# COFFEE PERSONALITY QUIZ! Give It Your Best Shot!



## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Now removed


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Also removed.


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## Syenitic (Dec 1, 2013)

funny, well done, think this sums up an awful lot!


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

Well done Mildred! Good fun. Very imaginative, although I suspect that there is a significant thread of personal experience in there.

Having got a four way tie, 4 1/2 each A thro D I struggled to rate myself on the Beanometer. I reckon I'm in that tin at the back of the cupboard, behind the Nescafe...... way past sell by date, next to useless and not smelling too good.

PS: You obviously have too much time on your hands!


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## Stanic (Dec 12, 2015)

hilarious


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## kennyboy993 (Jan 23, 2017)

Superb


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## 7493 (May 29, 2014)

Excellent!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> Well done Mildred! Good fun. Very imaginative, although I suspect that there is a significant thread of personal experience in there.


There *may* have been . . . just on the odd question or three!



> Having got a four way tie, 4 1/2 each A thro D I struggled to rate myself on the Beanometer.


And there I was thinking the Beanometer was supremely accurate, could it do with a bit of calibrating . . .



> I reckon I'm in that tin at the back of the cupboard, behind the Nescafe...... way past sell by date, next to useless and not smelling too good.


Maybe you need to try a damp cloth and a spot of spray bleach.



> PS: You obviously have too much time on your hands!


I couldn't possibly comment


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## Hibbsy (Jan 8, 2017)

That was fun. Well done


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## Rom (Jan 20, 2017)

Nice work


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

Best forum quiz ever! Very insightful! Should we be referring to you as MildredD from now on? Loved the 'ad break' and absence of skip button - you've been watching too many latte art tutorials on YouTube hahaha!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

hotmetal said:


> Best forum quiz ever! Very insightful! Should we be referring to you as MildredD from now on? Loved the 'ad break' and absence of skip button - you've been watching too many latte art tutorials on YouTube hahaha!


Hehe! Thank you







And you guessed my guilty secret!!

Ohhhhhh!!! D!!!!! Just got it!!!!!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Oh my! It seems there's a glaringly obvious omission from the quiz. I'm not sure how it passed the 'that just about covers all the options' test. Hmmm, maybe it was because the testee was a certain husband sitting in quite close proximity at this moment in time.

I am going to take an executive decision and add a new question.

It is YOUR OWN Birthday coming up. After dropping several hundred hints about the lack of equipment of the coffee making variety it has come to your notice that a single parcel hasn't been delivered to your address in the recent weeks in readiness for the Big Day (which just happens to be 10 days away). Several thoughts go through your mind:

A: They must all be going to get delivered on the Big Day

B: Obviously they must have arrived when I was out

C: He/she will probably remember just in time and go late-night shopping

D: Ditch the [email protected]@@@@d and fire up the internet


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## salty (Mar 7, 2017)

By sheer coincidence it was my birthday on the very day you posted this. And given the distinct absence of parcels leading up to it I finally broke and ordered it myself - thank you Prime for remembering . Strong feelings of justification and a plan to hide said grinder in the event a lovingly wrapped gift arrived on the big day (it didn't).


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Good grief! You had to buy your OWN Birthday grinder? Mind you, at least you got exactly what you wanted









Belated Happy Birthday


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## Obnic (Jan 14, 2014)

Outstanding.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Beanstar said:


> Ha! Ha!
> 
> That must have taken ages to compile.
> 
> Oh and I'm a B bean


Glad you enjoyed it. A 'B' bean, hmmm . . . A bit more attitude will come with time!!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Obnic said:


> Outstanding.


Cheers, Obnic (sorry, I still think of you as Oliver)


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## Deansie26 (Jan 16, 2017)

Appears I'm A, lightly roasted ha ha, brilliant Mildred!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Deansie26 said:


> Appears I'm A, lightly roasted ha ha, brilliant Mildred!


Don't worry, and A sounds impressive if you let slip your results - and it leaves room for improvement!!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Deansie26 said:


> Appears I'm A, lightly roasted ha ha, brilliant Mildred!


One of your recent posts over on your upgradeitus thread has prompted another glaring omission in the quiz.

You have recently taken delivery of a new hulking great grinder which, if you are being honest, was a tad taller than you'd imagined it would be. After all, who really gets the tape measure out to check, we really don't want to know, do we? Your partner is ever so silghtly scathing about the ever increasing tallness of your grinders. Is it time to:

A: Invest in a shorter hopper

B: Lower the worktops by a foot

C: Show them a photo of an EK43 so they can see what a lucky escape they had

D: Invest in a taller partner


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## Obnic (Jan 14, 2014)

E: Buy a lever machine so the grinder no longer looks tall.


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## Stanic (Dec 12, 2015)

Obnic said:


> E: Buy a lever machine so the grinder no longer looks tall.


absolutely


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Obnic said:


> E: Buy a lever machine so the grinder no longer looks tall.


Excuse me while I dash to put your reply within Ian's line of sight . . . .


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Oh dear! We seem to have missed a completely reasonable question off the quiz.

It is your Wedding Anniversary coming up. Now, while your partner is a keen coffee aficionado they lack the pathological passion of a true disciple. However, occasions such as this should be marked in the now traditional way. Do you:

A: Shake almost empty coffee bean bags and sigh loudly

B: Pass your partner a cup of coffee and mumble something about it being ok but obviously if you had a refractometer it would be perfect

C: Leave your iPad open on various suitable must-have pages of the forum, and I don't mean the 'What Are You Reading thread'

D: Explain to your partner that as this is an occasion of great mutual celebration and joy, the only sensible was of marking it would be to invest in a lever machine that you could both gain great pleasure from, and thus (bonus!) negating the need to nip to the local petrol station forecourt for a bunch of their finest spray


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

Easy as ABC .... D !


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> D: Explain to your partner that as this is an occasion of great mutual celebration and joy, the only sensible was of marking it would be to invest in a lever machine that you could both gain great pleasure from, and thus (bonus!) negating the need to nip to the local petrol station forecourt for a bunch of their finest spray


No smoke without fire mildred?


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> No smoke without fire mildred?


Hmm . . . Trying to work this one out . . .

It's ok for you, what with your lever and everything.


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Hmm . . . Trying to work this one out . . .


Don't try and kid me that you're not scheming for a new mug for your anniversary?


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Ohhohoho! But . . . Do you have the Lord etc one? You can tell me . . . No one's here, they're all too busy asking daft questions!


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Ohhohoho! But . . . Do you have the Lord etc one? You can tell me . . . No one's here, they're all too busy asking daft questions!


Daft questions?........... "Do you have the Lord etc one?" ........ Do you not then consider that to be the daftest of daft questions?

Of course I've got the Lord etc one !!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Another Addendum to the quiz.

You are considering yet another new machine but you are not happy about letting your current machine go for the time being, after all the new machine may not be everything you hoped for. How do you solve the dilemma?

A: Do a load of research and make certain you are absolutely sure the new addition is The One then sell your current machine in readiness for the forthcoming delivery

B: Gambol on the new machine being an improvement on your current one, sell that one, get the new one then regret it thereafter but feel too embarassed to admit your mistake and thus live with it for a reasonable time (5 years) before starting a new search for a new machine

C: Get the new one, sell the old one and live happily ever after

D: Warn your partner/husband/wife that you are having a new machine on the side to 'bench test' them in tandem. Seeing as you are a bonafide 'expert' your opinion will matter and you will probably get paid vast sums of money to promote the new machine anyway thus negating the need to sell the old machine

If you are new to the Forum please take note of the (un)written rule saying you need to take the coffee trivia quiz on page 1 of this thread before you go any further.


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Another Addendum to the quiz.
> 
> You are considering yet another new machine but you are not happy about letting your current machine go for the time being, after all the new machine may not be everything you hoped for. How do you solve the dilemma?
> 
> ...


Two comments if I may......

Just a word of caution regarding option B. If the new machine in question should, perchance, be a lever machine then gambolling on top of it is ill-advised. You can, pretty much, gambol to your hearts content on a pumped e61 machine but with the likes of say a Londominium, you could actually find yourself impaled upon the lever!

The inevitable financial implications of option D, keeping both machines, could perhaps be reduced by (a) sleeping with your bank manager or (b) cutting down on the weekly food bill by living entirely off a diet of lettuce.

I suppose that if you were to do both (a) and (b) you could, in time, afford to get yourself a decent grinder.


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## Obnic (Jan 14, 2014)

Or in my case:

E: you have been chatting to your machine two or three times a day like a demented prince talking to plants. During that time you have anthropomorphized the machine so completely that you now believe you are betraying a friend so you open a discussion with your other (smarter less insane) half about buying a holiday home/boat/caravan/espresso cart and say you'll keep the old machine ready for use in this new location.

Oh the shame.

Well what do you expect to happen when the machine has a noble name like Brutus for blaming sake. And the Vesuvius is number 007 so he's Sir Roger obviously.

The more I think about this the more I realize there is a pattern here. My first coffee machine was a coffee percolator. I named 'her' Prunella the nymphomaniac coffee pot - guaranteed 15 minutes to a hot, wet, rewarding climax. (Glenn is so going to ban me from the forum now but it's true. In my defense I was at an all boys school and aged sixteen. Frankly under those circumstances a blumming chair can cause a sexual thought. As I said earlier: oh the shame!)

I am kneeling on pencils as I type.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Obnic said:


> Or in my case:
> 
> E: you have been chatting to your machine two or three times a day like a demented prince talking to plants. During that time you have anthropomorphized the machine so completely that you now believe you are betraying a friend so you open a discussion with your other (smarter less insane) half about buying a holiday home/boat/caravan/espresso cart and say you'll keep the old machine ready for use in this new location.
> 
> ...


Oh L L OLOLOLOL you caused me to spurtle my glass (of water)!!! So, so funny!!!

E!!! Yep!! I've thought about the holiday home/retirement home we will get to see what we think before we sell up/caravan/beach hut!

Obnic, I'm not sure I will ever think of you in quite the same way now. Stay down there on those pencils


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> Two comments if I may......
> 
> Just a word of caution regarding option B. If the new machine in question should, perchance, be a lever machine then gambolling on top of it is ill-advised. You can, pretty much, gambol to your hearts content on a pumped e61 machine but with the likes of say a Londominium, you could actually find yourself impaled upon the lever!
> 
> ...


Hmmm, Snakehips, examining your signature more closely . . . I may be coming to live with Mrs S. I am willing to lovingly care for all your equipment while you go on a long bus trip and practice your word association/book titles/trivia/jokes/photoshopping and what not. Don't forget your bananas


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Hmmm, Snakehips, looking at your signature . . . Looks like I may be coming to live with Mrs S. I am willing to lovingly care for all your equipment while you go on a long bus trip and practice your word association/book titles/trivia/jokes/photoshopping and what not. Don't forget to pack your bananas


It's a deal !!! When can you start ?


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> It's a deal !!! When can you start ?


I am sorry but I am handing in my notice. It has recently come to my attention you have a rather insubstantial grinder. Damp cloths are one thing, but the rest . . . Sorry, you will have to stay put.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

*A new question for the quiz. This one is to determine your inter-forum interaction compatibility status.*

You have arranged to meet up at a speciality coffee shop with another forum member (plus respective partners) for a bit of banter, to sample some great coffee and, hopefully, to have a good laugh. You are waiting in the coffee shop. They are late.

A: While waiting upon their arrival you loiter behind a handy pillar so when they arrive you can suss them out and if they meet your expectations (ie they look as mad as hatters) you can nip out the back exit of the shop.

B: They eventually arrive and you meet and greet them. After the first 5 minutes do you feign a sudden attack of the twinging-screws and excuse yourself, thus negating having to think up small talk and listen to amusing, but somewhat rambling, anecdotes for the next 4 hours/days/weeks.

C: One of the respective (non forum) partners falls into a deep and somewhat noisy sleep having failed miserably to grasp the significance of pre infusion times/tamping pressure/similar highly important and technical twaddle. It's difficult to feel irritated with him having shared his pain yourself and only having managed to keep awake through the application of intrevenous caffeine infusions (or similar).

D: When the cake selection has been decided upon, and they have nabbed all the best ones, in particular the only that you wanted, you think enough is enough and make a run for it leaving them to pay the bill.

If you've answered 'yes' to one, or probably all, of the above you should confine your interactions to desultry forum postings only and abandon all notion of future meet-ups.

If you haven't answered 'yes' to one or more of the above you are obviously deluded.


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## igm45 (Mar 5, 2017)

D: When the cake selection has been decided upon, and they have nabbed all the best ones, in particular the only that you wanted, you think enough is enough and make a run for it leaving them to pay the bill.

Have you been meeting up with @Phobic ??


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

igm45 said:


> D: When the cake selection has been decided upon, and they have nabbed all the best ones, in particular the only that you wanted, you think enough is enough and make a run for it leaving them to pay the bill.
> 
> Have you been meeting up with @Phobic ??


I wish . . .


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

*Another new question for the quiz. This one is designed to see just how gullible you are.*

A fellow forum member emails to say that they are about to order a Londinium Distribution Tool and various other coffee related trinkets from the Londinium online store. They kindly enquire if there are any items that you may wish to add to that order.

Do you.....

A) Say... "Yes please, how thoughtful of you." but wonder why they would want to roll your stuff up with their order and then have to incur additional P & P costs in order to post the part order off to you.

B) Say..... "Thank you very much for the kind offer" but decline it as it make far more sense to place your own order, albeit incurring £5.00 P&P and have the items posted directly to yourself.

C) Think....what's the catch? And have said members email address blocked.

D) Say... "Yes please, I'd quite like one of those Spazzioli group cleaner thingies if that's ok" Then arrange to meet up for collection, coffee, chat and a bite of lunch at a speciality coffee shop / cafe in Sheffield. Rack up £19.35 of diesel, get lost and end up in the wrong car park. On foot, ask directions of 7 locals who have no idea where Bank St is. Give up and get taxi to Bank street .....£5.00 and eventually turn up 30 minutes late! Enjoy coffee and toasted sandwich, grin and bare company and otherwise put brave face on things. Finally escape after four hours then take 65 minutes to walk to railway station which is only 15 minutes away. Find car park and vehicle......... car park fee £12.00. Retrace steps on wet and miserable M1.

If you have answered A, B or C then go to the top of the class.

If you have entered D then you are probably at home right now trying to figure out how the hell to assemble a bl**dy award winning Espazziolia doofer.


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## Phobic (Aug 17, 2016)

did someone mention CAKE?!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

I'm just putting the quiz under the noses of all the new, recent joiners. I'm not sure you knew you needed to take the Coffee Personality Test before you go any further









It's on the first page, here:

https://coffeeforums.co.uk/showthread.php?37456-COFFEE-PERSONALITY-QUIZ!-Give-It-Your-Best-Shot!


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

*Another new question for the quiz. This one is designed to see how gracefully you might receive a surprise gift.*

Unexpectedly, a fellow forum member mails you a bag of *PHARMACIE Yirgacheffe - Chelchele, Ethiopia*. (Grade 1 no less!).... roasted for *FILTER*.

Not unnaturally, unless you suspect that they are just sending you a bag of old rubbish in order to clear out their coffee cupboard and curry favour, you will contact them and thank them very much for their kindness.

Then what?

Do you.....

A) Apologise but say that you are unwilling to drink anything having a name that you are unable to pronounce.

B) Remind them that your coffee setup is espresso-centric........ so you have neither the equipment nor the inclination to start faffing with filters, presses and the like...... and offer to return the beans asap.

C) Dig out an old French Press that you think may be lurking in the shed, albeit that it has been used to soak paint brushes in......... disturb the painstakingly dialled-in espresso setting on your Olympus 75 and set it ?? turns coarser......... cross your fingers and give the French Press whirl.

D) Decide to give another brew method a fair crack. Get online and order a V60 or an Aeropress and a Wilfa grinder ..... with next day delivery.

Sign up to a second account on CFUK under an assumed name, in order to save embarrassment,....... ask advice on best recipe and method for said equipment.

Filter (no pun intended) said advice and see if you can actually nail a decent cup before running out of beans....... unlikely, given that your 'friend' only sent you a piddling 250g bag.

E) Keep shtum........ do nothing...... wait a week...... then message friend and say how much you enjoyed them...... stressing that there was a riot of apricot and black cherry, with a pleasing, juicy, acidity and sweet full body! *Keep beans in the cupboard as they will come in handy for seasoning the burrs when Monty Monolith arrives, hopefully some time in August.*

*
*

If you have answered A, B, C, D or E...... you are probably a dead man!


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## igm45 (Mar 5, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> *Another new question for the quiz. This one is designed to see how gracefully you might receive a surprise gift.*
> 
> Unexpectedly, a fellow forum member mails you a bag of *PHARMACIE Yirgacheffe - Chelchele, Ethiopia*. (Grade 1 no less!).... roasted for *FILTER*.
> 
> ...


Or

F) Hide behind a 'hypothetical' forum question hoping for support


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

igm45 said:


> Or
> 
> F) Hide behind a 'hypothetical' forum question hoping for support


And thus far...... as useful as a chocolate french press!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Phf#$*€#%ing heck, some people. Have you noticed that however hard you try, and however generous a nature you have, some folk are never satisfied. I suppose many of these types spout a load of nonsense to disguise the fact that they still haven't got to grips with their machine and low-grade grinder. It is such a shame that they . . . . Shame, YES!, shame themselves in public in this manner.

I was going to share my croissant video AND my dreams but having being so cruelly rebuffed in such a public way I'm jolly well not sharing anything anymore not even ever.

*flounces out the room*


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## igm45 (Mar 5, 2017)

Ah

Flounces

What a word.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

And another thing . . . It's not my fault that you are severely lacking in equipment, @Snakehips

*off I flounce again*


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> Phf#$*€#%ing heck, some people. Have you noticed that however hard you try, and however generous a nature you have, some folk are never satisfied. I suppose many of these types spout a load of nonsense to disguise the fact that they still haven't got to grips with their machine and low-grade grinder. It is such a shame that they . . . . Shame, YES!, shame themselves in public in this manner.
> 
> I was going to share my croissant video AND my dreams but having being so cruelly rebuffed in such a public way I'm jolly well not sharing anything anymore not even ever.
> 
> *flounces out the room*


So I take it we're still friends then:confused:


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

Snakehips said:


> So I take it we're still friends then:confused:


Friends? FRIENDS? Down to your last one, are you?


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

---NEWS FLASH---

Very thin person found lying in a pool of what police hope is espresso. Cause of death said to be asphyxiation on a monogrammed bar towel. Trail of Guinea pig hair and Ethiopian coffee beans leading away from the scene in a pattern forensic experts agree is consistent with flouncing. Police believe the motive may have been speaking with forked tongue.


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

hotmetal said:


> ---NEWS FLASH---
> 
> Very thin person found lying in a pool of what police hope is espresso. Cause of death said to be asphyxiation on a monogrammed bar towel. Trail of Guinea pig hair and Ethiopian coffee beans leading away from the scene in a pattern forensic experts agree is consistent with flouncing. Police believe the motive may have been speaking with forked tongue.


So, so funny


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## Snakehips (Jun 2, 2015)

MildredM said:


> So, so funny


Not if you be that thin person it aint!!


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

A timely reminder to all the new forum members to ensure they take the official forum quiz. You may *think *you know your personality but why not give it your best shot and discover your inner bean. The results may surprise you









See page 1 of this thread


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## MildredM (Feb 13, 2017)

New members! Don't miss the Coffee Personality Quiz, Page 1 of this thread. A totally original quiz created especially for CFUK!


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