looking to replace) yesterday and removed 6g of old grounds. On replacing the parts I noticed the burr has a slight wobble to it so I presume I don't get a very even grind.

In any case, it was (almost) dialled in, in spite of appearances.


----------



## joey24dirt

Another 8 hour baked puck here *♂?*♂


----------



## MildredM

joey24dirt said:


> Another 8 hour baked puck here *♂臘*♂


Sideline? Clay pigeons!


----------



## joey24dirt

MildredM said:


> Sideline? Clay pigeons!


Ah yeah good thinking. I'll dusk off the shotgun


----------



## rob177palmer

I don't know where to start describing today's muppetry - entire spilled bowl of Rice Krispies, spilled cup of milk (both our 3-year old), then I started to grind without pre-weighing the PF and without the dosing collar, so static grounds everywhere, then I finally made me first espressonof the day (took 90 minutes), and immediately poured it all over the worktop.

I just wanted a coffee :-/


----------



## MildredM

rob177palmer said:


> I don't know where to start describing today's muppetry - entire spilled bowl of Rice Krispies, spilled cup of milk (both our 3-year old), then I started to grind without pre-weighing the PF and without the dosing collar, so static grounds everywhere, then I finally made me first espressonof the day (took 90 minutes), and immediately poured it all over the worktop.


Well they say these things come in threes . . . Or fours!



> I just wanted a coffee :-/


Can I recommend instant in future?


----------



## rob177palmer

MildredM said:


> Can I recommend instant in future?


A double instant just to stabilise the brain enough to make a proper coffee!!


----------



## MildredM

In use the PuqPress is so quiet you hardly hear it. So much so you don't even notice if it isn't switched on when you press


----------



## DavidBondy

MildredM said:


> In use the PuqPress is so quiet you hardly hear it. So much so you don't even notice if it isn't switched on when you press


Yep! Done that!


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> In use the PuqPress is so quiet you hardly hear it. So much so you don't even notice if it isn't switched on when you press





DavidBondy said:


> Yep! Done that!


Me too !

Perhaps we should get '*I'm A Puqpress Pillock !* ' teeshirts ?

EDIT: Maybe..... '*I'm A Dozy Puqer !*'


----------



## xpresso

Just like the electric car it needs a sound effect so you know it's worked, I could forsee 'Muppetry' if you go as many strokes as this..






And maybe a new PF needed........

Jon.


----------



## PPapa

How difficult can a burr replacement on Ceado E37s be? Take the old burrs out, give it a good clean, put the new burrs in and we're done, right? 6 flat head screws and 3 bolts in total... Easy, right?!

Turned it on, reset the burr setting, tried to grind some beans. Nothing is coming out. Take everything apart... hm... there's grounds everywhere for sure...

Maybe the burrs are directional? So if I put them the wrong way around, then it wouldn't grind? I will just swap out the burrs. Nope. Didn't work. The chute is clogged up maybe? Nah, looks alright.

Some head scratches and the bad feeling is developing that something is just not right. Yeah, I did mess up the adjustment collar. I moved the setting to the far too fine side! Makes sense... take it all apart, give it a good clean again, put it all together, relax the grind setting massively. Yay! Grounds are coming out nicely! 18g in... the machine is choked! Another adjustment and 36g out in 33s.

It just baffles me how mechanically incapable I can be.


----------



## AndyDClements

Eye full of coffee. Ouch, but no hot liquid.

I'd just ground 250g ready for cold-brew, and I use a grind that's close to espresso, not quite as fine but close enough. It's in a bag for 1kg, so 3/4 full of air. Need to use the left hand to pick something else up, and the right hand is already holding something, so I'll hold the bag using my folded arm against my body, so I lean my head to better see that I'm going to correctly place the bag.

In hind-sight, a method of holding perhaps best described as "the way a person playing the bagpipes powers the air flow". You can see where this is going. Well, a couple of seconds later I couldn't see much at all.

It was from Rave, but wan't their fudge blend although perhaps my words would have led to people mis-hearing and thinking it was.


----------



## MildredM

Having two portafilter handles can be rather confusing (for some*) at times.

Grind, prep, insert, pull. Grind the second, prep, place next to machine in readiness. Finish first shot, remove handle, sit it down, *pick it up again*, insert, pull - what the heck! A swooshingly fast shot of what looked like puddle water with a cream scum atop! How can one* not see the handle with the freshly prepared contents lined up, ready and waiting!

*I am not sure it would be kind to name and shame . . . . Ian!*


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> Having two portafilter handles can be rather confusing (for some*) at times.
> 
> Grind, prep, insert, pull. Grind the second, prep, place next to machine in readiness. Finish first shot, remove handle, sit it down, *pick it up again*, insert, pull - what the heck! A swooshingly fast shot of what looked like puddle water with a cream scum atop! How can one* not see the handle with the freshly prepared contents lined up, ready and waiting!
> 
> *I am not sure it would be kind to name and shame . . . . Ian!*


Back under the table for the lad...........

Jon.


----------



## spoxehub

I have two PF's on the machine, one with a blind basket, one with my double. This morning I filled the blind basket with grinds then spent a lot of time trying to figure out the reason why I wasn't getting a shot......


----------



## joey24dirt

Yesterday. 2pm. Worked right through to get the job away. Go to bait room. Boil kettle. Tip beans into aergrind. Start grinding...... couple of minutes pass.... still grinding..... still grinding.....oh my, my arm is going to fall off.....still grinding. Check the beans and there's half left! What the heck! Check grounds... looks like dust.

Must remember to dial my aergrind back to the AP setting after zeroing it!!


----------



## ashcroc

joey24dirt said:


> Yesterday. 2pm. Worked right through to get the job away. Go to bait room. Boil kettle. Tip beans into aergrind. Start grinding...... couple of minutes pass.... still grinding..... still grinding.....oh my, my arm is going to fall off.....still grinding. Check the beans and there's half left! What the heck! Check grounds... looks like dust.
> 
> Must remember to dial my aergrind back to the AP setting after zeroing it!!


How was the turkish coffee?


----------



## joey24dirt

ashcroc said:


> How was the turkish coffee?


It made the bin smell nice at least.


----------



## joey24dirt

Groan ......









Set the scene. Grind as normal, tamp, purge steam and group. Lock in. Pull shot and steam. Machine cuts off at 25g. Shit! I've ran out of water. Milk steam ok so I'll deal with the 25g coffee. Pour milk and drink. Ok let's top up water. Left pump button pressed so machine kicks into life as I'm adding water. Shit! Scales now covered in watery coffee!


----------



## hotmetal

Came very close to that today, but the water just made it to the end of the shot, the pump stopped but I left the lever up. Hurrah, no wasted shot. So far no actual Muppetry. However, suitably distracted, I then made an unintentional sacrifice to the coffee gods - grind, level, tamp, lock in. Refill water. Knock out puck. Hmm very dry powdery puck. D'oh!

_______

The only V8 I'm likely to own comes in one litre tetrapaks and tastes like celery.

Cushions were invented by women to stop men from sitting on the sofa.


----------



## MildredM

I had a flood-the-scales incident this morning too - while removing the cup I touched the side of my finger for some inexplicable reason on the hot steam wand and jumped


----------



## MSM

Burnt the top of my hand with boiling water coming out of the Cherubs hot water tap - my fault for not paying attention while rinsing/warming a cup - if really does blast hot water everywhere!

Yep - still hurts!


----------



## joey24dirt

We are going to need RAMs and get a permit to work at this rate!


----------



## hotmetal

Yep that's a nasty one for sure - superheated water. Hand straight under running cold tap for maybe 10 minutes is necessary if you do that. (I dare say you know that....) Hope it stops burning soon!

_______

The only V8 I'm likely to own comes in one litre tetrapaks and tastes like celery.

Cushions were invented by women to stop men from sitting on the sofa.


----------



## Scotford

MSM said:


> Burnt the top of my hand with boiling water coming out of the Cherubs hot water tap - my fault for not paying attention while rinsing/warming a cup - if really does blast hot water everywhere!
> 
> Yep - still hurts!


Christ I've done that before... ran a finger through the hot tap whilst running. Lost the skin in a strip instantly.


----------



## mmmatron

Forgot to tighten the grind adjustment on the monolith when I set it for french press...cue boulders


----------



## Snakehips

Ho ho ! Join the club.


----------



## Obnic

Tired this week. Twice I've just stopped myself from steaming Mrs Obnic's espresso rather than the milk. ?

https://media1.tenor.com/images/7c35fce1e3ce0a3d4add2ac30cffca1c/tenor.gif?itemid=6117941


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Tired this week. Twice I've just stopped myself from steaming Mrs Obnic's espresso rather than the milk. 臘
> 
> https://media1.tenor.com/images/7c35fce1e3ce0a3d4add2ac30cffca1c/tenor.gif?itemid=6117941


I wish we could have a LOL button alongside the Like/Thanks buttons


----------



## JayMac

Obnic said:


> Tired this week. Twice I've just stopped myself from steaming Mrs Obnic's espresso rather than the milk.


Crazy way to make an americano, but nothing a good fib couldn't cover up.


----------



## Tanguero

spoxehub said:


> I have two PF's on the machine, one with a blind basket, one with my double. This morning I filled the blind basket with grinds then spent a lot of time trying to figure out the reason why I wasn't getting a shot......


I thought I was the only one to have done that! Actually left my rubber disc that seals for back cleaning in and hey presto filled the PF without noticing......no espresso and what a mess.......and they said the Sage Oracle was idiot proof.....HA HA


----------



## ashcroc

Tanguero said:


> I thought I was the only one to have done that! Actually left my rubber disc that seals for back cleaning in and hey presto filled the PF without noticing......no espresso and what a mess.......and they said the Sage Oracle was idiot proof.....HA HA


That's the main reason I bought a shallow blind basket instead of a deep one or a blanking disc. Even then I've caught myself tryong to fill it once or twice while wondering why most of the grounds won't go in.


----------



## GrahamS

anyone else ever taken the filler lid off their Classic, and thrown the beans in? it was early, I obviously hadn't had a coffee, and the grinder is next to it......

fortunately easy enough to retrieve


----------



## ashcroc

Better that way round than topping your grinder up with water. Hehe



GrahamS said:


> anyone else ever taken the filler lid off their Classic, and thrown the beans in? it was early, I obviously hadn't had a coffee, and the grinder is next to it......
> 
> fortunately easy enough to retrieve


----------



## MildredM

ashcroc said:


> Better that way round than topping your grinder up with water. Hehe


As if anyone . . .


----------



## Obnic

Allowed my best beloved Acaia Lunar battery to run flat. ?*♂

Had to revert to my Hario, which is by no means a bad scale but was a timely reminder of just how good the Lunar is.


----------



## jj-x-ray

Not really muppetry, but certainly ineptitude. Dialing a 250g bag in with about 3 espressos left .

I must buy 500g in future to compensate


----------



## PPapa

Not a good start for the day...


----------



## joey24dirt

PPapa said:


> Not a good start for the day...


Oh no. Warm milk soaking into all that grout ?*♂


----------



## PPapa

joey24dirt said:


> Oh no. Warm milk soaking into all that grout ?*♂


It was cold, fortunately. Though the way it bounced made everything, including cupboards, covered in milk.

If it was red wine, it would have looked like a murder scene!


----------



## jj-x-ray

PPapa said:


> It was cold, fortunately. Though the way it bounced made everything, including cupboards, covered in milk.
> 
> If it was red wine, it would have looked like a murder scene!


Been there done that 

https://coffeeforums.co.uk/showthread.php?p=563649


----------



## MildredM

I can't click 'Like' to any Muppetry posts - we need an 'Aghhhhh' butting


----------



## xpresso

This when having a cat as a pet comes in handy.

Jon.


----------



## joey24dirt

PPapa said:


> It was cold, fortunately. Though the way it bounced made everything, including cupboards, covered in milk.
> 
> If it was red wine, it would have looked like a murder scene!


If it was red wine I would be on my hands and knees lapping it up


----------



## jj-x-ray

xpresso said:


> This when having a cat as a pet comes in handy.
> 
> Jon.


Not quick enough unless you were suggesting using one as a squeegee


----------



## xpresso

jj-x-ray said:


> Not quick enough unless you were suggesting using one as a squeegee


Is there an alternative way ??.

Jon.


----------



## spoxehub

Was at it again this morning half awake....

Weighed out 16g, dropped them in the hopper, was going to make a brew, wandered off to do something else.

Came back, weighed out ANOTHER 16g, dropped them in the hopper. Put PF in place, switched grinder on, had a coffee avalanche.

Idiot.


----------



## Stanic

xpresso said:


> This when having a cat as a pet comes in handy.
> 
> Jon.


our doggie wouldn't mind as well


----------



## joey24dirt

I didn't realise that when you switch the E8 to manual grind it literally came on there and then! Ground coffee all over the place


----------



## mmmatron

joey24dirt said:


> I didn't realise that when you switch the E8 to manual grind it literally came on there and then! Ground coffee all over the place


With great force! Lost a fair few grams of coffee doing that.


----------



## ashcroc

joey24dirt said:


> I didn't realise that when you switch the E8 to manual grind it literally came on there and then! Ground coffee all over the place


Look on the bright side. At least it was only Aldi beans you lost instead of something pricier.


----------



## Jony

Getting ID-OD wrong way round. Facepalm when they turn up!


----------



## Drewster

MildredM said:


> I can't click 'Like' to any Muppetry posts - we need an 'Aghhhhh' butting


I can.. I think it's called schadenfreude.

PS - What is a "butting".....


----------



## 4515

Just made me and Mrs WD a quick aeropress on holiday.

Workflow is improving, grinding the second set of beans while the first is brewing - that sort of thing

I pour the second beans into the aeropress, bloom, pour in water, invert, wait, plunge

Only to find coffee pouring out of the cup.

Thinking this is strange, I check the cup to find that I'm pouring the second coffee on top of the first one.

Less Mastika tonight methinks


----------



## AndyDClements

Grinding 250g of decaf for coldbrew (about 3-4 days'worth). Grinder blown through with little puffer thing (OK, it's a nail-varnish drier puffer), hopper back on, tip beans in.

Why are beans falling onto the floor? Oh FFFFFFF Flipping Eck.

That would be because I poured 250g of Mahogany roast deacf beans into the funnel that is the output of the grinder. There was nothing to catch them in, because I catch them in the contain from which I was pouring them.

I managed to catch 80g, the rest had been on the floor, so now wasted.

The worst of it is: I'd just checked and was thinking, I have enough decaf such that I'll need to order in a day or two to give it time to rest before using.

Not any more I don't.


----------



## MildredM

I have a new, highly technical distribution technique.


----------



## xpresso

Morning 'M'.

It's a tad unfair to click a like for this catastrophe!! .. what happened.

Not that nasty Monolith fighting back is it ???.

Jon.


----------



## 4515

This is muppetry and a confession for the LSOL collective

Just in from a bit of shopping and time for coffee.

The last of the previous coffee was removed from the grinder and the LSOL put into the hopper.

PF on scales - tare

PF clipped into grinder while I refil the water filter jug

Suddenly realise that the grinder is still running - yes.... I'd left it on constant rather than timed dose

Coffee overflowed from the PF all over the work top

28 seconds worth of coffee ground and most of it wasted - probably about 80g of beans


----------



## MildredM

xpresso said:


> Morning 'M'.
> 
> It's a tad unfair to click a like for this catastrophe!!


Go on, you know you want to











> .. what happened.


I applied the new finger-flicking technique which is all the rage now, don't you know











> Not that nasty Monolith fighting back is it ???.
> 
> Jon.


They can be so moody at times. I expect it's because we've been favouring the flat this last week . . .


----------



## MildredM

working dog said:


> This is muppetry and a confession for the LSOL collective
> 
> Just in from a bit of shopping and time for coffee.
> 
> The last of the previous coffee was removed from the grinder and the LSOL put into the hopper.
> 
> PF on scales - tare
> 
> PF clipped into grinder while I refil the water filter jug
> 
> Suddenly realise that the grinder is still running - yes.... I'd left it on constant rather than timed dose
> 
> Coffee overflowed from the PF all over the work top
> 
> 28 seconds worth of coffee ground and most of it wasted - probably about 80g of beans


I bet you had a little smile to yourself . . . . !


----------



## 4515

MildredM said:


> I bet you had a little smile to yourself . . . . !


Mrs WD wondered what had happened when the air turned blue. Followed shortly after with me thinking 'what a silly sausage' (or words to that effect)


----------



## Lozzer87

MildredM said:


> I have a new, highly technical distribution technique.


Copying my technique.


----------



## AndyDClements

MildredM said:


> I have a new, highly technical distribution technique.


Certainly appears to be thorough.


----------



## Obnic

Woke up this morning to water all over the counter, an empty reservoir, and the machine in 'no water' standby mode.

First thought was blown pipework. Then I noticed that the hot water joy stick was down. Muppet!

Must have knocked it when I was cleaning around the machine last evening.


----------



## 4515

Obnic said:


> Woke up this morning to water all over the counter, an empty reservoir, and the machine in 'no water' standby mode.
> 
> First thought was blown pipework. Then I noticed that the hot water joy stick was down. Muppet!
> 
> Must have knocked it when I was cleaning around the machine last evening.


I wish I could say that I've never done that


----------



## BaggaZee

Obnic said:


> Woke up this morning to water all over the counter, an empty reservoir, and the machine in 'no water' standby mode.
> 
> First thought was blown pipework. Then I noticed that the hot water joy stick was down. Muppet!
> 
> Must have knocked it when I was cleaning around the machine last evening.


One advantage to not plumbing in!


----------



## richwade80

Yesterday I brought the Aeropress out. I have some stubborn beans which my grinder won't deal with so I'm hand grinding.. till the Niche arrives!

Anyway, yesterday's inverted method worked ok, but when I righted it I noticed grounds stuck to the plunger above the waterline and obviously not contributing.

Alas today I tried the non-invert (normal?) method. I had it all measured out, spare hot water heating the cup. Who knew the whole setup had to be on the cup for this method !?

Cue frantic cup emptying and tell tale coffee drips all the way to the sink. I can't be the only one.

Result: better than yesterday


----------



## spoxehub

BaggaZee said:


> One advantage to not plumbing in!


Mine's plumbed in and so.......Few weeks ago I stumbled downstairs in my usual morning half asleep mode, whacked the machine on and went off upstairs to faff about with shower etc.

Came down about half an hour later to a full blown kitchen sauna. Forgot I'd left the steam valve open as I'd wanted to depressurise the machine fast the day before.

On the plus side, validates HX steam power....


----------



## joey24dirt

Recently Mrs Dirt has been enjoying cold coffee so made a request for me to show her how it's done. Now years ago she worked in a cafe Nero so in me head this was going to be more a quick refresher session and a 'this button does that' exercise.

How wrong I was. Straight off the bat she grabbed the portafilter head (machine had been on all morning) and burnt her fingers. Obviously straight under the cold tap to cool her hand. Clearly this was my fault as I didn't issue a warning. Clearly I expected having worked in a cafe, she may have remembered that bit 

Anyway lesson learnt.

She then asked to film the process of me doing it so if the time came, she could just watch the videos....... Hopefully my darling now knows not to touch that hot bit again.

On a positive note though, this increased interest could mean the very early stages of seed planting. It's like inception. I'll plant the idea of a nice fancy machine and let her think it's was her idea


----------



## Lozzer87

joey24dirt said:


> Recently Mrs Dirt has been enjoying cold coffee so made a request for me to show her how it's done. Now years ago she worked in a cafe Nero so in me head this was going to be more a quick refresher session and a 'this button does that' exercise.
> 
> How wrong I was. Straight off the bat she grabbed the portafilter head (machine had been on all morning) and burnt her fingers. Obviously straight under the cold tap to cool her hand. Clearly this was my fault as I didn't issue a warning. Clearly I expected having worked in a cafe, she may have remembered that bit
> 
> Anyway lesson learnt.
> 
> She then asked to film the process of me doing it so if the time came, she could just watch the videos....... Hopefully my darling now knows not to touch that hot bit again.
> 
> On a positive note though, this increased interest could mean the very early stages of seed planting. It's like inception. I'll plant the idea of a nice fancy machine and let her think it's was her idea


Wish my Mrs had even the slightest interest in coffee.


----------



## joey24dirt

Lozzer87 said:


> Wish my Mrs had even the slightest interest in coffee.


My darling never used to, but now the summer is here, and our boys are so full on, she needs that extra pick me up to keep her going


----------



## Lozzer87

joey24dirt said:


> My darling never used to, but now the summer is here, and our boys are so full on, she needs that extra pick me up to keep her going


That's the same reason I love my coffee


----------



## Lozzer87

Funny thing is I'm not sure whether it was a coincidence that my coffee addiction and joining of this forum occured at roughly the same time as my children were born


----------



## ashcroc

Just found a pot in the cupboard with a couple hundred grams of CC mystery #8 that's well over a year old. 

Do I dare drink it or just use it for post flush/descale sink shots?


----------



## Jacko112

What have you got to lose?


----------



## Dylan

This morning, my milk was just on the turn, being late for work and not having the time to go and get more milk I decided to power through.

The coffee was really quite horrid, but I drank it anyway as I was also hungover. Not recommended.

Not sure it really classifies as Muppetry but felt like this was the most appropriate place to share.


----------



## BaggaZee

While grinding my morning dose, I started admiring the new handle on my portafilter and completely forgot what I was doing. I pulled the portafilter out for a better look, resulting in coffee all over the counter & floor.


----------



## El carajillo

BaggaZee said:


> While grinding my morning dose, I started admiring the new handle on my portafilter and completely forgot what I was doing. I pulled the portafilter out for a better look, resulting in coffee all over the counter & floor.


Very easy to get distracted:whistle:


----------



## Drewster

I'll just pop the V60 into the dishwasher....

Mmmmm a little tight... just a little push should do it.....

A few hours later I decide to make myself a coffee...

The bloody thing has cracked!!! ahhhhhhhh maybe it was a little too tight!

Oh well Amazon Prime to the rescue - I should get a new (plastic) one later today

(meanwhile I can fold V60 papers to fit the flat bottomed cone I have


----------



## Drewster

Drewster said:


> I'll just pop the V60 into the dishwasher....
> 
> Mmmmm a little tight... just a little push should do it.....
> 
> A few hours later I decide to make myself a coffee...
> 
> The bloody thing has cracked!!! ahhhhhhhh maybe it was a little too tight!
> 
> Oh well Amazon Prime to the rescue - I should get a new (plastic) one later today
> 
> (meanwhile I can fold V60 papers to fit the flat bottomed cone I have


Good old Amazon - I am now the proud owner of a nice shiny Red Plastic V40 cone..........

Ooooooo and a almost (but not quite) the same colour little scoop thing......

All is right with the world...... well it will be once I sort out Wi-Fi options.....

Monster Router?

Mesh?

Google?.... BT?..... Velop?


----------



## MildredM

Automated coffee weighing machine malfunction!


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> Automated coffee weighing machine malfunction!


Mildred I'm sure Joey could easily supply a small wooden block to support one coffee holder, just tare it off afore weighing, I'd do it for you if I was on home turf.

Jon.


----------



## MildredM

xpresso said:


> Mildred I'm sure Joey could easily supply a small wooden block to support one coffee holder, just tare it off afore weighing, I'd do it for you if I was on home turf.
> 
> Jon.


We made one but my automated machine says he prefers the cup and funnel system!


----------



## hotmetal

LOL poor Ian, the things you drag him into! Was he an accountant? Certainly seems to know how many beans make five... coat, door, gone!

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## joey24dirt

xpresso said:


> Mildred I'm sure Joey could easily supply a small wooden block to support one coffee holder, just tare it off afore weighing, I'd do it for you if I was on home turf.
> 
> Jon.


Ere I'm on my holidays too you know. Gutted I couldn't pack the lathe in the car!


----------



## Snakehips

joey24dirt said:


> Ere I'm on my holidays too you know. Gutted I couldn't pack the lathe in the car!


You can rest easy Joe nobody is indispensable, not even you, so enjoy your holiday.

I happen to know that if Ian needs a wooden whotsit this side of you coming back off holiday, he has all the necessary equipment to hand.

That said, if his wood whittling is no better than his bean weighing...... what's the soonest you could get back?


----------



## joey24dirt

Snakehips said:


> You can rest easy Joe nobody is indispensable, not even you, so enjoy your holiday.
> 
> I happen to know that if Ian needs a wooden whotsit this side of you coming back off holiday, he has all the necessary equipment to hand.
> 
> That said, if his wood whittling is no better than his bean weighing...... what's the soonest you could get back?


If my toddler had his way, we would be back tonight. All because we didn't have milk at bedtime


----------



## Snakehips

joey24dirt said:


> If my toddler had his way, we would be back tonight. All because we didn't have milk at bedtime


I'm sure I have the NSPCC number somewhere.......


----------



## MildredM

joey24dirt said:


> If my toddler had his way, we would be back tonight. All because we didn't have milk at bedtime


I would be too - it's akin to not having coffee at 10am time


----------



## MildredM

joey24dirt said:


> If my toddler had his way, we would be back tonight. All because we didn't have milk at bedtime


Do you think we need a new thread . . . Things that make you have a paddy that are totally out of proportion to the reason you're having it


----------



## joey24dirt

MildredM said:


> Do you think we need a new thread . . . Things that make you have a paddy that are totally out of proportion to the reason you're having it


Absolutely. Like when we have lunch in their small plastic table and chairs. Two identical blue chairs but somehow I always give him the wrong one?!


----------



## hotmetal

Ah but that's unavoidable. They may look identical to you, but he knows that the best one is the one you chose, so he wants it. The question is, when you give in and swap, is he content or does he go round in a loop...

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## xpresso

joey24dirt said:


> Ere I'm on my holidays too you know. Gutted I couldn't pack the lathe in the car!


Got the fishing gear though ?.

Jon.


----------



## joey24dirt

xpresso said:


> Got the fishing gear though ?.
> 
> Jon.


Nope  still needs sorting all of that


----------



## MildredM

Now look here, before you start, it said in the instructions to put your portafilter under the grinder.


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Now look here, before you start, it said in the instructions to put your portafilter under the grinder.


Surely, nobody is that stupid?

I suspect you are doing this on purpose, in pursuit of 10,000 post badge


----------



## joey24dirt

Another smashed sage handle. So annoying how they are bonded on. Officially the last one I'm doing unless it's getting a new handle also ??


----------



## xpresso

joey24dirt said:


> Another smashed sage handle. So annoying how they are bonded on. Officially the last one I'm doing unless it's getting a new handle also 郎郎


Could be lining up to 'payback' for a possible Hull/Darlington UPS type service............

I'm getting a little concerned for 'M', without checking has she not had a few entries in the 'Muppetry' section of late ........








.

Jon.


----------



## slamm

A bit of a classic I'm sure but a first for me. It was getting dark (that's my excuse ayway!) and forgot to put the catch cup on the feldgrind.. 2.5g of precious Barn Nguguini wasted, utter plonker. refilled then had all sorts of problems with temp which had of course gone way over the top.. sprayed to the max, ran porta under the tap and hoped for the best. a waste of time but drank it anyway as punishment..

curious side note: it was the smell that alerted me that something wasnt quite right.. dont usually smell anything especially after just a few turns so that was the first clue, but kept going a few more turns.. then noticed the aroma was nothing like as fresh as you would expect. Not like how it smells out of the catch cup, really not particularly nice, almost like it was stale.. suggests how volatile the really nice aromas you get from fresh coffee are. Certainly not detectable as the ground coffee flows freely from your grinder and onto the kitchen floor anyway.


----------



## 4515

After 2 weeks away with only aeropress and Hausgrind to make tasty coffee, which it did every time, I was looking forward to stoking up the L1 and Mythos

As there were stale beans and grinds about I pushed the button three or four times to clear it out - it was set on a one second grind. Not sure if it was the quick stop/start or if it was just a bean jamming the motor at the wrong position but it would not spin again.

Quick nip to the garage for a screwdriver, removed the front burr and most of the grinds. Before re-assembly I thought Id test that the motor spun freely (don't try this at home kids).

Hands free of the spinning burr, I pressed the pf button, only to shower the remaining grinds all over the kitchen !

Quickly hoovered up the mess, re-assembled so that no one would ever know and Mrs WD comes in from the garden asking why I was so keen to hoover at 7:30am. Not thinking of any plausible reasons I had to 'fess up.


----------



## joey24dirt

*non-coffee related muppetry*

Cooking tea for the boys. Chilli cooking nicely so it's now time to wash the rice and add to a pan of water to bring to the boil. It's way quicker to use the kettle, and it was already full so bonus. Put washed rice in the pan and added the boiled water. Erm..... why does the water look a bit blue and smell strange?! Oh yeah that's why. I descaled it earlier that day and forgot to empty it. Nearly killed us all via poisoning


----------



## ashcroc

joey24dirt said:


> *non-coffee related muppetry*
> 
> Cooking tea for the boys. Chilli cooking nicely so it's now time to wash the rice and add to a pan of water to bring to the boil. It's way quicker to use the kettle, and it was already full so bonus. Put washed rice in the pan and added the boiled water. Erm..... why does the water look a bit blue and smell strange?! Oh yeah that's why. I descaled it earlier that day and forgot to empty it. Nearly killed us all via poisoning


Now you know why it's blue!


----------



## MildredM

working dog said:


> After 2 weeks away with only aeropress and Hausgrind to make tasty coffee, which it did every time, I was looking forward to stoking up the L1 and Mythos
> 
> As there were stale beans and grinds about I pushed the button three or four times to clear it out - it was set on a one second grind. Not sure if it was the quick stop/start or if it was just a bean jamming the motor at the wrong position but it would not spin again.
> 
> Quick nip to the garage for a screwdriver, removed the front burr and most of the grinds. Before re-assembly I thought Id test that the motor spun freely (don't try this at home kids).
> 
> Hands free of the spinning burr, I pressed the pf button, only to shower the remaining grinds all over the kitchen !
> 
> Quickly hoovered up the mess, re-assembled so that no one would ever know and Mrs WD comes in from the garden asking why I was so keen to hoover at 7:30am. Not thinking of any plausible reasons I had to 'fess up.


So funny!!! And now I understand why Ian is sometimes keen to a do a spot of hoovering at strange times of the day


----------



## richwade80

Ordered two bags of cafetière ground coffee for the holidays only to accidentally re-order on our return. D'oh!

Being a Yorkshireman, I've drunk the lot even though it's getting a bit old by now. Sick of it tbh, desperate for some grinding action so to speak.

Thankfully that day will be tomorrow. Actual grinding of course...


----------



## Jony

richwade80 said:


> Ordered two bags of cafetière ground coffee for the holidays only to accidentally re-order on our return. D'oh!
> 
> Being a Yorkshireman, I've drunk the lot even though it's getting a bit old by now. Sick of it tbh, desperate for some grinding action so to speak.
> 
> Thankfully that day will be tomorrow. Actual grinding of course...


A Sunday Morning Grind, cool haha


----------



## Drellis

kikapu said:


> I got a set of my scales totally soaked in coffee rinsed under tap like an idiot then put them infront of elec heater to dry out and try and save them!!! Left it there for 5 mins or so came back and it had melted into a banana shape!! But they were dry


I agree that heat sources and scales don't mix. After weighing my beans for my Chemex I placed the scales on a hot hob ring that I had forgotten to turn off after cooking bacon and continued to brew my coffee happily. I was met with the delighfult aroma of melting plastic. They did not survive.


----------



## Dayks

Ceramic Hob? Those things are deadly, mine doesn't even light up on the lowest two settings, the amount of things I have melted.


----------



## Dayks

Double post


----------



## cozzie21

I actually had a moment yesterday, dead in the morning, poured my shot, had my milk jug beside the wand to delicately texture my milk and ended up steam the shot I had just poured all around and over the machine. Still confused, that before I even thought of taking a picture I was out with the cloth and tidied it up?*♂


----------



## jj-x-ray

Brain fart at the weekend caused me to measure out the liquid weight of grinds from the grinder as if I was pouring the espresso........54g of ground coffee


----------



## mmmatron

It took me half the shot to process why the scales were getting covered in coffee this morning...forgot the cup.


----------



## jonnycooper29

It must be all the excitement around the arrival of the first Niches, but this has never happened to me before..










So I load up the Aergrind again, clean everything up and go again..










Someone, somewhere, does not want me to have a coffee today


----------



## MildredM

mmmatron said:


> It took me half the shot to process why the scales were getting covered in coffee this morning...forgot the cup.


Nerves getting to you 2 weeks ago?!!!!!


----------



## mmmatron

MildredM said:


> Nerves getting to you 2 weeks ago?!!!!!


Ha. Probs more to do with the 4.45 wake ups from the wee one.


----------



## MildredM

mmmatron said:


> Ha. Probs more to do with the 4.45 wake ups from the wee one.


Have you tried crate training - worked a treat with ours (dog!!!)


----------



## mmmatron

MildredM said:


> Have you tried crate training - worked a treat with ours (dog!!!)


Something similar


----------



## Stuartb27

In my defence it's still early for a Saturday.

Flicked up the lever, started to steam the milk. Milk steamed, lever pushed down.

Ah, no cup under the portafilter, so what was probably my best shot to date was now in the drip tray.

Second shot was more successful.


----------



## Snakehips

Forget making a flat white whilst wearing a blindfold, à la @MildredM - (Here) - I find it's difficult enough without.

Well I did this morning.....

A dash of hot water to warm the cups - milk into milk jug - weigh beans - tip beans into grinder - change scales' mode from weigh to shot weigh and time - so far so good!

Tip water from cups into sink - scales onto drip tray - cups onto scales - steadily pull the lever of the L-R.

'That feels strange!' 'What on earth is that gurgling noise ?'

Well, I can tell you that it was the sound of trying to pull a shot without any coffee grounds in the portafilter!

Coffee beans were still sitting in the grinder, unground !

Embarrassing but fortunately not a messy muppet.

I'm still trying to establish a credible excuse and will edit this post if and when I invent one.


----------



## MildredM

Hah! Try it blindfolded @Snakehips it gets the concentration concentrated!!


----------



## ashcroc

Snakehips said:


> Forget making a flat white whilst wearing a blindfold, à la @MildredM - (Here) - I find it's difficult enough without.
> 
> Well I did this morning.....
> 
> A dash of hot water to warm the cups - milk into milk jug - weigh beans - tip beans into grinder - change scales' mode from weigh to shot weigh and time - so far so good!
> 
> Tip water from cups into sink - scales onto drip tray - cups onto scales - steadily pull the lever of the L1.
> 
> 'That feels strange!' 'What on earth is that gurgling noise ?'
> 
> Well, I can tell you that it was the sound of trying to pull a shot without any coffee grounds in the portafilter!
> 
> Coffee beans were still sitting in the grinder, unground !
> 
> Embarrassing but fortunately not a messy muppet.
> 
> I'm still trying to establish a credible excuse and will edit this post if and when I invent one.


Unplanned preheat/sterilization cycle? As muppetry goes, at least it was one of the easier ones to recover from.


----------



## MildredM

@Snakehips, while it is interesting to hear how you made a lovely cup of hot water, I am more interested in hearing about your new machine. When did you sell your L-R ?


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> @Snakehips, while it is interesting to hear how you made a lovely cup of hot water, I am more interested in hearing about your new machine. When did you sell your L-R ?


 @MildredM. Do I detect a note of sarcasm or is that just your tongue firmly embedded in your cheek ?

Whilst 1 is of course grateful 2 U 4 having pointed out the existence of a minor aberration or clanger, in post #915, 1 is somewhat surprised to C how U R finding the time 2 pick over such minutiae !

Should U not B concentrating your attention on managing the CFUK LAC 2018 ? A?

If u must know, the otherwise insignificant typographical blip was the result of nefarious cyber activity be the Russian KGB.

Forum administrators have been made aware of the attack and 1 has edited the post in order that it now reads correctly.

1 does wonder whether or not it was the Ruskies who sabotaged *YOUR* CFUK LAC Round2 Poll post title yesterday?

U know, the 1 that nice moderator chappie, @Rhys, interrupted his evening meal 4 so that he could correct it and save your embarrassment.

Or perhaps U were just plain bl**dy careless ?

R U happy now ?!!!!!?


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> @MildredM. Do I detect a note of sarcasm or is that just your tongue firmly embedded in your cheek ?
> 
> Whilst 1 is of course grateful 2 U 4 having pointed out the existence of a minor aberration or clanger, in post #915, 1 is somewhat surprised to C how U R finding the time 2 pick over such minutiae !
> 
> Should U not B concentrating your attention on managing the CFUK LAC 2018 ? A?
> 
> If u must know, the otherwise insignificant typographical blip was the result of nefarious cyber activity be the Russian KGB.
> 
> Forum administrators have been made aware of the attack and 1 has edited the post in order that it now reads correctly.
> 
> 1 does wonder whether or not it was the Ruskies who sabotaged *YOUR* CFUK LAC Round2 Poll post title yesterday?
> 
> U know, the 1 that nice moderator chappie, @Rhys, interrupted his evening meal 4 so that he could correct it and save your embarrassment.
> 
> Or perhaps U were just plain bl**dy careless ?
> 
> *R U happy now ?!!!!!?*


 



*
*Happy? HAPPY? Having endured that diatribe I am, quite frankly, jiggered. My fervent hope is that the remainder of my existence on this forum may be one of brief, pointed, unruffling comments.


----------



## richwade80

Yesterday was not far short of a total disaster. I'm up north visiting my brother, so actual coffee would have to be purchased.

Due to 'mild breeze Derek' (or whatever) forcing the closure of our intended destination, we decided to visit the local park. After a small vomiting incident we set off, forgetting to pick up coffee from a safe house on the way.

At the park I chose to park as far from the entrance as possible and then some chancer instantly parked next to me. It was all I could do not to take a photo, anticipating the worst.

In the park we quickly lost the kids and checked out the local coffee van. It had a three group Rancilio lever machine. Sounds good, but imagine a Tomy 'My First Lever', and you are about there. The grinder was just awful. Awful I say.

I asked the barista if she could do a flat white as it wasn't on the menu. She said "I think so". At this point I should explain my internal conflict of requiring coffee, and knowing full well it would be utter toss.

Amused by my position, I ordered away. This was her method for two flat whites;

Two clicks from the doser into the PF. No tamp, not even a levelling, straight into the machine. One pull on the lever. Another pull on the lever on the spent puck. At this point she poured something from another cup into my cups. I tried not to think about that. Milk frothing was undertaken using what appeared to be a milk maids bucket. The milk was done once it had boiled over.

There were notes of despair, suffering and botulism. After I tipped my drink away 'tout suite', we went to fly a kite.

On returning to car, low and behold my first door ding after one year free of incidents. No there wasn't a note. Charlatans.

Always make sure you have access to good coffee. Or your life will be ruined.


----------



## hotmetal

Sounds like a nightmare. People are like lemmings or penguins in car parks, almost like safety in numbers. I always try to park as far away from other cars, but people are like zombies "must... park... next... to... someone" with the inevitable consequences. Usually parking furthest from the attraction/shop/ whatever works, as people's innate laziness is about the only thing that can break through lemming mode.

In the end i gave up and bought an ex fleet car with a small ding on every panel, fully loaded for the same price as a base model without dings, safe in the knowledge that some buffoon would drive into me whilst parked at some point. White van man didn't disappoint grrr. Came home to find a big dent, streaks of white paint, and hand prints where he'd tried to brush off his paint. No note.

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## xpresso

If you don't suffer 'Muppetry' you're not trying and I wondered what my eventual 'Dick' would be, with the greatest respect to 'Dicks'.

Just returned from holidays and set up my kit, poured beans into grinder and went to grind, nothing, tried again nothing just a buzz (Which is the usual sound), a split second thought the adjustment to fine, slackened off a few notches, just the same, 'Pillock'







, opened the gate of the grains hopper and ............ .

Jon.


----------



## AndyDClements

Making cold brew should be / is so simple that an idiot can do it, well, I fell short of that bar today.

I had taken a 1kg bag of beans and split into batches (of either 250g or 333g depending on density), stored in airtight containers ready for grinding. So I just need to...

Grind, then weigh the grinds (I've had issues before where I loose quite a bit via muppetry with the grinder, so now weigh after grinding). So, grinds tipped into the brewer. Darn, didn't tare the scales. OK, get the empty container, set tare and weigh anther batch of beans that are in an identical container , assume that I didn't loose much and assume that each batch was identical to start with.

Now I just need to add 1350ml of water, simple enough, approx half way though adding I check the scales, already reading 15xx (c1.5kg) when it should be reading 7xx. Darn, forgotten to tare the scales to reflect brewer + grinds.

Same mistake, repeated within 60 seconds.


----------



## ashcroc

AndyDClements said:


> Making cold brew should be / is so simple that an idiot can do it, well, I fell short of that bar today.
> 
> I had taken a 1kg bag of beans and split into batches (of either 250g or 333g depending on density), stored in airtight containers ready for grinding. So I just need to...
> 
> Grind, then weigh the grinds (I've had issues before where I loose quite a bit via muppetry with the grinder, so now weigh after grinding). So, grinds tipped into the brewer. Darn, didn't tare the scales. OK, get the empty container, set tare and weigh anther batch of beans that are in an identical container , assume that I didn't loose much and assume that each batch was identical to start with.
> 
> Now I just need to add 1350ml of water, simple enough, approx half way though adding I check the scales, already reading 15xx (c1.5kg) when it should be reading 7xx. Darn, forgotten to tare the scales to reflect brewer + grinds.
> 
> Same mistake, repeated within 60 seconds.


It's for this exact reason I have the weights of the ramekin I grind into & the cups I use noted down somewhere (along with cup minus ramekin so I don't have to do quick mental arithmetic mid pour)!


----------



## richwade80

Trainee Barista - check

15.0g of beans - check

Insert cup under grinder - wait, what?

Turn on grinder - already on it!

On a side note, grounds were easily saved thanks to the removable base, and a piece of folded paper.


----------



## MildredM

^^^ you just can't get the staff these days


----------



## Deeez Nuuutz

Last night I got everything ready to make a flat white. I poured out some milk into the pitcher, pulled an espresso shot into my cup, moved the cup and scales out the way after I'd hit the desired weight, turned the knob on my DTP to steam, picked up the jug to steam the milk or what I thought was my jug but I actually picked up my espresso cup and proceeded to start steaming that instead - Doh!!


----------



## MildredM

I am always keep to try out new distribution techniques.

I bring you the High Level Carpet Bombing Method


----------



## Nicknak

When you get it all back into the portafilter you won't have to stir it


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> I am always keep to try out new distribution techniques.
> 
> I bring you the High Level Carpet Bombing Method


I hope you remembered to chuck a pinch over your shoulder for good luck ?


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> I hope you remembered to chuck a pinch over your shoulder for good luck ?


I expect you will think I will reply with 'that's just rubbing salt into......'. Well, I won't be doing that at all


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> I am always keep to try out new distribution techniques.
> 
> I bring you the High Level Carpet Bombing Method


Blindfolded again?


----------



## AndyDClements

Flooring colour could be worse, at least it's coffee-colour.


----------



## Pablosammy

Just received a bottomless portafilter, and set out playing. I'm still at the bottom of the learning curve, so naivety played a big part in this little error...

First shot was pretty much perfect - no sprites, no clear channelling. Maybe my technique has benefited from all my procrastination internet browsing after all!

However, it was slightly quick and sour, so I made an adjustment to my new grinder and tried again. Oh dear... my first sprites, and bad channelling... as a result of this bypass the shot was even quicker. Try again, with another little adjustment to the grinder and a more concerted distribution effort. This time it went absolutely everywhere, splattering all over the machine and me and avoiding the cup altogether. It was apocalyptic.

Sit down, take stock, let the machine recover, clean up and go back to basics. I quickly realised my mistake... I'd been turning the grinder adjustment the wrong way, and my lack of attention to detail hadn't noticed the grinds getting coarser. By the end, it was the equivalent of water draining through pebbles.

A bit of time later I'm there, I think. Nice tasting shot and a pull worthy of a slow motion YouTube video. I feel very much 'all the gear, no idea' though. I also have considerably fewer beans to play with...


----------



## Hasi

Pablosammy said:


> I'd been turning the grinder adjustment the wrong way, and my lack of attention to detail hadn't noticed the grinds getting coarser.


Haha... happens to me all the time ever since I operate a Macap MXP with its worm gear adjuster. Embarrassing isn't it?


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> I am always keep to try out new distribution techniques.
> 
> I bring you the High Level Carpet Bombing Method


Anything Ian can do I can do better ............ and here's the proof.







.

Jon.


----------



## AndyDClements

Making the cold brew, this time I did weigh the grounds and the water (see previous acts of Andy Muppetry), brew overnight, release and drain into flask and wonder why it's a lower volume than normal. Lower volume than a normal 250g brew, strange as it's a 333g brew.

Ah, 333g of coffee with water for 250g, so not only 300g less water in thn it should have been, but more of it retained in the extra 83gof coffee.

I must not set the cold brew going late evening, obviously the caffeine from the standard coffee has left my system by then and I'm zombified.


----------



## Hasi

So I pour a swan and its feathers are coming along really nice. Tell ya - I can get very excited at times! So I pour on, what a terrific body! This one's going into the Free Pour Anytime thread!! Now focus on a perfect neck - heck!!










Game over.

Early morning classic!


----------



## xpresso

Hasi said:


> So I pour a swan and its feathers are coming along really nice. Tell ya - I can get very excited at times! So I pour on, what a terrific body! This one's going into the Free Pour Anytime thread!! Now focus on a perfect neck - heck!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Came over.
> 
> Early morning classic!


Almost Saturn.

Jon.


----------



## richwade80

xpresso said:


> Almost Saturn.
> 
> Jon.


Turn it upside down and it's a sunset in the Sahara.


----------



## xpresso

richwade80 said:


> Turn it upside down and it's a sunset in the Sahara.


Turn it upside down Rich you'll end up with even more of a mess.







.

Jon.


----------



## PPapa

Edit: Never mind, I think it's a bit too morbid to share it!


----------



## hotmetal

Wow! Ouch! Hope your lip gets better soon, at least no expensive dentistry required, so that's funds for handle replacement!

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## MildredM

PPapa said:


> Edit: Never mind, I think it's a bit too morbid to share it!


Have you levered your chin, by any chance?


----------



## Chap-a-chino

AndyDClements said:


> Flooring colour could be worse, at least it's coffee-colour.


It probably wasn't when new,


----------



## PPapa

MildredM said:


> Have you levered your chin, by any chance?


It was my tooth, but there happened to be the lower lip in between! Managed to chip the handle, kind of glad it's not made of plastic or metal and it was just the side, so it slipped.

You can only imagine the impact - how do you chip a piece of wood when the lip is the one that gets hit first? It's been two days now. Still swollen lip and mild tooth/gum pain... glad I didn't have to go to the A&E and tell I've been hit by an espresso machine!

I wasn't paying too much attention. I was chatting with friends and had slightly damp hands as I just rinsed the portafilter and was cleaning the group with espazolla.

I have a feeling I'm not the first one to get injured by a lever though!


----------



## Snakehips

PPapa said:


> It was my tooth, but there happened to be the lower lip in between! Managed to chip the handle, kind of glad it's not made of plastic or metal and it was just the side, so it slipped.
> 
> You can only imagine the impact - how do you chip a piece of wood when the lip is the one that gets hit first? It's been two days now. Still swollen lip and mild tooth/gum pain... glad I didn't have to go to the A&E and tell I've been hit by an espresso machine!
> 
> I wasn't paying too much attention. I was chatting with friends and had slightly damp hands as I just rinsed the portafilter and was cleaning the group with espazolla.
> 
> I have a feeling I'm not the first one to get injured by a lever though!


Yikes!!

I've witnessed a Londinium lever going back up without resistance and it's not something you would want to get in the way of. But sadly, you already know that.

I wish you a speedy recovery and hope you have not lost your nerve.


----------



## xpresso

PPapa said:


> It was my tooth, but there happened to be the lower lip in between! Managed to chip the handle, kind of glad it's not made of plastic or metal and it was just the side, so it slipped.
> 
> You can only imagine the impact - how do you chip a piece of wood when the lip is the one that gets hit first? It's been two days now. Still swollen lip and mild tooth/gum pain... glad I didn't have to go to the A&E and tell I've been hit by an espresso machine!
> 
> I wasn't paying too much attention. I was chatting with friends and had slightly damp hands as I just rinsed the portafilter and was cleaning the group with espazolla.
> 
> I have a feeling I'm not the first one to get injured by a lever though!


It would be deemed as to sadistic to have clicked 'Like this post' ..... so commiserations and fortunately no loss of limbs, is there no injurious to health warning in it's operation







.

Jon.


----------



## Hasi

PPapa said:


> Edit: Never mind, I think it's a bit too morbid to share it!


Oh noes, I've missed it!



Well then, get [in the right shape] again, soon! Wishing you a speedy recovery - as speedy as the lever movement causing all the trouble


----------



## Hasi

xpresso said:


> It would be deemed as to sadistic to have clicked 'Like this post' ..... so commiserations and fortunately no loss of limbs, is there no injurious to health warning in it's operation
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .
> 
> Jon.


If it were an American product, lever would need to be at least 5ft long so that all required warning labels could be applied...


----------



## MildredM

PPapa said:


> It was my tooth, but there happened to be the lower lip in between! Managed to chip the handle, kind of glad it's not made of plastic or metal and it was just the side, so it slipped.
> 
> You can only imagine the impact - how do you chip a piece of wood when the lip is the one that gets hit first? It's been two days now. Still swollen lip and mild tooth/gum pain... glad I didn't have to go to the A&E and tell I've been hit by an espresso machine!
> 
> I wasn't paying too much attention. I was chatting with friends and had slightly damp hands as I just rinsed the portafilter and was cleaning the group with espazolla.
> 
> I have a feeling I'm not the first one to get injured by a lever though!


[email protected]@dy heck 

Ouch ouch ouch.

It's easily done . . . Hope things settle down soon x


----------



## PPapa

Hasi said:


> Oh noes, I've missed it!
> 
> 
> 
> Well then, get [in the right shape] again, soon! Wishing you a speedy recovery - as speedy as the lever movement causing all the trouble


The only thing you missed was the photo of the lever - nothing else that isn't in the other post!










Well, serves me a lesson and hopefully that is enough to make others aware of danger. If released in a controlled manner, the lever doesn't really feel that dangerous.


----------



## Hasi

PPapa said:


> The only thing you missed was the photo of the lever - nothing else that isn't in the other post!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well, serves me a lesson and hopefully that is enough to make others aware of danger. If released in a controlled manner, the lever doesn't really feel that dangerous.


Ah I see - well you could put a warning sticker on to cover up the dent


----------



## PPapa

Hasi said:


> Ah I see - well you could put a warning sticker on to cover up the dent


I've been warned!


----------



## mmmatron

PPapa said:


> I've been warned!


Ouch! Hope you're ok. They should have made the stars teeth in the instructions.


----------



## MildredM

ppapa said:


> the only thing you missed was the photo of the lever - nothing else that isn't in the other post!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> well, serves me a lesson and hopefully that is enough to make others aware of danger. If released in a controlled manner, the lever doesn't really feel that dangerous.


nooooooooooo


----------



## hotmetal

My mischievous punning side wants to post "oh stop wengeing" but my own teeth are still hurting in sympathy. I've only used a lever once and that had coffee in the basket, I wasn't really aware that they were more dangerous when firing blanks than locked and loaded. Hope it's soon on the mend.

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## Drewster

PPapa said:


> The only thing you missed was the photo of the lever - nothing else that isn't in the other post!
> 
> Well, serves me a lesson and hopefully that is enough to make others aware of danger. If released in a controlled manner, the lever doesn't really feel that dangerous.


It is unfortunate that it appears to be damaged beyond all hope of repair.....

As a personal favour (and to save you any further danger) - I will take it off your hands.....

No No - No need to thank me!!


----------



## Agentb

A month ago decided to give the Gaggia a clean and remove the screen from the group head and descale.

The little screw is just a little smaller than the holes in the sink ...

edit: yes it was sinking feeling...


----------



## filthynines

Decided to make some filter with the Brazen. Pre-heated the carafe with some hot water. Water in, coffee ground, filter in place, then machine on and walk away.

Forgot to empty the carafe of the water. Big pool of water on the worksurface.


----------



## joey24dirt

Running out of vodka and thinking that mango absolut would "be alright" in an espresso martini....


----------



## Drewster

joey24dirt said:


> Running out of vodka and thinking that mango absolut would "be alright" in an espresso martini....


Bloody Hell - How many had you had before you decided that was worth a try?


----------



## ashcroc

joey24dirt said:


> Running out of vodka and thinking that mango absolut would "be alright" in an espresso martini....


I could see that working with the right fruity coffee.


----------



## joey24dirt

Drewster said:


> Bloody Hell - How many had you had before you decided that was worth a try?


I hadn't realised I was out until I went to make another. Was all we had haha


----------



## joey24dirt

ashcroc said:


> I could see that working with the right fruity coffee.


I beg to differ  it was bloody awful haha (still finished it though, don't like to waste coffee)


----------



## obean

Rinsing the V60 while warming the cup and forgetting to throw away the wash water when starting the pour.


----------



## ashcroc

joey24dirt said:


> I beg to differ  it was bloody awful haha (still finished it though, don't like to waste coffee)


Sounds like you used the wrong fruity coffee!


----------



## Hasi

ashcroc said:


> Sounds like you used the wrong fruity coffee!


Taste notes: bloody orange... Halloween leftovers?


----------



## Hasi

After a hard day's work I went to and returned from the local pub. Nothing coffee-related to follow, but muppetry non the less... so I find myself in the kitchen, staring at a pot of what looked to me like alphabet soup leftovers. Hungry as I was, I turned on the hob and stirred a bit... spilled a bit...










...and read my thoughts straight from the scene. Oooh why...


----------



## hotmetal

A mate of mine is in Scotland doing some forestry and just went past this sign. Well duh!









___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## Hasi

A descaling classic:

today I did a descaling run on the plumbed-in Rocket, everything fine so far, so I rinse the boiler with fresh water, let it refill, rinse again, let it refill again, look at the clock, oh my so late, gotta get to work, go to wardrobe, hear the Rocket's pump rumbling in the kitchen, think what the hell, rush to the machine, Jesus! Everything's flooded, close hot water tap, let it refill, soak up hot water from everywhere, and so on. Needless to say I didn't get nowhere on time... not that it would've mattered, though.


----------



## MildredM

Grind, prep, insert . . . Pull lever . . . In a hurry, turn to put shoes on, huff and puff "this shot is taking forever" . . . "Must have forgotten to adjust the grinder from those very light beans last night" . . . 1 minute . . . . 2 minutes . . . "Oh hellsbells that'll have to do" . . . 36g in the cup and it is still dripping away. Oh and now there's more water . . . The pump is pumping . . . The never ending shot.

Better try lifting the lever next time!!!!!

What muppet would ever do THAT!!!!!


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> Grind, prep, insert . . . Pull lever . . . In a hurry, turn to put shoes on, huff and puff "this shot is taking forever" . . . "Must have forgotten to adjust the grinder from those very light beans last night" . . . 1 minute . . . . 2 minutes . . . "Oh hellsbells that'll have to do" . . . 36g in the cup and it is still dripping away. Oh and now there's more water . . . The pump is pumping . . . The never ending shot.
> 
> Better try lifting the lever next time!!!!!
> 
> What muppet would ever do THAT!!!!!


must be the moon over the Northern hemisphere today...


----------



## xpresso

MildredM said:


> Grind, prep, insert . . . Pull lever . . . In a hurry, turn to put shoes on, huff and puff "this shot is taking forever" . . . "Must have forgotten to adjust the grinder from those very light beans last night" . . . 1 minute . . . . 2 minutes . . . "Oh hellsbells that'll have to do" . . . 36g in the cup and it is still dripping away. Oh and now there's more water . . . The pump is pumping . . . The never ending shot.
> 
> Better try lifting the lever next time!!!!!
> 
> What muppet would ever do THAT!!!!!


Only an 'M&M' ....

Jon.


----------



## Drewster

xpresso said:


> 'M&M' ....


De-Deeer-De-De-De

Mu-num-uh-num

De-Deer-De-De


----------



## willprice

A few times I've tried to do an aeropress without a filter paper and managed to shoot grounds and water all over myself and the kitchen at work.


----------



## Hasi

willprice said:


> A few times I've tried to do an aeropress without a filter paper and managed to shoot grounds and water all over myself and the kitchen at work.


Smart move to not try it at home, though


----------



## willprice

Thanks Hasi, you make a good point. In other blunders I've managed to knock a full V60 all over my desk at work too... it seems most of my coffee mishaps occur at work.


----------



## Hasi

willprice said:


> Thanks Hasi, you make a good point. In other blunders I've managed to knock a full V60 all over my desk at work too... it seems most of my coffee mishaps occur at work.


Most of the coffee occurs at work...


----------



## hotmetal

Especially for you Hasi!

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## OhhEnnEmm

I once saw someone turn on the milk steamer whilst the nozzle was pointing at her face. Of course she reacted so quick that she basically just had a slightly sore face and fogged up glasses!


----------



## Hasi

OhhEnnEmm said:


> I once saw someone turn on the milk steamer whilst the nozzle was pointing at her face. Of course she reacted so quick that she basically just had a slightly sore face and fogged up glasses!


Been watching coffee porn lately?


----------



## PPapa

So some time ago I did have some issues with the group gasket. Coffee spraying all over the place! Tried again, same thing. Got frustrated, replaced it with a rubber gasket just to get myself coffee before I rush out to work. Just to spill the beans out as I completely missed the hopper while dumping them from the single dose container. Argh.

Finally it's the weekend - makes sense now! Not sure if it came with a small tear as it lasted only a week and I didn't poke at it. I promise.


----------



## hotmetal

Fumbling around in a fuzzy precaffeinated state this morning, I got my act together just enough to pull a shot, and as it extracted I reached for the milk. The pump cut out due to low water level (aaaargh! Why no last shot protection?) and to try to save it, I whipped off the top and went to refill the water tank... with the milk I had in my hand! Just realised in time. Getting milk into the boiler would have been a nightmare, lucky I noticed in time.

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## MildredM

hotmetal said:


> Fumbling around in a fuzzy precaffeinated state this morning, I got my act together just enough to pull a shot, and as it extracted I reached for the milk. The pump cut out due to low water level (aaaargh! Why no last shot protection?) and to try to save it, I whipped off the top and went to refill the water tank... with the milk I had in my hand! Just realised in time. Getting milk into the boiler would have been a nightmare, lucky I noticed in time.
> 
> ___
> 
> Eat, drink and be merry


Haha! Who was it once got butter in their machine . . . . I can't quite recall


----------



## hotmetal

Not me thankfully! The only butter-related thing I remember was a picture Scotford posted of his face after tasting 'bulletproof' coffee, which is forever ingrained in my memory. Not dissimilar to that bean fragment of yours...









I did, as a callow youth decades ago, put some star anise in my mum's Moulinex blade grinder though. Apparently it had been a wedding present and had lasted 15 years until my youthful attempt to 'make Pernod' after having been to France. I was not flavour of the month. That would've been the star anise... pretty pernicious stuff!

___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## xpresso

PPapa said:


> So some time ago I did have some issues with the group gasket. Coffee spraying all over the place! Tried again, same thing. Got frustrated, replaced it with a rubber gasket just to get myself coffee before I rush out to work. Just to spill the beans out as I completely missed the hopper while dumping them from the single dose container. Argh.
> 
> Finally it's the weekend - makes sense now! Not sure if it came with a small tear as it lasted only a week and I didn't poke at it. I promise.


Silicon ?, that's a strange one Paul, as if its of poor quality and scrunched up and torn, but when its sat as a 'good' fit with no place to move you find it difficult to explain, it does look like its been nipped and fitted correct way round.

Jon.


----------



## grumpydaddy

MildredM said:


> Haha! Who was it once got butter in their machine . . . . I can't quite recall


I cannot tell a lie...... It might have been me and it might not.


----------



## PPapa

xpresso said:


> Silicon ?, that's a strange one Paul, as if its of poor quality and scrunched up and torn, but when its sat as a 'good' fit with no place to move you find it difficult to explain, it does look like its been nipped and fitted correct way round.
> 
> Jon.


Yeah it's silicone one John. It must have pinched somehow - the only explanation! At least the mystery solved as to why it was spraying all over the place.


----------



## Jony

Ok twice now I have done this, thrown the beans in the Niche and missed! one early morning just hovered them up, second this afternoon with Hartman margotype I picked them up,haha


----------



## richwade80

Jony said:


> Ok twice now I have done this, thrown the beans in the Niche and missed! one early morning just hovered them up, second this afternoon with Hartman margotype I picked them up,haha


I forgot the grind cup again today. Got a nice pile on the little tray, so I just tipped it into a cup, into the grind cup, and used them anyway... like a boss.


----------



## Jony

richwade80 said:


> I forgot the grind cup again today. Got a nice pile on the little tray, so I just tipped it into a cup, into the grind cup, and used them anyway... like a boss.


I have even not put the beans in the Niche left them in the cup, and thought were are my beans after switching it on. haha


----------



## ashcroc

Bit asleep this morning. Noticed the hopper was near empty so refilled it.......with teabags! Luckily they just sat on top of the finger guard.


----------



## jj-x-ray

I seem to go into a grinder trance these days and end up grinding over 20g when I need 18g.... Just staring at the rising numbers without reacting


----------



## xpresso

jj-x-ray said:


> I seem to go into a grinder trance these days and end up grinding over 20g when I need 18g.... Just staring at the rising numbers without reacting


I agree very hypnotic







.

Jon.


----------



## ashcroc

jj-x-ray said:


> I seem to go into a grinder trance these days and end up grinding over 20g when I need 18g.... Just staring at the rising numbers without reacting


When I do that I count it as my brain telling my it needs the caffeine from a triple basket.


----------



## rodduz

I just pulled a shot then instead of grabbing the milk jug to steam I proceeded to steam the shot!


----------



## Lilybell2

rodduz said:


> I just pulled a shot then instead of grabbing the milk jug to steam I proceeded to steam the shot!


Wait! You may be onto something new and amazing.


----------



## caffn8me

jj-x-ray said:


> I seem to go into a grinder trance these days and end up grinding over 20g when I need 18g.... Just staring at the rising numbers without reacting


I ground 28g for my AeroPress (enough for one mug), got distracted, put another 28g into the grinder and ended up with 56g in my AeroPress. I only realized when i saw how high the grounds were in the AeroPress.


----------



## Lefteye

Decided to grab a coffee between patients yesterday set up the aero press and pre heated it. Couldnt lock the top on and scrambled to find the missing piece for a while until I realised I'd put the sleeve on upside down.


----------



## DH83

Removed cup mid-pull only to soak my scales in coffee. Probably won't be the first time I'll do that either.


----------



## Drewster

DH83 said:


> Removed cup mid-pull only to soak my scales in coffee. Probably won't be the *first time* I'll do that either.


Well it either is or it isn't the first time...... probably won't come into it.....


----------



## DH83

Drewster said:


> Well it either is or it isn't the first time...... probably won't come into it.....


Whoops, not enough sleep clearly. Glad the weekend is here.


----------



## Drewster

DH83 said:


> Whoops, not enough sleep clearly. Glad the weekend is here.


I agree..... on both counts ;-)


----------



## caffn8me

DH83 said:


> Whoops, not enough sleep clearly. Glad the weekend is here.


I'd reckon it's more likely to be due to being undercaffeinated - a problem you were certainly trying to address at the time. Early intervention is the key









When there's too much blood in my caffeinestream I go all fuzzy round the edges.


----------



## jj-x-ray

Put milk thermometer into dish washer...... Needless to say dishwasher water has forced it's way inside the dial


----------



## All_a_Mort

Did you at least find out how hot your dishwasher gets?


----------



## caffn8me

I've suddenly remembered some muppetry from a few years ago. I was helping someone with a sales pitch. He won the contract and shortly after, he went on holiday to visit family in Jamaica. Some time after he got back he said he had something for me to thank me for the help I'd given him. He handed me a regular polythene bag of about 500g of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.

Which had been ground in Jamaica. About three months before.









Sawdust anyone? Such a shame.


----------



## Hasi

caffn8me said:


> I've suddenly remembered some muppetry from a few years ago. I was helping someone with a sales pitch. He won the contract and shortly after, he went on holiday to visit family in Jamaica. Some time after he got back he said he had something for me to thank me for the help I'd given him. He handed me a regular polythene bag of about 500g of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee.
> 
> Which had been ground in Jamaica. About three months before.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sawdust anyone? Such a shame.


What do you mean, you suddenly remembered... did you recover the bag just the other day?


----------



## caffn8me

Hasi said:


> What do you mean, you suddenly remembered... did you recover the bag just the other day?










Trust me, I spent a very long time trying to forget this whole sad episode but it was so traumatic that wasn't possible. I'm still having therapy years later









I wasn't sure whether to post in this thread or in the The worst coffee you have ever had. This thread won because it had already ceased to be coffee by the time I received it.


----------



## Hasi

caffn8me said:


> Trust me, I spent a very long time trying to forget this whole sad episode but it was so traumatic that wasn't possible. I'm still having therapy years later
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I wasn't sure whether to post in this thread or in the The worst coffee you have ever had. This thread won because it had already ceased to be coffee by the time I received it.


"Sorry, we're closing for lunch."

"Never mind that, me lad. I wish to complain about these grounds what I purchased not half a year ago in this very boutique."

"Oh yes, the Jamaican Blue... what's wrong with it?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong with it, me lad. E's dead, that's what's wrong with it."

"No, no! It's resting, look!"


----------



## jj-x-ray

Not coffee related, but I stupidly restarted my HIIT workout that I stopped doing least year as I need to get fit and lose some more pounds again.

Jumped straight in at the deep end with very little warm up doing the hardest stuff as if I had been doing it for the past few months.....

2 days later and I have never been in so much pain..... To say I'm stiff would be an understatement.... Every movement is agony. I needed help putting on my coat like a toddler. I've experienced the post work out aches before but this has crippled me.

I'm a complete imbecile!


----------



## MildredM

^^^^ haha, I am not chuckling really! Ouch!

I stupidly tightened a little knurled bolt on my sewing machine today carefully, and very gently, with a pair of pliers, and snapped the head off grrrrr!


----------



## Hasi

jj-x-ray said:


> Not coffee related, but I stupidly restarted my HIIT workout that I stopped doing least year as I need to get fit and lose some more pounds again.
> 
> Jumped straight in at the deep end with very little warm up doing the hardest stuff as if I had been doing it for the past few months.....
> 
> 2 days later and I have never been in so much pain..... To say I'm stiff would be an understatement.... Every movement is agony. I needed help putting on my coat like a toddler. I've experienced the post work out aches before but this has crippled me.
> 
> I'm a complete imbecile!


You... erm... muppet!! 

Strength and fitness coach Hasi says: weigh in at your forking current 1RM for each exercise.

And take warm-up seriously. Not only it prepares your body for oncoming stress, but it boosts your testosterone levels by some 30% if done correctly. PM for proof of concept 

But, speaking of which...

I've once played paintball with an ambitious bunch, spent two hours crouching and running - at the same time. Despite being well trained it gave me sore legs to a point where I had to descent staircases in forking reverse for the following week!


----------



## Drewster

MildredM said:


> ^^^^ haha, I am not chuckling really! Ouch!
> 
> I stupidly tightened a little knurled bolt on my sewing machine today* carefully, and very gently, with a pair of pliers,* and snapped the head off grrrrr!


Is it acceptable to say "Tut! Tut! Women eh!!"

Pliers are not designed for careful, gentle anything........

If it is knurled it is meant to be tightened/loosened by hand.....

If you can't tighten/loosen by hand it is because some Muppet has already had the bodging hammer out already!!!

(but you knew that didn't you??)


----------



## All_a_Mort

I haven't actually done this, but I did get mighty close to doing it: I decided to make a sort of coffee-chocolate-chilli extract for adding to a chilli recipe and wondered whether I could run some cacao knibs through my grinder. On the brink of doing it, I stepped back and thought I'd google it. It wouldn't have been a good idea.


----------



## richwade80

Not sure if this is muppetry or a technical.

Turned the machine on as usual and then came back later to find a full jug of hot water and a slowly increasing puddle on the worktop.

I can only guess that the hot water valve didn't close properly after yesterday evening's cup of tea. A quick pop of the joystick and it stopped.

One to watch. Glad I keep my largest jug under the hot water wand...


----------



## p3a+

Happens from time to time during the morning coffee brewing.

Pouring over my V60.

Forgetting to run the timer sometimes - or what is worse - beeing disrupted while measuring time.

I use a timer in my mobile for that.... and I really hate when someone calls while brewing and I really need to pick that phone...

All the inner peace and pleasure of brewing is gone.


----------



## ashcroc

p3a+ said:


> Happens from time to time during the morning coffee brewing.
> 
> Pouring over my V60.
> 
> Forgetting to run the timer sometimes - or what is worse - beeing disrupted while measuring time.
> 
> I use a timer in my mobile for that.... and I really hate when someone calls while brewing and I really need to pick that phone...
> 
> All the inner peace and pleasure of brewing is gone.


Put turning on airplane mode into your brew schedule? Just don't forget to turn it off again!


----------



## Jony

ButterFingers


----------



## Hasi

Jony said:


> ButterFingers


----------



## MildredM

Jony said:


> ButterFingers


Oh well . . . No use crying over . . .


----------



## Hasi

no comment...


----------



## ashcroc

Hasi said:


> no comment...


Think you may have a gusher there!


----------



## pgarrish

Hasi said:


> no comment...


I don't think that's quite right....


----------



## Hasi

pgarrish said:


> I don't think that's quite right....


I took the following steps:

reach for dosing container, put it on scales, shovel beans from bag, weigh in, daydream, unlock PF from group, put over container, turn upside down, hear jingly noise, think wait a second, lift container, look puzzled.

At least I found out what I was missing before pulling a shot


----------



## jj-x-ray

Forgot I left the gaggia pouring while I attended to something else

18 in 116 out 

Actually very drinkable lol a testament to how forgiving compass beans are


----------



## Hasi

jj-x-ray said:


> Forgot I left the gaggia pouring while I attended to something else
> 
> 18 in 116 out
> 
> Actually very drinkable lol a testament to how forgiving compass beans are


nailed it!

You did an original wrong Verlängerten in Austrian terms. Precisely what you get in a not-so-good café 'round here. While a Verlängerter usually equals an Americano more or less (espresso in a bigger cup and a jug of hot water served with it), it's long become a bad habit to just let a double pour until cup is filled.

If it were drinkable, perfect! Kermit approves.


----------



## Jony

Yet again another one, opened cupboard to get water jug, peppermill fell out and you can imagine the rest with some choice words


----------



## joey24dirt

You should try flicking the E8 switch the wrong way


----------



## Jony

Yep done it on the E5 haha


----------



## mmmatron

joey24dirt said:


> You should try flicking the E8 switch the wrong way


Done that many a time....oh the mess!


----------



## jj-x-ray

Jony said:


> Yet again another one, opened cupboard to get water jug, peppermill fell out and you can imagine the rest with some choice words


It's the multiple flailing catches you attempted in vain I can imagine....


----------



## Hasi

Jony said:


> Yet again another one, opened cupboard to get water jug, peppermill fell out and you can imagine the rest with some choice words


Were you trying to stop the flood with this knife?


----------



## Jony

Nope, it was just in the vicinity.


----------



## Rom

Looks like a finer grind is needed











pgarrish said:


> I don't think that's quite right....


----------



## Hasi

Rom said:


> Looks like a finer grind is needed


for anything coarser I would've had to use glue


----------



## MildredM

Batteries must be flat on my new teleport portafilter!


----------



## 4515

Not coffee related but my latest venture into muppetry.

After a long and mentally tiring day with the auditor, checking all things ISO 9001 were in order I went out to the poly tunnel to water stuff, genrally potter and close it down for the evening before enjoying a glass or two of vino tinto.

I bent down to drop the bottom post thing on the door into the floor. Whilst moving back into a stand, I hit my head on the hasp which is a lump of galvenised metal plate, about 2mm thick with sharp square edges.

After the initial shock I could feel my head getting wet. Yep - a gouge about 3 inches long arcross the top of my head which was bleeding a touch.

Got some paper towel from the in-laws (they live at the bottom of our garden) and was then press-ganged into going to A&E. Mrs WD and the in laws were not convinced that my assessment of 'be reyt' was the right way to proceed.

6 year old nephew was at the in-laws. He saw the blood, he was visibly shocked and ran back into the room.

3 hours in A&E and the chap cleaned up the cut and glued it back together.

Whilst I was gone the nephew was saying that they all should've come with me, asking if I was going to die.

Back home for 9:30 and that glass of red with a slightly sore head.


----------



## ashcroc

Nothing like a bit of superglue to patch up your noggin. Good luck resisting the urge to wash your hair.


----------



## 4515

ashcroc said:


> Nothing like a bit of superglue to patch up your noggin. Good luck resisting the urge to wash your hair.


Being folically challenged and having whats left cut to #1 it isn't too bad. Managing to wash around the cut with a damp cloth but it isn't the same.

I was due my weekly hair cut so leaving it another week will mean a very fluffy head by that time


----------



## Hasi

"I'm sick in me head and I haven't been to bed

Since first I came ashore with me plunder.

've seen centipedes and snakes

And me head is full of aches

And I'll have to make a path for way out yonder..."


----------



## Drewster

<snigger><snigger></snigger></snigger>

I remember a few years ago when I, for want of a better word, head-butted a badminton post mid-match....

In my mind I had just bumped my head and was looking to continue playing.....

from the perspective of my team mates and opponents "f***ing hell there is blood pishing all over the floor - you really need to go to hospital"....

So off to A&E I went, with a towel held to absorb the blood.... there did upon reflection appear to be quite a bit (albeit in real terms looking worse than it really was)...

Once in A&E and waiting for the drunks and ner' do wells to be processed the Doctor gave me the choice..

"That needs stitches..... You can:

a) Have a local anaesthetic, which'll take 20 odd minutes to work....

b) Just stitch it without the anaesthetic....

(NB In the days when stitches were proper stitches not Sello-Tape)...

I chose b and after being tied off went back to watch the end of the match.

All was well except for one slight issue....

I started a new role the following day:

a) A Zipper in my forehead is not the best first impression (on top of the skin-head anyway)

b) My Photo-ID had a thug with a zipper in his forehead for the rest of my time there....


----------



## MildredM

Look, I didn't actually forget to tamp, I just decided to see if I preferred the new grind to cup method for my morning soup


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> Look, I didn't actually forget to tamp, I just decided to see if I preferred the new grind to cup method for my morning soup


At least you did grind before


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> At least you did grind before


This time, yes


----------



## Hasi

I thought it to be a good idea bringing the Quiche Hero to the new office (just moved buildings). That and a brewer. Decided to take the V60 along and some Sigri AA beans that had been sitting on our shelf for some reason.

So far so good... first thing to do in the morning after arriving at work: brew some.

Using the 4-6 method or whatever it's called, I quickly settled for 40g-40g pours and another 40g-40g-40g knowing it works well taste-wise.

Now it seems the cups around here are a tad smaller, because it didn't fit in! Bugger, get me a cloth...










The artist in me said it's a still life called "Brimful of Arusha"...


----------



## ashcroc

Hasi said:


> I thought it to be a good idea bringing the Quiche Hero to the new office (just moved buildings). That and a brewer. Decided to take the V60 along and some Sigri AA beans that had been sitting on our shelf for some reason.
> 
> So far so good... first thing to do in the morning after arriving at work: brew some.
> 
> Using the 4-6 method or whatever it's called, I quickly settled for 40g-40g pours and another 40g-40g-40g knowing it works well taste-wise.
> 
> Now it seems the cups around here are a tad smaller, because it didn't fit in! Bugger, get me a cloth...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The artist in me said it's a still life called "Brimful of Arusha"...


A sure sign you shoulda taken the la pav in!


----------



## Hasi

ashcroc said:


> A sure sign you shoulda taken the la pav in!


was actually considering it... only need to find a spot where I can hide it!


----------



## Hasi

Gotta love an adhesive puck...










and it wasn't easy to shake off


----------



## xpresso

Hasi said:


> Gotta love an adhesive puck...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and it wasn't easy to shake off


Is this approach to tamping likely to be repetative or habit forming







.

Jon.


----------



## Hasi

xpresso said:


> Is this approach to tamping likely to be repetative or habit forming
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .
> 
> Jon.


It's brilliant if you need to switch PF handles - bottomless to double spout for instance... in case someone suddenly drops in!


----------



## xpresso

Hasi said:


> It's brilliant if you need to switch PF handles - bottomless to double spout for instance... in case someone suddenly drops in!


Is the medium used 'Odourless' 'Tasteless' or some gravitational intervention as yet unknown.....







.

Jon.


----------



## Tiny tamper

@MildredM I thought it was that new Olympic bean you were trying (the pouring) not the runner


----------



## All_a_Mort

In a rush this morning I resorted to using the clever dripper. Was slightly confused and bewildered when I ran out of space before adding all the water. Turns out I'd, er...updosed by about 100%. Whoops.


----------



## Scotford

@Hasi HOW???


----------



## Hasi

Scotford said:


> @Hasi HOW???


 (edited below)


----------



## Hasi

Scotford said:


> @Hasi HOW???


tight wiggles


----------



## Sparkyx

I've been having a problem with my ims shower screen popping out on my LR after a quick flush but since found that if I flushed with the espazzola it's not a problem, so that's what I've been doing for the past few months. However, today I forgot to pick up my nifty wee tool and this happened...










It also appears that I have misplaced the original shower screen :facepalm:


----------



## pgarrish

Isn't it screwed in? Seems odd for something under pressure...


----------



## Jony

Once just wasn't enough so twice ??


----------



## Hasi

Jony said:


> Once just wasn't enough so twice ??


just make sure you're grinding it coarser on the second run


----------



## jlarkin

pgarrish said:


> Isn't it screwed in? Seems odd for something under pressure...


No it's held in by the gasket. Though this looks like the middle of the shower screen popped out from the rest of it which is still in place?

I'd guess that may mean you've got clogged holes in the shower screen and that was causing unexpected pressure there? I read a Londinium forum thread and it sounded like that one might have had some of the lubricant on it, which is also difficult to clean off.


----------



## Sparkyx

Lesson learned, I shall be prepared if the same happens again.

I've had 8 months use out of it so it was probably due to be replaced anyway.


----------



## PPapa

Sparkyx said:


> Lesson learned, I shall be prepared if the same happens again.
> 
> I've had 8 months use out of it so it was probably due to be replaced anyway.


Ouch! Might be worth getting in touch with IMS as I don't think this is normal?


----------



## BaggaZee

Sparkyx said:


> Lesson learned, I shall be prepared if the same happens again.
> 
> I've had 8 months use out of it so it was probably due to be replaced anyway.


Why does it look burnt? Is this a lever thing somehow?


----------



## MildredM

jlarkin said:


> No it's held in by the gasket. Though this looks like the middle of the shower screen popped out from the rest of it which is still in place?
> 
> I'd guess that may mean you've got clogged holes in the shower screen and that was causing unexpected pressure there? I read a Londinium forum thread and it sounded like that one might have had some of the lubricant on it, which is also difficult to clean off.


The machines are shipped with way too much grease on the piston. Maybe this has bunged up the screen? I haven't ever seen such a thing


----------



## 4515

MildredM said:


> The machines are shipped with way too much grease on the piston. Maybe this has bunged up the screen? I haven't ever seen such a thing


Doesn't look like that to me. When I first lubed my piston I left too much grease on and that left grease in some of the larger holes. It would give a polka dot effect on the screen.

@Sparkyx have you been removing the screen and soaking in cafiza or similar ?

I'd be getting in touch with the supplier. Clogged screen or not, you wouldn't expect it to pop out like that


----------



## Sparkyx

Crisis avoided, a quick call to Fracino and it turns out that they have a spare parts desk open to the public.

And it's only 14 miles from my home address!


----------



## Snakehips

WARNING:

Favourite Londinium saucers do not fly!









Nor do they bounce!


----------



## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> WARNING:
> 
> Favourite Londinium saucers do not fly!
> 
> View attachment 114
> 
> 
> Nor do they bounce!


 Did you hit the intended target ?


----------



## Snakehips

MildredM said:


> Did you hit the intended target ?


 No.... she ducked!


----------



## Nick1881

I can only think of a couple of things I've done.

Most recently, switched on the Niche Zero without the grinds cup, luckily I didn't let the whole 18g go before I got the cup under.

I once tamped and was wiping the excess off the edges, managed to tip too much and the grinds fell out all over the place, some in the knockbox, some over the side.


----------



## caffn8me

In yesterday's muppetry, I made a special trip to Oxford to buy coffee from Cardew and Colombia Coffee Roasters (both in Oxford's Covered Market) and managed to leave a bag of coffee at the latter. Fortunately, I've still got a bag in the freezer which I can take to France with me next week.


----------



## rob177palmer

No prizes for guessing what happened in stupidity corner this morning!!










On the plus side though...beautiful mound!!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## 4515

Got back into the house this morning after walking the dogs. Popped crumpets into the toaster - set to cremate.

Cleaned the group on the L1, coffee ground - 16.1g so near enough 16 for me.

Cup warmed and on the scales, pf tamped and in place

Pulled the lever down, drips in the cup so I released the lever

BANG !!! pf hit the scales, cup hit the floor and smashed, coffee grounds and water everywhere, scales covered in water and not working

I can only think that I didn't fully lock the pf in place

Now to clean the rest of the mess


----------



## MildredM

It must be lever lunacy day - put mine in before tamping ?


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> It must be lever lunacy day - put mine in before tamping


15 for 150g in 10s?


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> 15 for 150g in 10s?


 Yes! And do you know, there wasn't any crema???


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> Yes! And do you know, there wasn't any crema


as 'long' as it tasted great...










who cares?


----------



## Hasi

Preparing to prepare two espresso shots after lunch, I rearranged stuff on cup warmer so that espresso cups are front most. Odd, me thinks, someone put the milk jug on there upright and not facing down, as usual*. In an attempt to correct positioning Hasi nimbly flicks this jug around but WHAT THE FORKING HECK!! There's milk in it!!!

Well there WAS milk in it.

Spilled everywhere, wall, worktop, bean storage, onto the machine, and Jesus H Christ into them vents 

Would have had other plans tonight than cleaning Rocket intestines... 
I spare you any imagery as it would include reflexions of my mad, mad face!

*one cold jug resting on worktop to steam milk in and one hot jug to pour steamed milk into for homogenisation...


----------



## Nicknak

Hasi said:


> Preparing to prepare two espresso shots after lunch, I rearranged stuff on cup warmer so that espresso cups are front most. Odd, me thinks, someone put the milk jug on there upright and not facing down, as usual*. In an attempt to correct positioning Hasi nimbly flicks this jug around but WHAT THE FORKING HECK!! There's milk in it!!!
> 
> Well there WAS milk in it.
> 
> Spilled everywhere, wall, worktop, bean storage, onto the machine, and Jesus H Christ into them vents
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Would have had other plans tonight than cleaning Rocket intestines...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I spare you any imagery as it would include reflexions of my mad, mad face!
> 
> *one cold jug resting on worktop to steam milk in and one hot jug to pour steamed milk into for homogenisation...


 Try not to be so organised and tidy (OCD) ?


----------



## 7493

Early morning, tired and not concentrating. Measured beans in one hand, freshly ground coffee in the niche beaker in the other. Guess which went into the hopper...


----------



## RobbieTheTruth

I sometimes run my Nespresso when there is no water in the tank.......

I'll get my coat.


----------



## pgarrish

RobbieTheTruth said:


> I sometimes run my Nespresso when there is no water in the tank.......


 Tastes better that way


----------



## Hasi

pgarrish said:


> Tastes better that way


I've already tried to figure out what the muppetish aspect is, running a N******so or forgetting to fill it...


----------



## MrOrk

There is a joystick operated steam valve on my Vesuvius, quite easy to knock when preparing your next tasty beverage, which I do regularly and SHIT myself each time!


----------



## eddie57

MrOrk said:


> There is a joystick operated steam valve on my Vesuvius, quite easy to knock when preparing your next tasty beverage, which I do regularly and SHIT myself each time!


 Know that feeling☺


----------



## Rakesh

[IMG alt="IMG_0013.thumb.jpg.b8eeced74df9c021827645d038f1c454.jpg" data-fileid="30098"]https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk//coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_06/IMG_0013.thumb.jpg.b8eeced74df9c021827645d038f1c454.jpg[/IMG]

I was doing a v60 brew and after the first pour noticed what looked like a massive floating clump bouncing around in the brew. So I try pouring over it during the next pour to try and break it up but it seemed to hold together no matter how much I poured directly onto it. So I then tried giving it a little agitation with a spoon to break it up and it felt super hard. I then scoop it out and I had a whole unground bean just floating around in my v60!


----------



## calculon

I backflushed my Gaggia Classic with coffee today after deciding I could make one without my specs and picking up the wrong basket.

After ten seconds of complaining from the pump I thought 'I don't remember tamping hard...'


----------



## catpuccino

I definitely chucked out the filter rinse water from my v60 this morning before brewing.

Yep.

Nothing to see here.

Everything's fine.


----------



## catpuccino

Came home this this...does it count? Must've been some stuck up the chute ?


----------



## MildredM

catpuccino said:


> Came home this this...does it count? Must've been some stuck up the chute ?
> 
> View attachment 30112


 A bad cold with a nasty cough? Early night and a hottie for your Niche ?


----------



## igm45

Double whammy today.

My only excuse is that incident one was early in the morning!

Incident 1 - grind, prep, tamp. Pull shot - gushes everywhere. As it's only the 4th or 5th time I used the 15g VST I assume it was just my prep so throw the espresso away.

Grind, prep, tamp. Gushy mcgusherson ensues... Then, I click.... I changed between beans the night before. Literally the definition of schoolboy error.

Incident 2. Get home from work, grind, weigh. 17.1 g... OK I'll just stick it in a 18g VST as they say the grind is roughly the same between 15 and 18g VST baskets. In the basket... Wow that seems really, really full. Overflowing full.

Empty basket back into shaker, yep 17g back in pf. Overfilled and some swept into bin.

Doesn't feel right but hey-ho on I go. 17:40 in 90 seconds ... Hmmm something definitely not right.

Look at the scales... Ah....

17 dwt.... Not grams. That'll be 26.5 grams in a 18g basket then!


----------



## Jony

Only gone and left my O2 dripper at home, I'm away for a week usually take my kalita. Anyone out there that could lend me one Liverpool/Manchester


----------



## Nick1881

You're going to like this one (hopefully)

I was preparing a shot today but rushing, weighed out the beans, grinded etc, locked in the portafilter and switched on with scale in place, anticipating the gentle drips of the delicious thick liquid. Instead I got horrible watery brown fast drips with hardly any pressure, stopped the shot, ?wtf? Oh, I forgot to tamp!!!! ? how could I do this?

I'm normally all about the prep too, I didn't even give my leveller a spin.

I feel like I've let myself down and let the whole forum down. ??


----------



## pgarrish

Jony said:


> Only gone and left my O2 dripper at home, I'm away for a week usually take my kalita. Anyone out there that could lend me one Liverpool/Manchester


 Just invite yourself to a nearby forumite for a drink and a chat (I'm about 40 mins from you by the way....)


----------



## Jony

Which way, I am back now in the SW.


----------



## pgarrish

Jony said:


> Which way, I am back now in the SW.


 Note to self - CHECK THE POST DATE!!!!

I'm a bit far away from you now (Preston).... but if you find yourself this way again, feel free to say hi


----------



## Hasi

pgarrish said:


> Note to self - CHECK THE POST DATE!!!!
> 
> I'm a bit far away from you now (Preston).... but if you find yourself this way again, feel free to say hi


 well, we're still in muppetry thread here - that makes it perfectly alright!


----------



## Hasi

Had an almost-muppet-moment just seconds ago... heart rate still sky-high!

Luckily I got my act together before loading beans I'd just weighed into LaPavoni boiler instead down the grinder hopper ?


----------



## Sparkyx

It's been a while since I last had a muppetry moment, but today I have had two!
This morning I ended up steaming my espresso rather than the milk. 
And just a moment ago I weighed out my usual 17.2 grams in my dosing container ready to grind. Turned to grab the milk from the fridge and when I turned back they had vanished. 
I started to question whether or not I had weighed them out in the first place. 
So I shook my head, rolled my eyes and weighed out another 17.2 grams of beans. 
Popped them into the grinder, put the lid on and left it to grind while I filled up the pitcher. Unusually my beans were taking quite a bit longer to grind than usual and when I looked over I seen that the coffee was at the brim of dosing funnel. It took a few seconds for me to realise where the disappearing beans had gone. 
Luckily I have two portafilters so I just split the grounds in each and pulled myself two flat whites. 
If anyone wants to know how many beans you can put in a monolith then I can confirm the answer is more than 34.4g.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MildredM

Not an exact fit for this thread but still . . . .

I was saying to Ian Serena was through to the next round last night. He replied, 'Serena? I thought she'd gone out early on.'

'No, that was Vesuvius.'

Took me a minute to understand why Ian was laughing ?

If we generated a word cloud for the forum I am pretty sure Niche, Minima, Vesuvius, taste, weigh, scales, how much, towel etc would be the big words!!


----------



## Sparkyx

No points for guessing what happened here...










Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## pgarrish

Sparkyx said:


> It's been a while since I last had a muppetry moment, but today I have had two!
> This morning I ended up steaming my espresso rather than the milk.
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 Have you discovered a new drink? How did it taste?


----------



## Sparkyx

pgarrish said:


> Have you discovered a new drink? How did it taste?


I can't comment on that I'm afraid. 
The shot was destined for the sink if it weren't for the fact all but a drop was projected all over the countertop and floor.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## GrowlingDog

Sparkyx said:


> No points for guessing what happened here...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I did exactly this today.


----------



## MildredM

Ian forgot to tamp ? I didn't tell you that though!


----------



## Nicknak

GrowlingDog said:


> Sparkyx said:
> 
> 
> 
> No points for guessing what happened here...
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
> 
> 
> 
> I did exactly this today.
Click to expand...

 What you got a Monolith already .. that is a quick upgrade path ?


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## GrowlingDog

Nicknak said:


> What you got a Monolith already .. that is a quick upgrade path ?


 Not quite, but I managed to grind a dose of beans on my Niche with nothing to collect them in.


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## Agentb

Sparkyx said:


> No points for guessing what happened here...


 As we are having the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11, i see a perfectly formed coffee crater there.

@MildredM Do you have a little space man to one small step onto that??


----------



## ashcroc

Agentb said:


> As we are having the 50th anniversary of the Apollo 11, i see a perfectly formed coffee crater there.
> @MildredM Do you have a little space man to one small step onto that?


As in 'One small step for little man. One giant leap for coffee grind.'?


----------



## pgarrish

today's nerd info, apparently it should have been "One small step for A man" ?


----------



## Drewster

pgarrish said:


> today's nerd info, apparently it should have been "One small step for A man" ?


 Yep - Apparently...

He was sort of implying "a physically small step for me".... but "giant leap, figuratively etc for mankind"
in various interviews he has intimated that he basically fluffed it......

albeit that he "fluffed it" it gives me goosebumps....

What I find incredible is the dead calm voices as they went through the final landing.... considering they were getting alarms and errors popping up all over the place, had about 10seconds of fuel left... and basically the knowledge that it was all going to sh!t rapidly.....

Collins at that point (and for several hours afterwards) basically thinking he'd be going home on his own.
And Armstrong and Aldrin thinking at best they'd be sitting helplessly on the moon watching him go!!!!


----------



## Drewster

Another goose bump - Is the photo of "every human that had ever existed (alive and dead) EXCEPT Collins"

ie the earth & Eagle... but Collins behind the camera!


----------



## pgarrish

Drewster said:


> Yep - Apparently...
> 
> He was sort of implying "a physically small step for me".... but "giant leap, figuratively etc for mankind"
> in various interviews he has intimated that he basically fluffed it......
> 
> albeit that he "fluffed it" it gives me goosebumps....
> 
> What I find incredible is the dead calm voices as they went through the final landing.... considering they were getting alarms and errors popping up all over the place, had about 10seconds of fuel left... and basically the knowledge that it was all going to sh!t rapidly.....
> 
> Collins at that point (and for several hours afterwards) basically thinking he'd be going home on his own.
> And Armstrong and Aldrin thinking at best they'd be sitting helplessly on the moon watching him go!!!!


 Yep, if you are going to fluff your speech, turning it into one of the most memorable phrases ever isn't a bad mistake to make 

Regarding the calmness, that's common to test pilots and to many pilots. If you ever hear the cockpit voice recorder from the tornado that crashed at blackpool, or there's one of an f16 that hits the deck, they talk as if they're discussing the shopping - the F16 one is especially freaky as he calmly narrates a fatal crash. The tornado one is quite funny as the navigator realises the pilot has ejected and he's not noticed


----------



## Pablo El Beano

Nobody will care but a few weeks back on my first day of making espresso, I was so excited with all my new toys and that there was actually black stuff coming out of my machine, I'd made a big mess on the sideboard. Water and grinds everywhere. No idea what was going on, and not understanding the whole pacing of my tasters (I'd had about 6 sour to bitter double shots by now), I felt like I was on Ritalin, or coming up on some party pills, and was a little bit too hyper.

The curious kid in me (I'm 43) thought it would be a great idea to lift the hopper off the grinder to have a look at the magic happening underneath, and me being the caffeine charged donut that I am, didn't even think of closing the chute. BANG, 250g of expensive Rwandan beanage all over the place. What a cock. To make it worse, I scooped them all up and put them back in (bearing in mind the fuckers were all wet from my earlier calamities now) and obviously what came next was a clogged Eureka Silenzio. I thought i'd fucked it. A few youtube vids later, i'd quickly had my first burr cleaning lesson and was all back on form within half hour or so. Still buzzing, but all under control. Quite a few lessons learned in my first session.


----------



## Hasi

Pablo El Beano said:


> Nobody will care but a few weeks back on my first day of making espresso, I was so excited with all my new toys and that there was actually black stuff coming out of my machine, I'd made a big mess on the sideboard. Water and grinds everywhere. No idea what was going on, and not understanding the whole pacing of my tasters (I'd had about 6 sour to bitter double shots by now), I felt like I was on Ritalin, or coming up on some party pills, and was a little bit too hyper.
> 
> The curious kid in me (I'm 43) thought it would be a great idea to lift the hopper off the grinder to have a look at the magic happening underneath, and me being the caffeine charged donut that I am, didn't even think of closing the chute. BANG, 250g of expensive Rwandan beanage all over the place. What a cock. To make it worse, I scooped them all up and put them back in (bearing in mind the fuckers were all wet from my earlier calamities now) and obviously what came next was a clogged Eureka Silenzio. I thought i'd fucked it. A few youtube vids later, i'd quickly had my first burr cleaning lesson and was all back on form within half hour or so. Still buzzing, but all under control. Quite a few lessons learned in my first session.


 steep learning curve that


----------



## Pablo El Beano

Hasi said:


> steep learning curve that


 *Clean As You Go* is my motto now. Along with a 3 shots per hour limit, and awareness of what the hopper closing tab is for.


----------



## Drewster

Pablo El Beano said:


> stuff


 Truly Muppetry at its finest!!

PS 3 shots per hour may still come back to bite you.... by lunchtime!!


----------



## catpuccino

Pablo El Beano said:


> Nobody will care but a few weeks back on my first day of making espresso, I was so excited with all my new toys and that there was actually black stuff coming out of my machine, I'd made a big mess on the sideboard. Water and grinds everywhere. No idea what was going on, and not understanding the whole pacing of my tasters (I'd had about 6 sour to bitter double shots by now), I felt like I was on Ritalin, or coming up on some party pills, and was a little bit too hyper.
> 
> The curious kid in me (I'm 43) thought it would be a great idea to lift the hopper off the grinder to have a look at the magic happening underneath, and me being the caffeine charged donut that I am, didn't even think of closing the chute. BANG, 250g of expensive Rwandan beanage all over the place. What a cock. To make it worse, I scooped them all up and put them back in (bearing in mind the fuckers were all wet from my earlier calamities now) and obviously what came next was a clogged Eureka Silenzio. I thought i'd fucked it. A few youtube vids later, i'd quickly had my first burr cleaning lesson and was all back on form within half hour or so. Still buzzing, but all under control. Quite a few lessons learned in my first s﻿ession.


 Hauntingly similar to the kind of thing I'd do ?


----------



## pgarrish

Pablo El Beano said:


> *Clean As You Go* is my motto now. Along with a 3 shots per hour limit, and awareness of what the hopper closing tab is for.


 three shots an hour??? no wonder you were doing daft things.


----------



## Pablo El Beano

Drewster said:


> Truly Muppetry at its finest!!
> 
> PS 3 shots per hour may still come back to bite you.... by lunchtime!! ?


 I'm definitely more regular lately.


----------



## Hasi

Hasi said:


> no comment...


surely dude can get it wrong in many ways. Keep trying to short cut things... like a boss!


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## Nicknak

Hasi said:


> surely dude can get it wrong in many ways. Keep trying to short cut things... like a boss!


 One step further than the last .. Are you trying to keep your machine clean to sell ?.

But did it taste nice


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> surely dude can get it wrong in many ways. Keep trying to short cut things... like a boss!


 Although I am no expert, the ratio of cup to coffee looks a bit off to me ?


----------



## Hasi

Nicknak said:


> One step further than the last .. Are you trying to keep your machine clean to sell ?.
> 
> But did it taste nice


 twas a bit dry tbh... ?



MildredM said:


> Although I am no expert, the ratio of cup to coffee looks a bit off to me ?


 well, you see 12g of coffee and 132g of cup. What's wrong with that?!


----------



## Bacms

Worst offence for me was when I went to refill the tank on my espresso machine and instead poured the water into the grinder... amazingly it still worked although the failed motor recently may have had something to do with it

Sent from my SM-G950F using Tapatalk


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## catpuccino

WDT uncovered this.....can't really explain it.

I think I must've overdosed in the Niche cup, taken a bean out by hand, poured the beans into the Niche and then put the spare bean back into the Niche cup without thinking. ?Thereafter grinding into the cup and flipping the whole thing over into the portafilter heh.

A symptom of being far too stressed these days.


----------



## MediumRoastSteam

catpuccino said:


> WDT uncovered this.....can't really explain it.
> I think I must've overdosed in the Niche cup, taken a bean out by hand, poured the beans into the Niche and then put the spare bean back into the Niche cup without thinking. Thereafter grinding into the cup and flipping the whole thing over into the portafilter heh.
> A symptom of being far too stressed these days.
> 
> <img alt="20190905_141337.thumb.jpg.399087c0a915ead234914e2b4c40c37d.jpg" data-fileid="32041" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_09/20190905_141337.thumb.jpg.399087c0a915ead234914e2b4c40c37d.jpg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


It looks like a green bean?


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## catpuccino

MediumRoastSteam said:


> It looks like a green bean?


 Hmm, just some strange Samsung colour science I think. It's from Machina's Clockwork v3, nice even medium roast.


----------



## Hasi

haha!
I poured whole beans almost everywhere by now, but couldn't achieve this yet 

Maybe it got stuck on dosing cup wall (moisture etc.)?


----------



## Scotford

Well then.

After one or two too many shandies over dinner at mine last night, my friend (another coffee pro) and I decided that we were in the mood for espresso martinis. Problem being, no espresso machine or mokapot. A brainwave later resulted in a metal travel mug basically exploding (half full of coffee) under the weight of a fully grown man standing on an aeropress to make espresso and my kitchen was COVERED in fauxspresso.

Glad the better half and littlun are away for the weekend as she would have flipped at two inebriated blokes rolling around with laughter trying to clean brown muck from her kitchen!

Tip of the day: I cannot make espresso by standing on an aeropress when paralytic.


----------



## catpuccino

Must've been some grit in my microfibre cloth...and now there's a lovely 3 inch scratch across the mirror shine side panel of my ECM. Fml.


----------



## MildredM

catpuccino said:


> Must've been some grit in my microfibre cloth...and now there's a lovely 3 inch scratch across the mirror shine side panel of my ECM. Fml.


 Ohhhhhhhhh NO ? that's horrid ?


----------



## catpuccino

MildredM said:


> Ohhhhhhhhh NO ? that's horrid ?


 Bad start to the day for sure


----------



## Hasi

catpuccino said:


> Bad start to the day for sure


----------



## Nicknak

catpuccino said:


> Bad start to the day for sure


 Sorry to hear that .. How deep is it ? Does your nail catch on the scratch ? could it be machine polished out .


----------



## catpuccino

Nicknak said:


> Sorry to hear that .. How deep is it ? Does your nail catch on the scratch ? could it be machine polished out .


 It does unfortunately, suggestions for cover ups welcome. Anyone making wood veneers?


----------



## Nicknak

catpuccino said:


> It does unfortunately, suggestions for cover ups welcome. Anyone making wood veneers?


 I'm sure it could be sorted.. I bought an old stainless jug last week to practice on before I hit my drip tray ? I could have ago on your panel instead ??.. But seriously I'm sure a polishing shop could get it back to new ,they would possibly wet and dry it first ..


----------



## catpuccino

Nicknak said:


> I'm sure it could be sorted.. I bought an old stainless jug last week to practice on before I hit my drip tray ? I could have ago on your panel instead ??.. But seriously I'm sure a polishing shop could get it back to new ,they would possibly wet and dry it first ..


 You're definitely right, but something to consider down the line I think once it's picked up a few more bumps and scratches. Bit bummed out but not the end of the world, of the side panel wasn't visible as soon as you enter the kitchen I'd not be as bothered!


----------



## Nicknak

catpuccino said:


> You're definitely right, but something to consider down the line I think once it's picked up a few more bumps and scratches. Bit bummed out but not the end of the world, of the side panel wasn't visible as soon as you enter the kitchen I'd not be as bothered!


 @MildredM does a nice line in bigger towels , she loves doing them .. one with a nice BIG ECM motif draped over the side .?


----------



## Gavin

Filled up my Classic's water reservoir this morning to the 'Max' line. Immediately afterwards I got distracted by the children; I then came back into the kitchen and decided to fill up my Classic's water reservoir.


----------



## DDoe

I leand in to have a closer look when rubbing the Mara with a microfibre cloth not long after turning it off....right eyebrow ridge touched the hot grouphead, it didn't stay touched for long!! Should have left the Caution Hot sticker on it ?.

Bummer about your scratch Catpuccino?.


----------



## Agentb

catpuccino said:


> Bad start to the day for sure


 Oh no, and you've not had it long. Bit like when you kerb the wheels on a new car, you (only you) see it from 100 yards away.

I think i'd get a personalized catpuccino fridge magnet 3 inches in diameter so you can hide it, and lay claim to the ECM at the same time. :good:


----------



## Hasi

Agentb said:


> Oh no, and you've not had it long. Bit like when you kerb the wheels on a new car, you (only you) see it from 100 yards away.
> I think i'd get a personalized catpuccino fridge magnet 3 inches in diameter so you can hide it, and lay claim to the ECM at the same time.


Ha, you're laying tracks towards a neat little subsequent post here... gets bespoke Catpuccino fridge magnet, sticks on, magnet falls off, realises casing ain't magnetic.


----------



## catpuccino

Scratch? What scratch? :angel:


----------



## ashcroc

catpuccino said:


> Scratch? What scratch?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> <img alt="20190917_013649.thumb.jpg.14f2c512e97bac3df5b440f37a59eafc.jpg" data-fileid="32223" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_09/20190917_013649.thumb.jpg.14f2c512e97bac3df5b440f37a59eafc.jpg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


Reprint the espresso compass onto A3 maybe?


----------



## pgarrish

catpuccino said:


> Must've been some grit in my microfibre cloth...and now there's a lovely 3 inch scratch across the mirror shine side panel of my ECM. Fml.


 Christened now. All nice shiny things need to be christened. A cosmetic christening is infinitely preferable to a serious mechanical christening. Now it's uniquely yours


----------



## Hasi

pgarrish said:


> Christened now. All nice shiny things need to be christened. A cosmetic christening is infinitely preferable to a serious mechanical christening. Now it's uniquely yours


----------



## Agentb

Hasi said:


> Ha, you're laying tracks towards a neat little subsequent post here... gets bespoke Catpuccino fridge magnet, sticks on, magnet falls off, realises casing ain't magnetic.


 Buy two and stick the other on on the inside ... there maybe a market for VB Coffee espresso magnets which change colour when they get warm ?


----------



## Obnic

catpuccino said:


> You're definitely right, but something to consider down the line I think once it's picked up a few more bumps and scratches. Bit bummed out but not the end of the world, of the side panel wasn't visible as soon as you enter the kitchen I'd not be as bothered!


Taught my eldest to make espresso. First attempt she dropped the PF on the group head - big dent. (Photo below.) It's all character. Shows your machine is a tool not an ornament.

So... 0500 rising this morning to take eldest daughter to school. They're going on their Personal Development Week to Croatia. (Cue long rant about starvation rations, playing rugby on frozen torn up pitches in the snow, and daily beatings at prep school being perfectly adequate personal development when I was a kid!). Anyway, almost steamed the espresso rather than the milk! Disaster narrowly avoided but in my rush to withdraw the espresso cup I knocked the milk bottle over. I'm not built for 5 am starts! Humbug!


----------



## Hasi

Obnic said:


> Taught my eldest to make espresso. First attempt she dropped the PF on the group head - big dent. (Photo below.) It's all character. Shows your machine is a tool not an ornament.
> 
> So... 0500 rising this morning to take eldest daughter to school. They're going on their Personal Development Week to Croatia. (Cue long rant about starvation rations, playing rugby on frozen torn up pitches in the snow, and daily beatings at prep school being perfectly adequate personal development when I was a kid!). Anyway, almost steamed the espresso rather than the milk! Disaster narrowly avoided but in my rush to withdraw the espresso cup I knocked the milk bottle over. I'm not built for 5 am starts! Humbug!


it's a small dent as long as we can see your Foundry bag reflecting 

Rocko Mountain?


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Taught my eldest to make espresso. First attempt she dropped the PF on the group head - big dent. (Photo below.) It's all character. Shows your machine is a tool not an ornament.
> 
> So... 0500 rising this morning to take eldest daughter to school. They're going on their Personal Development Week to Croatia. (Cue long rant about starvation rations, playing rugby on frozen torn up pitches in the snow, and daily beatings at prep school being perfectly adequate personal development when I was a kid!). Anyway, almost steamed the espresso rather than the milk! Disaster narrowly avoided but in my rush to withdraw the espresso cup I knocked the milk bottle over. I'm not built for 5 am starts! Humbug!


 I clicked 'laugh' but I'm not laughing really ?

I really am not ???


----------



## Hasi

Cup'o'cino...










Don't ask, I have no forking idea how I came to dump the espresso cup in there


----------



## Dunk

When you forget to put the tube on the EK 










Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Dunk

I think the best thing that i forgot to mention was for some reason i tried to catch the grinds in my hands making them fly everywhere even more.....


----------



## PPapa

Dunk said:


> When you forget to put the tube on the EK
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


At least it's over quickly with an ek .


----------



## ashcroc

Dunk said:


> When you forget to put the tube on the EK
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Pity you didn't have your knockbox between the legs. It would have caught most of the grinds.


----------



## Dunk

Haha yeah so close but so far.....


----------



## Obnic

Ooh look, spare bolts!

That's not good is it.


----------



## Hasi

Obnic said:


> Ooh look, spare bolts!
> 
> That's not good is it.


Classic!
Equipment producing spare nuts and bolts is the opposite of washing machines eating socks. Basically, the only thing that's yet missing/to be invented on this planet is a bolts-to-socks converter.


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> Classic!
> Equipment producing spare nuts and bolts is the opposite of washing machines eating socks. Basically, the only thing that's yet missing/to be invented on this planet is a bolts-to-socks converter.


 On the same theme, it is proven that our robot vac produces its own dust and fuzz. If we didn't use it for a week we'd be knee deep in muck otherwise.


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> On the same theme, it is proven that our robot vac produces its own dust and fuzz. If we didn't use it for a week we'd be knee deep in muck otherwise.


oh yes, but that's all fairy dust so won't affect your allergy levels.
Thing is, usually it all settles on top of robo vac so it cannot reach it. Pretty sneaky fairy dust that.


----------



## Obnic

MildredM said:


> On the same theme, it is proven that our robot vac produces its own dust and fuzz. If we didn't use it for a week we'd be knee deep in muck otherwise.


Ah on that theme... we recently bought a Dyson Absolute V11 when our old DC03 gave up the ghost. It would appear we have been living in inch deep filth for years. Honestly, this machine makes you want to move to a different house.


----------



## MildredM

Obnic said:


> Ah on that theme... we recently bought a Dyson Absolute V11 when our old DC03 gave up the ghost. It would appear we have been living in inch deep filth for years. Honestly, this machine makes you want to move to a different house.


 It's scary! And prove-able. In the 2 months I've been conducting my scientific experiments Ron (the robo Vac) has sucked up over 500g of fluff. The bag I am accumulating it in is about the size of a thick, small pillow. 1000 of those bags and we'd be touching the ceilings!

Do you think it is weighing coffee beans that makes you a stickler for facts like this ??


----------



## Marocchino

MildredM said:


> It's scary! And prove-able. In the 2 months I've been conducting my scientific experiments Ron (the robo Vac) has sucked up over 500g of fluff. The bag I am accumulating it in is about the size of a thick, small pillow. 1000 of those bags and we'd be touching the ceilings!
> 
> Do you think it is weighing coffee beans that makes you a stickler for facts like this ??


 Can your robo vac get right into the corners of a room?

I find that in our old house, i its where the spiders seem to hold their meetings and just generally hang out. I find they seem to rebuild their webs on almost a daily basis.

Armed with a Dyson animal, I'm the robo vac in the Marocchino household.... I also have the ability to deploy my different Dyson attachments at will ?


----------



## MildredM

Marocchino said:


> Can your robo vac get right into the corners of a room?
> 
> I find that in our old house, i its where the spiders seem to hold their meetings and just generally hang out. I find they seem to rebuild their webs on almost a daily basis.
> 
> Armed with a Dyson animal, I'm the robo vac in the Marocchino household.... I also have the ability to deploy my different Dyson attachments at will ?


 I don't think anything beats tackling spiders 'hands-on' ? be it a spider-catcher contraption, duster or whatever*. All our spiders live on the ceiling or walls. I expect they've evolved what with Ron going over the floors over and over again, and also the dog zooming in on any she spots, and have found safety above eye level. 
The robo vac does get dust and fluff from corners, yes, and the shear quantity of stuff he collects never ceases to amaze me. But I still need to use the cordless Dyson for certain areas.

*yes, even the Dyson. When you have a 3" very weighty spider up in the high ceiling of your bathroom, way too high to reach with a duster, then Dyson + extension tube - large diameter crevice tool is the way to go. It didn't kill him, we tipped him out in the garden afterwards to check!


----------



## Marocchino

MildredM said:


> The robo vac does get dust and fluff from corners, yes, and the shear quantity of stuff he collects never ceases to amaze me. But I still need to use the cordless Dyson for certain areas.


 Ron sounds like quite an asset. I have too many different levels to contemplate one unfortunately ?

Wouldn't be without the hand held and all its useful tools. As you say, great for spider removal and turfing then outside. It's a constant battle keeping on top of the spider army. When we've been away for a while, it's amazing to return and see what they've got up to undisturbed.?

I use a Blink outdoor camera system and web together with spider removal appears to be essential maintenance. No matter how often they're relocated, a mate returns to carry in where the last one left off ?


----------



## MildredM

Marocchino said:


> Ron sounds like quite an asset. I have too many different levels to contemplate one unfortunately ?
> 
> Wouldn't be without the hand held and all its useful tools. As you say, great for spider removal and turfing then outside. It's a constant battle keeping on top of the spider army. When we've been away for a while, it's amazing to return and see what they've got up to undisturbed.?
> 
> I use a Blink outdoor camera system and web together with spider removal appears to be essential maintenance. No matter how often they're relocated, a mate returns to carry in where the last one left off ?


 Have you had one drop on your head? Had that, in the bathroom, and Ian had one land IN THE BATH with him in it, and I've had one land on my book when reading in bed ? all big 'uns!!! I am not particularly bothered by them but some have been rather gruesome of late ?

The cobwebs appear overnight, and I agree, it often feels like a full time job!!!!


----------



## Marocchino

MildredM said:


> Have you had one drop on your head?


 Yes, in bed! Sound like our spiders have gone to the same school of for basic training ?

We seem to have some that are able to leap out of your reach in a single bound ?. We call them the sandwich filler variety.....they're seemingly that BIG, they'd be enough to fill a sandwich.?


----------



## Hasi

On average, everybody swallows 2 spiders per year while sleeping.

Just sayin...


----------



## jymbob

Marocchino said:


> Yes, in bed! Sound like our spiders have gone to the same school of for basic training
> We seem to have some that are able to leap out of your reach in a single bound . We call them the sandwich filler variety.....they're seemingly that BIG, they'd be enough to fill a sandwich.


It's ants here. I'm convinced they're systematically building a network of tunnels out there and one day I'll come home to find they've nicked off with the entire garage.


----------



## Obnic

jymbob said:


> It's ants here. I'm convinced they're systematically building a network of tunnels out there and one day I'll come home to find they've nicked off with the entire garage.


I hear that. Industrious little bastards. And they attack my kids legs as they get out of the car!


----------



## Hasi

Obnic said:


> I hear that. Industrious little bastards. And they attack my kids legs as they get out of the car!


Swiss Ants Army Special Corps. You better respect em.


----------



## Hasi

Lo and beho... wtf?!


----------



## MildredM

I can't help but notice you're hygiene standards are slipping.


----------



## MildredM

nice naked coffee cup and portafilter combo ?


----------



## 9719

Put's a new spin on What's In Your Cup This Morning


----------



## 9719

How did it taste?


----------



## 9719

Flavour note's?


----------



## johnealey

Ouch and that's with the 3 pronged portafilter.

I do think however that saying your espresso has untold depths...

Still ouch

John


----------



## jymbob

Blimey. I thought mine was bad, but at least the cup survived!


----------



## 7493

Hasi said:


> On average, everybody swallows 2 spiders per year while sleeping.
> 
> Just sayin...


 When we lived in West London we saw a spider only rarely. In 12 years I think we had to de cobweb twice. Here, in Sussex, if you turn your back, it's like a set for the Addams Family when you turn round.


----------



## MildredM

jymbob said:


> Blimey. I thought mine was bad, but at least the cup survived!


 And your teeth? ?


----------



## MediumRoastSteam

Hasi said:


> On average, everybody swallows 2 spiders per year while sleeping.
> 
> Just sayin...


Fake news I'm afraid.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/science-environment-45228673/busting-myths-about-spiders

Fast forward to 1:50.


----------



## Hasi

********** said:


> Put's a new spin on What's In Your Cup This Morning


a portafilter...


********** said:


> Flavour note's?


metallic, grotty and partly sharp - produced a gusher, no matter what the grind setting... long story short: it fell flat.


----------



## Hasi

jymbob said:


> Blimey. I thought mine was bad, but at least the cup survived!


must be the moon today...


----------



## IamOiman

What a twist to your morning!


----------



## ashcroc

IamOiman said:


> What a twist to your morning!


She did that on purpose!


----------



## Agentb

You know that anticipation feeling that starts to build as you get to the end of one bag of beans....

The next ones I had tried before, some Finca Floripondios have been resting away in the cupboard for a week or two and the first cup in the morning will be the beginning.

You know they will be ready - not too fresh, and will be good to perfect - for the next two weeks or so.

As you pluck the bag from the cupboard you fail to notice it looks flatter than usual puffed out rested bag.

Imagine the disappointment.

It's pre-ground.?

You hope...

No both bags.?

And then that final last hope is crushed, the grind is too course.?

I may play about with the dosing to see if i can make something drinkable, or the aeropress.

Pre=ground coffee is a messy thing ...


----------



## ashcroc

Agentb said:


> You know that anticipation feeling that starts to build as you get to the end of one bag of beans....
> The next ones I had tried before, some Finca Floripondios have been resting away in the cupboard for a week or two and the first cup in the morning will be the beginning.
> You know they will be ready - not too fresh, and will be good to perfect - for the next two weeks or so.
> As you pluck the bag from the cupboard you fail to notice it looks flatter than usual puffed out rested bag.
> Imagine the disappointment.
> It's pre-ground.
> You hope...
> No both bags.
> And then that final last hope is crushed, the grind is too course.
> I may play about with the dosing to see if i can make something drinkable, or the aeropress.
> Pre=ground coffee is a messy thing ...


I can see a visit to a coffee shop on the horizon to pick up some ready rested beans.


----------



## catpuccino

Classic.


----------



## MildredM

I think it's flipping artistic ?


----------



## Hasi

cups are just nonsensical boundaries. Skip them once and for all!


----------



## catpuccino

Hasi said:


> cups are just nonsensical boundaries. Skip them once and for all!


 damned social constructs


----------



## Hasi

catpuccino said:


> damned social constructs


 you're drinking out of drip tray at last?


----------



## filthynines

When a member of the Forum calls you about the thing that they're really helping you out with, but you think it's one of your clients and your mind blanks... And it doesn't help that "Coffee" is very close to a frequent client's name!


----------



## Hasi

filthynines said:


> When a member of the Forum calls you about the thing that they're really helping you out with, but you think it's one of your clients and your mind blanks... And it doesn't help that "Coffee" is very close to a frequent client's name!


 Ahahahaaa I know that feeling!!

When my Rover broke down on M25, approaching Forum Lever Day, I got really stressed out as AA guys were busy, petrol station guy was pissed AF bacause we've been blocking his parking lot (threatening me to involve blues and twos), and all of a sudden a man shows up insisting to help me. I was like, wtf does this guy want now... turns out it was @RDC8 who I had planned to deliver a grinder to

?

?

?

think he could feel that ultimate awkwardness of the moment...


----------



## MildredM

So funny! When I get a call from a forum member I have to make sure just exactly *which* Dave I am speaking to before I drop a clanger ???


----------



## catpuccino

Ah! My first vacuum bag freezer failure. Must've gotten pierced somehow as it was fine when it went in (I even leave them for a few hours to be sure!).

Out it comes....results to follow....


----------



## ashcroc

catpuccino said:


> Ah! My first vacuum bag freezer failure. Must've gotten pierced somehow as it was fine when it went in (I even leave them for a few hours to be sure!).
> 
> Out it comes....results to follow....
> 
> <img alt="20191206_181928.thumb.jpg.ed9d4c2be9a0c91e6592382a70db581d.jpg" data-fileid="34336" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_12/20191206_181928.thumb.jpg.ed9d4c2be9a0c91e6592382a70db581d.jpg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


If it happened while they were frozen they should hopefully be ok.

Locate the hole & tape up or transfer to a new vac bag for defrosting if poss.


----------



## catpuccino

Omg...I was meant to rinse the aeropress filter and instead ended up pouring water into the grind chamber...


----------



## ashcroc

catpuccino said:


> Omg...I was meant to rinse the aeropress filter and instead ended up pouring water into the grind chamber...
> 
> <img alt="20191207_115241.thumb.jpg.5eac4ef3650aebe9ed1e6a1a39117fca.jpg" data-fileid="34356" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_12/20191207_115241.thumb.jpg.5eac4ef3650aebe9ed1e6a1a39117fca.jpg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


How did it taste?


----------



## Deidre

I find this all so very reassuring.??

Yesterday, I somehow managed to have an uncontrollable milk-steaming session with milk erupting up, out & all over the floor. Don't ask!?‍♀?‍♀

And yet, there are people in this group who can steam milk AT THE SAME TIME as pulling & weighing a shot of espresso!!!? @MildredM & co-conspirator "Ian" multi-task with abandon, immune to espresso muppetry!?


----------



## MediumRoastSteam

catpuccino said:


> Classic.
> <img alt="20191126_141657.thumb.jpg.9f28a70eade29efde82258dcbee3f4d7.jpg" data-fileid="34035" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_11/20191126_141657.thumb.jpg.9f28a70eade29efde82258dcbee3f4d7.jpg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


Looks like a sperm whale on the table. Good effort.


----------



## Hasi

Deidre said:


> I find this all so very reassuring.
> Yesterday, I somehow managed to have an uncontrollable milk-steaming session with milk erupting up, out & all over the floor. Don't ask!
> And yet, there are people in this group who can steam milk AT THE SAME TIME as pulling & weighing a shot of espresso!!! @MildredM & co-conspirator "Ian" multi-task with abandon, immune to espresso muppetry!


may I re-reassure you that our very own Milly the Mega Muppet has done a wheelbarrow full of terrible things to her equipment that are well documented on here...


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> may I re-reassure you that our very own Milly the Mega Muppet has done a wheelbarrow full of terrible things to her equipment that are well documented on here...


 Cheeky beggar!! I will have you know I have hardly done anything muppetty today (unless you count the bar towel wrongly positioned, the coffee spillage, and sewing a Kafatek Hoodie inside out ?). I must be having a good day!

And by the way, that's YOU off the FREE Ice Cream list ?


----------



## El carajillo

I think Milly -- M --Mup has a nice ring to it.  :exit:


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> Cheeky beggar!! I will have you know I have hardly done anything muppetty today (unless you count the bar towel wrongly positioned, the coffee spillage, and sewing a Kafatek Hoodie inside out ). I must be having a good day!
> And by the way, that's YOU off the FREE Ice Cream list


alright happy to pay for what it's worth. But I'll park on the green right next to the bench for that matter


----------



## Drewster

MediumRoastSteam said:


> Looks like a sperm whale on the table. Good effort.


 I don't see no whale......................................

ps - I know - Go see a doctor!!! :-(


----------



## MildredM

Hasi said:


> alright happy to pay for what it's worth. But I'll *park on the green* right next to the bench for that matter


 What ? and suffer the wrath of all the old biddies ? you're a braver chap than I thought ?


----------



## MediumRoastSteam

Drewster said:


> I don't see no whale......................................
> 
> ps - I know - Go see a doctor!!! :-(


What about now?










Original image credits: catpuccino


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> What  and suffer the wrath of all the old biddies  you're a braver chap than I thought


the idea being... I'll be telling them old biddies I was told to park up there by a certain coffee couple nearby. Which will turn their wrath towards ice cream cart, where I'll be waiting to end the trouble by pulling out the green with free ice cream in my hand...


----------



## Drewster

MediumRoastSteam said:


> What about now?


 Whooosh <==== The joke

^

^

^

^ A Long way

^

^

 <==== Your head

You said "*Sperm* Whale"...

I said "I can't see no *Whale"...*

The (I thought) far from subtle intimation was that although I couldn't see a whale I could see "Sperm"...
In case you still haven't got it - I was implying that the O/P might have "spilt their seed".....
Obviously the ermm "stain" is somewhat thick and brown so I added the obvious comeback that (if such a "stain" might be occurring) that perhaps a visit to a doctor might be in order......

I'm too good for this place!!!!! ;-)
(OK to be fair possibly "good" isn't the correct description :-( )


----------



## catpuccino

Think I nailed it personally.


----------



## ashcroc

Accidentally forgot to refill the boiler after steaming & left the steam switch on on my Tebe when I switched it off yesterday. Low & behold the safety has blown after the WiFi switch turned it on at 5 this morning. 

Might have been ok if I'd not been off for crimbo & getting up later than usual.


----------



## 9719

While testing my newly acquired Origami dripper which has the wooden dripper holder, I heated the kettle, poured to prewashed the filter paper and to warm the server only to discover upon lifting the dripper and holder that the lid to the server was still in place, doh felt a complete plonk


----------



## Nick1881

I had a mega fail this morning,

Half asleep before that first espresso, everything was going great, my lovely shot was just finished, I pulled the lever to stop the shot, somehow managed to knock my cup, right off the drip tray, a bounce and onto the floor it want, splattering my beautiful espresso everywhere.

I did the classic just standing there in shock, contemplating what had just happened.


----------



## catpuccino

Nick1881 said:


> I did the classic just standing there in shock, contemplating what had just happened.


 Some things call for a moment of quiet reflection.


----------



## Marocchino

Double Muppetry day so far and it's still only morning;

Total porridge boil over whilst multi tasking re-filling the coffee machine. All I could do was turn the gas ring off and think what the hell am I going to do with all that waste porridge. After what seemed like a very long clean up and on to making a fresh batch, it was coffee next.

Somehow managed to empty the contents of my second filled and tamped double portafilter all over the coffee machine drip tray. It's at times like this I'm glad I've got a vacuum cleaner with crevice tool.

Not sure if leaving the house today is a wise idea ?☹


----------



## MildredM

^^?^^ if only we could click 'undo' ?


----------



## Marocchino

MildredM said:


> ^^?^^ if only we could click 'undo' ?


 I like the way your thinking ?

that undo button would be well worn in my case. In reality my muppetry was so bad I didn't reach for the camera; I was just so flabbergasted by the mess I'd created ?


----------



## Marocchino

My auto c



Marocchino said:


> I like the way your thinking ?


 My typing skills have gone to pot this morning, for "your" insert you're!


----------



## MildredM

Marocchino said:


> I like the way your thinking ?
> 
> that undo button would be well worn in my case. In reality my muppetry was so bad I didn't reach for the camera; I was just so flabbergasted by the mess I'd created ?





Marocchino said:


> I like the way your thinking ?
> 
> that undo button would be well worn in my case. In reality my muppetry was so bad I didn't reach for the camera; I was just so flabbergasted by the mess I'd created ?


 That moment of what-the-hell-where-do-I-start moment at the same time you're thinking 'can I just run away NOW' ?


----------



## MildredM

Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please ?


----------



## ashcroc

MildredM said:


> Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please
> 
> <img alt="AA30A19C-B809-4E15-99D9-212E715857A6.thumb.jpeg.9f910ac5c41b9bfb00a639c5c8983b14.jpeg" data-fileid="34869" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_12/AA30A19C-B809-4E15-99D9-212E715857A6.thumb.jpeg.9f910ac5c41b9bfb00a639c5c8983b14.jpeg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">
> <img alt="C8983FAD-543E-4784-98EC-8339D0D5DA4B.thumb.jpeg.c823d9f215e80f3d5fe63ae4abd51cc9.jpeg" data-fileid="34870" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2019_12/C8983FAD-543E-4784-98EC-8339D0D5DA4B.thumb.jpeg.c823d9f215e80f3d5fe63ae4abd51cc9.jpeg" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


Time to switch the La Pav on?


----------



## Agentb

MildredM said:


> Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please ?


 ? - I'd recommend a washing machine.

That's quite a debris field = mirror, head gasket, cups, scales; PF and basket have left the building.

Do we have Muppet of the year award, if not that is a proper Gonzo.

Hopefully no Mildreds, Londiniums or little men were harmed in attempting the award.


----------



## AndyDClements

I'm only in Norfolk, I could easily to the drive to protect you from the Londinium by removing it.


----------



## MildredM

When a bomb goes off in your kitchen . . . Shower scree exit 1.5m left, gasket almost not so far, portafilter out the shot, mirror god-knows how it didn't smash, rug now ruined, cupboard fronts and kitchen door splashed, wall streaked, dog stunned, wife as mardi as she has been for some time . . . ???

If it happens again, EVER, I am telling you now I am going to send someone on a Nespresso For Beginners course and the L-R and kit is going. And I'm going with it ?


----------



## Agentb

Please confirm the @Hasi Sigri AAs Beans haven't been hurt ... ?


----------



## Hasi

dang, so that's what happened... no wonder the Lady remained mostly silent on other channels 

haha, Muppet of the Year Award!!
Rings a bell...

Well then, all you aspiring candidates, only some 30 hours left and you may happily try again


----------



## El carajillo

MildredM said:


> Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please ?
> 
> View attachment 34869
> 
> 
> View attachment 34870


 The one you do not have when this happens  :exit:


----------



## El carajillo

It must be the time of year, yesterday I had a 'muppet' moment. Pulling an espresso I thought I saw a miniscule spritzer, being somewhat optically challenged I bent down to get a better view. In the process I head butted the Osmio and set it running with nothing underneath OOH *@&£.  :storm:

I think if M the M finds her reversing mirror I should claim it


----------



## Rickv

Just dropped my distribution tool and put a small dent in it. Let's not even mention the cracked tile. Glad it was only an amazon special.









Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## MildredM

I'm laughing, but I'm not really laughing laughing ?


----------



## Yes Row

Changing the seals on the L1. I removed the group and the lever was down, I thought I would release it whilst holding it. 
I can confirm it bites


----------



## MildredM

?? flipping ouch ?


----------



## Yes Row

MildredM said:


> flipping ouch


That's what I said too...nearly


----------



## -Mac

Not coffee related, but on Xmas day I decided that the roast potatoes would taste better if I put some chicken fat on them (we had a 15lb cockerel instead of a turkey). The vegetable oil for the potatoes had been warming up in the oven so I got it out, put it on the worktop, then got out the cockerel and proceeded to pour some of its fat into the oil for the potatoes. There was a small thermonuclear explosion and 3 of the kitchen walls and all of the worktops, cupboards, parts of the ceiling and most of the floor were instantly covered in hot grease. I managed to get out of the way, fortunately. I hadn't figured there would be so much water in the chicken fat. One lives and learns.


----------



## -Mac

MildredM said:


> Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please ?


 I have one I'd be willing to swap


----------



## Jony

-Mac said:


> Not coffee related, but on Xmas day I decided that the roast potatoes would taste better if I put some chicken fat on them (we had a 15lb cockerel instead of a turkey). The vegetable oil for the potatoes had been warming up in the oven so I got it out, put it on the worktop, then got out the cockerel and proceeded to pour some of its fat into the oil for the potatoes. There was a small thermonuclear explosion and 3 of the kitchen walls and all of the worktops, cupboards, parts of the ceiling and most of the floor were instantly covered in hot grease. I managed to get out of the way, fortunately. I hadn't figured there would be so much water in the chicken fat. One lives and learns.


 This is what happens when you don't use duck fat or beef dripping how dare you the roasties knew,ha


----------



## Deidre

MildredM said:


> Can anyone tell me which is the best Nespresso machine please ?
> 
> View attachment 34869
> 
> 
> View attachment 34870


 We've all had one of those weeks, methinks. My "explosion" was a repeat performance: the espazzola slipped (while cleaning coffee grinds from group) & distracted me such that I let go of the lever... never, never do this, I hear you say! Oh, I know, I know! However, the link from brain to hands hiccups every now & then... crucial circuits go AWOL and all hell breaks loose... coffee grinds, water & overall spray of mess on walls, chair, stool, table, floor, dog bed (from which arthritic dog flew faster than a speeding bullet), espresso machine + assorted paraphernalia... and we had visitors arriving within minutes... don't ask!?‍♀☕??????‍♀?


----------



## Deidre

Rickv said:


> Just dropped my distribution tool and put a small dent in it. Let's not even mention the cracked tile. Glad it was only an amazon special.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 These things weigh a ton... should really have a warning label!?


----------



## MildredM

Deidre said:


> We've all had one of those weeks, methinks. My "explosion" was a repeat performance: the espazzola slipped (while cleaning coffee grinds from group) & distracted me such that I let go of the lever... never, never do this, I hear you say! Oh, I know, I know! However, the link from brain to hands hiccups every now & then... crucial circuits go AWOL and all hell breaks loose... coffee grinds, water & overall spray of mess on walls, chair, stool, table, floor, dog bed (from which arthritic dog flew faster than a speeding bullet), espresso machine + assorted paraphernalia... and we had visitors arriving within minutes... don't ask!?‍♀☕??????‍♀?


 Hehe! I'm trying not to laugh ???

???????????


----------



## truegrace

Wdt over the milk jug half asleep, and it's the only milk you have, is not a good idea!


----------



## KingoftheHeath

Almost as bad as being half asleep and trying to steam the espresso itself - which I've very very nearly done on several occasions.

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


----------



## Hasi

KingoftheHeath said:


> Almost as bad as being half asleep and trying to steam the espresso itself - which I've very very nearly done on several occasions. Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


 Bond. James Bond.

For that matter...


----------



## Mr Binks

> 23 hours ago, Hasi said:
> 
> Bond. James Bond.
> 
> For that matter...


 What on gods earth did I just watch him do with that poor little Pavoni?! ?


----------



## MildredM

Mr Binks said:


> What on gods earth did I just watch him do with that poor little Pavoni?! ?


 Never mind the coffee look at 007 in his beautifully embroidered robe ???


----------



## ashcroc

Mr Binks said:


> What on gods earth did I just watch him do with that poor little Pavoni?!


I'm not sure that's how you're supposed to dial in a grinder either!


----------



## MildredM

ashcroc said:


> I'm not sure that's how you're supposed to dial in a grinder either!


 Ahhh! The Good Old Days eh?!!!!!

Having said that, I reckon my coffee making expertise would suffer were 007 stood watching my (M too, for that matter) ?


----------



## Mr Binks

MildredM said:


> Never mind the coffee look at 007 in his beautifully embroidered robe ???


 I can't look at him anymore, after what I've just seen he's dead to me. ?


----------



## Deidre

I've seen the Bond pavoni clip numerous times, and it never fails to amuse me! ?☕

However, only just now did I see the part of the movie *before* the knock on the door!!! I've never seen this introductory bit showing Mr. Bond leaving his bed with such ungentlemanly behaviour.... dreadful bedside manner!!! Good heavens!!! ? I'd say he most certainly deserved the equally dreadful coffee he created!???


----------



## Nicknak

Deidre said:


> I've seen the Bond pavoni clip numerous times, and it never fails to amuse me! ?☕
> 
> However, only just now did I see the part of the movie *before* the knock on the door!!! I've never seen this introductory bit showing Mr. Bond leaving his bed with such ungentlemanly behaviour.... dreadful bedside manner!!! Good heavens!!! ? I'd say he most certainly deserved the equally dreadful coffee he created!???


 I might of phoned in sick the night before ?


----------



## Deidre

I've never watched a James Bond movie... incredible, right?! ??☺ ?


----------



## MildredM

Deidre said:


> I've never watched a James Bond movie... incredible, right?! ??☺ ?


 Noooooooo?


----------



## Deidre

MildredM said:


> Noooooooo?


 And, should I even begin to consider attempting one??!??


----------



## MildredM

Deidre said:


> And, should I even begin to consider attempting one??!??


 Start with the Craig ones, in order. Intersperse them with the Connery ones! A 007 binge ? ?

My claim to fame was that I'd never watched Star Wars. Ian made me and I'm sorry but I just didn't get it ?


----------



## Mr Binks

MildredM said:


> My claim to fame was that I'd never watched Star Wars. Ian made me and *I'm sorry but I just didn't get it *?


 ? Every time someone says that somewhere in the world a nerd dies a little bit!


----------



## Deidre

OK, I confess... moi aussi. Star Wars, James Bond, and a host of other popular movies have not made it to our screen... probably because our favourite actors (writers) weren't in them!??‍♀ Time to be open-minded and test unfamiliar waters!.?


----------



## jymbob

I am a massive nerd. I hate Star Wars. It's awful.
Not a big Trek fan either. I constantly have to explain to people that their references are lost on me


----------



## Hasi

MildredM said:


> Start with the Craig ones, in order. Intersperse them with the Connery ones! A 007 binge
> 
> My claim to fame was that I'd never watched Star Wars. Ian made me and I'm sorry but I just didn't get it


----------



## jymbob

MildredM said:


> Start with the Craig ones, in order. Intersperse them with the Connery ones! A 007 binge
> My claim to fame was that I'd never watched Star Wars. Ian made me and I'm sorry but I just didn't get it


Early Connery has not aged well. Without a heavy dose of nostalgia it's quite cringey.

Dalton however, now there's a Bond. /controversial


----------



## ashcroc

Deidre said:


> And, should I even begin to consider attempting one??!


Start with Dr No. Altogether a much better Bond & if you decide you like them, you can watch the rest in chronological order (not that that's necessary where Bond films are concerned).


----------



## ashcroc

jymbob said:


> Early Connery has not aged well. Without a heavy dose of nostalgia it's quite cringey.
> 
> Dalton however, now there's a Bond. /controversial


Yeah. You gotta remember the timeframe they were filmed in & match your male chauvinism to suit the time of release.


----------



## jymbob

ashcroc said:


> Start with Dr No. Altogether a much better Bond & if you decide you like them, you can watch the rest in chronological order (not that that's necessary where Bond films are concerned).


You mean: "how will I escape my fate? Aha, little does the evil supervillain realise, but I am wearing RUBBER SOLED SHOES!" *Plays Bond Theme*


----------



## Hasi

jymbob said:


> ashcroc said:
> 
> 
> 
> Start with Dr No. Altogether a much better Bond & if you decide you like them, you can watch the rest in chronological order (not that that's necessary where Bond films are concerned).
> 
> 
> 
> You mean: "how will I escape my fate? Aha, little does the evil supervillain realise, but I am wearing RUBBER SOLED SHOES!" *Plays Bond Theme*
Click to expand...

 very unlikely for Mr. Bond to not have leather soles and tacks, no supervillain could guess that...


----------



## catpuccino

Teardown clean of the second hand Vesuvius I picked up over the weekend went well...until I woke up to a pool of water this morning. I can't have put the water tank level sensor back in properly as it was dripping steadily from the edge. Will have to revisit when I get home this evening... With any luck it's just a kinked rubber seal.


----------



## -Mac




----------



## Deidre

Oh my, oh my, oh my!??‍♀???


----------



## Deidre

on second thought, my grandkids would love this job! And the plus is, they have very tiny fingers... great sorters!?


----------



## Hasi

trying to get my head around what the muppetry-most part of this is...

- blending greens with a roast
- sorting 2 kilos of beans
- telling someone else to clear own fault

First thing almost happened to me on a couple occasions (when trying to dump a finished roast into cooling tray, but grabbing release handle to drop next batch). Dangerous if you're distracted!

The sorting part doesn't make sense at all. First of all, the time this consumes could be used to roast two new batches.
Then, if you've ever seen how dusty green beans are when you pull them out of a grain pro bag, urgh, I would never sell a roast that's been in touch with that. Think it's even prohibited for contamination risks, so you'd save only half of the beans: the green ones.

The latter is awful as well... one shall always clear up own mistakes.

Anyhow, now these people know first hand how it's like to sort greens like the pros in country of origin


----------



## johnealey

Did something similar twice now whilst waiting for the Dalian to drop back to charge temp had the drum door open and instead of shutting door flap dropped the green beans straight into the drum and straight back out into the cooling already roasted beans. Was a very nice high scoring guji so had to roast 2 new batches (the roasted now contaminated and one to replace the one now mixed in) and spent the best part of half an hour saving the green guji to re roast (for me to drink) and binning the roasted element (cross contamination potential makes this a no no)

I then did same a week later.

Has been a year since, but I still do the Japanese train driver thing of verbalising what am doing then pointing at it before I drop the beans  (daughter thinks this is highly amusing, "look Mum, Dad's talking to the roaster and telling if off again")

John


----------



## Deidre

Can there be serious contamination if this happens (at home, I mean, not commercially), and if you brushed/wipe the roasted beans really well? Is it really that unsafe to consume them once they've mixed with green beans?? (I am asking because I honestly don't know anything about this, not being snarky here ...and I am curious about what sort of contamination might be the risk.?)


----------



## Northern_Monkey

Deidre said:


> Can there be serious contamination if this happens (at home, I mean, not commercially), and if you brushed/wipe the roasted beans really well? Is it really that unsafe to consume them once they've mixed with green beans?? (I am asking because I honestly don't know anything about this, not being snarky here ...and I am curious about what sort of contamination might be the risk.?)


 I'm assuming it's stuff like E. coli from the beans, dust and dirt and other contaminants since greens are patio/bench dried and all typically touched by hand in the sorting. So you can get the things on people's hands coating the beans, like bacteria and potentially parasites.

Pretty much the same scenario of mixing raw and cooked food for storage I reckon, especially as you couldn't effectively clean them without spoiling the coffee.


----------



## Hasi

the good thing with coffee beans is, they aren't ready for consumption straight away. While most bacteria/viruses will not withstand the temperatures they'll be exposed to during brewing, mould/fungi might do.

It would be an unnecessary risk IMHO, especially because coffee beans goes through various hands and procedures in tropical areas where cleanliness cannot be guaranteed at all times. No lab environment there...  ...so I'm inclined to say that [tropic] and [disease] together hold quite a few surprises!

It's one of those things I remind myself constantly when handling greens. Not that every bag is contaminated, but chances are... you never know.


----------



## Deidre

Does this count as "muppetry"?

I heard an unusual, ominous, nails in a tin can rattle when the pump kicked in earlier today. Thought, oh no.... something is very VERY wrong inside my treasured beast!? Immediately picturing broken pump, or worse!?

After my caffeine brain wake up, I realized a very small magnet had fallen off under the drip tray and was rattling around in my londinium "sink", whenever the pump vibrated!?‍♀?‍♀?‍♀?‍♀

(I have a magnet holding a shot mirror-attached under the drip tray-at the moment, but hope to modify that soon, for obvious reasons?, with @KingoftheHeath's improved approach.☺)


----------



## KingoftheHeath

Not my muppetry but the postie's; I purchased some bits from@catpuccino, postie attempted delivery whilst I was away and left package in recycling bin, neighbour put bin out for me, bin got taken with package still inside.

Fuming.

Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


----------



## birel101

Oh no, I feel sorry for your neighbour too, he will fill bad, What a stupid place to put a parcel.


----------



## jymbob

KingoftheHeath said:


> Not my muppetry but the postie's; I purchased some bits from@catpuccino, postie attempted delivery whilst I was away and left package in recycling bin, neighbour put bin out for me, bin got taken with package still inside.
> 
> Fuming.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


Oh no! What is it with posties and other delivery people putting things in the bin?!

I have _never_ asked anyone to do this. I work from home, and have a doorbell ringer next to my desk, yet every other week someone rocks up, knocks, then dumps a parcel in the bin.

The Amazon/MyHermes people have also started lying on their online system about what they've done. "Handed to occupant" - yeah, right!


----------



## MildredM

KingoftheHeath said:


> Not my muppetry but the postie's; I purchased some bits from@catpuccino, postie attempted delivery whilst I was away and left package in recycling bin, neighbour put bin out for me, bin got taken with package still inside.
> 
> Fuming.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965F using Tapatalk


 I am fuming too on your behalf - what a muppet ?


----------



## Agentb

jymbob said:


> MyHermes


 Hermes is also the Greek god of boundaries and transgression and escorter of souls into the afterlife ... also viewed as the protector and patron of roads and travellers, as well as merchants, messengers, sailors, athletes, herdsmen, and thieves.

They're probably the delivery company i fear most.

Funny what's in a name... ?


----------



## jymbob

Agentb said:


> Hermes is also the Greek god of boundaries and transgression and escorter of souls into the afterlife ... also viewed as the protector and patron of roads and travellers, as well as merchants, messengers, sailors, athletes, herdsmen, and thieves.
> They're probably the delivery company i fear most.
> Funny what's in a name...


Yes, who can forget that ancient Greek tragedy where Odysseus goes off on a quest and tells everyone he'll put white sails on his ship when he returns, or black ones if he's died, only the white ones get destroyed, but he asks Hermes to deliver a scroll with a message explaining all is well to his mother, but she doesn't get it and throws herself to her death, because it turns out she was out when Hermes came by so he put it in her bin and she didn't see the note he posted through the letterbox...


----------



## Hasi

Agentb said:


> Hermes is also the Greek god of boundaries and transgression and escorter of souls into the afterlife ... also viewed as the protector and patron of roads and travellers, as well as merchants, messengers, sailors, athletes, herdsmen, and thieves.
> They're probably the delivery company i fear most.
> Funny what's in a name...


 yea it's this completely weird combination of attributes that always gets me... how on earth come anyone would want to name their company after half of these?


----------



## truegrace

3rd coffee of the day, third puck stuck (nothing new) but whereas I normally just inset the pf back in to the group which neatly removes it, somehow this was slightly off centre so managed to squash spent coffee all over the group. My pollo isn't narrow enough to get all the way in, so gon a need to be tipped up slightly to clean properly!

On the plus side the coffee that made the mess is very good, ue coffee speak easy


----------



## DavecUK

Deidre said:


> Can there be serious contamination if this happens (at home, I mean, not commercially), and if you brushed/wipe the roasted beans really well? Is it really that unsafe to consume them once they've mixed with green beans?? (I am asking because I honestly don't know anything about this, not being snarky here ...and I am curious about what sort of contamination might be the risk.?)


 Aspergillus and other things on the green. Green coffee and roasted coffee should be well separated, containers used for green should never be used for roasted and hands should be washed after handling green coffee before working with roasted, or gloves worn for the green coffee. Some people even wear a mask and in roastries where very large quantities are handled, I believe masks should be a mandatory legal requirement when handling greens.

The fungus on all greens is one of the reasons I don't like the current trends for very light roasted coffee that in some cases is dropped before 1st crack!


----------



## jymbob

truegrace said:


> On the plus side the coffee that made the mess is very good, ue coffee speak easy


That is a very nice coffee. I used to live one side and work the other side of their roastery. Occasionally my lunch break would include a refuelling stop!


----------



## 9719

Well almost...
Bought the following:- https://www.therange.co.uk/diy/flooring/flooring-accessories/self-adhesive-magic-glides/#163374
which by shear coincidence just happen to fit into the recess in the LR feet, it now slides around the work surface faster than a downhiller on ice...outcome, have had to put rubber pads under the front feet to stop it leaping of the surface & on to my feet


----------



## 9719

Whilst researching grinders I happened to click on the following:- https://www.eranogiovanieforti.it/Dolomite/11084/grinders_mythos_basic_grinder.html
Handy if you find stones in your beans


----------



## Northern_Monkey

@********** Assuming it doesn't have micrometric adjustment or a portafilter rest ?

It would definitely win the "forums largest commercial grinder for domestic use" award which must be currently held by a Compak r140 or double unit EKK43 owner at the minute...


----------



## catpuccino

Trialing to dial in with a head cold. Can't taste a thing, yet somehow also everything tastes awful...


----------



## DavecUK

catpuccino said:


> Trialing to dial in with a head cold. Can't taste a thing, yet somehow also everything tastes awful...


 Probably got a Corona, you need to self isolate


----------



## Jony

For sure at least 4 weeks haha


----------



## DavecUK

Jony said:


> For sure at least 4 weeks haha


 If it was a certain person, I would have advised self isolation for a year and no internet access


----------



## Jony

Even longer!!??


----------



## Gilly

Dave.wilton said:


> Didn't engage the portafilter correctly... Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't done it the day before too. New gasket


----------



## Gilly




----------



## Techno

That looks madd


----------



## Jony

5.30 am V60 grind


----------



## allikat

I greased up and sorted my grinder, an old K6. Put it all together, and threw coffee in. No matter how much I tweak it, it's making pebbles. I put new burrs in it. How could this happen?

Then I sit down at my desk, and lo and behold, there's the top burr sitting there, all accusatory like.


----------



## jymbob

When the doorbell rings just as you put the lid on the aeropress and it turns out you hadn't locked it in


----------



## AJSK66

Laughing at Jony's post a few days ago then this happens. Worst part is it wasn't even early morning.


----------



## jymbob

AJSK66 said:


> Laughing at Jony's post a few days ago then this happens. Worst part is it wasn't even early morning.


So, who's going to be the first to install a deadman's switch on the cup stand?


----------



## Gavin

My thought process - "Umm...shit"


----------



## 24774

Put glass on scales, tared them, added coffee beans for a 18g dose. Kept adding beans, got to about twice as much as there normally are. Didn't understand. The gram size kept going up and down. Took some beans away, added some. Each time I took the glass off and put it back on it was a different weight. WTF?!

Then I realised. The clear protective lid my scales come with was still on.


----------



## grumble

Rinsed my v60 filter and wondered why there was hot water going everywhere - realised eventually that the lid was still on the flask I was going to brew into...


----------



## Jony

Butter fingers ?


----------



## AndyDClements

No Photos but I think you can imagine the words.

Coldbrew using Oxo Goodgrips, so forget a few grams of grinds, I do 250g and 1l of water.

Ground beans, measured water and put them together in the hopper, all good. I notice that water is running from the hopper into the carafe. the hopper has a large hard plastic bit that screws in, and a ring to act as a seal. I assume under-tight, so go to tighten it, the stream of water that was going int the carafe now gets diverted onto the worktop as it runs along my hand.

I was wrong, I hadn't under-tightened, I'd over-tightened, so the ring seal had bulged out, try loosening, still running out, loosen more, still running, loosen more. Whole arrangement drops into the carafe, along with 1/2l water (the rest has run over the worktop or is in the small amount of grinds still in the hopper) need to capture what I can, so using spoon I move more grinds into the carafe. then realise I'd left the filter and bung thing in there. Using spoon, manage to fish both parts out, rinse them and prepare to fit them to the bottom of the hopper. then realise the threads of the hopper are coated with grinds so it will never seal. By this time the language is getting choice and louder.

OK, transfer all the remaining water and grinds into a food container, rinse hopper. Good to re-assemble and transfer from food container to hopper. That transfer got a little messy but done. About to put the hopper onto the stand, water is coming from the hopper again. This time, it's just probably a grind stuck in the valve, so I had to release the valve to flush it, so even greater quantity of water gets released.

I should probably have just trashed the grinds and water, started again, but a few measures of gin before starting this may have influenced the saga and may cause it to just repeat.


----------



## AndyDClements

This morning I filtered this batch of coldbrew, I've also over-estimated the amount of water lost, because instead of the normal 700ml of output I got over 800ml, so it's more dilute than normal. Oh well, I'll probably now go and drop the bottle (stored in a flip-top bottle in the fridge) and smash it.


----------



## hotmetal

1st coffee of the day is so important. So is logging on to our IT system before 9am, otherwise they assume you're still lying in bed. I had an issue connecting to the server this morning and totally forgot I'd left a shot running!!

We could play "guess the brew ratio" like the old "guess the weight of the cake" game, but nobody would want to win this accidental americano!

There will be enough guessing the weight going on as of now, as under all that coffee is a pair of scales!










___

Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## Michael87

I just got a milk thermometer and it's just helped me discover I've been streaming my milk to 50degC for 8 months. They said stop when it gets too hot to hold. No wonder my drinks have been too cold!


----------



## Norvin

Gene Cafe stopped working, flashing an E4 error message. - heater, fan or sensors.

Stripped it and checked heater for continuity- ok. Replaced fan with a spare, still get error message. Heater not working as temp on display remains static but at least that sensor is working.

Then it hit me, check the dimmer switch on the dimmer mod. Bugger, someone (not me!) had pushed in the knob on the dimmer switch, turning off the power to the heater... That's an hour of my life that I won't get back.


----------



## hotmetal

Re my post #1312 above, the scales that are barely visible under my accidental 1:200 brew ratio above actually still work!! They're not waterproof or coffee proof. They cost a tenner on Ebay. I took the batteries out, washed the scales thoroughly under the tap thinking 'if the coffee didn't kill them, this will, but what's to lose?' then dried them out on the cup warmer (!) and 2 hours later they're working again LOL!

___
Eat, drink and be merry


----------



## Squidgyblack

Running low on supplies but an order on the way, so two doses weighed out for espresso and mixing in pourovers to fill in the gap.

Went through my usual puck prep, nice level tamp etc, put the portafilter down to turn around and grab the milk jug aaaaaand... The instant sound of "you f*cked up" 😐


----------



## Jony

One of those days I have no spare. Opens cupboard cup comes flying out.


----------



## Joe shorrock

Jony said:


> One of those days I have no spare. Opens cupboard cup comes flying out.
> 
> View attachment 38778


 Thought you were the kind of spares? Sorry jony!


----------



## Jony

I know I usually am. Not on this occasion.


----------



## PPapa

Dropped it with a wee bit cold fingers this morning. Out of all things! Everything else is replaceable, but not this!!!

Interestingly, there's some thread inside, which looks overly complex inside. It seems like wires could also be replaced.










Luckily, it wasn't broken







.


----------



## AndyDClements

This week I was preparing my not-recently used Classic which is to be sold to @Nightrider_1uk, descaler in tank, watching PID and the boiler temperature isn't rising..... getting worried now..... try again... and again.

Finally remember, I'd wanted to run clear water into the boiler first to make sure of no blockages (it had been stored dry), so I'd disconnected the heater circuits to be able to run water through before re-assembling for descale.


----------



## Nightrider_1uk

AndyDClements said:


> This week I was preparing my not-recently used Classic which is to be sold to @Nightrider_1uk, descaler in tank, watching PID and the boiler temperature isn't rising..... getting worried now..... try again... and again.
> 
> Finally remember, I'd wanted to run clear water into the boiler first to make sure of no blockages (it had been stored dry), so I'd disconnected the heater circuits to be able to run water through before re-assembling for descale.


 I'm glad that it's all back together Andy ready for collection. I can wait to use it. Just got to find a way to get it from daughter now.


----------



## filthynines

Step 1: Get shiny new espresso machine.

Step 2: Somehow knacker scales so you can't make anything with it.


----------



## Jony

Don't worry I am sure Decent will be at the ready to help you out. Back running in no time.


----------



## catpuccino

Right....the milk was off then 😅🧀


----------



## Jony

🤢🤢


----------



## mmmatron




----------



## Rob1

Done that before....and actually drank it.

"What is this weird sour taste" I was thinking, then "the milk is really thick".....then "Oh.....". Don't know how I ignored the smell.


----------



## jymbob

I once accidentally picked up the wrong carton and started steaming the pouring cream...


----------



## catpuccino

Rob1 said:


> Done that before....and actually drank it.
> 
> "What is this weird sour taste" I was thinking, then "the milk is really thick".....then "Oh.....". Don't know how I ignored the smell.


 This didn't smell in the bottle or in the pitcher oddly enough, must just be right on the turn. I even used it for a perfectly tasty flat white last night, none of the slightly 'nutty' flavour you get from steaming slightly older milk. So what happened here is a bit of a mystery.

As usual, fresh fresh milk = best!


----------



## Ozzyjohn

Well, I bought a 1Zpresso JX Pro handgrinder a few days ago - used it a few times, dialled in very quickly, happy with the results. Good job . . .

Until yesterday when I weighed my 18g of beans in and had a zen like stroll up and down the kitchen, grinding smoothly as I went - oops, forgot to put the collection chamber on - freshly ground coffee all down the lower half of me and the length of the kitchen floor. Muppet 😴

I won't be doing that again, hopefully.

Regards,

John


----------



## richwade80

Sh1t










Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## El carajillo

Is that staged. for the photo section ??


----------



## richwade80

El carajillo said:


> Is that staged. for the photo section ??


 LOL - genuinely do not know what you mean, which is now going to sound contrived. is there a comp?

i did pick up the jar, before putting it back on the floor to take a photo for the masses - but otherwise no, a genuine act of muppetry. don't hold these jars by the clasp alone....


----------



## Blue_Cafe

Floor looks clean enough....


----------



## richwade80

Blue_Cafe said:


> Floor looks clean enough....


 i wasn't going to say this.... but yes, that was my opinion as well. then i recalled that we had just cut my little boys gargantuan hairstyle in the kitchen this week. Alas everything contained a good deal of blond hair....

i picked it out of course. waste not want not....


----------



## mmmatron

Don't walk away from the grinder...









Don't try and yank a brand new Stanley knife out of its packaging...


----------



## AndyDClements

Ouch, I feel for you. I was fitting a TV aerial at the weekend, trimming the coax with a Stanley knife, the only problem is that it wasn't the normal blade, the weekend before I'd felted the shed roof so had a hook blade fitted. I was moving the knife round the coax wondering why my thumb was hurting (genuinely, thinking this is hurting, as I push the hook further into myself). Nowhere near as bad as your injury but did act as a good reminder to treat tools with respect and pay attention.


----------



## mmmatron

AndyDClements said:


> Ouch, I feel for you. I was fitting a TV aerial at the weekend, trimming the coax with a Stanley knife, the only problem is that it wasn't the normal blade, the weekend before I'd felted the shed roof so had a hook blade fitted. I was moving the knife round the coax wondering why my thumb was hurting (genuinely, thinking this is hurting, as I push the hook further into myself). Nowhere near as bad as your injury but did act as a good reminder to treat tools with respect and pay attention.


 Ouch! I've been really lucky, the knife cut through diagonally, done a good job on it mind.


----------



## CantChipForCoffee

Stanley blades are sharp as. You really don't want to mess with them. Or a scalpel.


----------



## Rob1

richwade80 said:


> Sh1t
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 Pacamara?


----------



## MarkM

NeilR said:


> I am having a stressful day and just made myself an espresso forgetting to tamp the coffee. Tasted all right actually.
> 
> What muppet behaviour have you exhibited when making coffee?


 The other day I weighed my beans in the container (the one the Niche grinds into), poured them into the grinder, closed the lid, placed the empty container BACK on the scales, flicked the switch then carried on sorting the other bits. Turned back to see my mistake and newly ground coffee in a neat pile on the counter.


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## 9719

mmmatron said:


> Don't walk away from the grinder...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Don't try and yank a brand new Stanley knife out of its packaging...


Be more worried bout croc than stanley me self


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## mmmatron

********** said:


> Be more worried bout croc than stanley me self


 ???? the croc took all the other fingers


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## MildredM

A satisfying 'kerplunk' as the puck was knocked into the knock-box just now. A clean, dry basket . . . Perfection 

.

.

.

Yes! That's exactly what happens when you knock out an unused puck 😐🤭🤫


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## siliconslave

poured a lovely espresso today, half into a cup, half onto the non-waterproof scale 🙄

Shouldn't try and do more than one thing at once, screen is now dead & i'll need scales to mix up some more water soon damnit.


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## catpuccino




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## Inspector

catpuccino said:


> View attachment 44881


 Trying to grind twice to see if it makes better brew? 😂


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## MildredM

catpuccino said:


> View attachment 44881


 It's all the rage, twice ground coffee!


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## Snakehips

*Today's Coffee 'How To'*

*How to change grind speed setting on a Kafatek MAX*

*1*. Ensure that either

*a)* There are no beans in the funnel

or

*b)* There is a portafilter or other suitable grinds-catching receptacle in place

*2*. Depress grinder Stop / Start button to start motor

*3*. Happily, play with the speed variation wheel until satisfied

*4*. Depress Stop / Start button to stop motor

*IMPORTANT NOTE:*

If you are stupid enough to skip* Step 1 *and start with* Step 2 *

*DO NOT PANIC!*

Do not squeal like a big ninny and yell for your wife's assistance

Do not cup your hands under the exit chute in order to try and catch 20g of ground coffee beans









Just skip straight to *Step 4* and turn the bl**dy thing off!!!!


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## MildredM

Snakehips said:


> *Today's Coffee 'How To'*
> 
> *How to change grind speed setting on a Kafatek MAX*
> 
> *1*. Ensure that either
> 
> *a)* There are no beans in the funnel
> 
> or
> 
> *b)* There is a portafilter or other suitable grinds-catching receptacle in place
> 
> *2*. Depress grinder Stop / Start button to start motor
> 
> *3*. Happily, play with the speed variation wheel until satisfied
> 
> *4*. Depress Stop / Start button to stop motor
> 
> *IMPORTANT NOTE:*
> 
> If you are stupid enough to skip* Step 1 *and start with* Step 3 *
> 
> *DO NOT PANIC!*
> 
> Do not squeal like a big ninny and yell for your wife's assistance
> 
> Do not cup your hands under the exit chute in order to try and catch 20g of ground coffee beans
> 
> View attachment 44883
> 
> 
> Just skip straight to *Step 4* and turn the bl**dy thing off!!!!


 I think it's safe to safe you're not ready to throw your L Plates away yet Snakey 🤣🤣🤣


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## 24774

Oh wow I did exactly that today! My girlfriend said I should pay attention, about 20 seconds before she'd said 'are you listening to me?'. I just kept quiet and got the hoover.


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## earthflattener

I had dialed in a beautiful cortado with Milk Buster (came with a purchase from BB, didn't much like it as espresso, but it can make a great strong milky drink). The recipe had come out rock steady in 33 secs for the last 2 days and I had enough left for about 6x18g. I let my daughter make one this morning, then I made mine....62 secs. What?? Checked everything. Tried again, 62 secs. It tasted ghastly as might be expected. Mentally blamed daughter and pulled apart my grinder to recalibrate.

Pulled another one after reassembling and it choked. So I pulled out the basket to clean it - only to find that I'd left in the pressurized basket last night after backflushing!! The perils of using the sage setup with that rubber whatsit.


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## mmmatron

Pulled a shot this morning, pour sounded a bit odd...no cup!


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## J_Fo

mmmatron said:


> Pulled a shot this morning, pour sounded a bit odd...no cup!


 🤣

I tipped unground beans from my Niche cup into my porta filter last week. Just stood there, confused, staring at it. This coffee looks weird... 😆


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## mmmatron

Jon_Foster said:


> I tipped unground beans from my Niche cup into my porta filter last week. Just stood there, confused, staring at it. This coffee looks weird...


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## MrSmartepants

First post here, but certainly not my first instance of muppetry!

Late night, little sleep, and early alarm do not make a good combination.

Alarm goes off, and I drag myself out of bed and on my way downstairs, my wife calls out "make the tea please."

I fill the kettle and put it on to boil.

Pull out two mugs and bowl for cereal.

Rinse out tea pot and pre-heat with water from the kettle.

Pour cereal into bowl and put sugar in wife's mug.

Dump out water from tea pot and pop a couple of tea bags in the pot.

Kettle boiled, so pour water into tea pot, give a quick stir and put lid on tea pot.

Go to the fridge and get milk.

Pour milk into mugs and set milk to the side.

Pick up tea pot and proceed to pour tea over cereal.

Slowly realize what's happening just as wife walks in and asks "What ARE you doing with that tea?"

Ugh...


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## Philip HN

All I wanted was 0.7g... Switch off brain, select manual, hold teaspoon under shute, double check that brain is completely non-functioning, touch screen again, c.20g of grounds emerge.


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## Northern_Monkey

No pics, but recently I accidentally ground 18g of a fancy coffee for filter and not espresso as I had accidentally left it on the brew setting the previous day.

Before I could stop myself I tipped the coarse grinds back into my running EK43, it was early and I clearly wasn't thinking straight.

It didn't work like the James Hoffman video in this instance and meant I had to clean it out far earlier than I had hoped. Not as easy to clean as my Niche and I had to get a torque screwdriver rather hurriedly... 🙄


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## richwade80

Had a slight reshuffle in layout - The shortfalls of which were made apparent by my wizard like morning robes.

Soggy sleeve.

https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201108/01a429491e7e2726c7dc4ea902faac2c.jpg

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## hotmetal

I have had to censor myself, snigger.


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## El carajillo

richwade80 said:


> Had a slight reshuffle in layout - The shortfalls of which were made apparent by my wizard like morning robes.
> 
> Soggy sleeve.
> 
> https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201108/01a429491e7e2726c7dc4ea902faac2c.jpg
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


 Photo essential


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## The Systemic Kid




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## Drewster

hotmetal said:


> I have had to censor myself, snigger.


 I can't imagine why...............

Nothing to snigger about with a Wizards sleeve... particularly a soggy Wizards sleeve.......


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## richwade80

The Systemic Kid said:


> <img alt="760439837_Screenshot2020-11-09at20_14_23.thumb.png.2546c65eba4d9007074eb91c8bb90214.png" data-fileid="47784" data-src="<fileStore.core_Attachment>/monthly_2020_11/760439837_Screenshot2020-11-09at20_14_23.thumb.png.2546c65eba4d9007074eb91c8bb90214.png" src="https://www.coffeeforums.co.uk/applications/core/interface/js/spacer.png">


Cheers

No idea why Tapatalk wouldn't post the photo direct.

Maybe it censors wizard sleeves?

I'm reigning myself in here, the opportunity for inappropriate comments is amazing.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ozzyjohn

1: I'm pretty sure I'm not the first

2: It has taken me three months to fall into this obvious trap

3: It wasn't the last 18g of a really delicious coffee

4: It certainly wasn't £40 for 200g coffee

5: It was easier to clear up than the time I forgot to put the catch cup on the hand grinder (strolling around the kitchen in a zen like trance)

6: It made my wife (and me) howl with laughter

Hopefully I won't do it again, but I'm not betting on it 🤞🏼

Regards
John


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## The Systemic Kid

Ozzyjohn said:


> View attachment 48540
> 
> 
> 1: I'm pretty sure I'm not the first


 Or the last👍


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## Catlady101

MrSmartepants said:


> First post here, but certainly not my first instance of muppetry!
> 
> Late night, little sleep, and early alarm do not make a good combination.
> 
> Alarm goes off, and I drag myself out of bed and on my way downstairs, my wife calls out "make the tea please."
> 
> I fill the kettle and put it on to boil.
> 
> Pull out two mugs and bowl for cereal.
> 
> Rinse out tea pot and pre-heat with water from the kettle.
> 
> Pour cereal into bowl and put sugar in wife's mug.
> 
> Dump out water from tea pot and pop a couple of tea bags in the pot.
> 
> Kettle boiled, so pour water into tea pot, give a quick stir and put lid on tea pot.
> 
> Go to the fridge and get milk.
> 
> Pour milk into mugs and set milk to the side.
> 
> Pick up tea pot and proceed to pour tea over cereal.
> 
> Slowly realize what's happening just as wife walks in and asks "What ARE you doing with that tea?"
> 
> Ugh...


 early am, put mokka pieces on my coffee area, grind the coffee as water filters though the peak, sift the coffee ( yes new grinder is coming) , fll the basket, go to the fridge to get milk for the frother, pour the milk, go to put the basket in the mokka pot, only to realise I had poured the milk into the mokka pot and the water in to the milk frother, and just stood there, coffee filter in one hand, mokka pot in the other like tryint to fit a triangle into a circular hole, I knew something was not right but took me a few seconds of looking at on , then the other before I twigged!

😆


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## Missy

Almost broke my arm trying to pull a coffee, absolutely no idea why, it was fine before lunch. Begin to panic that ive somehow bent the lever or overheated the group head or any other of a squillion reasons. Then I realise.... The cleaner has deep cleaned the kitchen moved all my coffee stuff and "straightened" the grinder up https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201124/76f584704eea09942a7e3276f4055fa9.jpg


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## Ozzyjohn

Dough for a couple of sourdough loaves - scrape dough off bench into a bowl which sits on a stool (as I've done countless times without incident) - only the bowl decides it wants to have a close look at the floor. Cue lots of robust Anglo Saxon. 
I think I will dig out the bread maker in the morning if we are to have bread tomorrow.

Oooops!


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## Northern_Monkey

Persuaded my other half to make a coffee this morning, she did it nicely using the flow paddle and everything.

She didn't replace the dosing cup afterwards on the bag holder. I both knew this as I saw it on the side, but somehow decided to pop the next 18g through the grinder anyway... Pleased it came with one of those tear drop dishes now! ????


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## The Systemic Kid

Embarrassed to say have done that many times on my EK.


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## Jinsin456

Was tamping over the edge of the counter on the tamp mat... Something slipped and I fully one inch punched the countertop while throwing my half tamped portafilter on the floor. Sore hand and coffee everywhere


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## Dallah

MaraX is on a smart plug and this has worked flawlessly since installation. Last night I dropped the screen to give the dispersion plate a good scrub. Replaced stock screen with IMS nano coated competition screen and gasket with Cafelat silicone gasket. Bit of faff as it was my first time doing this. Burning hands numerous times as the grouphead was still hot three hours after being turned off but got there in the end.

Came down this morning to all the lights flashing and the machine is stone cold. Panic sets in. What did I do, have I broken something while cleaning and upgrading. Or is machine malfunctioning? I consulted the manual which confirms machine is malfunctioning. Checked water level, tank is half full but topped it up anyways. Lights all still flAshing. Copious amounts of my most choice Anglo Saxon.

Oh. The lever was left up last night. Close the lever and lights go out (other than temp.) Panic over.


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## DavecUK

Jinsin456 said:


> Was tamping over the edge of the counter on the tamp mat... Something slipped and I fully one inch punched the countertop while throwing my half tamped portafilter on the floor. Sore hand and coffee everywhere


 This tells me you might be tamping a wee bit too hard 😉



Dallah said:


> MaraX is on a smart plug and this has worked flawlessly since installation. Last night I dropped the screen to give the dispersion plate a good scrub. Replaced stock screen with IMS nano coated competition screen and gasket with Cafelat silicone gasket. Bit of faff as it was my first time doing this. Burning hands numerous times as the grouphead was still hot three hours after being turned off but got there in the end.
> 
> Came down this morning to all the lights flashing and the machine is stone cold. Panic sets in. What did I do, have I broken something while cleaning and upgrading. Or is machine malfunctioning? I consulted the manual which confirms machine is malfunctioning. Checked water level, tank is half full but topped it up anyways. Lights all still flAshing. Copious amounts of my most choice Anglo Saxon.
> 
> Oh. The lever was left up last night. Close the lever and lights go out (other than temp.) Panic over.


 There is a safety system programmed into the firmware, for those who leave the lever up at night. 😉


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## KingoftheHeath

Dallah said:


> MaraX is on a smart plug and this has worked flawlessly since installation. Last night I dropped the screen to give the dispersion plate a good scrub. Replaced stock screen with IMS nano coated competition screen and gasket with Cafelat silicone gasket. Bit of faff as it was my first time doing this. Burning hands numerous times as the grouphead was still hot three hours after being turned off but got there in the end.
> Came down this morning to all the lights flashing and the machine is stone cold. Panic sets in. What did I do, have I broken something while cleaning and upgrading. Or is machine malfunctioning? I consulted the manual which confirms machine is malfunctioning. Checked water level, tank is half full but topped it up anyways. Lights all still flAshing. Copious amounts of my most choice Anglo Saxon.
> 
> Oh. The lever was left up last night. Close the lever and lights go out (other than temp.) Panic over.


Done this several times, very grateful for the machine for overriding my muppetry.


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## Nightrider_1uk

Ozzyjohn said:


> I won't be doing that again, hopefully.


 You will if my experience is anything to go by. Done it a few times with my Feld


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## -Mac

Making a coffee this morning, wearing dressing gown, pyjama trousers and slippers. Shook up my sugar container to loosen the dark brown sugar and mix it in with the white and demerara. Didn't hold the lid on tightly enough. Sugar all over counter top, floor, inside of slippers, gown and pyjamas. Should have taken photos but was too busy fighting off my Jackhuahua who was eagerly lapping up the sugar.


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## 28267

My turn this morning. Went to make flat white after getting up, coffee into bottomless portafilter and into machine and started shot. Then disaster water/coffee spraying in various directions, thought for a moment did I really prepare the puck that badly? Nope finally realised I'd not put it onto the group properly and the spray was from the top of the portafilter. So shot one wasted.

2nd attempt fine, as was my next coffee, then ran shot for my wife's coffee and it cut out during shot with the dreaded H2O message on the screen. Was just ok as cut off in final few grams. I normally top up the machine each morning and normally there is two days of water in a full tank, but I'd cleaned it yesterday!

So making three coffees lost one shot, nearly messed up a second and sprayed coffee and water around the machine!


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## TRatcliffe

I've just poured beans into the water reservoir.

could be worse, at least I didn't pour water into the grinder.


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## KingoftheHeath

TRatcliffe said:


> I've just poured beans into the water reservoir.
> 
> could be worse, at least I didn't pour water into the grinder.


That's brilliant


----------



## Michael87

I've been waiting two weeks for this decent niche portafilfer holder. For my gaggia classic portafilfer with offset locking arms. So it doesn't fit. Which in hindsight was entirely obvious....


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## 28267

Struggled to empty and refill the tank on my Osmio zero earlier as one arm is suffering from Covid jab.

All going well and got tank back on, meant to turn knob to wake it up and spot refill. Pressed button instead, so pissed water onto the floor tried to catch with hands rather than press again to stop. Wife unimpressed.


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## Ranibani

Forgetting to put a filter on my aeropress cap. Coffee free flowed into my cup before I could press(inverted method)! Luckily it didn't make too much of a mess..!


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## VonPete

I had a slight mixup and came very close to grinding kibble this morning.

It made me wonder if anyone had gone one step further and tasted a nutritious kibbly shot 🤪


----------



## Joe shorrock

Had my niche 9 months, finally joined the club


----------



## 28267

@Joe shorrock - not managed that one yet, only time. I'm hoping religiously putting the cup back every time and using the single dose containers will prevent it happening.


----------



## Dallah

Joe shorrock said:


> Had my niche 9 months, finally joined the club
> 
> View attachment 55994


 @Joe shorrock Can I ask where you got those bean cellars or whatever you would like to call them?


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## 7493

I've had mine well over a year and I've done this twice...


----------



## Joe shorrock

AdG said:


> @Joe shorrock - not managed that one yet, only time. I'm hoping religiously putting the cup back every time and using the single dose containers will prevent it happening.


 Haha tbf I was taking a video including the custom wood kit then turning it on and then I was like oh yeah the cup haha


----------



## richwade80

just pulled a shot on the LR - hmm, this sounds suspiciously quiet. why is the pump not running?

turns out the wifi plug has turned the machine off precisely 2mins before i pulled the lever. i got some drips from bpiler pressure pre-infusion, so switched the machine back on and pulled again - i'm from Yorkshire, it's not going to waste in my house.

taste - i'm getting earwax notes. still, better than Costa


----------



## 27852

richwade80 said:


> just pulled a shot on the LR - hmm, this sounds suspiciously quiet. why is the pump not running?
> 
> turns out the wifi plug has turned the machine off precisely 2mins before i pulled the lever. i got some drips from bpiler pressure pre-infusion, so switched the machine back on and pulled again - i'm from Yorkshire, it's not going to waste in my house.
> 
> taste - i'm getting earwax notes. still, better than Costa


 This happens to me when working from home. The WiFi plug turns everything off at 8am. 7.59 pull a shot and start steaming milk - oh no, the boiler's packed in, let's check the temp. PID turned off... WiFi!


----------



## P1Fanatic

I am pretty new to this but already making some muppet mistakes. I dont like to keep the PF in when not in use as the handle sticks out and the machine is on the corner of our kitchen worktop. Several times now I turn machine on - come back when its warmed up to get PF out to grind into and damn I forgot to put it in when machine warming up. This morning I thought I cracked it only to take PF out and realise when washing up last night I had put the single basket back in rather than double. Grrrrrr. Single basket has been hidden in a box now lol.


----------



## Emily

Forgot to tamp 🤦‍♀️
Realised before I started pulling the shot and took out the PF but a big bit of the puck was stuck to the shower screen. So cleaned it off, spooned some more coffee into the basket on top of the half remaining and thought I would see what happens. And it was fine, made no difference having a rubbish puck 😂


----------



## BunniesAreEvil

Ground some beans in my handgrinder, then wondered why the grounds were all over the floor.

I've forgotten to put water in the moka pot a few times.


----------



## MattP1

New coffee this morning and choked the machine. Binned it and weighed out another 18g to try 2 steps higher but forgot to actually change the grind setting!


----------



## Griffo

Second time I've done this now 😩 happened this afternoon.


----------



## DavecUK

@Griffo Did the same only a week ago.


----------



## Griffo

DavecUK said:


> @Griffo Did the same only a week ago.


 I normally weigh my beans out into a little cup and spray a little water on them to help with static (leaving the niche container under the grinder), but this time I thought I'd not bother with that and then this happened.


----------



## 7493

@Griffo Did the same a couple of days ago. First time for at least a year.


----------

