# Compass Coffee 'Hill & Valley' review



## Spazbarista

Let's be quite clear about this. This coffee is not for everyone so if you are a third wave poof who faps over apple and cinammon, leave now. This coffee is not for you. This is a coffee for men.

This coffee is not for people who worship at the altar of the Ginger God, those who arrange their sacred Red Bags in their Shrines to show their devotion to Coffees of Mediocre flavour.

Don't drink this coffee and expect to recognise any tastes on your poncy coffee 'flavour wheels'. This stuff transcends attempts at description. Why? Because it doesn't need to. It doesn't need to be described in terms of other things because it tastes of what it should taste of. ****ing coffee.

Drinking Compass Coffee Hill and Valley is like being kicked hard in the balls, but then being given an immediate soothing massage as you come to, after actually having drunk a coffee that tastes of something.

I'm too scared to try this as espresso. I'll wait until I've grown a beard. And not an effete Hipster chinny one but a proper tramp beard that is the outward manifestation of virility and a refusal to told what to do by people with annoying midlands accents.

Try this coffee as a flat white. Its indescribably good. The closest thing that can get to it is sucking on a Hookah pipe with one corner of your mouth, whilst simultaneously using the remaining corner of your mouth to suck in the sweetest and most satisfying of Mummy's breast milk.

Try this if you dare, but if you are scared you might actually taste something, be warned and stay away.


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## TheEspressoNistic

The intensity of the coffee as you describe is intense OP,

Would you do a risretto of it... to like focus the intensity of your buds?


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## ronsil

Sounds like my scene. Away for a few weeks soon but will give it a try on my return.


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## Mrboots2u

What does it taste of ? I stopped drinking my mummies Breast milk along time ago............


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## Chris_on_caffeine

Interesting post, I would like to try it. What's in it?


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## Mrboots2u

"The roaster, Charlie 'the Coffeeman', has a great pallet and a taste for the big, bold flavours of the Sumatran .."

It couldn't be ..is this where Charlie has gone .....

Is this why you like it so much

It's made by the man !


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## jeebsy

Is compass coffee the same as coffee compass?


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## Mrboots2u

Do you want me to change the title ..........


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## Spazbarista

Mrboots2u said:


> "The roaster, Charlie 'the Coffeeman', has a great pallet and a taste for the big, bold flavours of the Sumatran .."
> 
> It couldn't be ..is this where Charlie has gone .....
> 
> Is this why you like it so much
> 
> It's made by the man !


I doubt it because after paying the money the goods actually turned up.


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## Spazbarista

smokeybarn said:


> Interesting post, I would like to try it. What's in it?


Whats in it? What do you think is in it. F***ing coffee.


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## Mrboots2u

Is this the pallet full of big bold flavours .....


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## coffeechap

I



Spazbarista said:


> Let's be quite clear about this. This coffee is not for everyone so if you are a third wave poof who faps over apple and cinammon, leave now. This coffee is not for you. This is a coffee for men.
> 
> This coffee is not for people who worship at the altar of the Ginger God, those who arrange their sacred Red Bags in their Shrines to show their devotion to Coffees of Mediocre flavour.
> 
> Don't drink this coffee and expect to recognise any tastes on your poncy coffee 'flavour wheels'. This stuff transcends attempts at description. Why? Because it doesn't need to. It doesn't need to be described in terms of other things because it tastes of what it should taste of. ****ing coffee.
> 
> Drinking Compass Coffee Hill and Valley is like being kicked hard in the balls, but then being given an immediate soothing massage as you come to, after actually having drunk a coffee that tastes of something.
> 
> I'm too scared to try this as espresso. I'll wait until I've grown a beard. And not an effete Hipster chinny one but a proper tramp beard that is the outward manifestation of virility and a refusal to told what to do by people with annoying midlands accents.
> 
> Try this coffee as a flat white. Its indescribably good. The closest thing that can get to it is sucking on a Hookah pipe with one corner of your mouth, whilst simultaneously using the remaining corner of your mouth to suck in the sweetest and most satisfying of Mummy's breast milk.
> 
> Try this if you dare, but if you are scared you might actually taste something, be warned and stay away.


So smokey shite then if read right? Like my balls unkicked but am still a man !


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## Soll

Spaz

I've been meaning to give this one a try but to be honest your review has scared me  But I will try it as it sounds like my kinda coffee


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## 4515

Fantastic review !

I really need to try this one now


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## ronsil

> Whats in it? What do you think is in it


errrrrr....Gently James please:act-up:


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## Spazbarista

ronsil said:


> errrrrr....Gently James please:act-up:


Tongue firmly in cheek, Ron


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## Spazbarista

Soll said:


> Spaz
> 
> I've been meaning to give this one a try but to be honest your review has scared me  But I will try it as it sounds like my kinda coffee


This is a coffee for you, Soll.


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## Sean

I'm terrified. I want it.


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## Eyedee

As an advert for a particular bean this kicks the rest out of the park, Hasbean's eating cherries off a tree, but in a liquid form. It fills the mouth. This one has a dried fruit taste to it, currents and sultanas lovely sweetness. pales into insignificance by comparison.

Ian


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## CamV6

Dude, that is EASILY the best review of any coffee (or indeed anything else) I have ever read. Thank you !


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## 4515

Am I the only one who has gone to coffee compass and ordered a bag of these on the back of the review ?


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## CamV6

Contender for CFUK quote of the year BTW

"It doesn't need to be described in terms of other things because it tastes of what it should taste of. ****ing coffee."


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## Eyedee

working dog said:


> Am I the only one who has gone to coffee compass and ordered a bag of these on the back of the review ?


I too have done just that.

Ian


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## Scotford

So what does it actually taste of? Where's it from? What process? Roast level?


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## Spazbarista

Scotford said:


> So what does it actually taste of? Where's it from? What process? Roast level?


This isn't a coffee for you, scotford


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## Scotford

Oh yeah? You'd be saying that why?


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## Tewdric

Great review Spazzer old chap. By complete coincidence I ordered 3 bags of Compass coffee last weekend but I don't think this one of them. I'm probably going to move on from Rave Signature as my standard fill as I want something just a little bit darker for my everyday hit. I seem to remember mocha Java is one of them and mahogany something or other too.

Do you think I might enjoy this hill and valley? You know much of a sucker I am for a dark Italian with good flavour and length.


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## 2971

I was with you all the way until you said you were too scared to try it as an espresso...


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## Spazbarista

Tewdric said:


> Great review Spazzer old chap. By complete coincidence I ordered 3 bags of Compass coffee last weekend but I don't think this one of them. I'm probably going to move on from Rave Signature as my standard fill as I want something just a little bit darker for my everyday hit. I seem to remember mocha Java is one of them and mahogany something or other too.
> 
> Do you think I might enjoy this hill and valley? You know much of a sucker I am for a dark Italian with good flavour and length.


This is a coffee for you, Tewders. Absolutely no doubt.


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## Scotford

Answer my questions


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## Sean

Roll with it Scotford.

I love Spaz casually passing judgement as to whether he deems you suitable for the coffee!


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## Mrboots2u

Spazbarista said:


> This isn't a coffee for you, scotford


Take it as a compliment scotford


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## Soll

Hey Spaz, I noticed there's no review on the Hill & Valley coffee listing, your review should be there mate......after some editing


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## coffeechap

Scotford said:


> Answer my questions


No chance, spaz loves a wind up and biting or pursuing it will give him even more pleasure than this coffee.


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## Scotford

I still want to know.


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## Scotford

Mrboots2u said:


> Take it as a compliment scotford


Pfffft. I'm a Deathwish kinda man. This bitch can't even compete


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## Scotford

Yeah i'm calling you out spazclaart


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## Sean

Yep, definitely not pursuing it...


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## Chriswilson

I'm still laughing - superb review!

Better man-up and order some.....tomorrow, maybe the day after....









cheers, cw


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## Spazbarista

Second day of drinking. There's something very dirty about this coffee, but in a good way. Like being snogged by your horny grandma after she's had her morning brandy and a couple of Bensons.

Short review as I'm waiting for the Spaz to warm up so I can get stuck into her again.


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## coffeechap

Spaz likes getting stuck into grandma!


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## Mrboots2u

coffeechap said:


> Spaz likes getting stuck into grandma!


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## Spazbarista

coffeechap said:


> Spaz likes getting stuck into grandma!


Yes, my choice of words was quite deliberate, with the literary elision of 'her' the coffee machine with 'her' the grandmother. But thank you anyway, jokes are always funnier when repeated.


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## coffeechap

The get less funny when you explain them though ( got the deliberacy)


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## Spazbarista

No deliberacy....it was quite wanton.


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## Eyedee

How many days after roasting until these beans are at their best would you suggest please.

Ian


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## Spazbarista

No idea, Ian. I cracked them open straight away and they were great. As it is they are only 5 days past roast, and only my second day of drinking it.


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## Phil104

From reading all of this thread, what I deduce, then, is that it's a Movember coffee. It should be applauded and sponsored.


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## Eyedee

Spazbarista said:


> No idea, Ian. I cracked them open straight away and they were great. As it is they are only 5 days past roast, and only my second day of drinking it.


That's it then, tomorrow, av it.

Ian


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## TheEspressoNistic

Geez, if you're doing espresso

If you'r crema has large bubbles and dissipates fast...

It's too fresh

If it doesnt have crema, or has a light and pale crema.. it's stale...

Or atleast that is of my belief...


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## Mrboots2u

Crema is dependant on type of bean or blend, its not the arbiter or pinnacle of tasty coffee.

What this had to do with this thread ray is beyond me .......


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## Spazbarista

Mrboots2u said:


> Crema is dependant on type of bean or blend, its not the arbiter or pinnacle of tasty coffee.
> 
> What this had to do with this thread ray is beyond me .......


To be fair, crema is affected by freshness.

Coffee that is overly fresh tends to bubble at the spouts. I'm not sure that you'd ever see this if you've always had coffee off the shelf or by post, but if you've roasted you'll know what I'm talking about.

I expect Soll has experienced this after failing to resist temptation and cracking into one of his own roasts too early.

But your point that crema is no indicator of good coffee is, I'm sure, accepted by all.


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## Mrboots2u

Yeah fair point spaz

Don't encourage him though ...


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## Soll

Spazbarista said:


> To be fair, crema is affected by freshness.
> 
> Coffee that is overly fresh tends to bubble at the spouts. I'm not sure that you'd ever see this if you've always had coffee off the shelf or by post, but if you've roasted you'll know what I'm talking about.
> 
> I expect Soll has experienced this after failing to resist temptation and cracking into one of his own roasts too early.
> 
> But your point that crema is no indicator of good coffee is, I'm sure, accepted by all.


Very true Spaz! My first ever roast I did open too early, eagerness and curiosity got the better of me and bubbles was visible and almost foam like!


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## Sean

My very first bag of fresh coffee was Jampit Hit. It was roasted the day before and went straight into the grinder before the postman had closed the gate. It was as though I was brewing Fairy Liquid.


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## Chris_on_caffeine

So what was the feedback from others who bought?


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## Mrboots2u

Sean said:


> My very first bag of fresh coffee was Jampit Hit. It was roasted the day before and went straight into the grinder before the postman had closed the gate. It was as though I was brewing Fairy Liquid.


Was this a good thing ?


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## Eyedee

If you only tried it after 5 days you could be disappointed.

Left to mature 10 days after roasting and (similar to some other beans) it transformed into a very nice, smooth kick ass blend, tasty and easy to drink with milk. The review by Spaz did it justice IMHO.

Ian


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## 7493

Spaz should be on commission! I'm adding a bag of this to my next order.


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## dougie todd

I feel dirty now. The image of a granny after a few bensons really struck a chord with me, it was like walking down Dunfermline high street in my head. Sounds like something to be drunk alone in the shed while stripping the engine of an old British motorbike to pieces.


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## Sean

Mrboots2u said:


> Was this a good thing ?


This was not.


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## 4515

Just opened these beans

They are dark roasted and very oily

First shot took around 4 mins so had to wind the grind way back

They are not my favourite coffee but are much more enjoyable than I thought they would be when I saw the level of roast


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## Mrboots2u

4 minutes ristetto for the win


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## evoman

Sounds like I need this coffee! Just what I like - but I am a little overwhelmed with the quantity of beans coming through the DSOL subscription (still have one bag left from last month's set and the next ones are due to ship soon - maybe I need to get some of this Hill & Valley and just live a little wild).


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## evoman

Is there a discount or delivery code here somewhere for Coffee Compass? I thought I remembered seeing some deal, though I notice that my last order there didn't include any sort of deal...


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## marcuswar

shhh... first rule of coffee club is don't mention the discount codes


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## marcuswar

evoman... check your inbox


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## glevum

My code still works







probably same as marcus's


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## Spazbarista

marcuswar said:


> evoman... check your inbox


Bugger just reordered today but with no code

Could somebody pm it for me plz


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## Spazbarista

evoman said:


> Sounds like I need this coffee! Just what I like - but I am a little overwhelmed with the quantity of beans coming through the DSOL subscription (still have one bag left from last month's set and the next ones are due to ship soon - maybe I need to get some of this Hill & Valley and just live a little wild).


How are you getting on with the Expo, Jason?


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## 4515

This ,mornings shot was a lot closer the mark, time-wise

Spaz - I dont agree that this just tastes of coffee

Tried it as espresso and it tatstes like pouring a box if Imps into your mouth and chewing on them for 20 minutes. Very intense liquorice flavour although there is no hibiscus, wild jankleberry or cherry blossom in sight


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## Spazbarista

Indeed.

Not one for the ladies.


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## marcuswar

Ding... you have mail spazbarista


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## 4515

I think I now have my head around these beans

They are dark beans and look like they are going to "kick your head in"

But they are very smooth.

Mrs WD can only drink them with a shot of syrup in to take the edge off but she describes it as very clean coffee - she cant taste anything citrussy and thats without her seeing the description of the beans

They are much darker than I would normally buy but are a dark bean that I can enjoy in moderation.

Not sure that I'd buy them again which probably means that I wont


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## Bigpikle

marcuswar said:


> Ding... you have mail spazbarista


may I also have it please as I have a few bits sitting in the basket ready to checkout


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## Soll

Any Coffee compass codes left ? I need to stock up on some Greens


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## evoman

Spazbarista said:


> How are you getting on with the Expo, Jason?


Obsessively drinking far too many milky coffees - the Brewtus and the DSOL subscription is keeping me well caffeinated. By the way, your avatar is just too creepy... (oh, and I liked your write-up of the Hill & Valley beans - they are on my wishlist when I actually need beans).


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## 7493

Just tried these for the first time. Wasn't sure initially now I love them. Even better MrsRob666 reckons it may be the best coffee she's had from me so far.


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## evoman

I finally managed to get a hold of this one (and four others from Coffee Compass, so it will be like Christmas here). Definitely bold but smooth - gives a good toffee flavour to a milky drink and a punchy straight espresso. It will be interesting to see how this compares to the other beans I got from them (which includes the 'extra dark wild Ethiopian' and the three in their espresso collection, 'gusto gold', 'Mediterranean mocha' and 'sweet bourbon') - they have probably become my favourite roaster in the UK...


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## gcogger

evoman said:


> I finally managed to get a hold of this one (and four others from Coffee Compass, so it will be like Christmas here). Definitely bold but smooth - gives a good toffee flavour to a milky drink and a punchy straight espresso. It will be interesting to see how this compares to the other beans I got from them (which includes the 'extra dark wild Ethiopian' and the three in their espresso collection, 'gusto gold', 'Mediterranean mocha' and 'sweet bourbon') - they have probably become my favourite roaster in the UK...


You'll find the Ethiopian, um, 'interesting'







It's certainly the oddest coffee I've had from a decent roaster - very dark, very oily and madly fruity. The other 3 are a significantly lighter roast than the Hill and Valley, so not to my taste. If you like the Hill and Valley I'd recommend the Mahogany Roast blends - they're all very good.


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## evoman

gcogger said:


> You'll find the Ethiopian, um, 'interesting'
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's certainly the oddest coffee I've had from a decent roaster - very dark, very oily and madly fruity. The other 3 are a significantly lighter roast than the Hill and Valley, so not to my taste. If you like the Hill and Valley I'd recommend the Mahogany Roast blends - they're all very good.


Thanks for the notes - I actually ordered everything in a bit of a rush and hadn't originally noticed that the others were a lighter until after I placed the order (since they were all listed as espresso beans), so I am probably not going to enjoy them as much (since I specifically went to them to get darker roasts), though I might be surprised. I've ordered several of their various mahogany roasts in the past, which is why i returned to them. I suppose I might just end up with a kilo and a half of coffees that i am not a huge fan of!

Looking forward to the Ethiopian beans though - sound like exactly what I went there to get in the first place.


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## mremanxx

Read your review Spaz, so funny.

One point though why have you not used this review on the coffee website?????

They might send you some for free


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## 4085

I had these beans a couple of weeks ago, before I had read this thread. They looked up my street. First shot I made as a macchiato and it was odd with a peculiar aftertaste, but the shot itself was spot on paper wise. so, I made another but with 4 ounces of milk and it was absolutely bang on the nail. I could not imagine drinking it straight but with the right amount of milk it is knock out!


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## Spazbarista

mremanxx said:


> Read your review Spaz, so funny.
> 
> One point though why have you not used this review on the coffee website?????
> 
> They might send you some for free


Well....I've posted it on their site. Let's see if it gets through moderation


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## gcogger

evoman said:


> Thanks for the notes - I actually ordered everything in a bit of a rush and hadn't originally noticed that the others were a lighter until after I placed the order (since they were all listed as espresso beans), so I am probably not going to enjoy them as much (since I specifically went to them to get darker roasts), though I might be surprised. I've ordered several of their various mahogany roasts in the past, which is why i returned to them. I suppose I might just end up with a kilo and a half of coffees that i am not a huge fan of!
> 
> Looking forward to the Ethiopian beans though - sound like exactly what I went there to get in the first place.


If it's really dark you're looking for, the Extra Dark Mocha Italia is fantastic (though it's all about dark chocolate, not fruity like the Ethiopian). My regular order is Mocha Italia and Mahogany Roast Caravanserai, my 2 favourite coffees


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## mremanxx

Spazbarista said:


> Well....I've posted it on their site. Let's see if it gets through moderation


What do you think?????????


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## 7493

I hope Richard has a sense of humour! If he has any sense he'll publish verbatim!


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## mremanxx

Rob666 said:


> I hope Richard has a sense of humour! If he has any sense he'll publish verbatim!


Not bloody likely but I bet has has shown everyone and his dog though


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## evoman

I opened the Ethiopian today - wow - the darkest (and oiliest) beans I have managed to buy in the UK. I will withhold judgement until I get a chance to use more of them, but they definitely have a unique profile

I suppose the only complaint I have about Coffee Compass is that I am slow to get through the half kilo bags and so I cannot make it through their whole lineup fast enough...


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## mremanxx

Spazbarista said:


> Bugger just reordered today but with no code
> 
> Could somebody pm it for me plz


Me too please didn't want to appear like a tight Scot's git by asking about discount codes and yes I am


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## charliecoffee

This is "my" blend.

I thought the review was a spoof from a friendly customer until someone pointed to this forum.

"Spazbarista" - that's a nice review - you need to come and try my sourdough. And if you make a very short ristretto and your water is good you will probably have nothing to fear. I drink it this way every day and I am not exactly a 20 Woodbine a day man.

I used to roast it myself (until about 2007 i think) until I found someone who could do it much better and my roasting oven had one too many fires anyway. Hill & Valley Coffee got out of speciality roasting just before the third wave unfortunately. Too many other irons in the fire.

Now Richard and Gregg at Coffee Compass have the pleasure of roasting my own needs and the 2 other outlets that use it.

I don't really do forums any more but am happy to interact with anyone who tweets at me on @charliecoffee on the subject of the blend or anything else for that matter.

The blend is a result of my own espresso obsession that dates back to about 1974 and 30 odd years of working in the coffee trade both on the consumer and producer end. I spent many of these years working with Italians. In Italy, not those who landed on their feet in the UK coffee scene and got lucky.

It has 4 very nice coffees in it, from 4 distinct coffee regions and preparation traditions, and personally I never get fed up with it and nor do most of my customers.


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## Spazbarista

Thanks Charlie!

You were the first online roaster I bought from, many years ago.


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## coffeechap

Spazbarista said:


> Thanks Charlie!
> 
> You were the first online roaster I bought from, many years ago.


like a long lost love affair


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## J_Fo

Giving this a bump because it's hilarious


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