# It's coffee Jim but not as we know it.....



## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

Having sold the L1 to @Grahamg and being unable to take delivery of a new L-R until the end of March (my preference, not a supply issue) I have spent the last week and a half without a machine!

I had anticipated being machineless and the plan was to dust off the Bealetti or the french press in order to maintain caffeine levels. What I didn't anticipate was that I would run out of beans on the same day that Graham ran off with my much loved L1.

So, what to do to get us through the next two weeks other than stare longingly at a pic of our normal cuppa?









Answer&#8230;&#8230; source some beans for the french press.

Reluctant to descend to the depths of the supermarket shelves I decided to try a roasted coffee bean stall at a local market. Let's just say that despite being far more expensive, I found these beans to be nowhere near as good as those that we are all used sourcing from the likes of Rave, Foundry, Coffee Compass and HasBean, etc.

So with, albeit drinkable but somewhat disappointing, coffee from the market beans and the french press being no real substitute for an L1 flat white we pondered the alternative. Try local coffee shops?

Now I've never particularly gone out of my way to try and find a decent coffee shop in and around Coventry but general experience has lead me to be a follower of the 'GROT' coffee rule. The GROT coffee rule requires that unless you have sound knowledge that guarantees cafe X serves decent coffee, you Get Real and Order Tea! Even if the joint has a good 'vibe',&#8230;&#8230; dimmed lighting, exposed conduits, tables made from reclaimed scaffolding planks and the barista has an apron, full beard, tattoos and top-knot hair do&#8230;&#8230;&#8230;. order a pot of tea ! Even if a place is rammed then it's likely down to there being free wi-fi rather than great coffee, so &#8230; GROT&#8230; order a pot of tea !

Have me and Mrs Snakehips ever transgressed and broken the GROT rule ? Foolishly we have but each time we have, we have reaffirmed our vow never to do so again!

We have two coffee shops within 10 minutes walk or so of home. One, despite proclaiming to be a coffee shop, selling real coffee, looks every bit a bog standard sausage-sarnie cafe so we decided that we would try the other one. The other one opened about twelve months and despite having walked past it, almost daily, to and from town the GROT rule has meant that I had never ventured in. It has the 'vibe', dimmed lighting, exposed conduits etc, etc and despite a slow beginning it now seems to have become popular and busy, which is great. So, last Sunday we did it. We stuck two fingers up to the GROT rule, ventured in and ordered two small flat whites. Union 'Revelation'. Never tried it before and have to say it was a disappointing cup in a variety of ways and I was unable to drink the last third. However, despite grimacing at every mouthful, Mrs Snakehips drank all of hers, purely in an effort to fend off her caffeine withdrawal induced headache.

So did that put us back on the straight and narrow? No, sadly not.

Two days later I said "Come on let's go try that other coffee shop". Mrs S somewhat surprised and against her better judgement, said "Go on then, I could use a coffee".

Against the trend, this cafe was brightly illuminated. There was not a metre of exposed conduit nor reclaimed scaffold board to be seen and as for the 'vibe', well there wasn't one. But there were three ladies in black teeshirts and grubby aprons sitting in the window seats having a break. There was obviously no bearded barista but in fairness the lady who left her sandwich to get up and serve us did have a hint of a moustache.

"Yes luv, what can I get you"

"Er, we're looking for a nice cup of coffee" says I

"Then you've come to the right place, our coffee is very nice"

The menu board included Espresso, Latte, Cappuccino, Americano so I enquired "Do you serve flat whites?"

"Course we do luv"

"Then we'll have two small flat whites please"

"Right you are m'duck, sit yourselves down and I'll bring 'em over to you."

We sat down and always curious to see how 'professionals' go about their coffee making, I couldn't help watching as the flat whites were prepared.

I can't remember what the kit was but it looked a capable enough two group commercial.

Cold milk was poured into each of the two cups. Perhaps this is a measuring process I thought? Wrong! Hot water was then dispensed and added to the cold milk.

Coffee was then was ground, distributed and tamped. Well, sort of.

Cups were positioned and the shot was shot was pulled&#8230;.. and pulled and&#8230;.. I sort of missed the next bit in the process because I had my head in my hands. I don't remember the sound of milk steaming but she did wave a stainless steel jug over the top of the cups with a quick flourish. The saucer was then garnished with a spoon and a small macaroon biscuit. As we know, presentation is everything so a lot of time and precision went into getting this just right.

"There y'go" she said as she placed them on the table. "Enjoy"

Well I can only describe these 'flat whites" as indescribable! They were most certainly flat, as a pancake, with not a hint of anything remotely resembling textured milk. It was essentially a cup of watery beige coloured liquid. I am truly amazed as to how something so anaemic in appearance could taste so strongly of burnt car tyres.

Needless to say, we upped and left as thirsty as we had entered!

*UPDATE* on the first coffeeshop: Noticed that there was a different barista in there yesterday so popped in on my own. What a difference he made!

Had a thoroughly enjoyable flat white! He's on shift again today so will treat Mrs S.

GROT my arse!!

*Start trekking across the universe,*

*finding a decent coffee shop, will surely make you curse.*

*Start Trecking across the universe,*

*If you don't get some caffeine soon you're go'na need a nurse.*

*(Pom-poppa-pommmmm&#8230;&#8230;..)*

*There's lattes on the menu here, *

*menu here, menu here.*

*
**There's lattes on the menu here, *

*menu here, Jim*

*It's coffee Jim but not as we know it, *

*not as we know it, not as we know it.*

*It's coffee Jim but not as we know it, *

*not as we know it, Jim.*

*Start trekking across the universe,*

*finding a decent coffee shop, will surely make you curse.*

*Start Trecking across the universe,*

*If you don't get some caffeine soon you're go'na need a nurse.*

*It's worse than that it's sh!t Jim,*

*It's sh!t Jim, it's sh!t Jim,*

*It's worse than that it's sh!t Jim,*

*It's sh!t Jim, sh!t !*

*Get real and order tea, *

*order tea, order tea.*

*Get real and order tea,*

*order tea, Jim.*

*Start trekking across the universe,*

*finding a decent coffee shop will surely make you curse,*

*Start Trecking across the universe,*

*If you don't get some caffeine soon you're go'na need a nurse.*



*
*

With apologies and in case anyone needs reminding of the


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

Ah Snakehips! Brilliant! I needed a laugh. Who could forget the Firm? I can still pretty much remember the whole lyrics to "Arthur Daley ('e's alright)."

So in spite of the fact that your post somehow rendered as black text on a black background in Tapatalk, I viewed it in the browser and it was worth the effort! Glad your GROT mission ended happily with Hipster #2! Hopefully in spite of their strict adherence to the dress code that signifies them as independent thinkers, you are able to tell them apart from the window to know if it's safe to enter!


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## Grahamg (Oct 24, 2013)

Seriously cringeworthy - I was hoping the ladies in the caff were going to pull something out of the bag for a moment!


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

Ditto. I so wanted Widdly Pat and Brenda Beansworth to blow you away with an unexpectedly good flattie. Guess that was a little too optimistic but you never know. Having massive holes in your earlobes has only the very slightest non-causative correlation to barista skillz. Whereas someone who's been knocking up satisfying fry-ups for years might possibly have picked up the knack of coffee.


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

hotmetal said:


> Ah Snakehips! Brilliant! I needed a laugh. Who could forget the Firm? I can still pretty much remember the whole lyrics to "Arthur Daley ('e's alright)."


I'm happy if it raised a chuckle.

I lay genuine claim to having a dreadful erm... erm.... er.... thingy. You know.. erm..... memory.

On a good day I have the memory of a goldfish with Alzheimers.

For some strange reason there are three events that stick in my mind as in 'where were I was when so and so happened.'

One, was hearing that John Lennon had died. - Just arriving in Macclesfield to see a customer.

Two, was hearing Princess Diana had died. - Driving to the golf club one Sunday morning.

Three, was arriving at a junior badminton tournament near Brighton, to watch my son play, and hearing Star Trekkin' on the radio for the very first time!

That's about 30 years back I reckon and to this very day, even the thought of that song brings me out in a huge smile. The killer verse for me is 'It's worse than that he's dead Jim, dead Jim, dead Jim...." which never fails to induce laughter.

I too was rather hoping that the three witches of Murphy's Coffee Shop were going to hubble and bubble and brew up something surprisingly good but it didn't work out that way.


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

I fear your latte, 'tis full o the milk of human kindness.

Is this a d'Ancap before me, its handle toward mine hand?

Where shall we three meet again? To catch commuters on the train. (it is stated by Banquo that the witches had beards, so you ought to be able to expect some decent single origin in that cauldron.)

The line that always gets me is "always going forwards cos we can't find reverse!"


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

The Firm is one thing but this is getting altogether too highbrow for me if you're going to start paraphrasing Willie Whatshisface !


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## grumpydaddy (Oct 20, 2014)

If you are out looking for Good coffee then remember....

You must NOT wear red. It never seems to end well if you do.


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

Que? Went over my head that one. Unless you're in Bangkok in which case that's common knowledge. What if you are going for a cupping session at Hasbean?


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## grumpydaddy (Oct 20, 2014)

http://www.startrek.com/article/did-redshirts-really-die-more-often-on-tos


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## Phobic (Aug 17, 2016)

I use to be a follower of the GROT way too, sadly now I tend to loiter and check out the barista skills before I bother ordering anything, if they're not up to scratch I GTFO of dodge.

my wife things I'm a coffee snob and is too mortified to join in so leaves me alone to loiter, I only have 2 restraining orders so far after being mistaken for a stalker, however it's worth it as those cafes were crap anyway!


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

I think the colour of the sweaters is a bit of a red herring. They've obviously been drinking coffee at Murphy's


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## clickhappy (Feb 1, 2012)

Snakehips said:


> *UPDATE* on the first coffeeshop: Noticed that there was a different barista in there yesterday so popped in on my own. What a difference he made!
> 
> Had a thoroughly enjoyable flat white! He's on shift again today so will treat Mrs S.
> 
> ...


Was this the coffee shop near the station? I've tried it once, wasn't great, maybe I should try again.

Have you tried Kahawa Coffee, well reviewed but I've not yet been? Esquires coffee next to the transport museum have produced something drinkable too but nothing special.

Coventry could really do with upping its coffee and restaurant game, moved here from Birmingham which had so much more choice.


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## johnealey (May 19, 2014)

Thanks Tony for the giggle, kept me smiling all day (the firm bit, not the coffee experience)

I think to get a true stalking ban you need to shout "No, No , No" and leap in behind the counter to show them how its done properly...









The phrase all the gear and no idea comes to mind as does a horrifying experience I had in Weston a couple of years back, seeing a quality machine and grinder behind the counter ordered a capo only to watch the "person in charge, so I know best" take a spoon of instant and then steam, with truly enormous bubbles and hotter than lava, milk to add straight in the top (could have been worse but they skipped the secret society of café owners addition of water in the middle stage)

Confirmed tea drinker when out and about now unless have heard good things on here (newspapers as we have read this week on here, may tell alternative versions of reality)

Spent most of yesterday going round singing the "its worse than that he's dead Jim" chorus









John


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

clickhappy said:


> Was this the coffee shop near the station? I've tried it once, wasn't great, maybe I should try again.
> 
> Have you tried Kahawa Coffee, well reviewed but I've not yet been? Esquires coffee next to the transport museum have produced something drinkable too but nothing special.
> 
> Coventry could really do with upping its coffee and restaurant game, moved here from Birmingham which had so much more choice.


Yes, Finney's on Warwick road. On the fringe of city centre but with reasonable pedestrian traffic a lot of which will be to and fro the station. The previous food businesses there failed and closed after no time at all but after a slow start Finney's has become popular and well patronised. From my observations the turning point was when they put outside seating which helped catch the eye. A large student population now here in Cov and they appear to have taken to it. We have paid two more visits since my original post. The Union Revelation is dark old stuff but apart from on our first visit the coffee whilst not fantastic, has been perfectly acceptable and should fulfil my needs until I'm up and running with home equipment again.

Haven't tried Kahwa. Been in Esquires at transport museum but decided to abide by GROT coffee rule and had a tea. I often cringe at what I see folk drinking at their open plan space in West Orchards shopping centre.

Sadly Coventry is not blessed with too much to shout about in respect of food and drink. I think there are plans to try and attract more restaurants as part of the Friargate development / Station area and the City Of Culture 2021 bid. Coventry, City of Culture? I'm Cov born and bred and it's stretching my imagination if I'm being honest. But maybe I'm wrong?


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## clickhappy (Feb 1, 2012)

Glad to hear Finney's has improved and is well supported, I shall try again


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

johnealey said:


> Thanks Tony for the giggle, kept me smiling all day (the firm bit, not the coffee experience)
> 
> I think to get a true stalking ban you need to shout "No, No , No" and leap in behind the counter to show them how its done properly...


Yep, I fell a bit short of the mark there John. I have to say that there was a big part of me that wanted to a) query the rational behind her unique approach to flat whiting and b) maybe give her basic tip or two that might have upped her game a bit. A little bit of textured milk or god forbid some washing powder style foam on top would have given it a bit more credibility though I doubt it would have impacted upon the taste. Had I been asked 'how was the coffee? I would have been honest and tried to be constructive but there was so much wrong that I think commenting would have been a waste of time.

It's experiences like that and your Weston adventure that help you justify if help is needed, the money that we throw at 'coffee making'.

Being without the L1 for near on two weeks has been really strange.

Sure I miss the coffee but I also miss the process. Every morning, without fail, I've finished my bowl of breakfast cereal and got up from my chair with view to going into the kitchen and making coffee. I'm half way up before remembering it's no longer there. It's a bit like phantom limb syndrome following an amputation. The best one was two days back I was pondering something that would be dependant upon the ground clearance under the L1 drip tray. Would you believe that I actually took a tape measure from my desk draw and went out to the kitchen to measure it. Imagine my surprise when I found the worktop was empty! Sad or what?


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

What a difference a few days makes! In Surrey Hills, Sydney, and tripping over cafes and coffee shops. Some are better than others but ........

it's coffee Jim and better than Cov's,

better than Cov's, better than Cov's

it's coffee Jim and better than Cov's,

it's better than Cov's, Jim

This is cafe directly across the road....









Artificer is five minutes walk up the road....

Only sells coffee, no food, not even a biscuit, just coffee, good coffee.

ww.broadsheet.com.au/sydney/cafes/artificer-specialty-coffee-bar-roastery

To name but two.


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## GerryM (Feb 6, 2016)

Meanwhile back in Cov


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## jlarkin (Apr 26, 2015)

Snakehips said:


> the City Of Culture 2021 bid. Coventry, City of Culture? I'm Cov born and bred and it's stretching my imagination if I'm being honest. But maybe I'm wrong?


To be fair, it doesn't state what kind of "culture"?


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

GerryM said:


> Meanwhile back in Cov
> 
> View attachment 24896


Stop being silly Gerry!



jlarkin said:


> To be fair, it doesn't state what kind of "culture"?


Fair comment Joe. Sensible as ever.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

I'm only just catching up with this thread (I was still very new when it started and didn't know where to look first)!

So, so funny







 Thanks for making me spurtle my coffee all over my screen!


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

There is a new coffee shop opening today about 10 minutes walk from Chez Snakehips.

Coffee today is apparently half price.

Mrs S is suggesting that we have a go 'for the laugh'.

I'm not sure that is the right attitude?


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> There is a new coffee shop opening today about 10 minutes walk from Chez Snakehips.
> 
> Coffee today is apparently half price.
> 
> ...


It is almost worth the 3 hour drive to witness this . . . If I'd known earlier we'd have hopped in the car and been on our way


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> It is almost worth the 3 hour drive to witness this . . . If I'd known earlier we'd have hopped in the car and been on our way


Shame! Maybe next time? I might just let you know how we get on.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> Shame! Maybe next time? I might just let you know how we get on.


 Did you go? Spill the beans


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Did you go? Spill the beans


Yes we went !

I shamefully have to admit that part me was rather hoping it would prove to be an unmitigated disaster ..... a la Murphy's..... just so that I could indulge the idiot in me and pen some mildly exaggerated waffle about how bad it was. I'd even planned to change the name, again a la 'Murphy's', in order to mitigate the likelihood of being sued for defamation. .... *'Mildred's Coffee'* .... It does have a certain ring to it but in the event, will not be needed as the visit to *Myrtle's Coffee* was not a disaster!

Here follows an honest personal opinion.

Myrtle's Coffee, Albany Road

A pleasant interior, nicely laid out, not too cramped, not too dimly lit, an eclectic mix of comfy seats and tables, one large wall full of quirky, vintage look, signage and a short wall mirrored from floor to ceiling.

Typical menus for teas and coffees and other drinks and a reasonable selection of cakes and pastries. Outside of that I only saw a soup option but my understanding is that it is planned to phase in a food menu over the coming weeks. Principle coffee gear comprised a two group Sanremo ZOE and a large Compak, as I recall.

Ordered two flat whites - 8oz cups being the only option - they looked to be made made efficiently and they duly arrived at our table.

There was no latte art as we know it. Atop the drink was a layer of foam which whilst not quite microfoam, certainly did not resemble the shaving foam consistency that is common in many coffee outlets.

The coffee was far too hot which as well as burning the mouth, detracted from the taste. As the coffee cooled the taste improved and we both drank the full 8oz. There was no dreadful aftertaste so I believe that the underlying shot was not too badly extracted. A cafe blend with some robusta content, it is never going to be my coffee of choice but despite the detrimental affect of the scalded milk, it was not a dreadful drink. Currently just the one coffee blend available but another option may be introduced soon.

Service was extremely pleasant and the young lady owner whilst new to coffee, seems keen to learn and build up a reputation for good coffee. Ok it was opening day with coffee at half price, as it is all this week, but during the time we were there it was very busy. Loads of positive comments from punters. They thought the coffee was good.

Speciality it ain't but I would be surprised if it doesn't go on to be the coffee shop of choice for many in the immediate locality.

I did pass on my comments re the temperature and returned a little later to give them a Temptag-Tri to use. Hopefully they will see an improvement in the cup.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Great







Well, good luck to her! Sounds like she's going to be popular and at the end of the day better that than an empty cafe because there isn't a big enough customer base for speciality coffee.

Funnily enough one of the most often heard comments I hear is, 'the coffee was half cold,' from friends and colleagues trying 'proper' coffee shops. Or that the cup wasn't big enough! The customer is always right!!


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