# What's the most stupid coffee related thing you have heard/said?



## PPapa (Oct 24, 2015)

As per title. Story time!


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## jimbojohn55 (Jan 15, 2016)

Chicory and coffee in equal parts is fantastic - thank you for the crap holiday gift from India-- shudders


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## jlarkin (Apr 26, 2015)

PPapa said:


> As per title. Story time!


Surely you have to start us off?


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## Yes Row (Jan 23, 2013)

I once said

That's it now, no more upgrading!

What a fool I was!


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## Mrboots2u (May 10, 2013)

Boiling water more than once gives you cancer .....


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## jlarkin (Apr 26, 2015)

I heard a lady say today, oh I love tea. You know proper tea from a pot not a vending machine (was out at the time). Followed by I think you can get good coffee from them but not tea. I gave her the very highest arch on an eyebrow I could manage.


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## Jon (Dec 3, 2010)

I've had a visitor say (as a compliment): "Oh, that's as good as Costa".


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## 4085 (Nov 23, 2012)

I had a visitor say, Costa is better than that.......makes me glad now that I gobbed in it first!


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

? and you're definitely not Baldrick, you say?


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## NickdeBug (Jan 18, 2015)

Too many to mention, but most are variations on:

"I don't care if you think it tastes nice, you are doing it wrong"


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## Vieux Clou (Oct 22, 2014)

"It's good for the heart because it makes it beat faster so that it gets stronger."

Too much caffeine causes arrhythmia.


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## DavecUK (Aug 6, 2013)

"I don't care how it looks"


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## DavidBondy (Aug 17, 2010)

My best friend's wife ... "Oh come on! it's only a hot drink!"

She just doesn't get it!

David


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## elonii (Jun 24, 2015)

"You'd be better off with Nescafe, doesn't take all this faff"

And then they were offended when I threw the coffee puck at them. They were only just lucky it wasn't the machine.


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## MChild (Feb 13, 2016)

I asked: How many grams of coffee was in that brew?

Barista's answer: A hand and a half full... don't worry, it is strong...


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## Drewster (Dec 1, 2013)

MChild said:


> I asked: How many grams of coffee was in that brew?
> 
> *Barista's* answer: A hand and a half full... don't worry, it is strong...


Interesting use of the word!


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## Scotford (Apr 24, 2014)

Actual line from a V E R Y well respected Ldn shop: "no, steaming milk makes the skimmed stuff go to the top"...


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## NickR (Jul 1, 2011)

"Can I get a latte" This phrase makes me shiver with revulsion. Not because I hate milk, it's the trendy use of the word "get" and the miss use of the word latte.


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## Rhys (Dec 21, 2014)

Customer: I love fresh coffee, you can't beat it! (proceeds to open an old bag of pre-ground LaVazza....) it's a lot better than instant and I doubt you'll have had any this fresh before..

Following day..

Me: here, I've brought you some coffee I ground this morning (sealed in clingfilm)

Customer: (making a fresh pot of filter coffee..) Oh........ (..goes into cupboard, takes out her bag of LaVazza and dumps it in the bin..) can you get me some more?

I was quite popular whilst working on her extension, and I had great coffee everyday from then on (as long as I ground it each morning and sealed it up.)


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## bongo (Apr 20, 2014)

I remember once being asked: "shall we meet at Starbucks?"

I replied "sure"


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## No big name! (Oct 25, 2012)

jlarkin said:


> ?.....You know proper tea from a pot not a vending machine.....


Didn't someone famous once say that "all proper tea is theft."?


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## Thecatlinux (Mar 10, 2014)

To inspire and nurture the human spirit-one person, one cup and one neighborhood at a time


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## jeebsy (May 5, 2013)

NickR said:


> "Can I get a latte" This phrase makes me shiver with revulsion. Not because I hate milk, it's the trendy use of the word "get" and the miss use of the word latte.


Get you


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## Jon (Dec 3, 2010)

NickR said:


> "Can I get a latte" This phrase makes me shiver with revulsion. Not because I hate milk, it's the trendy use of the word "get" and the miss use of the word latte.


I hate the 'get'. It sounds so rude to me.


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## No big name! (Oct 25, 2012)

jonc said:


> I hate the 'get'. It sounds so rude to me.


Was literally just talking about this - I always want to say "yes, go ahead and get one!"


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## Yes Row (Jan 23, 2013)

Can I get...

&

I'll take a...

Usually means the person who's mouth is moving is a complete cock Womble


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## mmmatron (Jun 28, 2014)

"Yeah we've just got this EK42 (sic), we only only use it for decaf" heard in a coffee shop recently...I'll get my coat


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## jeebsy (May 5, 2013)

mmmatron said:


> "Yeah we've just got this EK42 (sic), we only only use it for decaf" heard in a coffee shop recently...I'll get my coat


It's a shit hot decaf grinder


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## mmmatron (Jun 28, 2014)

I'm tempted to see if they'll swap it for my SJ, it single doses and everything


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## CoffeeJohnny (Feb 28, 2011)

Are you taking the piss like? WTF is that?

From a customer who ordered an espresso, I happily charged him an extra 40p to put some hot water in it. He then said

"That's more like it thats a proper coffee, not a patch on Nescafé though"

Should have ran him a 50 second Lungo/americano although I imagine he'd have preferred that.


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## Dallah (Jan 31, 2015)

Post was write first and think second. Oops and apologies

Rhys got me hook, link and sinker. I completely fell for his joke.

My original post was

"Every word that comes out of Asher Yaron's mouth.

Hope he isn't a member


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## YerbaMate170 (Jun 15, 2015)

Not something read/said but... Well, I suppose read in that I read the sign when I saw it in a Sainsbury's advert:


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## Jon (Dec 3, 2010)

YerbaMate170 said:


> Not something read/said but... Well, I suppose read in that I read the sign when I saw it in a Sainsbury's advert:
> 
> View attachment 19394


Er. Why!?


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## Koffee (Feb 11, 2016)

Caffeine is a drug, I don't do drugs


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## Grahamg (Oct 24, 2013)

The pro baristas have a distinct advantage in this thread. I say stupid things for a laugh, like telling folk at work that the aeropress was inspired by bovine artificial insemination.


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## hotmetal (Oct 31, 2013)

Grahamg said:


> I say stupid things for a laugh, like telling folk at work that the aeropress was inspired by bovine artificial insemination.


Surely bovine enema pump - give them a clue you're bulls...ing!


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## johnealey (May 19, 2014)

First time I used my aeropress in the office someone asked if it was a bong, which I think said more about them than they thought as I had to look up what one was !

John


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## Rhys (Dec 21, 2014)

ridland said:


> Every word that comes out of Asher Yaron's mouth.
> 
> Hope he isn't a member


 @asher_y


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## 7493 (May 29, 2014)

johnealey said:


> First time I used my aeropress in the office someone asked if it was a bong, which I think said more about them than they thought as I had to look up what one was !
> 
> John


Clearly a sheltered childhood


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## Obnic (Jan 14, 2014)

'2 fl oz in 25 seconds'


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## Jason1wood (Jun 1, 2012)

You paid how much???

A jar of Nescafé is much cheaper, less hassle and tastes better!!!!

They haven't been invited back!


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## PPapa (Oct 24, 2015)

Someone tried to make one cup of coffee by using 1g of coffee and 16g of water...


__
https://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/47a015


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## AMCD300 (Feb 11, 2016)

PPapa said:


> Someone tried make one cup of coffee by using 1g of coffee and 16g of water...
> 
> 
> __
> https://www.reddit.com/r/Coffee/comments/47a015


Yeah - the same guy who served me a cappuccino this morning - Euukkkkkk


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## Taylor The Latte Boy (Dec 9, 2013)

My mother-in-law over Christmas. I was talking to my wife about buying an espresso machine and my wife's mother said "why do you need to spend so much money on a coffee machine? If I gave you really bad tasting coffee beans and you used it with your coffee machine it would still taste horrible, like it would with my machine. So what's wrong with my 60 dollar machine?" she went on to say that it's as much about the beans as the machine, but she failed to realise if I gave her some amazing coffee beans it would taste rubbish on her 'percolator' - which by the way, she has never cleaned in years! - but the same beans would taste fantastic on a proper espresso machine.

She just doesn't understand, and is from a relatively backwards American mid-west family. She thinks charred beans made into a 24oz cup with 4oz of syrup is good coffee.


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## Vieux Clou (Oct 22, 2014)

Jason1wood said:


> You paid how much???
> 
> A jar of Nescafé is much cheaper, less hassle and tastes better!!!!
> 
> They haven't been invited back!


I'm somewhat similar wrt. tea: bung a bag in the cup and spare me the lifted little finger. Mind you, there's bags and bags...


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## Dallah (Jan 31, 2015)

My dragon in law asks for "one of those coffees that you do the little picture on"


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## Jumbo Ratty (Jan 12, 2015)

I was bidding an a La Pavoni and showed Ms Ratty, she looked at it asked about the lever, I explained, , her response

"at least you'll get some exercise"


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