# Ill-advised coffee related (or otherwise) gifts you have received.



## Dylan (Dec 5, 2011)

Since my friends and family have known about my affection for coffee I have received several gifts of coffee, all of which I have had to receive with a forced grin and a thank you as I know I will never use them. Once at christmas when I got some pre-ground flavoured beans and once from the ex girlfriend who's aunt or something knew a coffee roaster who she got some beans from (I did try them, they were rancid, burnt to a crisp).

I was just wondering if anyone else had had some well-intentioned but ill-advised gifts relating to coffee.


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## Mrboots2u (May 10, 2013)

Lol yes

someone "gave" me 20g ( yes 20 g ) of beans to try ( pre ground ) they got from a friend they met on holiday in Indonesia 6 weeks before.

"Go on make me and you a latte with those please... "


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## Daren (Jan 16, 2012)

My sister-in-law got me some instant freeze dried 'barista' style coffee... "I saw this and thought of you as your a coffee snob".

I'm trying to think of something equally insulting to buy her.


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## urbanbumpkin (Jan 30, 2013)

Mrboots2u said:


> Lol yes
> 
> someone "gave" me 20g ( yes 20 g ) of beans to try ( pre ground ) they got from a friend they met on holiday in Indonesia 6 weeks before.
> 
> "Go on make me and you a latte with those please... "


Are you sure it was pre ground coffee she brought back from Indonesia? Was her "friend" from Stourbridge?


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## Mrboots2u (May 10, 2013)

Daren said:


> My sister-in-law got me some instant freeze dried 'barista' style coffee... "I saw this and thought of you as your a coffee snob".
> 
> I'm trying to think of something equally insulting to buy her.


Roadkill earrings


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## 4085 (Nov 23, 2012)

I was given a big bag of Jamaican Blue Mountain that the chap had decided to chop up for me on his blade grinder........wait for it..........5 months earlier


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## urbanbumpkin (Jan 30, 2013)

Daren said:


> My sister-in-law got me some instant freeze dried 'barista' style coffee... "I saw this and thought of you as your a coffee snob".
> 
> I'm trying to think of something equally insulting to buy her.


TENA incontinence pants?


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## urbanbumpkin (Jan 30, 2013)

I got bought some pre ground flavoured coffee (Christmas pudding flavour). I used it at work one day in a lack of beans emergency.

It kind of smelt of Christmas......that of Christmas past.....possibly the original one i.e.. a 2000 year old barn.

I was the only one to even attempt a taste, only marginally better than it smelt. Binned on the spot!


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## coffeechap (Apr 5, 2012)

if she is into food, buy her a big mac "I saw this and thought as you are a bit of a foodie", but make sure it is 3 months old and has been sat on!


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## seeq (Jul 9, 2011)

I always get some form of ground coffee at Christmas.... No amount of hinting stops this abominable practice


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## Pyro (Jun 28, 2014)

Daren said:


> My sister-in-law got me some instant freeze dried 'barista' style coffee... "I saw this and thought of you as your a coffee snob".
> 
> I'm trying to think of something equally insulting to buy her.


I have about three different types of that in my cupboards I reserve it especially for the gifters and people I generally just don't like


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## Daren (Jan 16, 2012)

Pyro said:


> I have about three different types of that in my cupboards I reserve it especially for the gifters and people I generally just don't like


That's a good plan! I'll keep hold of it for when she visits..... I'll make myself some freshly ground espresso and give her the instant (I don't dislike her - I just wouldn't give it to anyone else)

She likes fish so Captain Birdseye might be on the menu


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## michaelg (Jul 25, 2013)

One of Aga's Polish friends bought us preground Baileys flavoured coffee. I kept it in the cupboard until she decided to go back to Poland to live and then decided it was safe to bin it.

Not coffee related but a somewhat estranged aunt decided to restart buying me Christmas presents after about 25 years of not buying anything by giving me a conical/Erlenmeyer flask with markings on the side for various types of salad dressing. I'd never made a salad dressing in my life at the time and rarely ate salad then either (I was in final year at uni so living on caffeine and beer depending on the time of day!)


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## MWJB (Feb 28, 2012)

I have a cunning plan for dealing with gifted coffee - If any thoughtless b**tard is evil enough to give me coffee beans, I give them a taste of their own medicine







- I grind up the beans, chuck them in a pot of hot water, then pour out the result and make them drink it..."How do you bloody well like that then?!" I rant







,.... "It's very nice, thank you!"







...& y'know, more often than not, it actually is.


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## Milanski (Oct 10, 2013)

100g of Kopi Luwak.

To give credit, it was wholebean!

Over-roasted and stale though.

I'm sure there were other bean-sized pellets in there too!


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## jeebsy (May 5, 2013)

Haven't had any naff coffee stuff yet (my sister's boyfriend actually got me some really nice beans last Christmas) but it can't be as bad as the tat you get when people know you play golf


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## Milanski (Oct 10, 2013)

Lesson here. Tell people you collect money.

Better/easier for everyone involved.


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## shrink (Nov 12, 2012)

An ex brought me back some shaving stuff from holiday. Sadly it was just not the kind of stuff I'm into and wasn't really suitable. Still just smiled and got on with it though


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## coffeechap (Apr 5, 2012)

jeebsy said:


> Haven't had any naff coffee stuff yet (my sister's boyfriend actually got me some really nice beans last Christmas) but it can't be as bad as the tat you get when people know you play golf


I know, suddenly out come the donnay golf balls !!!


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## Flibster (Aug 15, 2010)

A kg bag of beans from mexico in their own little hessian sack.

Opened while at The Window and shared some with Hayley. Black, oily and truly revolting.

On the plus side, it was whole beans. Could have been pre-ground I suppose.


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## bignorry (Mar 19, 2013)

Isn't it like the do not touch sign? The beans still get ground and a couple of shots pulled just to see?


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## DavidBondy (Aug 17, 2010)

My brother's brother-in-law works for the UN. He bought me back a hessian sack of 500g of roasted whole bean coffee from The Democratic Republic of the Congo.

It was stale as old-socks (and didn't smell as nice) but attached to the bag were these which I have kept:

View attachment 7941


Inside the booklet label it says

"Congo King's Coffee is a high quality product. Only the best robusta grains (Petit Kwilu), produced in the Luie Valley in Dem. Rep du Congo, are selected.

Planters are proud to produce a bean that pleases the palates of gourmet coffee drinkers.

In purchasing this coffee, you play an essential role in creating a market for the growers and those who are involved in the development of this region."

I'd really like to try some fresh!


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## Dr Steve (Nov 25, 2013)

I wouldn't if i was you David. Look at the last guy who tried them! His nostrils became wonky, his mouth a round hole, and his body fell off! Not keen on the look of his skin either


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## cold war kid (Mar 12, 2010)

You guys are all lucky as far as I'm concerned.

I'm quite into wine and everybody in my family seems to pick up on this more than my love of coffee. Every xmas and birthday I get given the cheapest bottle of s**t ( usually Blossom Hill) from several members of my family who I then thank and they always say without any hint of sarcasm "you're welcome, I knew you were into your wine".

There's no problem with this, like you guys I can just pour it down the drain. The problem is my beautiful, caring, 11 year old daughter. She insists that every Christmas and birthday she buys me the same god awful wine as my other relatives. The difference is that on the evening the gift is given she'll come and sit on my knee or right at the side of me and watch me drink the whole bottle whether I want a drink or not. It can be very challenging to not cringe at what I know is either going to be a liquid that's either sugary as hell or sharp as lemons.


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## cold war kid (Mar 12, 2010)

Coffee gifts, on the other hand, have always been press pots, which come in handy as both myself and the missus are very clumsy and smash a lot of them.


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## Charliej (Feb 25, 2012)

cold war kid said:


> Coffee gifts, on the other hand, have always been press pots, which come in handy as both myself and the missus are very clumsy and smash a lot of them.


Get a stainless steel one, problem solved







.

I think the worst coffee gift I've ever had was the well intentioned present of a Cuisinart "burr" grinder from my brother and family one birthday as they knew that my Sunbeam grinder (same as one of the Graef ones) had recently self destructed due to some f**kwitted idiot incorrectly wiring a power distribution board and it took a rather hefty 415v belt and let out it's magic smoke. The Cuisinart even after modding was crap so it went in a cupboard and only ever made guest appearances when they came over and I used an FP for some brewed coffee, as it just about managed that. I dropped it when I was packing up stuff to move to the flat and it broke at the base underneath the grounds container so it got binned.


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## Dylan (Dec 5, 2011)

Charliej said:


> I dropped it when I was packing up stuff to move to the flat and it broke at the base underneath the grounds container so it got binned.


You don't need to lie to us, Charlie.


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## seeq (Jul 9, 2011)

Received today. I feel really bad as it's a little thank you from a lovely lady. It's now at work as 'guest coffee'


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## Daren (Jan 16, 2012)

seeq said:


> Received today. I feel really bad as it's a little thank you from a lovely lady. It's now at work as 'guest coffee'


Seeq - that's very rude.... You should drink it in the lady's presence to show how much you enjoy and appreciate the gift.

I'd love to be there to see your face.


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